Thanks to Watcha, RoxxiSanders, xxpipxx, maybe_my_dear, LDNatalie and swisstony for reviewing. I bring you speedy update!
Author's Note: Apology for terrible attempt at writing the French accent.
Vince had dropped the happy couple act on the plane. He'd been far too excited at the suitcase roulette to even think about annoying Howard and he'd stopped all the involuntary touching completely by the time they reached the hotel. It wouldn't last. They (or more specifically Howard) had dragged their bags to the reception desk and now they were being eyed with confusion by the woman who was checking them in.
"Er, I'm sorry sir but, er, we do not accept zee, er, same sex groups."
Suddenly, Vince took it upon himself to walk up and kiss Howard on the cheek.
"Problem?" he asked sweetly, taking one of Howard's hands from the desk and linking the large fingers with his own.
"Erm, no Monsieur. C'est bon. C'est bon. Okay. It's fine. Erm, ah oui. Okay. Zee room is on er, zee top floor. You uze the er, elevator over zer and you go to floor number zeven. Erm, someone will bring your bagz up in a moment. Erm, enjoy your stay Monsieur."
"Merci." beamed Vince, using his linked hand with Howard to drag his friend to the lift.
"This is fun, isn't it?" he grinned as the doors closed slowly, cutting them off from the reception.
"No." scowled Howard, snatching his hand back. "And don't touch me."
"Bit hard, we're supposed to be a couple."
"Don't. There's plenty of couples, who aren't constantly holding hands or kissing in public."
"Yeah, well I'm not really one of those people."
"And this isn't really a relationship."
Vince had to admit that Howard did have a point and they'd managed to get through the whole plane journey without fighting. Granted, Howard had been asleep for most of it and Vince had watched Ratatouille in the hope of picking up some French but still, there was no pointless bickering. Maybe Vince could stop annoying Howard quite so much. After all, he had apologised for driving off without him or at least he'd mumbled something that sounded like sorry and that was enough for Vince.
"This is our floor!" beamed the younger, running out of the lift to find a neatly decorated corridor with a deep red carpet. "What number are we?"
"Umm, 105."
"Genius!" Vince cried, virtually skipping down the corridor towards the room. It was a double door, with gold plated numbers, Vince slid the card into the lock and pushed the door open to reveal an amazing sight. The room was huge, giant windows, four rooms, like something in a fairy tale. The bathroom had a massive Jacuzzi bath, and a shower that looked like it would take you to outer-space if you let it. The whole place was full of mood-lighting lamps and fashionable throws and cushions laced with gold.
"I reckon this room is saved specially for gay men. Look at this." Vince grinned, lifting a pink fluffy cushion from one of the chairs.
"Don't stereotype, Vince." warned Howard, suddenly spotting the only major problem with the room. The colour drained from his face; well this was all he needed.
"Wow!" grinned Vince, suddenly leaping onto the bed, jumping up and down making the springs groan in protest. Howard tried not to think how this would sound next door. "Look at this bed!" Vince cried.
"I am looking at it."
"It's so… bouncy and giant!"
"And the only one in the room." Howard moaned.
The jumping stopped.
"Oh." frowned Vince. "Well, I guess, if we were a couple that wouldn't bother us. I don't think it bothers me anyway but you can sleep on the sofa if it's gonna make you question your manliness."
"I'm not questioning anything." Howard frowned, "And you are on the sofa sonny-Jim."
"I'm not!" Vince cried. "You're worried about the bed, you're on the sofa! Thems the rules!"
"I'll ask downstairs if they can change the room."
"You can't do that! We're supposed to be in love or something."
"I'll tell them we've fallen out of love and we're breaking up as soon as we get home."
"Aww. But I love you Howard." Vince giggled, placing his arms around Howard's waist and resting his head on the bigger man's back.
"Don't touch me." Howard growled, shoving Vince away roughly.
*
After the bags had arrived and Howard had unpacked all of their clothes, putting them in their designated draws and wardrobes, they went to find lunch.
"I'm boiling." Vince moaned as the southern sun beat mercilessly down on them.
"Well, you should have brought some more appropriate clothing. Take me for example; this little shorts and t-shirt ensemble is the perfect attire for a-"
"skip?" Vince finished politely.
"Well, at least I'm not sweating all over my shirt."
"I'm not sweating. I don't sweat." protested Vince, "I've got Arctic Breeze Deodorant on. Keeps me cool as a penguin."
"Stop moaning then."
"But my legs are hot."
"Buy shorts."
"Ergh! No way!" Vince cried, as though the suggestion had been 'give me your kidney' or 'purchase a dead baby'.
"What's wrong with shorts?"
"They're so… ugh."
"Ugh?" Howard repeated, steering them left down a small path, which ran past the swimming pool.
"I'm all about skinny jeans or all in one suits. You can't get skinny shorts… not really. All shorts are skinny or worn by fat people."
"I'm wearing shorts!"
Vince stayed purposefully quiet and Howard gritted his teeth.
*
Lunch was a buffet, which for Howard meant a chance to savour some of the French delicacies and to Vince meant all you can eat ice-cream.
"You should really get some substantial food down you. We're going on a walking tour later, you're going to need all your energy for that."
"ij ike imfcrme e wassa wpmin temr?" Vince asked as he shovelled ice cream into his mouth.
"In English?"
Vince then had the pure audacity to sigh loudly and purposefully licked every smidge of ice cream off his spoon before putting it in his bowl and repeating himself slowly, as though it were Howard who had the single brain cell.
"I said; I like ice-cream and what's a walking tour?"
"It's a brisk walk along a designated path which takes us to all the most interesting historical landmarks in Languedoc-Roussillon."
"But I thought Langoodoc-rouson or whatever it's called is huge."
"It is. We're not walking the whole thing. We're not even walking the whole of this town. We're just going to follow this woman with an umbrella and she shows us nice monuments, which are close."
"Like the Eiffel tower?"
"No, that's in Paris."
"Mona Lisa?"
"Paris."
"Hunchback of Notre Dame?"
"Disney. But the Cathedral is in Paris."
"If all this stuff's in Paris, why are we in Langooroonson?"
"We're not, we're in Languedoc-Roussillon."
"S'what I said."
"It's nothing like what you said and we're here because there's sea near by and you insisted we stay close to the beach. Oooo, can we go near the beach? Ooo can we buy a bucket and spade? Oooo, will we be able to go in the sea? Will there be dolphins? Can I swim with a seahorse? Will there be a pool? Can I buy and inflatable… snail?"
"Shut up. I didn't do that." frowned Vince.
"You absolutely did."
"Well, I'm not going on a boring walking tour." Vince sulked, pushing his murky ice-cream bowl across the table like a child who's been told they have to eat their vegetables.
"Course you're not. You're just going to go back to the room with the air conditioning on full blast and then maybe pop down to the pool later and try and pull that cheap tart, who keeps winking at you from behind the pool bar."
"Is that what you think of me?" Vince asked coolly, "D'you honestly think that there's nothing else?"
"Well…" Howard trailed off.
"Have fun on your stupid trip Howard." Vince cried, forcing his chair back so hard that it clattered noisily against the concrete floor. The entire food hall turned to watch as an angry young man flounced dramatically away from an older man, who was turning slowly red as he tried to hide by burying his nose in a tourist guide.
*
Vince felt sick and more than a bit stupid. He didn't know what had happened but suddenly he'd needed to get away from all of Howard's eye-rolling and condescending remarks. Vince didn't want to feel thick anymore. He wanted Howard to see him like an equal not just like some stupid child, who thought with his dick. And Vince wasn't stupid, not really. He knew about things like fashion, animals, zoo keeping, shop keeping, all types of keeping (except maybe time) and hairstyles, he knew lots about them. At home, this would be the moment he would ring Leroy and they'd meet up at the velvet onion and get hammered. But in France, this is the moment he goes to the mini bar and downs as many miniscule bottles of booze as he can find, which are just adequate to get him drunk enough to collapse face down on the bed, snoring lightly.
And that's how Howard found him hours later when he was back from his 'walking tour', sprawled out across the bed, shirt creased and air conditioning on full blast.
"Typical." he scowled, throwing his bag onto Vince's back. The younger man woke with a start and forced his knuckles into his eyes to wake himself up.
"Hey." he said groggily.
"How much have you had?" Howard asked coldly.
"Ummm, finished off that little fridge."
"What little fridge?"
"The one in the corner."
"Please tell me you're joking."
"No, why?"
"That's the minibar Vince, it cost an absolute fortune. I knew I couldn't leave you alone. You've probably drunk €50 worth of alcohol."
"But I thought it was free, like our fridge at home."
Howard just rolled his eyes and sat down to pull his shoes off.
"Why d'you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Go all." Vince rolled his eyes, in exact mimicry of Howard, "on me."
"What?"
"You always do it." Vince groaned, sitting up as he allowed the alcohol to fuel his subconscious insanity. "Act as though I'm this stupid child that you're stuck with."
Howard stared at him for a moment, watching Vince's blue eyes roll loosely in the sockets, before concluding; "You're just drunk. You don't know what your saying."
"I'm thinking clearly." Vince insisted, "If you hate me so much, why are you always with me?"
"I don't hate you."
"But you never want to spend time with me anymore."
"I do."
"So take me to the beach tomorrow."
Howard felt his eyes start to roll upwards in their sockets but he managed to stop them just in time and said; "Okay, sounds great little man."
"Excellent."
Then there was the more pressing matter of the food. They both grabbed a shower before heading down the road for tea. There'd been bickering over which restaurant they should go in, then bickering as to whether they should go on to a club afterwards, then involving which side of the bed they were going to sleep on. Eventually, they'd fallen asleep perched right on the edge of either side of the bed, avoiding any kind of physical contact. That's not how they stayed…
Please Review?
Also, does anyone reading this speak French at all? I'm doing it for A-level but I'm hardly very good and i've tried to put some French in the next bit. Just wondering if someone could check the next chapter for me. Thanks.