"Huh?"

Mal's vision took a minute to adjust to the sunlight pouring over the kitchen. How long had he been unconcious? He tried to lift his head from the table, but it was stuck. The sugary scent on the air told him that maple syrup was keeping a strong hold on his face, preventing him from moving.

"Hi!"

"Wha- Hey! You!" The little demon that society passed off as a child was next to him, peering into his face.

"Lemme up! This isn't funny!"

"Sorry, I can't!" she giggled. "See, I found my Momy's doctor supplies in her closet and I wanted to test them out. You can be my patient! Hold still!"

He tried to move but his efforts were futile. The kid had now produced a sharp metal object and was now bringing it toward his face.

He was going to have his eyes gouged out by a little brat. No. Mike's eyes were going to be gouged out, and he was going to take the pain for it. Where was the justice in that? The scapel was centimeters away- he was flailing hysterically- he could feel it touching his eyelashes-

"Hey, Sylvia!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She threw the scapel down and ran out of the room, appearing a second later with another small, dair-haired girl.

"Heyyyyyy, mean babysitter dude! This is my friend Jenny!"

"I, what?- oh!" With a huge tug and a horrible noise he peeled himself off the table. Rubbing his cheek, he blinked and immediately glared at the girls.

Wait just a minute.

There wasn't any hair covering his face.

Looking down his worst fears were confirmed; several dark locks were embedded in the syrup.

"Aw- WHAT DID YOU DO!? THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT DISTINGUISHED ME FROM THE REST OF THE ALTERS!"
"Oh well," Sylvia said, "all's well that ends well."

"WHAT NO IT DOESN'T!" he screamed. "Just- HEY!"
The kids had left.

...

With a pop Mal appeared in the mindrealm. He was welcomed with several sniggers.

"What is it now? OH GOSH DARN IT!" Apparently his hair loss stayed with him even in mental form. "This is ridiculous. Hey, wait a minute- shouldn't it be happening to you guys too?"

Each alter froze, then raised a hand to their head.

"Eh yo- how's da Vito to be gettin' da ladies with a bald spot, yo?"

"SVETLANA'S CAMEO IN HER NOCO COMIC SERIES SHALL BE RUINED! RUINED!"

Chester shrugged.

"Bet you all wish you had a hat right about now, eh?" Manitoba adjusted his hat smugly.

"Aw, come ON! My HAIR!" Mike cried. "This is ridiculous! What'll Zoey think? What'll-"

"Mike," Mal spat, "shut up now or I swear I will take control and fuck Zoey senseless. Look, I'm done with this babysitting thing. I am out." He turned and began to stride across the mindrealm. He only stopped when he found a piece of paper on the ground.

"What the- The Adventures of Mal and Al? What's this- OH MY GOD!" Mal dropped the sketch and dropped to the ground, sobbing hysterically.

"I think this is our cue to let him go back out." Mike opened up a portal and pushed Mal back into reality.

...

"Is he okay?"

The two girls looked over at their babysitter, who was rocking back and forth in the corner.

"You know what'll make you feel better, Mal?" Sylvia said, then paused dramatically.

"A UNICORN PARTY!"