I don't own VA only Richelle Meade does. Plot is my idea though. enjoy, ;)
Rose's day...
After my shower and breakfast same day every day being under Hans's thumb. The man has not gave me or Eddie any slack at all and its annoying as hell. I should be grateful that at least I am not in prison for the jail break but you know. That's life or until they come up with a better name for it. Eddie is slowly coming around to talking to me again. It's not the same though. That trust and loving brother relationship is kinda crushed at the moment. I want' it back the way it was but it'll never be the same again. Seriously I know deep down there is some form of Eddie that resents me over Mason's death. Can't blame him, even I resent me to. I miss Mase terribly. His laugh, smile and that red hair. I hate that. I couldn't love him the way he wanted. The love I felt for him was brotherly not romantic. And yet I still hurt him just like I will end up hurting Adrian.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Dimitri and Lissa. I keep walking on through the court pretending that I don't see them. It kills me each time I see them. I just want to of the love I had with him back. I guess it's true when they say when you walk away you can never go back. He walked away and I won't be able to get him back. His decision is made and now its just time for me to move on. However there is a part of me that won't and refuses to go on. It screams at my brain calling it an idiot and then my brain screams at my heart saying no you're the idiot. The heart may want what it wants but this is the one thing it can't have.
My soul is feeling empty now. I go to my room and look at my gun. I hear the lines from a song and release the pain in my heart. As I clean my guns, I realize how easy it would be to make it look like an accident. Honestly I always thought of it as being a chicken shit way out but you know what who cares? Really would my best friend really care that I am dead? The way she has acted lately makes me wonder. I feel like I'm a zombie anyways, just going through the motions of some one pretending to be alive. My tears slide unchecked from my eyes. I still love her as a sister but now I don't know what or how to really feel towards her.
Dimitri is the love of my life who just used me I guess. But how when I know he had to love me. The looks in his eyes every time we looked at each other when we made love. How could that have been faked? I feel so frozen inside and out. I let my guard down and really think of doing what had crossed my mind. Truly it would be easy to make them think I forgot one in the chamber as I cleaned my gun.
My mental guards are down. I feel a slight cool breeze brush the top of the hand that is holding my gun. Either my mind is playing tricks on me or Mason is here. I could almost see him slowly shaking his head no. As if he is trying to telling me to stop it. His face is so forlorn with sadness in my mind my heart breaks again. I curl up on my bed crying in silence thinking of everyone.
In my mind I am singing somewhere far away from here. "I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh. I want to hold and steal your pain...I keep your photograph it serves me well..I want hold you high and steal you pain. Because I am Broken when I am lonesome, and I don't feel right when your gone away. And you don't feel me anymore." Then my mind switches back to when her memories take over and all the training memories re appear. As I relive those moments I drift off to sleep for a short time.