Hi there, it is I, Cloggy. Some people (cough cough L. McSwagger cough cough) have been asking me to record the events that followed after my dog became a death eater. As you may recall, L. McSwagger ran out, Voldemort was disintegrated by Clogettes excellent aim with her huge book, and Clogette and I let the death eater go in exchange for pizza, hoping that the whole thing was over. Boy were we wrong. By now, L. McSwagger was on the loose, along with the death eaters. She was also hunting for new recruits, which brings me to the story. But first, following the tradition of course, let me take a selfie!
I raise a phone once again and make a face even more attractive than the last. Are you ready?
"L. McSwagger," a death eater said, stroking his mustache suspiciously. "You failed us last time. What makes you think that we will accept you once again?"
"I have new recruits, sir." She bowed down to the guy who spoke. "Would you like to meet them?"
"Yes, yes, get on with it." He answered impatiently. L. McSwagger raised her arms and gestured to a curtain that had conveniently popped up.
"First, we have Pineapple!" She announced loudly. A girl about her age ran out and curtsied. "Pineapple gives amazing advice."
"Pineapple!" Pineapple shouted randomly. The death eaters all clapped and clapped and clapped.
"Amazing!" One in the back called out, teary eyed. "She's just so amazing!"
"Now we have Piper!" L. McSwagger gestured urgently to the curtain,but no avail. Nobody came out. "Come on, Piper." She grunted angrily, flinging open the curtain only to find it completely empty.
"One recruit." The death eater from the beginning said sourly.
"Pineapple!" Pineapple shouted.
"I had two more! What happened to them?" L. McSwagger was running around yelling insults at the curtain. "Piper, Percy, where are you?"
Let's just say that things weren't looking good for L. McSwagger. She lost two recruits, and the one she had left was a little... Strange (no offense, Pineapple). On top of that, Voldemort was still gone, and she had to work her way back into the inner circle of death eaters. Losing two recruits after a failed plan, well... L. McSwagger is going down.
Of course, there's still the topic of Piper and Percy, her escaped recruits. And then there are epic battles with me and Clogette against L. McSwagger. Actually, probably not epic, but yeah, there will be fight scenes. Nerd fight scenes, I guess. Whatever, let's just get on with the story.
A girl with shortish blonde hair crouched down behind a trash can.
"You sure this is the house, Piper?" A boy asked, sticking his head up by her.
"Yeah, I can still smell the death eater." Piper answered anxiously.
"You can sniff out death eaters?" He asked.
"You can't smell the dead animal smell, Percy?" Percy stuck his nose up in the air and inhaled deeply before gagging.
"Ahh, yeah, I smell it." He choked. "That must be death eater armpit. Don't they make deodorant for dark wizards?"
"I guess not." Piper shrugged, then smacked his shoulder. "That's not important! We have to get in here and warn her."
"Warn who?"
"Just follow me and don't make a sound." The two stood up and tiptoed into a house. They tiptoed down the hallway until they came to a bedroom door. Before Piper could warn him, Percy banged the door open and marched into the room.
Wanna guess who's room it was? I'll give you a hint: who's room did the death eaters all appear in last time, apparently leaving their odor behind. That's right, it was my bedroom. Assuming you don't think things are weird already, right here is where stuff gets crazy and complicated, but also pretty dang awesome.
I screamed, but he ran and clamped a hand over my mouth. I glared at him and Piper.
"Cloggy, it's me, your sister." Piper said. At that moment, I wrestled Percy's hand off of my mouth and yelled...
"What! What the heck are you doing?!" Both of them looked nervous. "I'm guessing that you're spying on me for L. McSwagger, aren't you?"
"Nope, just the opposite, actually." Percy said nonchalantly.
"We became 'recruits'-" Piper did the air quotes on that word. "For L. McSwagger. We got her to tell us her whole plan, then we left. We had to go warn you. We call our group PP." Both Percy and I started snickering.
"Not PP." He decided. "How about LMIGD?"
"L. McSwagger is going down?" I figured out. Percy nodded excitedly and took a step closer to me. I took a step farther away from him. "While its a cool name, I would like to know what L. McSwagger's plan is. Also, since you two kind of got up and left, she's gonna be angry."
I, of course, was right about that as I always am.
"Aghhhhhhhh!" L. McSwagger screamed throwing a creepy baby doll at the wall. Pineapple screamed and jumped out of the way. "I WILL HAVE REVENGE ON PP!"
"Pineapple!" Pineapple yelled, laying on the ground and flopping around. L. McSwagger stopped and looked down at her insane remaining recruit.
"Are you ready to go vanquish those vile Cloggy and Clogette characters?" She asked, raising an eyebrow dramatically. "While we're at it, we can get rid of PP as well." Pineapple snickered.
"PP..." She muttered through her laughter. "Such a dumb name. PINEAPPLE!"
"Let's go, my recruit." L. McSwagger grabbed Pineapple's arm and dragged her out the door. "We will get rid of Cloggy and Clogette for good."
For the real life L. McSwagger, I hope you enjoyed this and there WILL be more. :)