For my friend Elena.

Through the Fringes

Chapter 02

SEEN

Charles sat by his study, staring blankly at the tea cup on the table that has been left untouched for twenty minutes now. He was consumed by the events over the last few weeks, the highlight of which was Erik's shocking expression of desire that even a telepath of his caliber did not anticipate.

When Charles melded their minds together, it was only to show his friend that he can also generate power from the goodness in his heart. He knew that part of him has been left unchecked for decades and Charles simply wanted to bring it forth so Erik can be cleansed from the demons that chase him in his sleep. The unexpected effect of that display of kindness was that Erik decided to repay it with a kiss. Charles replayed that moment again when their lips touched; which never ceased to still make him blush no matter how many times he thought about it (or rather, couldn't stop thinking about it).

"Oh god…" Charles lowered his head into his hand and closed his eyes, breathing in and out quietly as he could feel his cheeks burning from that memory. After all, Charles didn't exactly discourage it. To be perfectly frank, he even leaned into it; parting his lips in a hunger he hasn't recognized or felt before until Erik brought it out of him. The closeness of their bodies, and the intense humming that was emitted from their melded minds were enough to make Charles lose control of the rest of his senses (and he had trained himself to endure the most gruelling of mental torments). And he did lose it. He slipped completely and entered a passage in Erik's head that was left untouched for years. It might as well have been a Pandora's box.

The emotions hidden within its container sliced into Charles' focus, almost weakening him, which made it harder to keep them at bay, not when they were insistent on attacking him. He shouldn't have expected any less from a man like Erik to possess such feelings. Even his kiss felt like it can bruise, and Charles had to pull away first and establish restraint between them. Erik was livid and he didn't even look like he wanted to let Charles go at that moment. The most terrifying part of it all was that Charles himself didn't feel like he wanted to be released from Erik's strong grip. He had never been held by someone's arms that possessively before, not even with his share of beautiful but rather forgettable women from the university. With their minds overlapping each other in an irresistible loop of longing and grief, Charles felt the magnitude of how much Erik wanted him—ached for him—and it was a rather disturbing discovery though not altogether unpleasant.

And it's not even because he didn't…like…kissing…Erik…my…friend.

"Goddamn it," Charles caught himself contemplating about the texture and sensation of the other man's lips…his mouth…and wanted to throw the tea cup across the other room but managed to control himself.

How was I able to pull myself away from that anyway?

He recalled the way Erik's expression darkened once Charles took a few steps away from him. He must have looked rather standoffish, coiling away from his friend like that, especially when Erik reached out once more for another kiss. Charles could feel Erik's desire pressing at the back of his own mind and he tried everything to shake it off but it was so difficult because he shared it as well. He wanted to kiss Erik again. He wanted to jump back in those arms and hold on for dear life.

But he mustn't. They should never have that kind of relationship. It would be too complicated, and their lives have enough complications as it is.

It was a good thing then that the agent Moira called for them from an open window about some news on TV. Charles risked patting Erik on the back before he turned away and left him there for good. He shut his mind from Erik's, afraid of what he may read there in the aftermath of the kiss.

Charles picked up the tea cup at last and finished it even though its lukewarm temperature did not bring him any sort of comfort. He stood up and walked over to the next room where Raven was. He entered the door softly, making sure he doesn't rouse her. As expected, she fell asleep on the wrong side of the bed again and half of her body lousily hung over the edge. She could fall at any moment. Charles smiled and pushed her to the middle as gently as he could, placing a hand under her head while his other hand was on her back as he moved her. She grumbled something unintelligible and pulled him close. He allowed it. He realized that he was lying on top of her now with his head pressed on her chest but this wasn't exactly the first time they ended up tangled together under the sheets.

Though she was not of his blood, he does see her as a little sister, and even as a grown woman, he never had any kind of impure thoughts about her body. She was important to him and he would not allow himself to extend their relationship into something sexual, let alone romantic. Charles didn't think he'd be a good boyfriend—of anyone's, really. For a mind reader, he just doesn't get the inherent dynamics that entail romantic relationships.

"Charles?" Raven slowly awoke. "You pervert bastard. Get off…"

"You were the one who got me into this indelicate position, dear."

"Here," Raven shoved a palm against his head so he'll move away from her. Charles chuckled and followed suit. After he pulled himself up from the bed, he leaned in to peck her on the cheek.

"Sleep well, baby dove."

"Stop calling me that, god!" she took a pillow from the side and pressed her face into it. "You go to bed now too, dork!"

Charles chuckled again and gladly obeyed her wishes.

Once he was back in the hallway, Charles hesitated to go to his own bedroom for awhile. He knew that doing that means passing by Erik's chambers. He might pick up something he may not be prepared to hear or face just yet. Besides, he wasn't sure he even did the right way of ending the incident earlier. Erik looked…hurt. Charles tried not to think about his face in fear that he might contact him mentally from where he stood just to check up on him. He shouldn't worry about the other man too much. It's not like Erik is that breakable. He can bend metal to his own will, for crying out loud.

But Erik has been alone in the dark for so many years, and his coping mechanisms are not exactly the healthiest there is. But whose are? In Charles' most sorrowful moments as a child, he remembered inflicting unnecessary psychological pain towards some servants in the mansion when the moods call for it. Now as an adult man, he's not exactly proud of that.

Or he's being unfair to expect the worst from somebody who proved he can be at his best, and that was the Erik whom he had learned to care about over the weeks. He shouldn't stop being his friend just because it's suddenly inconvenient. That's not how it works. Making up his mind, Charles began to walk to the next hallway and then stopped in front of Erik's door.

He knocked a few times. There was no answer.

"It's me. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He looked down and saw the door knob turn. Erik let him in.

His friend was on the other side of the room though, playing chess by himself on the bed. Charles frowned at that. "I would have accompanied you if you want to play a game." He approached Erik.

"You don't want to be around me anymore," the other man stated it so dismissively that Charles was tempted to probe his real state of mind. But he decided against it. It'd be best to just have a normal conversation. "I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you."

Charles cleared his throat, picking up on the implication of the last statement easily. "I came here on my own volition, didn't I?"

"Why did you?" Erik's question was already accusatory.

"I was worried," Charles placed his hands inside his pockets. He stood there for another few seconds before he offered. "May I?"

Erik narrowed his eyes at him but looked away quickly. He nodded at the side of the bed where it was vacant. Charles sat there.

"This isn't easy for either of us, I know that," Charles began to explain. "But I need you to know that I meant all the things I said when we first met right until earlier this afternoon." He waited for some kind of response but Erik didn't give him any. "I won't go inside your head again unless you allow it."

Now Erik looked up, his gaze very inscrutable. "And what if I never let you do that again? What then?"

"Then I'll be very sad about it," Charles replied honestly. "But if it's the price of earning back your trust, then I'm taking it."

"You're completely clueless about everything, aren't you?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

Erik scoffed and moved a pawn across the other side of the board. "You've been in my head the entire time while I kissed you. You know damn well that I want you everywhere from now on because I already trust you completely. There's no reason to hide away like you're doing now, Charles, not when you showed me just how freeing it is to lay it all out in the open."

To demonstrate his point, Erik took Charles' hand and squeezed it. Charles wasn't sure if he should pull away, or if even wanted to. The other man's grip was reassuring if not intimidating.

"What…are you trying to—listen, Erik, you know we can't."

"Can't?" Erik's eyebrows knit in contrition now. "Can't do what, Charles? I haven't let anyone get close to me ever since the camps; ever since Shaw did what he did to me years go. And you came in and touched me in a way I never thought was possible. And you're just going to take it all away now?"

"No, I…" Charles didn't know what to say anymore.

Erik held his gaze. "Take a closer look at me, Charles."

Charles shook his head.

Erik squeezed his hand tighter. "I dare you. Take a look."

"I know what's going to happen if I do that again." Charles tore his hand away and stood up. "Whatever it is that you wanted to show me, I think it's best that you keep it concealed, for your sake and mine!"

"You're not fooling me," Erik looked strangely relaxed now. "It's not me who's hiding right now. You're the one who's afraid of what you might reveal if you meld our minds!"

"Shut up!" Charles turned away. "I don't need this! I don't want this!"

He took a few breaths to gather his thoughts before he looked across Erik again. "Please," he implored him. "You don't know what you're asking."

"And you don't know what you're refusing."

"Okay," Charles gathered his strength and sat back on the edge of the bed. "What do you think is going to happen if we…engage further?"

"You and your manners," Erik moved the chessboard away with a flick of his wrist. It settled on the table near the window.

"What does that mean?" Charles wasn't pleased because he wasn't sure what Erik was getting at with that proclamation.

Erik leaned his back against the wooden dashboard behind him and asked point-blank. "Have you ever been intimate with another man before?"

"God, no," Charles tried not to sound repulsed by the idea but he considered himself fairly heterosexual—with the exception of what happened earlier in the balcony. A thought occurred to him. "Have you?"

Erik smiled in that cold, detached way of his. Charles knew the answer then. He didn't mean to get embarrassed about that. He could tell his cheeks are flushed now. "That's great, I suppose…" was his mumbled response. He cleared his throat again and spoke up clearly. "When was this?"

"A few years ago while I was travelling Europe."

"Ah."

"Do you want more details?"

"No, no." Charles waved his hands awkwardly in front of him.

"Like I said," Erik smirked. "You and your manners."

"Well, I—" Charles lowered his voice. "I'm not exactly in a position to interrogate you about your…preferences and experiences."

"Why not?" Erik looked puzzled by his indignation.

"Because!"

Erik grinned now. He sat across Charles, looking at him in a way that could not be described with anything else but wicked amusement. He moved away from the dashboard now and was getting closer to where Charles is.

"Erik—" He would have stood up again but the indecipherable look in Erik's eyes stopped him from doing anything.

"You felt like…" Erik was saying in a hushed tone, "sunlight in the skin, warm but not warm enough to burn and leave traces…" he grazed two fingers on Charles' exposed wrist. "That's how it feels when you're in my head; something that's both so intense and mild all at once. You could cut me but you don't. You…" his fingers on Charles' wrist climbed up slowly. "…shower me with earnest compliments, and give me affection like it's the most natural thing in the world to do," he paused and placed his entire hand now on Charles' chest. "But then you showed me you had darkness in your life too, and I wonder how could you be so kind when no one has showed you kindness? How could you be so…" he looked deeply into Charles' eyes now, "…loving when you could have easily hated everything else as I had?"

"Erik…" Charles did not mean to whisper Erik's name in that manner but the other man picked up on it nevertheless.

Both of Erik's hands were on his hair now, massaging his scalp in a slow, rhythmic fashion that could have lulled Charles to sleep easily. But Erik's eyes piercing through him like that kept him in focus.

With his hands still on his head like that, Erik pulled Charles closer to him and Charles complied. They stopped once Erik was on his back against the bed with Charles above him. Even then, neither of them dared to seal the final distance between. Erik continued caressing Charles' hair and Charles tried not to open his mind and read Erik's thoughts. He didn't feel like he had to anyway. His gaze and touch were enough proof how much the other man wanted him, and Charles was afraid of what that would mean in the grand scheme of things. Nobody had ever wanted Charles, and certainly not in this extent. He closed his eyes now, breathing out the tension compressing in his chest as he stayed in this position. Erik pulled him down again and he willingly followed, finding that resistance is not something he's strong enough to do.

Erik's lips against his own set every nerve ending on his body ablaze. He felt pleasurable sensations surrounding him outside and within the trenches of his mind. The pressure of the kiss was still gentle but the emotions that it inspired were running amok in both their shared consciousness. Charles had opened the portal without even being in complete control of it and now their connection was undeniably stronger than before. Erik deepened the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Charles in a possessive embrace, moaning into his mouth as if his life force depended upon it.

Oh, god, no… Charles burrowed his fingernails into Erik's shoulders and shuddered. He tried to lower the gauge of his telepathy but Erik's mind was too irresistible not to prod further. There were words forming now; and the aura he emits was a bright yellow with dark purple streaks. It was an unusual one that Charles has not encountered before but it felt like the safest thing to touch so he did just that. He could hear Erik speaking loudly in their melded minds too—in three foreign languages to be exact—and Charles was not sure he wanted to know what they meant.

The one in English was already unravelling him after all.

You're mine, it whispered with a deadly intention rife with maddening desire. You're mine and mine alone. And I could be yours. Just ask, Charles.

No, Charles whispered back. No, please. This is…too much.

Just ask, Charles.

Erik adjusted their positions into something more comfortable and would provide him more room and access to touch Charles freely. Chess pieces fell on the floor when they shifted their bodies so that Erik was now on top. Charles slightly tried to wriggle free and made whimpering sounds.

Why are you still fighting this?

I don't know.

Erik kissed him hard on the mouth now, leaving Charles no choice but to give in to the swirling and dizzying array of gratifying vibrations that both their bodies are wrapped up in. God, I don't know. This feels gooooooo..

Erik lowered himself to Charles' collar so he can kiss and nibble the sensitive spot of his flesh there. Charles' mind went blank for a moment and started back up as soon as Erik pulled away to unbutton the rest of his shirt.

..ooooooood. Wait, stop.

You don't really mean that, Charles.

You don't know me!

"You're such an adorable little geek," Erik chuckled as he successfully finished unbuttoning the other man.

"Wait, please!" Charles sat up and pushed Erik slightly away. "Listen to me, this is…going too fast. I'm not sure we're heading in the right direction." He clasped his shirt close with one hand while the other rested on Erik's chest, keeping him in that short distance. "Please understand that this is all new to me. I never had a man…I had women, sure, but this is different because you're you and…god, I'm not being very coherent. But let me try and explain how I…" he swallowed something hard at the back of his throat and then went on. "You're my friend, Erik. And that will always come first. But I would admit our relationship had its…exceptional moments. One of which is…this rather bizarre arrangement. I feel like we should keep it…" he trailed off now as he watched Erik's expression changed from neutral to a wide grin.

"Please take me seriously!"

"But I am, Charles," Erik ignored Charles' hand on his chest and moved closer anyway, placing a gentle kiss on the telepath's left temple. "This is not a joke to me. Being with you in this capacity—I have never taken anything more seriously in my life than this moment right now with you."

Charles now blinked in awe and from the flush or arousal earlier. He knew Erik to be a straightforward and candid man so the last statement was as serious as it gets, but Charles wasn't sure how to process the new information. It was equally flattering and awkward to be on the receiving end of affections from a man like Erik Lehnsherr. He didn't think it was even possible to find himself rather smitten with another man but here he is.

He smiled nonetheless, trying to make things less weird. "Good," Charles breathed out a sigh of relief and tried not to stare into Erik's eyes as he continued speaking. "I know how much this means to you. Of course, I do." Something in Erik's face lit up when he said that. Charles chose to ignore it. "But I would ask you to respect my decision to…set this aside for the time being. You must understand that I have never allowed…a man of your gifts to, well," he chuckled now, "get me all worked up like this."

"A man of my gifts…" There's a twinkle in Erik's eyes that Charles wasn't sure he liked. He looked away from his friend again as he buttoned back his shirt. He could tell Erik was disappointed but he does seem to understand Charles' request for some space which the other man was relieved with, considering that this is too much for either of them to handle right now.

"I'm going to bed now," Charles announced rather sheepishly and stupidly. Erik just nodded as he bent down to pick the chess pieces on the floor. For some reason Charles didn't feel like leaving just yet so he helped pick them up. Erik glanced at him and smirked.

"For someone who's so eager to get away, you sure know how to linger…" he murmured as he leaned closer to his ear.

Charles instinctively moved away and let out a nervous chuckle. "I didn't want to be discourteous."

"Right," Erik sounded suspicious so Charles patted his back and started to walk to the opposite end of the bed.

"Well then," he cleared his throat. "Sleep well, my friend."

A thoughtful look passed Erik's face. "Will you be listening in?"

He meant the nightmares, Charles frowned. "I won't if you don't want me to. I never should have maintained contact the first time I felt it across the hallway. But I saw no other choice but to help you calm your mind."

"So you were there again?" Erik inquired. "You've been helping me sleep since we moved here in the mansion?"

"Yes," Charles admitted. "It pains me to see you suffering, Erik."

Erik just gazed at him with the gravest expression he had ever seen. Charles stayed put, knowing that there's something more he needs to say. A few more seconds passed and Charles was starting to think he may not have the words at all so he made a motion to walk out of the room. That was when he heard Erik speak up at last. "I don't mind you lingering…"

"Sorry?" Charles turned to look at him as he opened the door.

Erik pointed at his temple. "In here."

Charles smiled a little. He knew what that meant. "Okay, Erik. I'll see you in your dreams later. Thank you for letting me in."

Erik opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He pursed his lips together and waited for Charles to leave.

"Goodnight," Charles softly closed the door behind him but kept the line of communication between them open for the rest of the night.