A/N: This chapter just kept growing and growing and GROWING! I finally found a place to end it, and decided on a good portion for the next chapter.
And DOH! Sorry for the messed up Author's note last chapter! I was on my way out the door and I forgot to correct it. You see, I don't have a doc manager on my computer and I use old documents to write new stuff. Its a good in between, but sometimes I forget to cut out old author's notes by accident and such. Ehehe, such is the way of things when you get so wrapped up in a story I suppose.
But I fixed it, so we're all good!
On another note, I'm headed to a wedding out of state soon, so I'll be gone for a few days. Hopefully this and my next few updates will be enough to tide you guys over.
Also, Fairy Tail just dropped a major bomb in the manga and I'm thrilled with it! It plays right in with my story!
Now, onto you're questions!
Q: What kind of abilities can we expect to see from Naruto in this fic?
A: The first half of this chapter explains that somewhat. Remember, though this is a humor story, Naruto's still the Dragon Slayer of Jade. Furthermore, its implied that ol' whiskers found a way to strength his abilities beyond the ken of normal dragon slayers. Anything cloth or armor related is basically fuel for him. He might not be the strongest, but he's awfully clever and has trained with other magic. Remember, he DOES have Kurama inside of him, still. I pity the fool who angers him.
Q: What time period does this take place in? How old is Naruto at the start of this story?
A: I'm about to reveal that in this chapter. Age-wise, now, he's in his late teens.
Q: How smart is Naruto in this? Is he a shameless pervert, like Jiraiya?
A: Clever enough to give Zeref himself a run for his money. And no, he's WORSE. You'll see.
Q: What can we expect for pairings?
A: A good deal! I wanted to make The Smith and the Knight a single fic, so when this was created, I decided on a harem to make up for things. Also because of Naruto's..antics in this story, to say the least. The request giver was fine with it, at any rate.
Q: Wait, wait, wait! Dragons can assume human form?! Since when?
A: As I said, this story takes some MINOR liberties with dragons. If Acnologia, a Dragon Slayer who became a dragon, can pop back to his human form whenever he wants, I see no reason why an all-powerful dragon like Zirconis couldn't do such a thing. I like to think its possible, we've just never seen it.
Q: Can we expect to see Acnoliga and Zirconis fight again? Has the old-timer trained any?
A: Remember, Zirconis is a wily old bastard and values mental strength over physical. He RAN from Acnologia, ergo, he didn't lose his soul or any of his power. He'll try to avoid an outright brawl of course, but should they meet again, Acnologia might be in for a nasty surprise. Who is to say a dragon can't surpass their limits?
Q: Is Naruto a villain in this?
A: I can see why the summary would leade you to believe that but no, he isn't. If anything, he's a chaotic neutral. This is a boy whose been raised by a dragon. A dragon who did NOT up and vanish like Igneel and the others, and now set loose in the world to do as he pleases. In other words...
...all hell's about break loose.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
"You would do well to remember my name! I am Uzumaki Naruto, the Dragon of Eros!"
...ha?"
"And as of today, I declare a prank war on Fairy Tail."
~Naruto's invasion of Magnolia.
Panty Raid
"So you've made up your mind, pup?"
...yup."
Zirconis stifled a mighty yawn as he watched his pupil toss the last of his belongings into the sack and sling it over his shoulder; for a dragon slayer didn't need much, and the boy was much the same in that regard. He owned little more than the clothes on his back and some fresh meat he'd hunted for himself just this morning. It served as another painful reminder that the boy really was about to venture out on his own. To leave the relative safety of hidden valley for the very first time and go out into the world.
That...worried him, oddly enough.
The boy-Naruto, as he'd learned from the name stitched into his blanket-had taken to the training a little too well. He'd taken to calling himself the Dragon of Eros, much to Zirconis's dry amusement. A boy who thought he was a dragon. Now there was an interesting contrast. Over time he'd found he'd grown rather fond of the lad. He had grown from a distraction, to a pupil, then eventually-dare he admit it!-a son. Years flew by, and already he was a young man, itching to go out and make his mark on the world. As well he should, for all fledglings eventually longed to leave the nest and forge their own path.
Still, he was rather reluctant to see him go.
Having lavished no small amount of time and skill into his tutelage, he was confident the boy could handle himself if it came down to a fight. Zirconis knew all manner of spells and unusual magics, having borne them at the hands of humans long ago, and he'd endeavored to teach him each one. That wasn't the problem. Should he allow Naruto to leave, he wasn't entirely certain the boy would ever come back. Oh, he knew the boy was clever to be sure, but he was also a wild and passionate creature, who at times didn't care for restraint, much less the meaning of it.
Creaking an eye open, the Dragon of Jade fixed his progeny with a rueful glare and inspected him thoroughly.
He'd grown.
As much as he might be loathe to admit it, the boy wasn't a whelp anymore. In place of that fearless infant nearly two decades past stood a young man who'd fought through trial and hardship both and become, strong and clever for it. Cheery blue eyes beamed back at him in merry disregard for his scars, a lone line running parallel across his visage, whiskered cheeks dimpling in a bright grin.
His outfit stood as another testament to his hard work, for his pupil wore a resplendent robe of green and blue with a flaring collar and small cape connecting the elbows. This particular treasure had been liberated-that is to say shamelessly filched-from a passing mage who'd strayed too close to their sanctuary and re-purposed to suit Zirconis's needs. The Jade Dragon had spent months in human form-with no end of pricked fingers!- etching all manner of enchantments into it in the form of runestones and other wards. His ward was wearing a walking fortress that only another Dragon Slayer had any hope of breaching.
A cloth of many colors indeed!
And apparently a tasty one at that.
It'd taken him ages to convince the boy not to eat his own clothing!
"Alright!" The young man shouldered his pack and flashed Zirconis a chipper smile. "Its been fun, old man. I'll be sure and check in on ya from time to time-
Zirconis twitched.
WHAP!
A clawed hand descended mercilessly on the young man's head, driving him into the ground all the way up to his chin before he could take so much as a single step. It all happened so quickly that the boy hadn't even a second to react. For a fleeting moment the boy balked, unable to do anything other than blink. Then his face colored.
"What was that fer?!" Naruto squawked!
"That was for calling me old!"
"But you are, pops-
"NONSENSE!"
If there was one thing he absolutely couldn't stand, it was being reminded of his age. Already ancient even by draconian standards the great Dragon of Jade loathed being reminded about such things. In another century or two, well...best not to think about that. Physically resisting the urge to reach down and smack his pupil once again for the slip, he reached down and plucked the boy like a turnip and set him on his feet. Flushing with embarrassment, the boy swatted his massive hand away and hurriedly dusted himself off.
Zirconis reared back, wincing slightly.
Damn but the boy hit hard.
For all his talk of "The Art of Eros" the brat could still punch with best of them.
It warmed his young heart.
Because he wasn't old!
Not in the least!
"Do you have the map I gave you?" the dragon growled reluctantly, suddenly reminded that he was supposed to be seeing the boy off. "Remember, you're head to Magnolia Town. Its the largest settlement in the area, and it should serve as good training for you. Just remember to avoid any battle you can't win. You're no good to me dead."
Naruto puffed out his cheeks.
"You don't have to baby me, dad."
Zirconis sighed inwardly.
"Someone has to make sure you don't walk into another lake. You have a terrible sense of direction, after all."
"One time!"
"Oh? What about that incident when ye went east when I told you to go west."
"Okay, twice!" Naruto relented, grimacing. "But I didn't-
"Then there was that time with the brothel-
"Alright, alright, alright! I suck when it comes to directions! Will you shut up already?!"
An awkward beat of silence pushed itself between them at that, and both regretted it immediately.
Disconcerted by the faint look of consternation on the young man's visage, Zirconis decided to abandon his course of questioning and shed his draconic form, thusly lowering himself to his progeny's level. Even now the effort of compressing his power into a human shell was no mean feat, and even he was only able to perform such a feat because he was weaker than most dragons. It came with a painful popping of bones and no small amount of pain on his part, his scales and tail receding, wings shrinking to a more manageable size.
"Gah," he grunted as his teeth twisted in his mouth, "I forgot how painful this was!"
Naruto stiffened.
"Wait, what are ya doing...?"
In his human form Zirconis's body looked nothing like his true self; instead assuming the guise of a pale, muscular human with odd draconian features. Slittled green eyes and wild emerald hair jutting out in a curtain of sharp, spikes from his scalp. Had he been versed in such things he would've realized that this form strongly resembled that of a certain would-be God Slayer. But that was neither here nore there. In this body his power writhed and twisted, the simplest of gestures threatening to explode with overwhelming might and force.
With this thought in mind he carefully extended a large hand with the utmost of care, and laid it on the lad's head.
"I am proud of you, my boy."
The Great Dragon of Jade took a small measure of pride in the blond's double-take.
"You are?"
"Indeed!" he declared, flashing the baffled boy a grin. "Now go forth, my child! Show the world of man what it is to be a dragon! Roar! Laugh! Eat! Drink and make merry! Live! And most of all...
Naruto tilted his head.
"Most of all?"
Zirconis gripped the boy by both shoulders and leaned forward, the better by which to ingrain the importance of these words into his student.
"Be sure and build yourself a harem."
The whiskered blond blinked.
"What's a harem?"
Zirconis merely smiled.
Clever the boy might be, but in some aspects he remained dense as a sack of hammers. Ah, well. The amusement lay in having the boy figure that out for himself. Even for all his skill and power, he expected to see him bumble and fail several times before he truly learned the meaning of those word.
"Why don't you go and find out?"
"Sure thing!" the dragon slayer grinned, flashing him a thumb's up. "It'll be the best panty raid ever!"
'Wait, what?'
Before he could ask what his progeny meant by that, the boy laughed and sped off in the opposite direction, leaving the transmuted dragon to eat his dust.
Literally.
"Ha!" coughing, the old lizard resumed his former shape and gave himself a mighty shake. "Well, there he goes. I almost feel sorry for the world. Wonder what he meant by that last bit...
There had been something quite wrong with his smile just now, Zirconis knew. Yet he was powerless to change it. That grin of his was bright, and pure, yet...unhinged. As if something had broken deep inside him. When you raised someone as a dragon it was only natural. Naruto's upbringing was so far out of the ordinary to begin with; already, it was something of a miracle that he'd merely become a perverted prankster, rather than a murderous psychophant like other dragon slayers. Then there was that power locked deep inside of him. A power Zirconis didn't truly understand.
Someone-or something-was trapped in his heart of hearts. And it wanted out.
The same "thing" that had nearly taken his right eye so long ago.
Naruto's very presence seemed to inspire others, and not always in a good way. Perhaps it was a side effect of his dragon slayer magic mixing with that fell presence sleeping deep within him. Even how, he didn't truly understand it. It might have been a curse or even a blessing inflicted on him when he was born. Zirconis wasn't entirely sure if the boy was aware of it himself or the effect he had on humans as a whole; the ability to draw others to his way of thinking. For someone whose heart lay stained in darkness, they might begin to question their motives. To rethink their actions and tread back from the shadows, towards the light.
If it had been just that, then Zirconis wouldn't have deemed it a danger.
But the pendulum swung both ways.
For one firmly on the side of good the effect proved more subtle and less insidious, his presence sometimes had no effect at all, beyond that of lowering one's inhibitions. Make them less restrained. More emotional. That was a problem, especially when one considered just how emotional humans could be. He had no control over the radius Thankfully it held absolutely effect on dragonkin or those taught by them, but all told it was a dangerous ability, dwarfed only by the unknown creature sleeping inside him.
And in the rare instances when he was truly angered...
...that temper of his proved a dangerous thing, indeed.
It was why he'd been so determined to teach him.
Ah well, it shouldn't be a problem in any case.
After all, those clothes of his weren't just for protection; they served a dual purpose. Not only did they shelter him from the eyes of other dragons, but if it push came to shove, Zirconis could easily use his own spells to follow the boy, the spell and use it to keep a weather eye on him while he slept. Not that he deemed it necessary. He was strong and sharp as the keenest blade and thrice as deadly. He should be fine so long as he took care to stay out of Acnologia's path.
Unless he picked a fight with the wrong mage and got an ass-kicking.
Ha!
The boy needed one.
Hopefully someone would do just that.
It was the only way he could become stronger.
He might even find himself a woman.
Perhaps even several.
Hmm.
Zirconis chortled softly to himself as he laid down to sleep, a wry grin tugging at his toothy maw. If the brat brought back a woman...well, it would be interesting to say the least. A fine way to thumb his nose up at that damn Acnologia. He found himself almost relishing such a thought. And in time, the Dragons would rise again. And their so-called Dragon King couldn't do a thing about it.
Now that was a strangely pleasant idea, indeed.
In the end he let slumber take him and shadowed his apprentice in his dreams.
(Millions of Miles Away...)
Acnologia stifled a mighty sneeze and shot a dark glower to the heavens.
The sky for its part, remained cheerfully silent, clouds and all.
Growling angrily, the apocalypse dragon laid back down.
Even then he couldn't escape the niggling doubt.
"Why do I feel like I've just been had?"
(...Some Time Later...)
Magnolia was a lovely town, all things considered.
Even from a distance, one could marvel at its beauty.
A town teeming with life, home to one of the most powerful guilds the world over, ideal for colonization and expansion. People from all over the world gathered here, some to place requests, others to seek admittance to the ranks of Fairy Tail, and still others just to have a romping good time while they were young. In the summer, that made it downright pleasant, even. It might even make for an ideal vacation Naruto mused, once he'd had his fun. Unfortunately, according to what Zirconis had told him, it was the home of several S-Class mages already. He found himself wondering if his little prank would even be worth the risk.
Eh, screw it.
Nothing ventured...
...nothing gained, after all!
Still, there was a certain rustic charm to it.
Naruto found he'd made rather good time; at a dead spring, it only took him roughly thirty minutes to reach the illustrious town. Fairy Tai. Supposedly it was one of the greatest guilds in all of Fiore. Well, there was also Phantom Lord, but something about the name rubbed him the wrong way. No, fairies sounded far more interesting than a bunch of ghastly ghosts. He had never liked the idea of spirits at any rate. For some reason they just rubbed him the wrong way. Besides, Fairy Tail had more ladies than Phantom Lord.
In all honesty, he was rather curious on that point.
Zirconis had taken him out into the world a number of times, but never for long. A brief incursion here, a quick expedition across the continent, there. Never for more than a day and always in his human form. Then the old dragon had finally broken down one warm afternoon and brought him to a brothel two years before. Not to conduct "business", because the old-timer was rather strict about that sort of thing, but to look. To see. To make him aware of the fairer sex. It was then that Naruto's fascinations with women truly began. More aptly, with wizards. Even now, he still didn't entirely understand what drew him to them, only that something did.
If the old man was to be believed, their clothes were extra tasty.
Naruto longed to find out if that was true.
"That settles it!"
Clapping his hands, the young man grinned shouldered his pack and struck a pose, fangs flashing in the afternoon sun.
Planting his right foot forward, the dragon slayer loosed a mighty roar.
"Hear me now, ladies of Magnolia!" he cried! "Prepare yourselves for the Dragon of Eros! Hide your coats! Guard your dresses! Lock up your undergarments! None shall be spared!"
When no one raised an alarm, he took that as another sign.
The universe was telling him to wreak havoc here.
"Now then, where should I start?"
Naruto Uzumaki grinned merrily and closed his eyes, letting his senses drift outwards to the town below. He cast his senses out like a net, searching for strong signs of magical energy. He didn't have to wait long. There were a great many mages in Magnolia, and any one of them would suit his needs just fine. Still, he found himself being fickle and ignoring some-forsaking others entirely. If he was going to play a prank then it better be a damned good one, or there was no point in even trying. But on who-
The answer came to him a moment later.
"Over there, huh?"
Then he leaped.
(...Meanwhile...)
Mirajane shuddered.
"Why did I feel a chill just now? Probably just my imagination...
Shouldering her groceries, she hefted one onto her hip and continued on her way down the street. Warm rays of sunlight beat down on her pale shoulders as she walked, a pleasant testament to the summer afternoon. Alas, her heart wasn't feeling entirely warm at the moment.
The guild felt so empty these days with everyone often out on jobs of their own, so for once, she had taken it upon herself to do a bit of shopping. With Master busy, someone had to make certain they were still stocked up on essential provisions. Someone had to do the cooking and cleaning, because no one else knew how. These days Erza seemed more obsessed with her cakes than any real cooking and Natsu's only talent seemed to be boiling water. Gray wasn't much better. Then there was Cana and her alcohol fixation. Their newest member, Lucy, might well turn out to be a fine chef in time, given some proper lessons, but still...
...well, if she and the others made it home from Galuna Island in once piece, she supposed the time for said lessons would come. Of course, none of this would have happened if Laxus had bothered to stop Natsu in the first place and not acted like a complete and utter-
'Down, girl!'
Mira sighed, shaking off that dark thought.
There was just so much to do!
And yet, none of it felt meaningful.
Wouldn't it be nice to go out once in awhile?
Take on a new job, brave new dangers, go somewhere exciting!
Sometimes Mira missed that life, but no, her place was here in the guild. Fairy Tail had plenty of skilled mages these days, more than strong enough to fend off their enemies. There was no need for her strength. It wasn't that she minded per se, it was just...it all became terribly tedious after awhile. Where was the action? Where was the excitement? Watching Natsu and Gray brawl proved entertaining from time to time-as did the antics of her fellow guild-mates, but it sometimes it just seemed so mundane.
These days she felt like she was climbing the walls just trying to find something to do at all...
Surely, a little chaos wouldn't hurt.
Surely a bit of excitement wouldn't be so bad?
It might even give her a change to tangle with Erza again...
Ack!
Realizing her devious train of thought, the takeover mage stopped short and ruthlessly, successively smacked her forehead against a nearby post until her ears rang. Well, that was a mistake. Her thoughts clamored all the louder and now all she had to show for her troubles was a headache! Traitorous little ideas skittered in the back of her brain like poisonous spiders, sinking their fangs into her every inkling and staining everything a surprisingly pleasant shade of rebellious red. They refused to vanish, no matter how hard she sought to dislodge them.
Perhaps a night out wouldn't be so bad, after all.
"Bad Mira." she chided herself, idly biting her thumb. "Bad girl. You know you're not supposed to think like that anymore!"
As if summoned by that very thought, a sharp, lilting laugh filled the air, punctuated by a blast of hot smoke.
Moments later, a dismayed voice rang out above her.
"Stop! Thief!"
Startled, she turned toward the source, just in time to witness the destruction of a nearby vendor's stall. It didn't so much as explode as it did cease to exist, obliterated by a streak of blue and green. Whomever had been doing the shouting squawked and took cover and then there was no more of that.
"This town is awesome!" a young man's laugh ripped through the muggy afternoon. "So many people! So much to eat! Why didn't I come here sooner?!"
In the next instant, a burst of motion snapped towards her.
He stuck out like a sore thumb, all things considered.
Bright blue eyes framed by shocking blond hair and whiskered cheeks, the latter masking a cheery grin. Even in terms of clothing he was impossible to miss, jarring shades of green and blue that seemed to ripple before her eyes when she stared at them overlong. For his part, the thief didn't seem to notice her until it was almost too late, nearly colliding with her in his haste. At the last instant he somehow caught sight of Mirajane, and, without bothering to stop, swept both hands forward, arms bent at the elbows. Blue eyes widened in alarm.
"Look out!"
And her world upended.
For a fleeting moment Mirajane Strauss felt only the wind on her face, hair in her eyes, and the curious absence of gravity. Then momentum-alongside someone else!-caught her and she shot forwards. A strong, steady heartbeat thudded against her hear, pounded out a quaint, calm rhythm. Even with all this, it took the infamous "She-Devil" a full fifteen seconds to realize she'd literally been swept off her feet by the stranger, leaving her groceries to fall to the wayside as she was swiftly and violenty ferried away. Carried like a princess, no less!
Pale cheeks darkened a rose red.
"W-What are you doing?!" the words tumbled out of her in a shout, struggling to make itself heard over the wind summoned by his speed. For his part the young man scarcely seemed to notice her shock, of if he did he did precious little to show it.
When Mirajane finally began to struggle and make her displeasure known however, he dug his feet into the street and ground his momentum to a halt, sending them skidding in a stuttering stop near the eastern part of town. A curtain of dust assailed her all at once as the wind caught up with them, blasting her hair backwards. She knew not how much ground they'd covered, only that her head was still spinning.
The stranger must have noticed; because was quick to set her down.
"Oops," the blond apologized, sheepishly scratching at the back of his head. "Sorry about that. You were kinda in the way, and I didn't want to run ya over."
Mirajane could only manage a nod.
This close she found she could make out his more prominent features, that messy mop of spiky blond hair, those whiskered cheeks and startling blue eyes. And those teeth. They reminded her of Natsu's, in a sense. But surely this young man couldn't be...
"Ahem!" the young man coughed sharply, suddenly, capturing her attention once more. "Right, then! Pardon me miss," he continued with a genteel bow, "I know we just met and all, but my name's Naruto. If its not too much of a bother, might I trouble you to...
Mirajane tilted her head, expecting a simple inquiry.
What came next utterly demolished that hope.
...see your panties?"
Now to be fair, there were very few things in the world that could make Mirajane blush these days. She'd seen-and sometimes said!-a great many things in her part to be fazed by everyday events. Ever since Lisanna's death she'd worked hard to quash her more negative emotions-and as of an unexpected result her magic power. Resolved to become a kinder person and put her old, wild, belligerent persona behind her. But the sheer incredulity of the young man's remark took her quiet serenity and dashed it against the rocks of her disbelief. Her face burned rose red, a stark contrast to her brilliant white hair.
...what?" she managed eloquently.
"Well, my old man tells me they taste delicious." the young man grinned, utterly unaware of her growing wrath. "You are Mirajane, right? Do you think you could spare a pa-
CRUNCH.
Mirajane blinked quickly as a distant building collapsed dust across the way.
Then another.
And another.
Another.
Lowering her arm stiffly, the ex-mage finally comprehended her actions; just as she realized the baffling blond was nowhere to be seen. Of course he wasn't. She'd slugged him full on, delivered a hard right hook to his face. There had been no conscious thought on her part; her body simply moved. A few years ago, such a punch would have leveled an entire city block. Now? Without so much as a drop of magical power behind it, and without that monstrous strength? Well...
"Owowowow! Why did I do that?!"
Hissing in pain, the "Demon" bent double to clutch at her now swollen hand.
"I'll say!" A rough laugh greeted her. "You nearly blew me away, there!"
To her disbelief, a flash of green and blue appeared in her peripherals.
Then she caught sight of a bit of cloth in his hand.
At first glance it wasn't much more than a bit of black lace clutched in his hand. Upon closer inspection she realized it wasn't merely lace but rather a bit of underwear with straps-straps connected to a familiar bra. Her mind refused to recognize it...at first. Where had he gotten that? In the rubble? No, that didn't make any sense. Why would someone's undergarments be in the rubble? Now that she thought of it, her girls did feel rather-
No.
"I...you...how...when...?!"
Naruto waved his prize like a proud hunter.
"Turnabout is fair play!"
Mira's brain failed.
Ceased.
To.
Function.
"Kyah!"
Her arms pinwheeled wildly, snapping to her breasts beneath her dress. Sure enough, where her bra should have been. But it wasn't. The lingerie Naruto was currently waving about like a banner. When had he done that?! When she'd punched him? How?! She hadn't even felt him get her undergarments! On some level, she respected the insane amount of sheer speed it must have taken to lift her undergarments during her brief bout of rage, much less without her noticing. The rest of her was just plain mortified and she said as much!
"Give that back!"
"Nope!" Naruto laughed, leaping away when she tried-and summarily failed-to make a grab at him. "I'm hungry!
"Wait, what do you mean you're hun-
Before her very eyes the dragon slayer tilted his head back and proceeded to make good on his words. He simply devoured the bras as though it were bread, using his sharp teeth to make short work of the thin lace. If she hadn't known better by the sounds he was making she would've thought he was actually enjoying it. Maybe he was.
"Pervert!"
Blue eyes glinted wickedly.
"Maybe I am. Whatcha gonna do about it? Gonna punch me again?"
It was exactly the wrong thing to say.
For the first time in years, Mira's anger slipped its leash.
"You!"
"Me?"
It never once occurred to her that the blond might be baiting her. That he was deliberately trying to make her angry. Her power had always been tied to her more powerful emotions; passion, sorrow, wrath. The latter crashed over her now in a red wave of righteous rage locked within a fit of feminine fury and for a moment-just a second-a sliver of eternity, a flicker of her old power came rushing back. Then more. More. MORE. The strength she'd all but forgotten over the last few years heralded its triumphant return in that fit of pique, a black magic circle howling to life overhead.
Her eyes darkened, narrowed to murderous slits as the dark power continued to rise around her.
She wasn't the only one aware of it, however.
To Naruto's eyes, Mirajane's body seemed to warp and twist before him, sprouting demonic wings and claws as her red dress melted away. He recognized the technique from one of the books Zirconis had foisted on him in his younger years. This was a Take-Over and an especially rare one at that. Satan Soul. The one standing before him was no longer human, but something else entirely, and his blood sang at the thought. Oh, it would have been the simplest thing to attack her before she completed the spell, but a thorn of pride pricked him and held him back.
One simply did not attack someone while they were transforming, after all.
"So, are you just going to scream all day, or are we going to fight?"
In a flicker of motion, she vanished.
Naruto allowed himself a laugh.
"Well its about ti-UGACH!"
Blue eyes snapped to the east a millisecond too late; then her clenched knuckles barreled into the side of his face, dislocating his jaw and sending him skipping across the street like a flung stone. To Mira's disbelief the blond didn't resist as he violently tumbled away from her, seemingly uncaring even as his back skidded a bloody red trench across the street until momentum finally ground him to a halt. That disbelief increased tenfold when the battered blond simply sat up, popped his jaw back in, and started laughing. His arms rose slowly, clapping, commending her for the surprise attack.
"THERE WE GO!" he crowed, climbing to his feet with the casual ease of one who'd had plenty of experience being knocked down, "I knew there was something special about you! Why would you hide power like this?! Doesn't it feel good to let loose?"
It did.
Mirajane tried to hush that traitorous little whisper as she rushed at him again, but it refused to be silenced. Naruto met her grin with one of his own and refused to flinch. He ducked her tail when it swept out toward his face and caught her fist in his with ease; first the right then the left. Fingers locked around claws and held tight, forcing Mirajane's savage assault to stall-locking them into a deadlock. Her knee shot out and his snapped up to counter, sparks skittering between them. She shrieked at him and he roared back, demon and dragon alike professing their mutual dislike for one another.
And it felt good.
Naruto's laughter spoke volumes to it.
"Are we having fun, Mirajane?!"
"I've been having fun since we started, Naruto!"
She couldn't lie to herself any longer; it felt wonderful to drive her forehead into his face, to see him flinch from the pain and stagger away. To hear him grunt as she caught him by the head and flung him down, to pummel him into the ground. To wrestle with him for dominance, to feel the street crater beneath her, to exert her old strength against his in a battle of pure power...it was all coming back! A thrill of excitement! She wanted-no, needed to win this fight, though she could not bring herself to understand why. There was only the battle the need, the drive to win and-
"Well," he remarked suddenly, "It seems we're out of time."
A fist slid between Mira's ribs when she tried to press down on him for a crippling blow, physically lifting her several inches into the air and driving the breath from her lungs. In that brief moment of inattention Naruto sprang back and found his footing once more.
Scowling, she lunged at him anew-
-and her power faded.
Her newfound strength abandoned her all at once, leaving her to stumble to her knees.
"I don't...what...?"
"Your body isn't used to wielding that kind of power anymore." Naruto's voice sang overhead. "I thought it was obvious, but you really didn't know?"
Mirajane refused to acknowledge that.
Equal parts shame and disbelief warred within her. Shame for enjoying the battle and-however briefly-reverting to her old self, and disbelief that she'd been bested so handily. Naruto didn't even looked winded, save for a growing bruise on the corner of his face. If anything, he seemed fresh as a daisy, ready and willing to end their battle.
"Are you going to finish me off?"
"In a sense."
Frowning, the young man narrowed his eyes and clapped his hands sharply.
"Dragon Slayer Secret Art!"
Mirajane braced herself for the end.
A sudden breeze between her legs was her only warning.
"Panty Raid!"
Then Naruto hefted his latest prize high, the black fabric waving in the wind.
"Ta-da!"
Before her eyes he rolled it up into a ball, tossed it into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.
"Wonderful! I didn't except them to taste so good! Mage clothes really are the best!"
She balked at him.
"DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST EAT-
A hearty belch answered.
"Don't let the name fool ya. A lady's undergarments always tastes better than jade. Now then...
Blue eyes burned green.
...I believe I owe you for the meal."
That was all she heard before he opened his mouth and roared, spitting a volley of golden light towards the drained mage. Flailing, Mirajane desperately flung up her hands before her in an attempt to ward off the blast, fully expecting to feel vicious burns blossom along the length of her arms. It never came.
There was no pain.
When next she looked down, her clothes were nowhere to be seen.
"Kyah!"
Dropping to her knees, Mirajane frantically covered herself, to no avail. She felt just as she looked; naked, exposed, utterly vulnerable with no escape in sight.
"Who are you?!"
The young man flashed a roguish grin.
"I already told ya my name, but I guess I forgot...
A hand thumbed up her chin, pressing warm lips to her forehead.
"You would do well to remember me. I am Uzumaki Naruto, the Dragon of Eros!"
...ha?"
"And as of today, I declare a prank war on Fairy Tail."
Mirajane blinked. It was all she could think to do.
"...come again?"
Naruto beamed.
"Not today! Ninja vanish!"
Then he vanished in a plume of smoke.
Leaving Mirajane to clutch at the tattered scraps of her pride.
Unfortunately for her, or fortunately as some might choose to disagree...
...this was only the beginning.
A/N: And there we go. Naruto declaring a mad war on Fairy Tail...of the most perverted sort, and events are already spiraling out of control. Any and all ideas are welcome!
So...in the immortal words Atlas...
...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the previews! What madness awaits Naruto? Stay tuned to find out!
(Preview)
Naruto clicked his tongue and picked a bit of black metal out of his teeth.
Then, impossibly, he smiled.
"Okay, your purgatory armor tastes...FANTASTIC! The texture! The flavor! It was absolutely sublime!"
Erza squawked.
"Just what kind of mage are you!? Are you my natural enemy or something?!"
Natsu's jaw dropped.
"Whaddya mean your dad's a dragon?!"
Naruto blinked.
"Wait, you mean yours is, too?"
A poor choice of words.
Acnologia was not pleased.
"I am not amused."
He said as much.
He was not pleased to find another living dragon in the world, and he was even less pleased to be laughed at. For that was exactly what the old jade dragon was doing; a great rolling guffaw that shook both heaven and earth, rattling the very valley itself with sheer mirth.
"Go ahead. Try to kill me. I dare ye."
"Have you lost your mind, Jade Dragon?"
Zirconis laughed again, crooking a cracked claw.
"I said COME, youngster! This outcome won't be the same!"
Then the ancient dragon whalloped him so hard he saw stars.
Hope ya liked it! R&R! =D