CHAPTER TWO
House, Foreman and Cameron barged into Cuddy's office while Wilson held the door open so that Chase could wheel in the diagnostic white board.
"What the hell is going on?" Cuddy demanded to know.
"Uh, we need you, boss," House said as he sat down in the only chair across from her desk, forcing the others to stand, as the couch was out having the leather repaired.
"Liver failure or no liver failure?" House asked, emphasizing the answer he wanted, 'liver failure.'
"What are you talking about, House?" she asked confused.
House gave Cuddy the same facial expressions he gave Wilson so she'd vote for liver failure.
"House, lay off the vicodin. You're having an epileptic seizure," she said as she put down her pen on the papers she had been working on.
"That's what I told him!" Wilson said.
"Dr. Cuddy, as you see here these are the symptoms of the patient," Chase said seriously, as Cameron did the game show 'chick-pointing to the item' routine.
"Do these symptoms and test results in this folder Chase hands her the folder conclude the patient has NO liver failure?"
"OBJECT! LEADING THE WITNESS!" House screamed out.
Cuddy didn't even acknowledge what he'd said but she did hear him. After she looked over the patient's paperwork and perused the board she said, "Liver failure."
"Dr. Cuddy, no way!" Chase objected, with Cameron repeating the same verdict.
"HAH! I was right! Liver failure!" House said, pleased with himself he'd actually 'won' an argument. "Liver failure! Liver failure!" House started to chant, throwing his fist up in the air. "I'd do a victory dance but I have a bum leg. Cameron, can you dance for me? A lap dance would be nice."
"House, shut up!" Cuddy ordered.
"Looks like we tied there, Snark Man!" Wilson told him teasingly.
"Huh? Wha…" House asked as he looked at the board.
"No liver failure - Chase/Cameron/Wilson"
"Liver failure - 4man/me"
Foreman wrote down the word '/Cuddy' right after '4man/me.' Indeed, it was now tied, three to three.
"Oh, booger," he mumbled.
"What are you going to do about the patient now, boss?" Wilson asked House smugly.
"There's only one thing we can do, people! Bowl for the correct diagnosis!"
"Oh, my god. It is official! You are now clinically insane!" Cuddy proclaimed.
"You're just finding this out now?" House sniggered as he stood and reached for her phone.
He dialed a few numbers before Cuddy pressed the phone rest down, disconnecting the call.
"Who are you calling?" she asked him.
"I hope it's a psychiatrist," Chase whispered, but not quiet enough; House heard him and threw a paper weight at him, which luckily landed beside Chase's right foot.
"You have three of my clinic hours, Shag Woman's Slave Boy!" House told him before he spoke into the phone.
"Two lanes – tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. under the name House; it's a matter of life and death," House said then hung up the phone.
"Dr. Cuddy, do you think we can still visit him in the insane asylum?" Cameron asked seriously, but then broke out in a huge smile.
Chase ran out of Cuddy's office crying like a baby and screaming that he was going to sue the hospital and make sure House never worked in any hospital in the world ever again!
Okay, he didn't really, but that's what House envisioned he would have done.
And then House left for the day. He went home and practiced how to bowl with his bum leg. It was easier than he thought it would be.
Of course, that was only after three vicodin at 7.5mg each and two shots of Scotch.
He could do it! He would beat Chase, Cameron and Wilson.
The patient did have liver damage!
And Dr. Gregory House would prove it when he beat their asses at bowling!!!
THE NEXT DAY …
The gang had been hanging around the 2-single chairs that sat in front of the electronic consul for the past fifteen minutes and House still wasn't there. They already had their shoes on, balls chosen and placed in the ball return 'circle', beers at the table behind them and they were ready to go.
Foreman had his own bowling ball – it was black with 'Boy From the Hood' scripted on it with a skull;
Chase chose an alley ball with the only weight he could handle – a pink one, size 10;
Cameron chose an alley ball, too, a bright red one;
Cuddy also brought her own bowling ball – a multi-colored blue one with 'Bloody Cuddy' fancily inscripted on it; and
Wilson also had his own ball – a green one with 'Blonde Jewish Leprechaun' block-printed on it.
"Oh, Chase! Tell me that pink one isn't yours!" Foreman teased as he walked back to the table and took a long sip of beer.
"Foreman, keep on drinking! It'll improve your bowling game. We're right! The patient isn't in liver failure!" Chase shot back.
"Yeah, the pink ball is Chase's," Cameron said as she joined Foreman at the table. "It figures. Poor guy can't get a break." she whispered.
"Seems you've given him plenty of breaks," Foreman teased.
She gave him an exasperated look then turned to look at the entrance to see if House had walked in, but he hadn't.
"If he doesn't show up he loses by default!" Cuddy added as she, too, joined them at the table.
"Cuddy, do you realize he's on your side?" Wilson asked as he walked up behind her.
"Oh, yeah, right. I'm making this personal, aren't I?" she asked with a laugh.
Everyone laughed with her until Chase saw House walk toward their table, so Chase walked up and joined the others. But something was different about House. They just kept staring at him trying to figure out what was different about him.
OH! He wasn't using his cane, but he still walked with a little limp – nothing as severe as he normally limped.
He looked at them as he approached them, as if daring them to challenge him, for some unknown cause.
"Let's get this over with so we can go back to the hospital and get the patient a new liver since he's suffering from liver failure," House said as he walked past the group and down into the pit.
The others followed him trying to ignore the fact that he wasn't limping badly, which only bothered Chase, Cameron and Wilson. That was because House was the opponent's handicap player, more than figuratively speaking, of course. On the flip side, Chase was 'no liver failure' side's handicap player, as Chase only bowled twice in his life.
They hadn't set the exact rules of the game yet, but only agreed upon Cuddy making the final rules, which pleased House to no end.
He just had to have his own way, like a spoiled child.
But a brilliant, spoiled child.