Title: Looking back

Fandom: Birds of Prey

Pairings: (B/H)

Ratings: Now PG13

Disclaimers: I don't own Birds of Prey or any character created by WB used in this story.

Author's Notes: This is the Slash version of a fic in an alternate world where Barbara can walk...

Feedback: Welcome.

Special thanks to my dear and lovely editor Nightstalker.

It was Barbara's birthday, she had organized a lunch and some close friends of the Foundation were there. It was a sunny day and the place was full of people. Helena was not a big fan of big events, but, well, it was Barbara's birthday.

She parked her bike outside the place and put her helmet on it. She took a small box gift from her pocket. She looked at it a few seconds in silence. It had been a really expensive purchase, she would need to do some extra double-shifts for almost two months, but Barbara was worth it.

"Hi."

She turned her head and noticed a blonde girl standing a few steps from her.

"Hi," she said.

The blonde looked at her, amazed. "Wow," she said… you are just like in my dream."

Helena frowned and looked around, was she talking to her?

"You just cut your hair," the girl said.

"Are you all right, kid?" She was a teenager, not older than seventeen.

"Yes," the blonde said. "I thought you were a dream, like her, but, no, you are real, I'm not crazy."

"I hope not," Helena said and walked toward the party. That kid was weird.

"Don't go."

"I'm sorry, I'm late, see you."

"Could you please give this to her?" Dinah ran to reach her.

"What?"

Dinah extended her hand to her and gave her a folded paper. "To her, to Miss Gordon."

"Sure…" Helena put the piece of paper in her pocket and stepped inside the place. She called the man at the front door.

"Yes, Miss Kyle?"

"Don't let her in, I think the girl is a little nuts." The brunette circled her index finger next to her ear.

Helena walked inside and looked around trying to find Barbara, wondering why she liked to be surrounded by so many noisy people. She finally saw her and grinned, she was wearing a tan dress with no sleeves. Her hair, brightened under the sun's rays, made her look gorgeous.

She walked toward her, taking her present in her hand.

"Hey," Helena greeted.

"Hey," Barbara smiled and it seemed she was smiling just at her, and no one else was around.

Suddenly, a woman moved between them and hugged Barbara, giving her a quick kiss on her lips. The woman was tall, with dark hair and soft features; she could be easily on a Rolling Stone magazine cover. Why did Barbara like to date models?

"Happy birthday, honey!"

Helena recognized her, it was Kelly. She growled low, feeling pissed.

"Look at your present." Kelly extended a long box to the redhead.

"Oh. Thanks…"

"But open it now."

"Don't be impatient," Barbara laughed and unwrapped it. She opened her eyes in amazement. It was a stunning platinum watch.

"It has a small diamond." Kelly said. "The best for the best."

"Thanks."

Helena hid her small box in her hand.

Kelly helped Barbara put her wristwatch on, then gave her another fast kiss and hugged her. Helena glared at them. She wondered how far she could send that woman flying with one push. She took a step back-- maybe she would come back later.

Barbara turned at that moment and smiled at her.

"Hey, you are late."

"Sorry, work…" she said.

"Come here." Barbara extended her arms and hugged her.

Helena hugged her back, it was wonderful to have her so close. She wished she could stay there forever.

"I'm glad you are here," the redhead said. "I thought you would avoid my party."

"Oh, never, Babs…"

"Kelly, this is Helena." The redhead took Helena's arm.

"Hi, nice to meet you. Barbara always talks about you."

"Hi." The brunette moved her hand inside her pocket and Barbara noticed her movement.

"And, what is that?" she asked curiously.

"Uh? Nothing?"

When the redhead noticed the brunette was blushing, she knew was hiding something. "Come on, Helena, let me see."

"It's nothing…" Helena mumbled, lowering her head, but Barbara put her hand over her pocket.

"It's a box,,, is it a gift for me?".

"No, well… yes…" she was cornered, she took the small present and gave it to her. "It's nothing…"

Barbara took it and smiled happily as she unwrapped it. "Let's see…"

It was a bracelet. Barbara gave her an open smile that Helena was sure was fake. Compared to that wristwatch, her gift was a crap.

"It's wonderful, Helena, I love it!"

The brunette shrugged her shoulders and blushed when Barbara leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Thanks so much!"

"It's nice," Kelly said. "You can find it in any store."

Helena glared at the woman.

"Come on, Barbara." Kelly took the bracelet and put it back in its box again. She pulled Barbara by her arm. "Come cut your birthday cake."

The brunette sighed, watching looking her go. She hated these parties. She took a beer from a waitress that walked by and drank it. She looked around, the place was full with familiar and unfamiliar people. She needed to distract herself from thinking of -- and looking at—Barbara. She was already angry and sad watching her flirt with that woman.

"You must be Helena Kyle."

The brunette turned and saw a young woman standing close to her. She was not bad looking. Well, she was actually really good looking.

"Hi," she greeted, offering her best smile.

"I'm Suzy Thomas."

"Nice to meet you." The brunette extended her hand.

"I've read a lot about you in the newspapers."

"Don't believe everything you read," Helena said. "I'm worse."

The girl chuckled. "You seem bored. I'm new in the company and I don't know many people. Would you mind if we talk?"

The dark haired woman looked at her curiously. The girl looked nice, she was almost her own age. "Sure, I can introduce you to some people here." She moved her head to her right. "For example, do you see that woman in the red dress, close the barbecue?"

"Yes."

"Be careful when she invites you to lunch. She never has a penny in her bag and you end up paying for everything."

The girl laughed.

"You should be nicer to Helena," Barbara said to Kelly.

"I am nice," the woman said, drinking a glass of wine. They were finishing a pleasant dinner in one of the most luxurious restaurants in the city.

"You were rude to her this afternoon," the redhead pointed out, finishing her dessert.

"Barbara, could you please stop to talking about her for one second?" Kelly said, exasperated.

"I'm just asking you to be nice to her."

The woman rested her back on the chair and glared at the redhead.

"What?" Barbara frowned.

"I'm jealous, can't you see it?"

"Jealous? Why?"

"You talk about her all the time!" Kelly said, feeling frustrated. "She pisses me off because it's the only thing you ever talk!"

Barbara blinked.

"Look," Kelly continued, wiping her mouth "You need to clear your mind and make a decision."

"Kelly, we are dating, we…"

Kelly crossed her arms on the table, "You are a wonderful woman, an amazing woman, really Barbara, but every time you are with me, you are not with me. Your mind is in another place, and that place is Helena because you don't stop talking about her. You love her…you are in love with her."

"No, of course not. You are misunderstanding." Barbara shook her head.

"Barbara, please!"

"Look…" the redhead said "you are wrong, she is my best friend's daughter, she was my ward, she is younger than me… she…"

"Sure, and?"

"Aren't those enough reasons?"

"Barbara…" Kelly interrupted her "Stop lying to yourself."

"I can't love her, Kelly."

"Sorry, honey, it's too late. You are already do and you haven't realized it yet."

Barbara moved uncomfortably in her chair. "Kelly, I don't want to argue, I just want to have a pleasant night with you."

"Me too, but I can't when your mind is elsewhere."

"I'd like you to understand that I'm here with you because I choose to be with you, but if this is not enough for you, I'm sorry. I can't do more."

It had been a disastrous date. Barbara dropped her bag on her bed and she fell on it, looking at the ceiling.

Was she that obvious?

She was beginning to worry about her own behavior. What she was doing was not good. She turned her head to her right and noticed the small box, that Helena had given her, at the top of her bag.

She took it from the bag and opened it. She looked at the bracelet. It was beautiful, with a small cat hanging on it. She turned it and read a message on the inside: "Will you marry me now?"

She laughed, Helena always joked with her about that… and she wished she could. She wondered what would happen if, some day, she asked that question to the brunette.

She put the bracelet on her wrist and went to change into her costume.

After a few minutes she was dressed in her Batgirl suit and balancing between New Gotham buildings. She landed smoothly on the rooftop of a building next to the Dark Horse bar. Helena had left her party without saying goodbye. Thanking her for the bracelet would be a good excuse to see her.

She checked her watch, it was not so late, ten minutes after eleven, surely Helena would finish her shift soon.

She was right. A few minutes later, the younger woman exited the bar by the back door. She looked as beautiful as always, she was preparing to jump and surprise her when she heard the brunette's name. She looked down, a girl was calling Helena's name.

Helena extended her arms and the girl jumped to her.

It was the same girl she had met at her birthday party, the new office assistant, Suzy. Helena spun her around a few times as they laughed, before Helena put the girl down. With Helena's arm around the girl's waist, they started walking. The girl gave Helena a kiss on her cheek and said something to her. She could imagine the brunette was chuckling and she noticed the brunette holding the girl tight against her.

She couldn't suppress a hint of anger.

But why was she angry? She didn't have any right. She had her own life and Helena had her life. Maybe Kelly was right and she needed to organize her thoughts, she was confused.

What was she doing here, anyway?

She turned and, taking her jumpline, she swung to the next building.

After a long day of meetings, the redhead picked up her briefcase and walked toward her car. Her cell rang and she checked the ID, it was her office.

"Barbara Gordon," she answered.

Miss Gordon, Good afternoon.

"Hi Carol. How are you?"

Fine, are you returning to your office today?

"No, I'm done," she said, opening her car. "It was a long day with the bank. Any messages?"

Yes, a blonde girl has been looking for you, she said her name is Dinah.

"Do I know her?" She put her briefcase on the back seat.

No, she said you don't know her, but she needs talk with you. She didn't want to give me any more info.

"Well, I'll check on that tomorrow."

She said it's urgent and that she will look for you today. She said she would be close to the clock.

"Close to the clock?" Barbara exhaled, moving inside her car. "There are hundreds of clocks around the city. Tomorrow, we will talk about this."

Miss Kyle called you, too.

Barbara felt her heart thumping faster. "What did she say?"

She said not to forget you appointment with her today at nine on the hills.

"She said that?" Barbara smiled to herself.

Yes.

"Call her back, tell her I'll be there."

The motorcycles raced at high speed through the streets of New Gotham. The black one crossed dangerously between two parked cars to take a short cut. Using a piece of wood as a ramp, it jumped another car and landed smoothly on the ground.

The driver used her leg to help the bike make a fast turn and then pressed the accelerator. The bike moved quickly inside a hallway and through a fake wall that dropped into the floor, allowing the bike to cross the easily.

The black bike skidded to a stop and the driver parked close to a wall. The driver put the brake on and removed her helmet. Barbara's flushed face appeared. She put her helmet under her arm and she smiled at her partner that was arriving on a red bike.

"Excellent race," Barbara said.

"Yeah, it was cool." The brunette parked her bike. "But that damn cat screwed up my race. I could have one if he hadn't crossed in front of me."

The redhead laughed. "You scared the poor thing."

"The 'poor thing' almost made me hit a parked car." Helena removed her helmet.

"Well, I'm glad to see your driving skills are improving." Barbara moved off her bike.

"Next time you will be looking at my ass the whole time…" Helena walked toward the elevator with her helmet under her arm "But, after all, it's not so bad looking at your ass."

"Sure." Barbara shook her head in amusement and pressed the button to call the elevator.

"How was your date with Kelly last night?" Helena asked.

"On a scale from zero to ten, I give it a two."

Helena had a hard time trying to hide the big smile taking over her face as she stepped inside the hidden elevator.

"What happened?" the brunette asked, trying to sound normal.

"We tried to have a pleasant evening, but it just didn't work."

"I hope she wasn't a moron with you."

"Oh, no, she was nice, very nice… sweet, but things just didn't fit. You know, these things happen." Barbara pushed the penthouse button.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Have you ever been on a date that didn't work… you tried, but it just didn't work?"

"Often."

"Often?" Barbara lifted her eyebrow. "I thought all your dates were successful."

"They are, but none ever have long term potential." Helena shrugged her shoulders.

"I though you were not interested in long term relationships."

"I'm too young to be compromised."

Barbara lifted her hand and pushed up her sleeve, showing Helena the bracelet.

The brunette was proud, seeing her gift on the older woman's arm

"So why did you ask me to marry you again?"

"Uh, oh"… Helena tried to sound casual. "Well… I'm looking to the future."

"Future?" Barbara chuckled.

"Yes, I know you don't want to marry me now, but maybe I can convince you to drop Kelly… and, if I'm lucky, in ten or twenty years you might agree to marry me. Surely, by then, I'd love to be taken and more so if it's you."

"Good thinking. I guess that's why you have a new girl in your sights."

The brunette looked at her.

"You are fast." Barbara said "I know you have been dating Suzy, Carol's new assistant. She's only been on the job for fifteen days and you already have your eye on her."

"How do you know?"

"I'm an Oracle, I know everything, remember?" Barbara said with a grin, as they arrived to the penthouse.

"It was nothing."

"Sure."

"I call the Jacuzzi first." Helena jumped out, moving gracefully and trying to change the subject. She put a hand inside her pocket and gave Barbara a folded paper. "Hey, a girl gave me this for you yesterday and I forgot to give it to you."

"Thanks." The redhead took the paper.

Helena hopped toward the bathroom. Barbara couldn't avoid following the younger woman with her eyes. The brunette was wearing an incredible suit that fit her body perfectly. She looked amazing, she was amazing. Helena could wear a paper bag and look sexy in it.

How could she tell her she couldn't find anyone as perfect as Helena? Kelly was right. Every time she'd dated a woman, she was searching for someone like her and she couldn't avoid comparing them with her?

She sighed and stepped out of the elevator. She put her helmet on the table and let herself fall on the couch. "Don't splash the water out of the Jacuzzi."

"It's not me," the brunette shouted from the end of the hallway, "it's my rubber duck."

"Tell your duck to be polite then." Barbara took a magazine and opened it.

Helena had been her protégée, her best friend and, suddenly, Helena had grown up to be an incredible woman. A woman that, one day, she had realized she loved.

First, she had noticed that she liked to be with her, she found herself watching the clock, waiting impatiently for her to arrive. The first time the idea of being in love with the brunette hit her over the head, she thought she was crazy and imagining things.

….Until Helena's 20th birthday, that day she looked so beautiful; the moment that the young woman had appeared at her door, ready to celebrate her day, she had been speechless. Helena was breathtaking. They'd shared an incredible evening and she felt tempted for the first time in her life to kiss her.

She'd felt guilty about it. She was the daughter of her best friend. Helena had confessed to her that she liked woman and maybe it would mean taking advantage of her. She didn't want that.

With time, watching the brunette from a distance, she understood that Helena that didn't like serious relationships, being involved with her would surely end in disaster. She didn't want to screw up the friendship they shared. She preferred to keep the younger woman close. Helena was full of life.

Helena's twenty-first birthday was a sad day, Helena announced that she was moving to her own place. It hurt, but she knew it was good for both of them. The brunette needed her space, and Barbara needed to forget her absurd idea of being in love with her.

But now Helena was twenty-three and the feeling, if her mind was correct, had grown instead disappearing.

Barbara looked at herself in the mirror on the other side of the room. Well, she didn't look bad, she was sure she had her own fan club, but Helena was definitely too far to reach. Barbara was too old, almost eight years older. Helena looked at her as a big sister. The idea was absurd and Helena wasn't interested in love, just in having fun.

It was normal, Helena loved to party… and she liked concerts, calm evenings, pleasant dinners. They had different tastes, another point against her.

Helena always played her flirting game, sometimes she wished it was real, but, in the end, it was just that, a game.

"Miss Barbara?" Alfred, Bruce Wayne's butler, was standing in front of her. He helped with the cleaning and cooking. The cooking was something that she definitely hadn't been born to do, and Helena even less so.

"Yes?"

"Your secretary called, she said that a girl was looking for you all day and she didn't want to give her name. Your secretary answered that it was difficult because your schedule was busy with breaking traffic laws at night."

"She told me, except for the traffic thing." Barbara glared at him.

"All right, the last sentence was my contribution." He chuckled and extended a note to her. "Want some coffee?."

"Please." Barbara opened the folded paper Helena had given her. She opened her eyes wide. It couldn't be possible.

"Alfred…" she called her loyal friend.

"Yes, Miss Barbara?"

"Tell Helena I need to see her upstairs now. " she jumped off the couch and hurried toward an elevator hidden at the base of her penthouse.

TO BE CONTINUED