Dear Diary,
I took this weird looking mushroom that was colored tan, and ate it. I suddenly became humanoid, and I got legs! And a butt! A pretty big butt...
...which is when I had to fart. I thought I was gonna let out a cute little poot, but I quickly learned that size isn't everything, since I released a huge fart! It was so big, it caused the bushes nearby to melt!
Oh gosh, I was so embarrassed... it smelled so bad, like those oil pits on the road where we go to race. I thought that giant fart was the only one I had... my tummy rumbled to warn me, and I began pooting a storm! Never had I realized that I could let out so many deep pitched, brassy farts! The air was filled with fart gas, and my farting big butt was providing the methane! To make matters worse, the tan shorts I was particularly wearing had a huge brown stain on it! Ooh, if that's not a sign of needing to use the bathroom, then goodness me, I don't know what is! I kept on farting out thunderous tuba toots, causing the environment around me to wither! It was a horrid sight!
I felt so bad... I love nature. But... despite my little farting problem, I had a predicament. I realized in my flatulent orchestra that I loved farts. I enjoyed farting. Which in turn could be a dilemma that I'll face for the rest of my gassy life... and note to self - be wary of strange mushrooms I've never seen before.