A Madman's Mercy

by Amethyst Jackson

New Moon AU - After leaving Bella, Edward gradually loses control of his ability. When he is led to believe that she is dead, Edward cracks, leaving Bella as the only one who can pick up the pieces. Co-written with Jacyevans.

2. Chapter 2

Title: A Madman's Mercy (Ch 2)

Authors: Amethyst Jackson and Jacyevans

Rating: M/NC-17

Category: Angst, Drama

Pairing: Edward/Bella

Summary: New Moon AU - After leaving Bella, Edward gradually loses control of his ability. When he is led to believe that she is dead, Edward cracks, leaving Bella as the only one who can pick up the pieces.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. We're just playing in her sandbox.

A/N: You all are lucky duckies; this chapter is going up here before anywhere else.

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Alice hung up, and though my brain was still catching up with her words, my body didn't hesitate for an instant. You're the only one who can help him, Bella. Her words rang in my head like a mantra, like a drug I couldn't resist. Edward needed me, when I had always been the needy one.

The thrill was short-lived as I started throwing clothes into a duffel bag, the same one Edward had been stuffing almost a year ago as we ran from James. Suddenly, having a psychopathic vampire after me didn't seem so bad, comparatively.

What could possibly be wrong with Edward that only I could help him? Worry sunk into my bones, and I was shaking as I went to the bathroom and started tossing toiletries into my bag.

Denali... God, I was going to see him again. His face...that face I thought would only live in my fragile human memories. My heart thumped erratically and I had to shove back the excitement and the hope. This didn't change anything. I had to remember that.

I thought of all the other vampires in Denali, and that was sufficient distraction. All I really knew was that there were five of them, and Laurent had gone to join them before he fell off the wagon. What would they think of me? Some random human barging into their world? The Cullens had accepted me because of Edward, but would they?

I was pacing the living room, still riding the emotional rollercoaster that I couldn't seem to get off of, when Alice finally appeared. She didn't knock or announce her presence, so I nearly had a heart attack when she appeared in the doorway.

"Alice!"

Alice walked fluidly into the living room, all swiftness and enviable grace. She glanced at the bag sitting at the side of the couch and arched her eyebrows. "That's all you're bringing?"

"I pack light," I choked out, feeling like I could barely breathe.

Alice rolled her eyes at my attempt at joking, and muttered, "So much for not panicking." She pulled a folded sheet of paper out of her pocket and thrust it into my hands. "Here. We can't wait for Charlie to come home; he won't be back for another two hours."

I stared at the piece of paper, on which, in handwriting that looked identical to mine, was written the following:

Dear Charlie,

I wish I could wait to tell you this in person, but if I wait any longer, I won't leave at all. Alice's visit made me finally realize that I'm staying here for someone who might never come back. I'm going down to Florida to stay with Mom for a while. I don't know how long I'm going to be there, but I do know I can't stay in Forks anymore. I'll call you tonight when I get to Jacksonville, and every night until I'm ready to come back home. Mom still doesn't know I'm coming yet, either, so don't call her - I'll figure everything out when I get there.

--Bella

I stared at the words on the page, rereading them several times to allow them to sink in. Finally, I looked up at Alice and swallowed hard. "Good forgery," I whispered. I stared down at the letter one more time then gingerly placed the paper on the kitchen table under a mug from the drainboard. I hated lying to him again. At least this time, he didn't think I was leaving because I hated him.

Alice sensed my distress. "He'll be fine, Bella," she promised, placing her hand on my shoulder. "And he'll believe you. As long as you keep in contact with him regularly, he won't call Renee."

I nodded, barely able to take the small comfort she offered. Alice squeezed my arm gently, then went to pick up my duffel bag from next to the couch. "Come on. It's a long ride to Denali, and I'd like to get you there before nightfall."

My heart picked up speed again as I remembered why I was telling this lie in the first place. In just a few hours, I was going to see Edward, and I still wasn't entirely sure why yet, only that there was something wrong, and only I could help. Casting one last glance at the letter on the table, I reluctantly followed Alice out the door.

Alice was quiet in the car, and I thought I would explode from nervous energy.

"Calm down, Bella, or you won't be any use to Edward," Alice sighed and gave me a sharp look.

"Will you please tell me what's going on, then?" I asked. I kept looking out the window as the trees flew by, afraid to make eye contact during this conversation, lest talking about Edward should lead to one mention too many and I would break down.

Alice pursed her lips. "Fine. Bella, ever since...we left, Edward has been having trouble controlling his gift."

"What do you mean, controlling it?" I asked.

"How to explain...imagine you had a gift like that. You could hear everyone's thoughts, all the time. Millions of voices in your head, all the time. You would have to learn to tune some of it out, or it would be unbearable."

"Okay," I nodded, forcing my brain to consider the problem clinically and ignore just who the problem belonged to. "So you're saying he's been having trouble...tuning it out?"

"Exactly. At first, it was just around us, and I think that's one of the reasons he left. He didn't tell me it was getting worse, but the visions I had of him suggested it was."

I frowned. "So what happened the day you left? I don't understand."

Alice sighed again. "Apparently, from what I found out afterward, Rosalie decided to call Edward and tell him I'd seen you jump off a cliff to your death. I don't know what on earth she was thinking; she had to know how he would react. Well, then he decided to call here, to find out for sure, but I couldn't see what would happen because the dog answered the phone. I heard the werewolf telling him Charlie was at the funeral, and you can imagine what Edward inferred from that. That's when he snapped."

My heartbeat roared in my ears as all of this sunk in. "Snapped...how?"

"He lost it. Completely. He couldn't control his gift, and the weight of that many voices in his mind..." Her voice trailed off, allowing me to come to my own conclusions. "By the time I got down to Brazil, he was barely coherent." I shivered at the thought of the Edward I knew - inhumanly strong, unbearably beautiful Edward being felled by his own gift. If Alice noticed, she said nothing, but continued with her explanations. "Jasper met me there and tried to use his gifts to calm him down, but even after we got him out of Brazil and somewhere familiar, nothing helped. Carlisle is completely baffled, and he's the one who helped Edward become acclimated to his power in the first place." Alice frowned, her eyes narrowing slightly. "It doesn't help matters that he hasn't hunted in weeks."

"But Alice, I still don't understand how I can help if you weren't able to do anything."

Alice turned to stare at me as if I'd grown another head and was sitting next to her naked. "You can't be serious."

I gazed back at her blankly.

"Bella, he's like this because he thinks you're dead. He started losing control because he left Forks - because he left you." I sucked in a breath as the familiar sharp pain rose through my ribcage at the reminder of Edward's desertion. "Surely, you connect the dots and see the picture I'm painting for you here."

"But..." I hesitated, then took a deep breath, wringing my hands in my lap, and forged on. "Why would he react that way... when he doesn't love me?"

Alice hissed something rapidly under her breath, and I had a feeling I didn't want to hear most of what she was saying. "Bella, has it ever occurred to you that Edward might have lied about the reason he left?"

I shook my head, remembering with awful clarity his emotionless eyes as he'd brought the world crashing down around me. "I don't think he was lying, Alice."

"Hmmph. I think you underestimate the strength of his martyr complex," Alice countered.

"I don't understand what you mean," I said. The memories were trying to worm their way back in - the way he'd held himself at a distance those last few days, the sense of foreboding I'd felt, never thinking he could really leave me... It hurt too much, and I pushed those thoughts back into the vault.

"Bella, haven't you ever noticed Edward's penchant for self-sacrifice? Of course, that makes him very good at living our lifestyle, but more often than not, he only succeeds in making himself miserable - and that won't matter to him if he thinks he's doing it for a good reason. That's why he tried to stay away from you as long as he did, and why he refused to make you one of us. It's also why he left."

I shook my head in automatic denial as my chest tightened. "No...he couldn't...you don't understand...the things he said, Alice..."

For a brief moment, Alice looked absolutely furious. Then, it passed. "Obviously, nothing I say will convince you. If you won't believe he loves you, at least consider this - your mind is the only one he can't hear. The rest of us, our family - no matter how hard we try, we can't shut off our thoughts around him, and that causes him more pain. But you - you can approach him without doing that."

Alice was silent for a while, allowing me time to mull over her words. While I could now understand her rationale for needing me to help Edward, I knew she was wrong about everything else - there was simply no way that he could still love me. Even Edward wasn't that good of a liar, and after everything he'd said to me... I shuddered, trying not to remember, but unable to forget. I wrapped my arms around my midsection and stared out the window instead, watching the scenery slowly change from the lush, green forests I'd grown to know so well to a landscape covered in white snow.

"We're here," Alice said quietly, so as not to startle me. I swallowed reflexively, staring at the large house that loomed in front of us, my heart suddenly pounding in my chest.

A knock at my window practically made me jump out of my skin. I hadn't even realized that Alice had stopped the car and was already standing outside, tapping her foot impatiently. My door opened, and Emmett's chuckling face came into view. I glared, blushing furiously as I stood up.

"Thought you were going to sit there all night," Emmett said, grinning, taking my duffel from my shoulder, even though I was more than capable of carrying the bag on my own.

"Leave her alone, Emmett," Esme's soft voice carried as she made her way down the porch steps. "She's had a trying enough day without you poking fun at her." She smiled at me gently, wrapping her arms around me. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to be comforted by her.

"Welcome back, Bella," she whispered in my ear, "We've missed you." I clung to her a little tighter, tears stinging my eyes.

The moment was quickly broken as I pulled away and brought up the subject the three Cullens had been hasty to avoid. "How's Edward?"

Esme tensed; Emmett stopped in his tracks; Alice sighed.

"Well?" I prompted.

Esme shook her head sadly. "He hasn't improved any. You might...brace yourself, Bella. He's not the Edward you knew."

"Yeah, he just sits there and babbles, mostly," Emmett said with his characteristic bluntness, though I could see in his eyes how distressed he truly was. "Thank God you're here. If anyone can straighten him out, it's you."

I was feeling less and less sure of my ability to do that by the second, but I forced a weak smile for Emmett's sake.

"Let's get you inside," Esme said, guiding me through the door into a warm foyer. Emmett and Alice followed along behind us. "You can meet Tanya's clan."

Butterflies erupted in my stomach. "Um, shouldn't we -"

"You'll see Edward soon," Alice said, knowing, of course, what I would ask. "But we have to wait for Jasper to get back from hunting, so he can keep him calm. Since he hasn't fed in so long, none of us are sure how Edward will...react to you."

"Oh," I murmured. "So where are -"

"There she is!" a voice rang out, and before I could blink, a petite, blonde, golden-eyed vampire stood before me, grinning from ear to ear. "Our conquering heroine."

"Bella, this is Kate. She, Tanya, and Irina are sisters," Esme said.

Kate surprised me by hugging me delicately. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Bella."

I couldn't help smiling as I murmured a quiet, "Likewise."

"Give the girl some room to breathe, Kate."

Kate rolled her eyes as she pulled back from me and turned around, sniping at the person behind her, "It's a hug, Tanya, not a choke hold."

I arched my neck, suddenly desperate to see the face attached to the musical voice I'd heard. Kate shifted, and my heart sank. Tanya was every bit as beautiful as I'd imagined her to be, more so even. Her strawberry blonde hair fell in waves to her waist, her amber eyes framed by flawless alabaster skin. A shocking tendril of resentment rippled through me. No wonder Edward had left me. I could never hope to look like Tanya, not even in my wildest dreams. Not even if he'd changed me into a vampire.

Tanya frowned slightly, as if she could read my thoughts on my face, but then her smile was back as she stepped forward. "Welcome, Bella. We've heard so much about you."

I blushed and heard laughter from behind me, soft, almost like windchimes, and realized it was Tanya. "You're right, Emmett, she does get embarrassed awfully easily." I could feel my face reddening further.

"We're just teasing you, Bella," Kate said, pulling my arm through hers and tugging me further into the house. "Everything we've heard has been nothing but good, cross my heart." She gently pushed be down me in a plush armchair in the room at the back of the house. A fairly large stone fireplace dominated the wall to my left, where a fire was crackling merrily - I had a feeling the fire was for my benefit, as none of the other members of the household had any issues with the cold.

"Where's Irina?" Emmett asked. My bag was already gone, and I guessed he must have already run it upstairs with his vampire speed.

Tanya and Kate both frowned. "Oh, she's in a snit," Kate said. "When she found out what happened to Laurent, she decided she wanted nothing to do with Bella."

I looked down at my hands, desperately uncomfortable that I wasn't entirely welcome here.

"Oh, don't be upset, Bella," Tanya said, and I looked up to find her rolling her eyes. "Irina is being completely unreasonable. Her boy toy fell off the wagon and tried to kill you. That's hardly your fault. Nor can I blame the werewolves for attacking him. He was something of an arrogant ass."

Kate giggled. "Yes, Irina will get over it. She's just grumpy that she's not getting any."

I blushed, and Kate and Tanya laughed. "Anyway, dear, don't mind her. You'll meet Carmen and Eleazar soon; they went hunting with Jasper. Don't want to be taking any risks with a human about."

"Right," I swallowed heavily. "Um...where are the others?" A certain doctor was noticeably missing, along with a certain blonde bombshell who, admittedly, probably didn't want to see me.

"Carlisle is with Edward," Esme told me. "And Rosalie..."

"She's feeling a bit guilty," Emmett said. "Doesn't want to face you."

My eyes went wide. "Why?"

Alice bit her lip before answering. "Well, she's the one that told Edward you were dead, before she knew better. She feels...responsible for what happened. I think she's worried you'll blame her. So she's hiding out in the garage."

"Of course I don't blame her!" I said more loudly than I'd intended, much to everyone else's amusement. I blushed, sinking further into my chair.

Emmett chuckled and elbowed Alice. "Told you so. You owe me fifty bucks." Alice's eyes narrowed. Esme slapped both of them in the arm.

Trying to save myself from further embarrassment, I took a deep breath to calm myself and clarified, "I mean I don't blame her for Edward sitting upstairs in a half-catatonic state."

Alice smirked and elbowed Emmett hard enough that he winced. "Told you so," she muttered, much to his chagrin. Tanya snickered at the exchange. Kate rolled her eyes.

I was saved from any deeper explanation by the front door opening, followed by the sound of footsteps echoing down the hallway. I had a feeling the volume was for my benefit. I turned in my seat just in time to see Jasper enter the room, followed by two vampires I did not recognize. Both had a slightly olive tone to their skin, dark hair, and amber eyes, brighter from their recent hunt.

Jasper immediately stepped over to Alice, as if there were a magnet pulling the two of them towards each other. Envy rose within me, which I immediately tried to stamp down, as he placed his arm around her waist and she leaned effortlessly into his side. I remembered being held and touched like that, once upon a time.

I felt a sense of ease wash over me suddenly and smiled. "Hello, Jasper."

"Bella." Jasper's smile was clearly forced, and he looked at me with guarded eyes, something like...concern? Or...guilt?

Jasper offered a truer smile at my confusion. "I wasn't sure how you would respond to me...after last time."

Oh, right. That. I'd often wondered if things would be different if Jasper had been successful in taking a bite out of me. Would I be a vampire now? Would Edward still love me? But I knew the mostly likely scenario would be Edward growing bored with me, and I would be alone forever...

"Water under the bridge," I managed to say, avoiding Jasper's knowing eyes. "I'm the one who managed to get a paper-cut opening a birthday present."

Emmett chuckled at that, almost distracting me from the way Jasper whispered in Alice's ear, and she shook her head sadly. I was about to ask about it when Alice the All-Knowing chose to cut me off.

"Bella, let me introduce Carmen and Eleazar."

The two olive-skinned vampires stepped forward and each carefully shook my hand. Carmen smiled warmly at me, and I could easily imagine her as she might have been human; I pictured her in a red flamenco dress peeking with sultry brown eyes over a lace fan. And Eleazar...well, he was every bit the stereotypical Latin lover. But he was looking at me strangely.

"What is it?" I asked him, unnerved. Nobody else had stared at me this way.

He smiled abruptly and laughed. "Sorry, Bella. It's just that you have a great amount of potential."

"Potential?" I was confused again.

"Eleazar's gift is to sense the abilities people might have as a vampire," Carmen explained, hooking her hands around her husband's arm.

"Definitely a shield, a powerful one," Eleazar nodded. I heard a few gasps and ohs of understanding, and I narrowed my eyes. I hated being the only one in the dark.

"What is a shield, exactly?" I questioned.

Eleazar smiled. "Someone with the power to protect. As a human, I suppose, you can only protect your own mind against vampire abilities, but as a vampire, you could do much more."

I blinked up at Eleazar, allowing his words time to slowly sink into my brain. Edward and his family had always suspected that I would have a power if I'd ever be changed into a vampire. Someone with the power to protect. After being the one who always had to be protected for so long - the fragile little human who always had to be looked out for, that would be a refreshing change of pace. A change that would, unfortunately, never happen. It might have been a possibility once. I'd like to think I had been, slowly but surely, wearing down Edward's walls and getting him to see my point of view. I had to be a vampire in order to be with him forever. But none of that mattered now. When all of this was over and Edward was better again, he would send me back to Forks. Human. Alone.

I shook my head slowly, banishing these thoughts to the far recesses of my mind and gave Eleazar a small smile. "Too bad we won't ever have the chance to find out."

"You don't know that, Bella," Carmen said, her voice every bit as soft and lilting as I'd imagined it would be.

"Maybe not," I said softly. "Neither do you," I snapped at Alice, just as she opened her mouth to comment. We were speaking about the future, and I knew she, of all people, would have something to say.

Alice wasn't fazed. She simply arched her eyebrow and said, "Don't I?"

Before I had a chance to respond, or even think about what she'd said, Jasper murmured, "Calm down, Bella," his eyes drawn to the staircase. I felt my muscles relax, and all of the frustration leak out of me as I followed his gaze.

Carlisle came down the stairs slowly, and I was shocked to see him looking so... worn out. I didn't think it was possible for a vampire to look haggard. His face was drawn, his eyes dull, faded almost to black. The dark circles under his eyes were prominent on his fair skin. Yet, he still smiled at me, and said, "Hello, Bella. Glad you made it here safely."

"Of course she did," Alice said, bristling. "She was with me." Jasper laughed quietly and kissed her temple. Carlisle made his way over to Esme and kissed her cheek, lingering.

That familiar jealousy shot through me. I stamped it down quickly and turned to Carlisle instead, knowing I could finally receive a concrete answer to the question all of my hosts had been skirting around since we'd arrived. "How is he?"

Carlisle's smile quickly faded. "He is...not well. It will require a great deal of energy and patience to make him well again."

He never asked the question outright, but I knew the answer I had to give. "I'll do whatever it takes."

Carlisle smiled faintly. "You're a very special girl, Bella. We're all grateful to you."

Would Edward be grateful to me when this was all over? Could that gratitude ever be enough to keep my heart from breaking all over again when I had to leave him?

"He's not himself," Carlisle went on. "He doesn't recognize any of us. All of our attempts to communicate with him only seem to cause him more pain. He's lost the boundary between his own mind and the rest of the world."

I shuddered at the thought of Edward that way - vulnerable, suffering, lost in his own mind... I knew now, with deadly certainty, that it didn't matter what happened to me or my broken heart. Edward had to be saved.

"I believe Edward needs to be in complete isolation," Carlisle continued. "Try as we might, it's impossible for us all to turn off our thoughts for him. He needs mental silence if he's ever to get better."

I frowned. "But then...where do I come in?"

Carlisle smiled patiently. "A madman left to his own devices won't ever find his way back to sanity. He needs someone to guide him back...someone who won't get mixed up with the voices in his head."

I swallowed heavily. They wanted me to be alone with Edward in the middle of nowhere...

"We'll have to assess his reaction to you first," Carlisle said, misinterpreting the cause of my fear. "If he appears to be at all dangerous to you, we'll find another way..."

"No, you're right. This is the best way." I was the only mind Edward couldn't hear, and now at least, there was less of a mystery behind why. I wanted to be able to tell Edward what Eleazar had explained to me, so that maybe he wouldn't be so frustrated by the riddle my mind presented him. I wanted Edward back, if only for a little while, no matter how much I was going to hurt when we were apart again.

I squared my shoulders. "I'm ready now, if you are."

"Bella, are you sure you don't want to wait until morning?" Esme said gently, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I know you want to help, but it's already late; maybe you should just -"

"I'm not tired," I said, cutting her off. I wasn't. In fact, I was startlingly alert for the middle of the night, my mind on overdrive. I wondered if this was Jasper's doing, or if this was just a result of the adrenaline rushing at a high speed through my system. Either way, my body was going to crash before morning, and I wanted to see Edward before it did.

Carlisle looked to Jasper, as if to confirm that I wasn't lying about my current mental state. Jasper gave him a small nod, released Alice's waist, and started up the stairs. Carlisle gestured with his hand for me to follow.

"Special" or not, my legs were shaking as I climbed the staircase. Jasper slowed ahead of me, and I felt myself relax as I reached his side.

"Thanks," I whispered.

He gave me a small smile. "Edward isn't the only one who needs to be calm for this to work."

I blushed, nodding. He was right. Now wasn't the time to lose my head. I could freak out later, when I was alone.

We turned left, and Jasper walked ahead of me, stepping into a room at the end of a long hallway. Carlisle stopped me in front of the closed door. "Bella, I need you to promise me that if it looks like things aren't going to go as planned - If you're in any danger - "

"I'll leave. I promise." My heartbeat roared in my ears as Jasper focused most of his energy on Edward. Carlisle's concerns were making me even more nervous than before, but I didn't have time to have any second thoughts, because Carlisle was opening the door and guiding me slowly inside.

I stepped into the room, then stopped short just through the doorway. Taking a deep breath, my doubts crumbled at the sight in front of me.

"Oh, Edward," I said, voice trembling.