* Hi all! Thank you so much for your reviews. It means a lot to me that you'd take your time to comment and critique. :D Oh, and I forgot to mention last chapter...I don't own Brawl. If I did, I'd be filthy rich, and I'd be writing this on a solid gold keyboard. But oh well...we all want things.
An hour later, Snake was overwhelmed by all of the Brawlers. He stood in the mansion, the place where everyone hung out before and after matches. The basement itself was overwhelming. Blood-red carpet adorned the floor; deep gold couches were angled around a large, flat screen television screen. In another corner of the room was a large granite bar with customized Brawl stools and cups. Lamps and baubles dangled above Snake's head.
Brawlers. They were everywhere. He had been introduced to every single one of them, but he quickly forgot half of their names as soon as he learned them. Mario and his green friend were crawling across the floor in search of a dropped coin, two men with formidable swords were seated at the couch laughing at a TV show like best friends, and little and big creatures that he couldn't put a name to scurried all over. Link and the beautiful girl in the dress, Zelda, were sitting at the bar. Snake had no intention of crossing paths with the green-garbed swordsman again.
Ever.
He quickly sat himself down on a couch and stared blankly at the TV screen. It was a show labeled: What the Camera Captures.
"Helllllo, all!" the screamy-voiced announcer on the TV said. "Are you back for round twooooo? We have the hugest, most grotesquely amazing epic wins of Brawl! All caught on tape right here! Horrifyingly wonderful! Disgustingly beautiful! And of course, our favorite, terribly good! Taped by Olimar, voiced by me, Knuckle Joe. You may not know me, but that's cause I'm stuck in a freakin' assist trophy when I'm not being an announcer for this show. At least the pay is good…oh wait! I DON'T GET PAID!
"Hopefully Master Hand will ease up on the 'nobody can know about us' rule, and we'll be able to air this all over the world instead of right here in the mansion so I can get some superstardom for once…but he probably won't…and that's so cheerfully depressing that we don't want to talk about it."
The camera wiggled slightly and showed Olimar's surprised face before briefly turning around to view the Smash mansion.
"Anyway…get ready! Kick back, relax, and eat a bowl of grapes (they're healthy)."
Snake leaned forward, interested now.
"First win!" screamed the announcer. The camera zoomed in on Charizard, locked in deadly combat with a small flat creature that was shaped vaguely like a very short person. "Or should we say…fail?"
The flat thing hit Charizard out of the arena. Then, obsessively, it began to jeer and taunt. When Charizard regained his footing, his body slammed into the small thing while it was in the middle of ringing its victory bell, and blasted it out of sight.
"Oh…poor Mr. Game and Watch," Knuckle Joe was saying. "Ill-timed, old boy. Ill-timed. Next up is footage gathered of a new Brawler - a mystery, some say. This guy ran into some Primids while walking up to the Battlefield…and Olimar got it all. Good job, you little bald man…creature…thing."
The camera showed Snake beating the living daylights out of the poor, terrified Primids, who were desperately re-gathering and attempting to get him from all sides. He was too quick for them. Whoever Olimar was, he certainly managed to get a perfect, crystal-clear view of the action. The guy was born to be a cameraman.
"Ha!" Snake barked out.
The two Brawlers on the couch looked at him.
"Snake, you're on TV," one of them said. Snake thought hard, and remembered that his name was Ike. If that was the case, then the other one was probably Mike. Mike and Ike. He was so clever.
"Congrats," said Mike, his freakish angel wings twitching, like he'd had too much caffeine. "You look pretty good to me."
"Pretty good?" Snake scoffed. Then he stopped himself, realizing how rude he sounded. "I mean…uh…thanks, Mike."
Mike was looking at him strangely. Was his hair sticking up? To make sure, he reached up and patted his hair, but it seemed fine.
"My name's Pit," Mike said crossly.
"Oh." Was that all? Snake looked away.
"So, uh, Snake," said Ike. "Has anyone gone over the rules with you, yet?"
"No," said Snake. "There are rules? Isn't it just fighting?"
God. They both looked offended. Can I go five seconds with pissing someone off? he thought angrily.
"No," said Ike coolly. "There's a bit more to it than that, Snake."
"Yeah," said Pit. They sounded like twins. "For one thing, don't ever disobey the Master Hand."
"Yeah?" said Snake. "Why not?"
They stared at him, as if he had just said 'why not?' to the notion of dancing naked on the bar's countertop.
"He'll punish you," Pit explained, still eyeing him weirdly. "And besides, his rules make sense. One rule is that you can't kill anybody."
"Isn't that the point of the game?"
"No. The point of the game is to K.O. somebody. Killing is another matter entirely. Besides, if you kill somebody, Master Hand turns you into a trophy and keeps you in his lair."
"That's what happened to Mewtwo and Roy," said Ike in a hushed voice. "Mewtwo and Dr. Mario teamed up and killed Young Link, Roy, and Pichu. It's horrible, really. I mean, technically we're all rivals here, but we're also family."
"Family," muttered Snake. "Right."
"And," said Ike, "you have to keep in top shape. If you are not in the same shape as you were when you started, you get kicked out. That's why we work out all the time. But some people, like Wario, don't have to do anything but continue their eating habits, because they were a bit porky when they arrived and they have to stay that way."
"Strict," mumbled Snake. Being on the treadmill and lifting weights every day was not his idea of Brawl.
"Yeah," said Ike. "Oh…and…there's another rule. It's the hardest rule to follow, really."
"You can't have any sort of relationship with another Brawler," Pit said sadly. "It ruins the idea of being rivals. If you were dating…Peach, for example, would you be able to hit her on the field of battle? Would you be able to K.O. her?"
"Probably not," Snake admitted.
"See? Technically, like I said before, we're supposed to be enemies, but we're all friends here." Pit paused to consider this a moment, and then amended, "Most of us are friends anyway."
"Is that all?"
"Isn't it enough?" said Ike. "Doesn't it bother you? I've had my eye on Zelda for so long, but this stupid rule stops me from pouring out my heart to her."
"She is so out of your league," Snake commented. Ike scowled at him.
"Shut up, Snake," Ike growled.
Snake ducked when the red-faced swordsman swung at him with his fist. A moment later, they were both laughing like best friends. He lightly punched Ike in the shoulder, chuckling.
"You're an okay kid," he said. "You know what? If you like Zelda so much, why don't you just go and talk to her?"
Ike nervously chewed his lip. "I dunno, Snake."
"Come on. You don't have to be 'dating' her. Just talk to her. Trust me."
Snake and his newfound friend both turned to look at Zelda. She was a decent girl, to be sure - solemn and sweet and friendly, not to mention beautiful. She used her nimble fingers to fix a braid gone astray, talking quietly with Link. She smiled and began to laugh at something he had said.
Out of the corner of his eye, Snake saw something. A large, hulking man was stalking towards the bar - Ganondorf, the main antagonist from the Legend of Zelda series. A small sneer curled his lips, hate kindling in his eyes. He shoved off an unsuspecting Yoshi, who was sleeping on the countertop, and with one sweep of his powerful arm, he knocked Olimar and Wolf right off of their stools.
Oh, no. Oh no, no, no. Snake, dryly observing the scene, knew exactly what Ganondorf was going to do. Link was sitting closest to the wall, with Zelda on his other side, and they were both still oblivious to the oncoming danger.
Ganondorf drew back his arm, dark magic gathered around his tightly clenched fist. He was going for the kill.
At the last moment, Link suddenly saw what was going to happen. He jumped off his stool and pulled Zelda backwards. They both lost balance and collapsed on the ground, just as Ganondorf's fist plunged forward, slamming through the wall with a burst of violet fire. Right where Zelda's head had been two seconds earlier.
A deathly silence fell over the room.
Link and Zelda got to their feet. Ganondorf took a step forward.
"Hey!" said Samus loudly. "What's going on?"
Everyone gathered in a circle around the three Legend of Zelda Brawlers, watching silently. Paying no attention to anyone else, Ganondorf leaned forward and hissed at Link, "Listen, you impudent youth. Just because we're in Brawl doesn't mean that it's over between us. It will NEVER be over. And just because we're in Brawl doesn't mean I can't kill you."
Dead silence. It didn't sound like anyone was breathing.
"And when our contract is up and we're back at Hyrule, you'll be wishing you were dead," whispered Ganondorf, taking another step forward. "You will be begging me to kill you. And so will Miss Hyrule herself. Just wait…that's all, my darlings…enjoy each other's company while you have it."
With a savage growl, Ganondorf turned and barreled his way through the crowd, disappearing in his room.
"Damn," said Snake.
And that pretty much summed it up.