Have you ever wondered what it would be like to kiss your best friend? I have. I still do actually. Even though I guess I couldn't have really still call her a friend, let alone a best friend. January 5, 2008 was the one year anniversary of the last time I spoken to the only person in the whole wide world that understands every little part of me. It was also the one year anniversary of the last time she spoke to anyone, me being the last person she spoke to. No one knew why she quit speaking, not even me. She's been my best friend since freshman year, but Gabriella Montez soon became a complete mystery to everyone. I remembered that day as if it were yesterday. We were just returning to school from our winter holiday break. She had on one of her new outfits, one I bought her actually, that consisted of a light purple sundress with white polka dots on it and a pair of simple heels. Her hair was falling halfway down her back in its casual curls. She smelled of vanilla just like she always did. God, she looked amazing, but when didn't she? I picked her up at her house and gave her a ride to school just as I always did, but that day seemed much different. She wasn't bubbly and perky, she seemed distant and her eyes were glossed over with tears. She had barely spoken the whole ride which was nearly halfway over. I was worried to say the least.
"What's the matter Brie?" she started and looked up at me. Her eyes were blood shot, her tears were now silently but steadily rolling down her cheeks, and she looked very pale. I was growing more worried with each passing second, she was shattering right in front of me and I had no idea as to why.
"N… Nothing. I promise." Her voice was cracking, and she was about an inch from breaking into sobs. I knew better than to just drop it, the Gabi I knew didn't cry over petty things, only things that mattered. Something was seriously wrong.
"Brie, sweetie I know something is up. Why are you crying? I'm your best friend you can tell me anything you know that right?" She was still gazing at me, lost and confused. It was as if she didn't know me. I was scared for her at this point. Everything had been just fine in the previous week, which she had spent with her boyfriend. She still called me every night just to talk, and she never mentioned anything that could have been tearing her apart like that. Suddenly it occurred to me that she had spent the previous night on a date with her boyfriend. "Brie, does this have anything to do with Jay? Are you two okay?" she jumped at the sound of his name.
"Listen, Troy, I understand that you're concerned and I appreciate it. But I can't tell anyone even you, my best friend ever. Now would you just stay out of my personal life? Actually, no just don't bother talking to me anymore. I can't do this." We had just pulled into my designated space in the student parking lot as she finished her sentence, and burst into tears. Not only tears, but sobs, the kind that make a person breath in and out so quickly and heavily that they look like they may just quit breathing all together at any given second. Then she got out of the car, and bolted toward the building, that was the last I'd heard from her.
It wasn't that I didn't try to talk to her. I called her, tried to speak in person, texted, e-mailed, instant messaged, and had even written her letters. That went on for about four long months, and then I came crashing down into the harsh reality that she was never going to speak to me again. And god, it hurt so badly. I didn't know what I was going to do without her in my life. The other harsh reality I'd finally accepted at that point was that I desperately loved her so much. It was all coming together. I hated listening her tell me about her love life, and listening to her gush about other guys, but did I ever say anything about it? No because I only wanted to see her happy, and make her smile. If standing by and letting myself hurt is what I had to do so she could be happy, that's what I would have done until the end of time. I loved everything about her. And then she was gone, for what I assumed to be forever. I even had a class with her, it was just theatre and we only took notes and painted sets for the class, but I still saw her every day, and I'd yet to see her even smile once. The day after she quit speaking, I found out that Gabi and Jay had indeed broken up; the reason remained a mystery, just like her. Shortly after that Jay moved to a different part of the state, and to another school. There I was, a year later, still head over heels for the broken girl whom no one can reach out to.
Theatre was mine and Gabriella's last period of the day. I was really starting to feel the need to talk to her again. Just to hear her voice, listen to her laugh, or just hear the steadiness of her breathing after she falls asleep watching movies with the gang at me house while we were snuggled up on the couch together. I needed to be close to her again. So, I started paying attention to when she arrived to class, and when she left. Turns out she was the fourth person to get there, and the last person to leave, perfect. I had decided that day, exactly one year from the day she last spoke to anyone, I was going to wait outside the auditorium for her afterschool ended, hoping that I'd get through to her. Five very long minutes passed, and she still hadn't come out. She had to walk home, so I assumed she'd be in a hurry, but I had no such luck. I was growing impatient, so I decided to go back into the room and pretend to look for something, so then I could talk to her sooner, but as I opened the door I stopped dead in my tracks.
I heard the piano playing, and sure enough as I peeked through the cracked door Gabi was sitting center stage at the piano playing a beautiful melody I had never heard before. I slowly slipped into the room and into one of the seats in the last row. Luckily she didn't hear or see me and continued to play. What she did next came as a huge surprise to me though. She began to sing. Beautifully, too if a may say so. I had completely forgotten how well she could sing, sure I had memorized her voice and every giggle long ago, but the singing I had sort of overlooked, until then of course. Her voice blended well with the soft sounds of the piano's music. Her voice was strong and bold. The lyrics, of which I'd also never heard, were simply amazing. She sang out the song as if it was coming from her own heart, and listening to the lyrics, I knew it was. I zoned out and listened to her beautiful voice.
These four walls, they whisper to me
They know a secret I knew they would not keep.
Didn't take long for the room to fill with dust,
And these four walls came down around us.
Must have been something sent me out of my head,
With the words so radical and not what I meant,
Now I wait for a break in the silence because it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again.
It's hard now to let you be,
I won't make excuses, I've made my peace
Didn't take long for me to lose the trust
And these four walls were not strong enough.
Must have been something sent me out of my head,
With the words so radical and not what I meant,
Now I wait for a break in the silence because it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again.
Yeah it's difficult watching us fade
Knowing I's all my fault my mistake
Yeah it's difficult letting you down
Knowing it's all my fault that you're not around.
Must have been something sent me out of my head,
With the words so radical and not what I meant,
Now I wait for a break in the silence because it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again
Oh, these four walls again.
She finished singing and brought her shaking hands to her face and rested her forehead against her palms. She was crying silently, and although I was more than a hundred feet from her I could tell that. I walked to the stage but she didn't even notice. When I reached her I had forgotten everything I had planned to say. All I could think of was a simple, "Hey there."
She jumped and looked at me the same way she had that day a year ago. Her eyes were bloodshot, her mascara was running, and she was pale. She was broken still, and I still didn't know why. She opened her mouth and started to reply…
AHHH I cut you off! Haha. I hope you guys like this story since it's my first shot at a hurt/ comfort sort of thing… R&R please!