Disclaimer: Nope don't own Naruto, and I never will. I'm only saying this because I'm at gunpoint. I do own Naruto…I mean I don't!
Story: Fem!Naru Minato tells Kushina to flee to Suna, if something were to go wrong in Konoha after his death. Because of this, somehow Naruto is raised in the Sand.
Set as an AU.
Spoilers: …Probably?
Warnings: The usual stuff? I mean, most people who read my stuff are repeated readers, so they should know…otherwise…eh…
Pairings: Yondy!Kazekage/Fem!Naru

Suna no Hoshi
Chapter Two: What I've Done

Rasa looked over his village, inwardly sighing to himself. The days passed were growing harder on the village, but there was really nothing he could do. Especially since that old bastard heading the Land of Wind was downsizing the budget to Suna and regulating missions to Konoha.

He frowned, trying to think of a way to save his village from ruin once more. The main attempt he'd tried had so far seemed a failure, and he could barely look at his own son because of it. Not because he was ashamed or disappointed in Gaara, but it seemed as if he'd condemned his own son for nothing...

I know you'll take good care of him…and Gaara…

He winced, reminded once again of another boy he'd failed, along with words from so long ago.

"Kazekage-sama?" a male's soft voice crowded into his office.

He turned slowly to face his brother-in-law tiredly.

"So you've heard the Council's latest clamoring?" Rasa's barely hidden sneer wasn't loss on Yashamaru. "Even Chiyo-baasama has told me her worries about Gaara as a failure."

The blond man flinched.

"Rasa, you know Gaara doesn't mean to harm the others. It's just that –"

"I'm not stupid, Yashamaru," Rasa snapped. "I know my son doesn't mean to harm any of them. It doesn't stop the fact that he is harming them, and doesn't stop the Council from freaking out."

"Does he not perform well in your lessons?" the slightly older man asked gently.

Rasa's shoulders slightly slumped, but not enough to willingly show emotion to someone, even if it was sort of family.

"Yes, he does well enough, I suppose. But that's in lessons and what I teach him to do with his sand. Outside, his control seems to become nonexistent and he becomes more concerned about having people be with him. His sand reacts to his wants."

"Perhaps if you spent more time with him, aside from training," Yashamaru tried. "I know being around him hurts you, but it hurts him to be so alone."

Rasa frowned at the other man, immediately closing up.

"I don't have the time to coddle him. You do enough of it anyways," he said stiffly.

Yashamaru sighed, changing the subject back. "There must be something we can do."

"Gaara is a danger," Rasa said tiredly. "Even you have to admit that. Without any control, he'll continue to lash out –even if it is unconscious. People are still getting hurt. You tell me how I can help my son and show the Council he can still give Suna hope."

"Maybe we can devise a test of some kind?" Yashamaru thought up desperately.

The Kazekage frowned, but sat back and thought on it more.

"Yes, that would do. If we can test him and prove he can handle the power of Shukaku, then he will continue to be seen as valuable…and not drive me to an early grave with all this stress," he firmly rubbed his forehead in agitation.

"How will we test him then, Rasa?" Yashamaru refrained from smiling sadly, knowing the other man wouldn't appreciate it.

"…Corner him, Yashamaru. I want you to focus on psychologically. Lie to him about his mother, and we will see if Gaara can retain control of Shukaku," he sat up and declared determinedly.

Yashamaru hesitated, "Rasa, are you sure that's wise? His mother…Karura…"

Rasa flinched at the mention of his late wife and averted his eyes.

"Is there anyone else he treasures more?" Rasa murmured. "There's no one else that can truly test him and make him care enough to lose control. It must be…her."

'Sounds more like you're talking about yourself,' Yashamaru had wanted to retort, but knowing just how any mention of Karura either set Rasa off or affected him deeply, he didn't. He, too, was still mourning his sister, but he'd focused all his energy on Gaara and the two other little ones –unlike Rasa, who seemed to try to do the same, but unhealthily with work or just allowing himself to wallow in grief.

The only other thing Rasa seemed to pour all his energy into, and much better than work and grief, was the search for little Naruto.

The search was still ongoing and Rasa still kept hope, but with every year that passed, that hope seemed to slowly die out. But it was the only thing keeping Rasa hanging on, and the only thing the man could see as his only redemption.

"Very well then. I'll get ready and proceed tonight," Yashamaru sighed, inwardly this time.

It was then that night that things came to a head. In another timeline, in another life, Yashamaru would be losing his life and Gaara would forever be changed. But it was here, where several things that were there that hadn't been before –would definitely change things.

Here, the voice of one of his good friends, Uzumaki Kushina, would haunt him.

Here, he would make the choice to watch over Yashamaru and subtly observe the proceedings closely himself, instead of drowning in saké in his office and pleading to Karura's ghost for forgiveness in what he'd just decided and for everything else, like he had in the original timeline.

And here, with the hope of another boy that he'd always hoped could provide the companionship Gaara had always wanted, and help him live with the life destined for one of their kind, Rasa still hadn't given up on his son or resigned himself to being the real monster in this story.

I know you'll take good care of him…and Gaara…

Rasa jumped off his chair, accidentally knocking over the unopened bottle of saké he'd been planning on practically drinking himself to death with that night, rushing out of his office and where he knew Yashamaru would have cornered Gaara.

"Your mother…your mother never loved you," Yashamaru's voice sounded in the distance. It sounded like he was badly hurt.

Nagi twitched. 'I didn't say to tell him that. And I certainly didn't say you had to go get yourself hurt, idiot.'

"Y-Yashamaru? No! No…this is just an order from my father, isn't it? Isn't it?!" Gaara's childlike voice cried out.

Rasa winced at that, knowing that was partly true and that it admittedly hurt to know his son would automatically think that. And that he would so easily think badly of him…he laughed bitterly inside and thought maybe he should have stayed behind in his office and drank until he'd passed out.

"That's not true. I-I willingly accepted this mission."

"Why, Yashamaru?" Gaara's little sobs were something he'd taken care to avoid, simply because he couldn't bear it on top of everything.

"Because…I never loved you, Gaara. I hoped killing you would avenge my sister's death –she who named you after the phrase 'a self-loving carnage'. She did so because she hated Suna so much, not for love of you, who she also thought of as a monster, and in hope that you would one day take vengeance on this village and on her behalf."

If Yashamaru lived through this, Rasa was relegating him into acting. He'd deserve it, that bastard. Rasa didn't specifically tell him to absolutely destroy Gaara's image of his mother…

Finally peering where they were, Rasa frowned as he saw each of their conditions.

"Please die."

Then he saw Yashamaru pull down the zipper of his front and he inwardly cursed, just knowing what that idiot was going to do. Acting quickly, he used his Gold Dust to quickly slip under each explosive tag and dragged it upwards, forming a ball nine feet in the air. It was the farthest he could on such short notice, but it was good enough to stop the explosion from reaching Yashamaru and Gaara inside the ochre shaded ball.

Not seeing that Yashamaru had survived, partly from the shield his sand had quickly formed to protect him from the blast and partly because he was overwhelmed by the events and his emotions, Gaara screamed and some of the sand rushed towards himself and cut into his forehead.

Too late to stop that, Rasa immediately rushed forward and landed into a crouch between the two. Ignoring Yashamaru for now, he concentrated on Gaara, using his Gold Dust to cocoon around Gaara and mainly prevent him from going out of control and letting the demon loose, which gave him enough time to startle his youngest and give him a moment. Refusing to give a thought to what he was doing, because he knew he would hesitate and waste precious time (allowing that dratted Shukaku to gain more control), he backhanded Gaara and dazed him enough to get his son to listen to him.

"Calm down," he hissed. "Breathe. Ignore the roar in your head and focus on breathing. I'm going to take your uncle to the hospital."

That was enough to set Gaara off again.

"H-he's not my uncle –!" the young boy started hysterically.

"Enough!" Rasa roared, constricting his Gold Dust around his son warningly. "I said, breathe. One, two, three, breathe. One, two, three, breathe. Focus on nothing else but that. I'll deal with you when I get back."

He grabbed Gaara by the scruff of his neck, ignoring his son scrunching his eyes close and muttering "One, two, three, breathe" over and over again, with his tiny little hands clenching. Using his Gold Dust to gently wrap around the unconscious Yashamaru, he carefully carried the man with them, dropping off his son in his room.

"Sit on my bed and focus on nothing else but breathing," Rasa glared.

Gaara was already entranced on doing that, calming down but seemingly still agitated. Rasa would have to hurry up, so he could come back quickly and make sure Shukaku would not come out…especially as he'd dumped his son in his room, and Rasa wasn't too enthused with the idea of having to come back to see his room and home destroyed as the demon went on a rampage and proceeded to destroy the village as well.

He was soon in the hospital, directing the staff immediately to his brother-in-law, and organizing the momentarily panicking employees.

"Stabilize him. Do as much as you can for him, but at the least –stabilize him. Someone…" he hesitated, but trudged on. "Send word for the Slug Sannin Tsunade. Wherever the hell she is, send word that her help is desperately needed. Contact Konoha for any leads on her," he reluctantly added.

When he was done with that, he hurried home and went straight to his room, seeing Gaara sitting still as a board on his bed and still chanting the mantra. He stared for a moment, before tiredly running a hand down his face. Then he was striding towards his son and roughly grabbing his arm, dragging him after him as he moved with a purpose through his home, taking a detour to the kitchen and shoving some stuff into a bag. Finding the training room, he went in and slammed the door after them, activating the rarely used seal that wouldn't let anyone in and anyone out of the room.

He whirled around to face his wide-eyed son, who was staring back at him in surprise, fear, and anxiety.

He resisted the urge to flinch.

Instead, he explained the truth of tonight in a tightly controlled voice, shaking from his attempts to make sure he didn't let himself start to shout or act out in anger.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I don't mean to –!" Gaara sobbed.

"I know you don't!" Rasa finally yelled. "Does that stop you from harming the others anyway?"

"But I don't mean to!"

"It still happens! Gaara, you were never simply a monster to Suna, to any of us! Don't you understand? You represented hope and survival! No one simply and initially looked at you as a monster, because you were meant to be our savior! I understand you don't mean to harm any of them, but it does not change the reality that you are. You are judged by your actions, not your intentions –because the consequences are what remains afterwards. People are getting hurt," Rasa finished quietly.

Gaara also finally quieted, still staring back at him wide-eyed.

Rasa ran a hand through his hair in agitation, averting his eyes away from his son. Still near the door, he let himself have a moment of weakness and slumped against it, eyes closing as he tilted his head up in exhaustion. It was his son and he had no fear of anyone else seeing him like this, even if he usually didn't care for his family seeing him vulnerable either.

Coarse grains of sand touched his cheek gently and he reluctantly opened his eyes and looked down to see his son watching him anxiously, though now his anxiety was for a different reason than earlier.

Dazedly, Rasa touched the floating grains of sand and absentmindedly let it fall through his fingers, watching in detachment. They fell through softly before defying gravity once more.

"I cannot be both a single father and kage," he murmured, staring at the sands, blinking back tears he didn't think he could shed any more. "It's impossible. All kage know that. There are just choices to be made that are impossible once you're in that position, and times where family and position are pitted against each other. That's why no kage wishes for a family when they are kage. The same choices to be made in times of war, in times of poverty, and in times of tension.

"These are choices to be made that define the survival and existence of a village. You were made a jinchuuriki to save Suna, just as Namikaze Minato chose to make a jinchuuriki out of his son to save his village from the Kyuubi no Youko, while Kumo have both of their jinchuuiki made for power and to secure their power. Just because our village is not in immediate danger, like Konoha had been, doesn't mean we aren't. Suna is…Suna is dying a slow death. As they prosper and regain from their losses, and now profit from our pain, we have nothing left but empty faith and dying hopes," Rasa trailed off, as if now just speaking to himself.

Rasa blinked slowly, eventually coming back to himself somewhat.

"You were supposed to be as much a hero as Namikaze Minato wished his son, Naruto, to be –as I'd wished you to be. I made the wrong choice," Rasa said hollowly. That was all he was nowadays. Hollow. "I chose wrong and did wrong by you. But there's no going back and I live with my choice every day, all the time as I see you. I've kept a fool's hope ever since, as I'd made a fool's gamble. I cannot undo what I've done, but don't make me regret my choice even more than I do. Don't make me even more of a fool."

Rasa slid against the door to the ground, looking back up at the ceiling.

"I'm tired of this. I don't want to do it anymore," Rasa muttered to himself, lost in thought again.

Don't give up, Rasa. It's just a little while longer.

Wasn't those words said to him in a familiar time…back when they were still at war…

'But I don't want to, Karura. I'm just so tired. Please. Let me give up.'

The words were deliriously in his head, but escaped unknowingly through his mouth anyways. He closed his eyes and drifted away.

Gaara's teal eyes remained wide-eyed, but he hesitantly came closer, eventually climbing into his father's lap and hugging him close.

Started 8/11/11 –Completed 8/13/11

A/n: Ah, so I'm only going to take two chapters for the childhood to show the changes wrought from Naruto and Kushina getting to Suna (including this and the next chapter). Naruto will make an appearance next chapter, before the story fully switches mostly to her. Also, can I say how surprised and happy I am to see 15 reviews, 50 favs, 55 alerts, and 793 hits already? Considering the premise, even with people voting on my previous poll, I still can't believe are interested! Wow, thanks guys. Can I get another 15 reviews? XD Or at least 10?

To Guest: Thank you!