Author's note: finals are over. but strangely my stress isn't gone, and i can't figure out why in the nation it hasn't. i just feel so bipolar now-a-days. again, what's the reason? beats me. with that said, i expressed a great deal of confusion in the chapter you are hopefully going to enjoy below. i wish there was a magical way that i could incoorperate a message into this note that will enter your subconcious and tell/command you to read and enjoy this chapter. but of course i can't do that. forcing people isn't very nice is it?
so go on ahead and dive into this text. oh, yeah. and it'll be loads of fun for you. all the suicide and crazy redheaded-ness that you'd need in your lifetime. it'll be fun. trust me. /subconcious brain-ninja-ing
Chapter 2: Walk Before You Run
Hayner, Roxas decided, was the single most aggravating person in the universe - born and raised to torture people senseless until they begged for death. It just seemed that everything he did managed to beat Roxas back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. Sometimes he wondered if Hayner took pleasure in whacking him around like a ping pong – or rather, if the whole world loved it.
And the two were best friends. Roxas started to wonder, as he began restocking the freezer in the back, how exactly that happened. Perhaps it was about time he started looking for a new best friend. That would still be pointless. He'd just end up losing them anyway.
He shrugged it off and after wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, slumped down on a box of Sea Salt Ice Cream. As usual, Hayner wasn't doing squat but instead was entertaining himself with last year's special edition of Playboy while chuckling to himself on each page turn. Ever since he turned himself into a Frat Boy he'd gone under the influence of vomit-worthy women.
Gag.
"So how'd those plans of yours go yesterday, Rox?" Hayner called from behind the register.
"Not exactly how I thought they would. But, hey, I'm not giving up."
"What, you're still doing – what exactly are you doing again? Ha, lookit the tan on her."
Roxas rolled his eyes and stood up from the box to leave the brutally cold room. As if Hayner would understand, he thought. He walked back behind the counter with one stick of Sea Salt Ice Cream in hand and had to mentally slap himself for entering at one totally wrong moment. Lo-and-behold there was Hayner, butt glued to his favorite cardboard box while he was holding a picture of a woman wearing literally nothing more than two strings on her body in front of his face. At least he wasn't jacking off like last time.
"Oh, I knew you'd come crawling back," he said, running a hand through his curly hair while looking up at Roxas for only a second.
Roxas smirked coldly down at him. "You're awful pink in the face. See, this is the one reason why I quit, man: to get you off of your sorry ass so you can start working for a change, got it?"
"Whatev," Hayner huffed and shook the magazine like the morning newspaper. "Might as well take a whole box of that ice cream back there. Soon as you walk outta here your life of free desserts goes down the crapper. Know what I mean?"
That was true...and Sea Salt Ice Cream was like his only love. Sweet Sea Salt Ice Cream...the one and only treat for a good boy such as himself.
And that's when he got to rethinking about the relationships he held. Well, Hayner, for one, had been his best friend ever since they were teeny. Olette he'd met his first day of kindergarten. Pence he'd stumbled into on the first day of first grade. All their parents were chill with him and trusted him save for Pence's mom who recently went senile and always took him for a crook.
The boss was a jackass. He was Seifer's dad. Seifer was also a jackass. Roxas figured it ran in the family. The little old lady that lived a block away liked to lecture Roxas about abstinence. Selfie was a funny girl. She liked to skip rope and tell Roxas about that one time she spotted a cloud that looked an awful lot like so-and-so. There was one nerd that wandered around Sunset Hill who would approach random people so he could tell them his story about how he and his wife would make-out up there when they were teens.
Family. He couldn't think much of family, sad to say. But somewhere out there he had a brother. That much he could say.
Those were the people he knew. And they would remain the only people on that list.
Sighing quietly, Roxas decided to refrain from grabbing a box full of ice pops and instead started sauntering off. The voice of Hayner oo-ing and aw-ing wasn't planning on leaving his head anytime soon.
"Yo, Roxas!"
Roxas spun back around toward the sweet shop and blinked curiously when he saw Hayner waving at him from behind the counter. "What?"
"Tomorrow, you and me gotta get together with the guys and hang out. The trains run free on Sundays, remember? Come on, we can celebrate you quitting your first job! There's a spot at the beach with your name on it!"
A slow smile crept on the blonde's face when he waved back. "Right. I'll remember!" Of course he'd remember. He just wouldn't take any action after that. It was sorta sad, seeing his friend bouncing up and down after he'd agreed to another play date. But the thing was, if he were to be with Hayner, with all those people he'd grown to love and hate, he'd start caring. And when he'd start to care, it'd make his chances at jumping again pretty slim.
He needed a clear mind. He needed to breathe and take one step. He couldn't allow friends and what little family he had left to obscure his vision.
That's when it hit him - as he once again turned the corner in hopes that it would be his last time – there was still someone else with the same vision as him. Just last night, he'd started another relationship with someone very out of the ordinary. What was his name again? Well, he thought about it – for about a second or two – paced around as he thought about it – for about a mile or so – and after stupidly tripping on a brick, remembered.
And Roxas continued to repeat the guy's name over and over until his tongue grew numb from muttering with the Sea Salt Pop in his mouth. "Hm, I wonder if you like ice cream, Axel? Nah."
xxXXxx
Maybe Roxas would've done well to flat out forget the redhead's name. Now it just wouldn't leave. Axel, Axel, Axel. The sun had set and he still couldn't forget. He hadn't seen Axel for a full day, which was an awful lot of time for him. Normally he saw every single person he knew everyday in Twilight Town. He'd just seen the little old lady sweeping the floor under her welcome mat. He saw Olette and Pence in the shopping district, but didn't address them.
For a minute, Roxas felt worried that Axel could have jumped last night when he'd gone. But that feeling subsided when he thought about the luck that would come out of that. With one obstacle thrown away, Roxas' chances of being alone to jump would increase. He quickly tossed the stick of his third ice cream in a nearby trashcan and with back pressed against a brick wall he raised his eyes and once again they fell upon that old building.
It was just as cold as ever tonight. The wind was blowing faintly from right to left, making Roxas' bangs push away from his eyes. For some reason he figured that wearing a jacket would be smart so he casually stopped by his apartment, pulled out his favorite one from the closet – white with a yellow star on the hood – and shut off the light.
With favorite jacket on, Roxas inhaled sharply and didn't bother to look both ways when he carelessly crossed the street. There really was no point in watching out for some drunkard speeding down the road. Safety wasn't an issue.
Roxas took to the right of the building and into an alley where a rusty fire escape hovered over a well hidden, iron door. It had taken him a while to figure out how to open the damn thing when he first got to the building to check it out, but he eventually discovered that jiggling the handle four and a half times made it push open.
Yes. Four and a half times.
And so he turned the handle, tiptoed into the freezing building, shut the door behind him, made for the staircase and started to climb to the rooftop again. Once he'd reached the seventh story the town had already fallen into nighttime. With anxious fingers he pushed on the just as rusty door and stumbled out into the freezing cold night.
He narrowed his eyes as he made his way to the same corner he'd picked last night. He looked left, then right, then finally downward where he spotted nothing but pitch black in an alleyway. Orange streetlights were just beginning to flicker on in the street and blocks away yellow lights began flooding windows and billboards.
"Alright, Roxas. You can't stand here for a half hour like last time. Don't even think. Just clear your head and—"
Roxas bit his lips together and squeezed his eyes shut. Trying to get into a blank state of mind was harder than he thought, especially now that he'd been thinking so much more than usual. And what was worse: one little word (or name, rather) was refusing to leave his brain.
Axel, Axel, AXEL.
Roxas groaned in frustration and forced his eyes open to see that he'd been staring straight up at the sky. The clock tower in the distance rang eight times, signaling to the whole town that eight o'clock was now. Perfect. Maybe he should consider making eight his new lucky number. Nah.
Luck was nothing but a gyp.
"Well, been nice knowin' ya, you old tower." Just as if he was getting ready to dive feet first into water, Roxas held his breath, closed his eyes once more and bent his knees for a jump. This was it. He was going to make his big exit. A big "ker-splat" was awaiting seven stories below. And here's Roxas for the dismount...
"Mama...just killed a man. Put a gun against his head. Pulled my trigger, now he's dead. Mama—"
"What-the-hell?" Roxas spat, slowly opening his eyes. So much for keeping a clear mind. Who in their right mind decided it was alright to sing during his moment of peace, zen and suicide? And why now? Why at this time of night? Why that song choice? Once again failing to keep a straight mind, Roxas first looked out over the town with eyebrows furrowed angrily. When he found the fucktard that ruined his moment...
"Mama ooo...didn't mean to make you cry. If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on—"
Behind! After hearing those guitar strums, Roxas instantaneously spun around on his heel and with his breath coming out in strangled puffs he frantically stared around before he spotted the guitarist on the other side of the rooftop. He felt like pulling his hair out after seeing them.
"Who in their bloody mind plays the fucking guitar on the fucking roof at eight in the fucking night?" Roxas grumbled while running a hand through his hair. Normally, eight in the fucking morning would have driven people mad...
Apparently Axel didn't like to follow that normality. He just sat there across the way, happily strumming with his fingers on a guitar with only five strings. His head was raised to stare at the buildings at Roxas' right, even though there truly was no importance in them. Roxas heavily brought a foot down when he stepped away from the edge and almost charged at the bastard.
"Hey!" he screeched, placing both of his clenched hands on his hips after. Axel barely budged at first but after another stamp from Roxas' foot his head turned in the blonde's direction. The lack of light succeeded in covering the redhead's gorgeous smile from Roxas' fiery eyes.
"You again?" Axel called out.
Roxas scoffed harshly and rolled his eyes. "How many times are we going to go through this? Huh? Look, could you just-could you just maybe leave me alone for a night? Hm? I'm busy."
Axel shook his head, still smiling, and turned his head down when he ran a thumb down on the five strings. Surprisingly, the instrument still sounded normal despite that it was missing one string.
"Everyone's busy now-a-days. Like me. I'm busy strumming over here and I'm not asking you to move your ass, am I?"
"You're insane," Roxas hissed. "Weren't you planning on dying too?" With two hands he motioned toward the building across the street that he'd met Axel on. "There's the building."
Once again Axel had to scoff. He just had to scoff at the disgruntled blondie throwing a temper tantrum and getting his panties up in a bunch. He couldn't help it. The silver hoop earring on his left ear jumped with each strum and the muscles in his exposed arms tensed each time his fingers slid up and down the handle. He went back to strumming notes on the guitar nonchalantly as Roxas continued to glare at him with dangerous intentions in mind.
"I'm aware. But I'd rather play guitar tonight. It's Saturday, don't you know that? What're you doing here on a Saturday night? Don't got a sweetie to get freaky with, do ya?"
Roxas' throat shook and he had to swallow to prevent himself from stuttering. "...Saturday's no different than the rest of the week."
"You say that now 'cause you're depressed. And when you're down in the dumps everything's negative in your eyes, right? Think about it! People have labeled Saturday and Sunday as the 'weekend' but Saturday really is the one and only day out of the two that's weekend-ish. Lay back and enjoy it, Roxas."
Roxas' eyebrows twitched when he heard Axel let out a drawl on his name. It was strange hearing him say it. The two had only met last night and he never expected to be on a first name basis at all. He held his tongue and hoped that silence would speak for him. Axel wasn't one to understand the silent treatment, though. He continued to make small talk over his guitar playing.
"I've been up here since five, you know that? I live right across the street in that building over there." Using his chin, Axel pointed out the same building that he'd been trying to jump from. All the lights in the building were off save for one on the sixth story. "That's my place. All the neighbors are assholes. Psh. None of 'em would know a good guitar strum if it ran up behind 'em and bit 'em in the ass. That's why I play over here."
Roxas had a hand at his forehead and slowly began massaging his temples. "That's great..." he said sarcastically.
"Isn't it? I thought so." With a fast strum on the guitar, Axel started singing the last part of the song he'd started earlier. Something about living and dying and saying goodbye to people. All that time, Roxas listened quietly, and Axel knew. When the redhead had finished his little ballad, he lifted the guitar from his lap and wrapped it around his arm as he stood from the edge. Roxas watched him intently from the corner of his eyes.
Finally, he thought. Maybe he'd get the chance to be alone.
Once he'd stood up, faint orange light from the streets revealed what the redhead was wearing: a black, sleeveless hoodie, skinny fit jeans with a chain dangling from the right pocket and a pair of white and black DC shoes which were left untied. Axel cracked his neck once and while holding onto the strap of the guitar strolled over to Roxas' side of the roof.
"Guess I'll leave you to enjoy the rest of your Saturday."
"Yeah. You do that," Roxas mumbled, getting ready to turn his back before Axel got the chance to come within four feet of him.
"That's a nice jacket you've got."
"Thanks..."
"Funny. You weren't wearing one last night, you know."
"Yes. I know."
"That'd be sad if you ended up ruining it."
"You know what--?"
"Oh, and just FYI, I'd suggest getting used to the roof before you jump. Try walking up to the edge and then run just to get the feel."
"Isn't that what you've been doing? Doesn't look like it's been working." Roxas turned halfway to stare unsympathetically at Axel who just met that stare with a friendly smirk. He had a thumb hooked in his pocket when he started to walk away backwards. He really was weird...
"See, I told you we'd be meeting up here often. Now we'll start seein' more of each other. We can help each other out with this whole dying thing." Somehow he'd made something so morbid sound as pleasant as a topic in a book club meeting. But for some reason Roxas believed those words. His stomach turned when he thought about them more and it was then that he realized that he hadn't eaten anything more than three ice cream bars and bag of chips over the course of two days.
And as hard as he tried to stop it, his tummy went on growling anyway.
"Sounds like you've got an issue over there, ey?"
Roxas quickly grabbed at the front of his jacket and started fisting his stomach. "Do not."
Axel crossed his arms over the guitar strap and suddenly stopped walking backwards. Roxas couldn't believe how strongly the guy's green eyes flashed. He figured that Axel had suddenly thought up something that he for sure wasn't going to like at all. Sure enough, Axel took some steps forward with an extended hand toward the starving and disgruntled boy.
Roxas first stared at the redhead's open palm strangely before asking, "What?" harshly.
"Come on. You can't die without eatin' somethin'."
"Where was the sense in that sentence?"
"See! You're so starving you can't even figure out what I just said."
"Axel, could you please just—"
"Come on. I told you we can help each other out, right? There's a place down the street. Not half bad, actually. Can't have ya bein' all skin and bones." With that said, Axel's extended hand moved closer to Roxas until Roxas felt the tips of his fingers tap the sleeve of his jacket. He twitched which nearly caused him to topple over the edge. And just like that, fear returned and he jumped away before he fell. Once again, he'd been saved when he didn't want to be. He just couldn't find it in him to try again; he was shaking too much.
"What, you comin'?"
What other choice did he have? The blonde rolled his eyes shortly and after shoving his hands into his jacket pockets started walking at a fast pace so he was walking ahead of Axel. He didn't want to suffer looking at a smart-ass, happy face. "Yeah, yeah. I'm goin', I'm goin'." Two nights and He. Was. Still. Alive. Damn.
xxXXxx
"I still don't get why you ordered from the freakin' kids' menu."
Roxas bit into another French fry and still didn't turn his head. Yeah, he'd ordered from the kids menu, but only because it was cheap and secretly the kidsized chicken fingers were the exact same as the adult version...just with more pieces. It was life's little secret which society failed to discover. He finished off the fry and pushed the red plastic plate to the side where the first plate was.
"'Cause that's how I roll," he replied. Axel scoffed. Ever since the two arrived at the 24 hour café a block away, Roxas couldn't help but watch his acquaintance in the corner of his eyes. All that time, Roxas noticed that he never—not once—erased that smile. It was honestly pissing him off. He set down a five dollar bill tip on the counter, making sure to slam it down hard.
"Do you have to smile like that all the time?" he asked.
Axel shrugged and sighed heavily. The burger he'd gotten was still sitting in front of him with barely half of it missing. No wonder he was so damn skinny.
"I don't have to. It's not required."
"That's not what I meant."
"You're too much, Roxas!" Axel raised a hand and slapped it once against Roxas' slumped back to which the blonde cried out. Thankfully there wasn't anyone else in the café at the time so he didn't have to worry about being embarrassed. Violated! Violated! He immediately swung his legs to the right of the stool he'd been sitting on and stood. Why was it that the stomach had to eradicate his brain?
"I'm gonna go."
Axel swiveled in his chair and propped his feet up on the bottom of the counter. "Really? Kinda early."
"Psh, yeah. To you. It's too late for me. You think I can just jump now? There're people out on the streets this time a' night!"
To that Axel shrugged and after a final spin on his chair he slid the cash on the counter underneath Roxas' plate and stood from his spot. He had his hands in the kanga-pocket of his hoodie again when he stepped away from the counter and passed the bewildered blonde on his way to the front door.
"Don't you wanna be one of them?" he asked over his shoulder once the bell chimed over the door and a cold rush of air rushed inside. What was he thinking—being one of them? Why in the hell would Roxas even consider walking the streets at night? Twilight Town was sketchy, especially after dark. Headlights sped past the deserted café and nearly blinded him when they flashed in the window.
Roxas suddenly grew impatient and twitchy. Being in that quiet, desolate café gave him even sketchier a feeling than being outside in the nightlife. And so he walked up to the door and exited just as Axel turned the corner and broke into a brisk walk. He wasn't sure why, but he followed after him with a quickness to his step. He kept well aware of the cracks in the cement and stepped over each one with stealth while Axel just stamped on each one.
"Five bucks," Axel chortled as they approached a chain link fence. "Gave him five bucks."
Roxas' head spun. "What? Why?"
"He didn't cook the burger right. Don't count on me heading back there again."
"You are the strangest guy I've ever met! I swear to god! You were supposed to pay 25!"
Axel seemingly ignored that innocuous comment and as they approached the fence's end he took a step to the right and pushed open a gate that had been left unlocked; some guy must've broke in. The area behind the long fence was dark and somehow Roxas had a feeling that it was going to lead to absolutely nowhere. But Axel didn't mind it. He clicked his tongue happily as he entered the shadowy place.
"Good riddance," Roxas gritted angrily, when in reality he had a horrible feeling bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Seeing him leave was honestly extremely nerve-racking. But Roxas could still hear Axel's footsteps in the dark. He could barely see the redhead's mess of crimson spikes. And in a rush he was nearly sent sprawled upon the pavement when Axel ran back to the fence and latched his fingers onto the sockets.
"Fuck—"
"I'm gonna take a shortcut through here. Not gonna be a problem, right?" Axel had asked that in a slow, drawled voice that made Roxas shudder. The blonde blinked and shook his head.
"Fine. It's fine. I'll keep going this way. I'd rather have light."
"I thought you might say something like that, kiddo. You know, how sure are you that at the end of that sidewalk is a safe space? Hm? How do ya know that you're not gonna get jumped or shot? You think that just 'cause there's streetlights the sidewalk's safe?"
Roxas found himself clinging onto the fence with his fingers tightened around the metal chains so hard they nearly slit through his skin. Recently he was feeling rather paranoid, and strangely terrified of even the smallest incident. And then Axel came along and his abnormalities increased. Spiraling, spiraling, and spiraling.
"You're a really weird guy, Roxas." Axel's voice softened up only the slightest bit when he noticed Roxas' inner conflicts sketch on his face. Boy, did this kid need work. "Maybe you're the kid that'll surpass all the others I've met, you know. You know what I think?" He leaned his body against the fence—fingers still hooked onto the chains—and eyed the blonde so intently as if he were looking at him under a microscope.
"I think that I've got my work cut out for me."
Roxas' narrowed, troubled eyes stared dumbfounded at Axel's face. "I really wish you'd stop talking like that."
"And I really wish you'd stop talking like that, too. You won't regret meeting me, I promise!" And like a kid ready to show off and take flight, Axel pushed away from the fence with his arms and backed away into his dark shortcut. All Roxas could think about were three things:
What he'd meant
If he should follow
and
Friend or Foe
He ran all the way home that night and crashed on his bed while still wearing that white jacket with the yellow star on the hood. He really did like that jacket, but hated it all the same. It was a nice birthday present from a nice, anonymous sender. What would the next present be? Possibly...maybe tomorrow he'd find out. And he hated surprises. Specifically on his birthday.
7th day of the 7th month. Lucky, indeed.
i love axel. and i'm not just saying that, geez. xO this is rather...unhealthy, this "feeling" i have for him. i'll stop now before i get strapped down and shoved into a truck to the happy department.
just got back from watching "the other boleyn girl" with mah homegirls, and it was rather...traumatizing. i shan't give away the story AT ALL, but i will say that it is definitely the modern age soap opera...except i'm pretty sure that soap operas do not include beheading loved ones and deception that stoops down to a level so low that one needs to separate from the church.
...i'd say i ruined the movie in saying that. XDD
not that it matters. on top of all that drama, i came home to a real soap opera on television in which one of the lead women dies due to cancer. and the director had all these video montages and such playing as she was dying on the beach with her head resting on her lover's shoulder. he was playing the guitar for her and...and...HFJDHASFJDKAH
let me just say that i have not cried in a long time. and according to dane cook, that is not healthy AT ALL. he is so inspiring! i loves me some dane cook. you know what? i think i'll stop by the store tomorrow and pick me up a copy of his DVD and CD so i don't have to resort to piracy. OH SNAP! (seriously, who hasn't downloaded something illegally on the internet? ahem...kingdom hearts fans and our cutscenes...oh yeah. that counts, yo. that counts.)
this end note has ended. happy birthday to roxas in the next chapter, yo. AH. the reno-catch-phrase-syndrome is eating me ALIVEEEEE! and axel? ooo. something fishy about his acts of singing and leading roxas away to places. B-T-W, the song he was singing--for all you non-80's people--is titled "Bohemian Rhapsody". there. you've been educated.
you've been SCHOOL'D!,
kokoro77