Chapter Two: Separate Paths

The years passed slowly for me and my siblings after the hustle and bustle of being in a second war in a magical land. At least, it went by slowly for Susan and me, Lucy and Edmund were another story altogether.

My younger sibling were trying not to be obvious about their joy and many attempts to return to Narnia and Alsan, but after finding Lucy in a wardrobe for the fifth time while playing 'Hide-and-Seek' I decided to quit choosing that game as a way to relieve our boredom. Lucy looked sheepish when I told her that, but it didn't stop her from visiting that wardrobe every time we stayed at Professor Kirke's house.

"Maybe Aslan changed the way to get in," I had overheard Edmund whisper to Lucy before they realized I was standing nearby, "So Peter and Susan don't try to go back that way, even though they aren't allowed-"

"I don't think Peter and Susan would do that!" Lucy interrupted coldly; probably insulted that Edmund would even consider that thought, which made me smile from my hiding spot.

"I know Peter wouldn't," Edmund was quick to confirm, moments before they looked up and saw me, "He's honorable that way, but I'm not so sure about Su-"

So the Great Hunt for The Way to Narnia began in earnest, much to my muted amusement and slight envy. It didn't surprise me that they only tried it at Professor Kirke's house and only in the latter part of the day. I was grateful, however, that they choose to do so on the random days that Susan either retired early or left the house.

They had apologized profusely every time I had come upon them looking for a way into Narnia, which was often, the funniest was Edmund squeezing his tall, gangly body under the sink, and had only stopped when I told them I was happy that they, at least, could still go and that they kept their search away from our sister. I had gotten over my childish grudge that they could still journey to Narnia and was focused on a much more pressing problem: Susan.

Susan had done what we believed to be the unthinkable in the following years after our second visit to our magical world; she had forgotten about Narnia.

She had finally decided that it was just a game we had played when we were younger, a game of make-believe we made up because we were bored. Now her days were filled with make-up, parties and boys, boys, boys. As upset as I was with her trying to pretend that Narnia wasn't real, I didn't blame her and it was because of what happened just the week before…

I had been walking past her bedroom on my way to the lavatory when I saw that her door was ajar. She normally kept her door locked tight against us and the rest of the world so I went closer, to see if there was something wrong, when a strange, mewling sound started coming from her open doorway. Having heard that sound plenty of times when I was comforting Lucy after our first return from Narnia, I knew what Susan was doing. I immediately entered her room without the pretense of knocking.

There she was, curled up on her bed like she was six again and someone had called her a nasty name, her shoulders shaking as she wept as if her world had ended.

"Susan…?" was all I got out before she threw herself at me, nearly knocking the two of us over with the bed bumping into my backside as she poured all of her woes and tears unto my shoulder.

"I can't stand it anymore, Peter!" She bawled, her face rubbing into my shoulder and leaving a trail of color as she shook her head in a vehement denial, "I can't stand living here, hearing everyone chatter about the latest trends, whose snogging who and all the blather that used to be so important, but seems so meaningless now! I want to be Queen again, I want to see Caspian again, and it hurts that I never will! It hurts, Peter, it hurts so much I could just die from it!"

She lifted her face for the briefest of moments, a kaleidoscope of hues crossing it as she asked, "Why? Why is He doing this? What had we done to make Aslan punish us so badly?"

I didn't say anything, how could I? I was so close to giving up myself, but I just knew that Narnia wouldn't forget us; I knew that Aslan had a plan; so I just held her, letting her weep her last hope for Narnia onto my shoulder before she straightened, her cheerful, Susan-the-Adult face sliding into place like a mask.

"Oh. I must look such a fright…" Brushing past me and to her vanity, she picked up a cloth and washed away all the traces of her make-up along with the Susan I once knew.

Standing up, I watched as she applied a fresh coat of make-up, burying all her hurt and troubles under the paint and powder. I was saddened to know that she had left us, moved on to the world where talking animal and magical lands didn't exist.

Placing a hand onto her shoulder, I saw her lean slightly into my touch as I whispered, "You're not the only one who is hurting, Su. Remember, I can't go back either, I know what you're going through-"

"Why, Peter," A slight break in her voice was the only thing that told me that her words weren't entirely the truth, "I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about… Could you be a dear and hand me my brush?"

Sighing, I handed her the enameled brush she had gotten way back when she still believed in our magical world and left, trying not to notice the fresh bout of tears gathering in her eyes as she caressed the handle of her constant reminder of a better place…

There was nothing I could do now, Mother had finally picked up on the fact that we all lived as if a part of us was missing and decided the best course of action was to separate the four of us: Edmund and Lucy would be visiting our prig of a cousin, Eustace, Susan would be jet-setting around America and I would go to Professor Kirke's to study for my university entrance exams.

At first, I was annoyed that it had taken Mother this long to realize that there was something wrong with her children, but with Father's return from the war and all the care she had taken to making him feel at home after being in the middle of a battlefield after so long, I could forgive her oversight this once.

Edmund and Lucy had only mildly protested the fact that they were going to be staying with 'our berk of a cousin' before Mother laid into them about the importance of family and being happy that they were going anywhere.

"If family's so important, why don't you go?" Edmund had muttered mutinously; but, thankfully for him, Mother either didn't hear him or choose not to.

Susan had said nothing, merely nodded as she was told she got to go visit America, something that would've once had her jumping up and down, screaming for joy. Even Father picked up on the change in my eldest sister, but he said nothing as well, unsure how to deal with us after so long.

The tickets had been purchased, our laundry cleaned and put together, so now there was nothing left for us to do but to pack, so I made my rounds to my sibling's rooms to make sure they had put away everything they needed before starting in on my own things.

Edmund and Lucy were sitting on Edmund's bed, conversing in low, animated voices that immediately halted as soon as I entered. They had been doing that ever since Susan had told them to leave childish games in the past where they belonged and I didn't need to be a genius to know what they had just been talking about.

"You can talk about Narnia around me," I smiled, touched that they were so concerned about my feelings and worried that my only other connection to Narnia might be taken away, "I'm not going to break… I don't think…"

My teasing had Lucy running over to me with a look of utter joy on her face as she threw her little arms around my waist, head coming up to only a few inches above my stomach. "I was so afraid that you had forgotten, like Susan had!"

Edmund made a face like he was trying not to scowl as I said, "Susan hasn't forgotten, not really forgotten anyway. It's just that it hurts too much for her to remember everything that happened there and who she had to leave behind, so she pretends that it was just a game."

"Doesn't she know that we feel the exact same way?!?" Edmund burst out, startling both me and Lucy so much we jumped, "Is she so self centered that she thinks that she's the only one missing Narnia? The only one who had thought of that place as their home?!? You of all people-"

"Do you have to leave someone you loved behind?" I interrupted, my voice coming out sharper than I intended in my need to defend the pain that Susan was feeling.

Edmund's face clenched in a grimace of pain as he turned away from my accusing glare and even Lucy wouldn't meet my gaze as my heart dropped into my stomach, telling me all I needed to know.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I breathed, horrified that I had been so consumed in my own feelings that I had completely missed how my siblings had been coping. Maybe I could've convinced Aslan to let them stay, that they needed to be near the ones they loved…

"Because Susan had summed it up when she said good-bye to Caspian," It was Lucy who had spoke; her face nestled in my stomach, her words slightly muffled. "We were three hundred years older then them, we lived in different worlds, both there and here…"

I held out an arm for Edmund and, after a moment, he walked into it, putting an arm around Lucy as well. It was a while before he added to Lucy's statement, his voice also muffled as tears threatened to overcome him, "If only there was a way to make it so you and Susan come back… everything would be alright then… That's one of the main reason's we've been trying to go to Narnia, to ask Aslan if… you know…"

Once more touched by their concern, I squeezed my siblings tight to me, wishing that Susan could've heard this… I knew that it would make her feel a hundred times better. I slowly detached myself and smiled at their looks of confusion. "Wait here…"

I took off for Susan's room at the end of the hallway, knocked once and entered the room before she could answer; eager to share my news, eager to tell her of the sheer royalty our brother and sister had showed time and time again.

"Hey, Susan, you need to hear this!" I cried, bursting through the door as my hope soared like a balloon set free, "I-"

The horrible sight that greeted me made the words die on my lips, my hope sour in my stomach, and make me feel almost physically ill as I gazed at the sister who had once been called 'Susan the Beautiful' and had the entire world agree.

She had plastered her face with enough powder to make her skin look ghostly, rouge and lipstick making her lips and cheeks stand out horribly as mascara trailed tear tracks down the sides of her face. It was hard to believe this was the same woman who had gone through most of her life without any kind of adornment and still thought she was pretty.

"Look, Peter, look!" Her voice was broken, beaten, as she smiled crookedly at me, making the mask on her face crack as she asked, "Am I not beautiful? Didn't you and Edmund and Lucy used to call me that in the game we played?"

"Oh, Susan…" I fell to my knees, guilt overcoming me in waves as I saw what leaving Narnia had done to my sister. I should have asked Aslan to let them stay, made him make me stay in England for all eternity in exchange. I should have… I should have…

"Peter?" She got up and walked toward me, filling my vision with the consequence of thinking of only myself as she knelt beside; concern barely visible under all that paint. "What's wrong, Peter? Why are you crying?"

That was how Edmund and Lucy found us; my arms around Susan as I whispered fervently apology after apology, Susan embracing me back even though we could all tell that she was utterly confused. It took my younger siblings only a few minutes to pick up on what I had, also enveloping our bewildered sister in their embraces as well.

For I had realized, more like it had been shoved in my face, that it would take more magic, more faith, than the three of us possessed to bring the Susan we loved, the Susan trapped behind a mask of false smiles and parties, back home.