Disclaimer- Stephenie still owns the usual suspects.
I own my original characters and original story.
I love this Edward, even when he was a little spoiled brat. The poor fellow had to mature quickly, as most children were forced to in those days.
***HofA***
It was hard to believe that things could get any worse, but they did. Papa didn't even pretend to be looking for work anymore; he spent his waking hours drinking and yelling at us. My little sister had grown so fearful of his outbursts that she stopped speaking altogether; knowing that the sound of her voice could set him off.
Mama found work at a bakery, and I did what I could to help; selling newspapers on the corner and running errands for Mama's boss.
One afternoon, on our way home from school, things changed for the worse once again. I held my little sister's hand as we made our way through the windswept streets back to the flat.
As we got closer to home, an inexplicable fear began to claw at me. I knew that Papa would be the only one home. I hoped he would be asleep.
I chatted away to Claire about my classes, trying to dispel the feeling of uneasiness, but I couldn't shake the fear that gripped my heart. Something told me not to allow Claire to enter the flat.
Standing outside the door, I could hear the music from our old radio playing loudly. So loudly in fact that I was certain the neighbors had complained.
Papa never cared.
"Claire, would you go down to Mrs. O'Connell's and see if she has any laundry for Mama?" To make extra money, Mama took in laundry. Claire and I helped her with the chore. It was ironic considering my father's angry decree the year before.
As soon as my sister was out of sight, I turned the key in the lock and opened the door.
I would never forget the sight which greeted my eyes.
My father, the man I was named for, the man who had been my rock until everything had gone to hell, was lying on the floor in a pool of his own vomit and blood. Feathers from the pillow he'd used to muffle the sound of the gunshot lay strewn around his body like blood-tinged snowflakes.
No one ever said for certain whether he'd shot himself accidentally in his drunken stupor, or if he'd willfully pulled the trigger to end his own life.
All signs indicated the latter.
The bile rose in my throat as I forced myself to shut the door again. I dropped to my knees in the hallway, bending over while retching and heaving the contents of my stomach onto the floor.
I cannot allow Claire to see Papa…
I half-crawled to the door across the hall. After pulling up to my feet, I knocked weakly, hoping and praying that Mr. Nicholls, rather than Mrs. Nicholls, would be the one to answer.
For the first time that day, luck was with me. "Edward, son, what's happened?" Mr. Nicholls asked in alarm as I collapsed against him.
"Papa… he's…"
"Has he hurt you?" Mr. Nicholls asked angrily as he seemed to look me over for injuries. "So help me, I warned that man..."
I shook my head, trying to keep from vomiting again. "No, Papa's dead. He shot himself. He's in there," I gasped out as I gestured toward the door to our flat. "I don't want Claire to see."
Mr. Nicholls' eyes opened wide in alarm. "Oh my boy," he said sadly as he held my trembling body against his chest.
** end flashback**
I ran my hand roughly over my face before dropping the cigarette to the ground and stepping on it. After taking a deep calming breath, I looked around. There was a large fallen tree just off the path to our right and I watched as Teddy made for it and sat down, gesturing that I should do the same.
"Let's have a rest shall we, while you tell me about your life after your father's death."
I sat down beside him. "What little money Mama had managed to save, went to bury Papa. She didn't have the heart to put him in a pauper's grave."
"Seeing that Papa's death was most likely a suicide, we had a difficult time finding a man of the cloth to say words over his grave."
Teddy frowned and shook his head disapprovingly. "And they call themselves 'men of God'."
"In the end, she found an elderly minister willing to help. Aside from the minister and us, the only other people there when we said our goodbyes were Mr. and Mrs. Nicholls."
I cleared my throat before continuing. "Mama's brother had been asking us to come live with them ever since we'd sold our house. Papa wouldn't hear of it. With him gone, there was nothing to stop us."
"Mr. Nicholls borrowed a truck, and drove us all the way to our Uncle and Aunt's home in Peoria Illinois. The years we lived there, were happy ones."
Teddy smiled and crossed his arms across his chest, as I continued.
"Even though Uncle Jimmy had lost his job after the crash, he'd found a lower-paying one. To help make up for the loss of income, they took in boarders. Mama helped as best she could. She had learned a lot while working in the bakery, and soon she and Aunt Liz were selling baked goods from Aunt Liz's kitchen, and turning a tidy profit as well."
"For as much bad luck as we'd had, the fates seemed to finally be smiling on us. Claire began to speak again, and for the next few years our lives was just about perfect."
I couldn't keep from smiling at what I was about to say. "When I was fifteen, a family came to board with us. I fell in love with their daughter that first day."
**** Flashback ***** Edward/15-19years ****
"Edward, Aunt Liz needs you downstairs."
"Of course Mama," I said as I laid aside my homework and headed downstairs without delay.
The new boarders were a nice family. Mr. Swan was quiet, and his wife the opposite. As a matter of fact, Mrs. Swan made such a commotion that I didn't notice they had a daughter until I glanced past them into the corner of the foyer and saw her standing there, watching me.
She was small and unassuming with the most expressive brown eyes I'd ever seen and her long brown hair fell over her shoulders in waves. I felt rooted in place as I watched her, unable to speak or move, only able to stare at the lovely creature before me. For a moment, I worried that she wasn't real, but possibly the figment of my overactive imagination.
"Edward, this is Mr. and Mrs. Swan's daughter Isabella."
Isabella
"Call me Bella, everyone else does," even her voice was beautiful.
I smiled at her, but before I had a chance to answer, I was interrupted. "Edward, please help Mr. Swan carry these cases upstairs."
"Yes, Aunt Liz."
It took weeks until I was able to work up the courage to have a conversation with Bella that consisted of more than the usual pleasantries. Once we got to know each other, the floodgates opened and we told each other everything. In no time at all, she became my closest confidante, closer even than Claire.
Bella's father had managed to keep his job. But then, a year before their move to our house, the family had been hit hard by the influenza. Bella cried when she told me of her Grandmother's death and about almost losing her father to the dreaded illness as well.
He had been sick for so long that when he finally recovered, he no longer had a job. The Swans lost their home and most of their possessions, but Bella said it didn't matter. She was grateful to have her father.
I shared the details of my life before I met her and she cried with me when I explained about finding Papa dead. Bella was the first person I'd ever told about that horrible day.
Her hand gently touched my forearm as I sat with my head bowed. "You loved him."
I wanted to argue. "He was harsh, cruel and vindictive."
"Yes, but you loved him."
I shook my head and covered my face with my hands. "He didn't deserve to be loved."
"Edward, our parents are the first people we learn to love. It's unconditional. And because you loved him, the things he did hurt all the more."
I felt the hot tears trail down my cheeks as she wrapped her arms around me.
She was right.
As time passed, I found myself craving her company. Having never felt that way before, I didn't know what it meant.
After I turned sixteen, a friend of my Uncle Jimmy's offered me an after school job at the Caterpillar Company, I couldn't refuse. Working there almost guaranteed a permanent position upon graduation.
The new job was not only time-consuming, but exhausting as well. I had to quit the baseball team and my cousins took over the deliveries for Mama and Aunt Liz. I was thankful that I, at least, got to see Bella as we walked to school each morning.
Every afternoon I went straight to work and was usually so exhausted when I arrived home that I barely had the energy to eat my dinner before falling into bed.
My weekends were spent catching up on homework. Even with all that, I managed to squeeze in some time with Bella. We would sneak off to the park and swing, or sit on a bench to talk. She would tell me everything I'd missed while at work. She and Claire had become great friends and spent almost every afternoon helping Aunt Liz and Mama.
Almost inevitably, we would speculate as to how different our lives would have been if the stock market hadn't crashed. I never told Bella, but I no longer resented the sad chain of events, because without them, I would never have found her.
"Edward, you are so brave, and good, and true," she whispered with her hand on my cheek when I told her about the years that Claire didn't speak and how Mama and I had worried. "I've never met anyone who has had to endure the things you have, and yet it hasn't left you bitter or resentful."
I shook my head while I placed my hand over hers, keeping it pressed against my cheek. "I'm afraid you think too much of me Bella. I'm not the perfect person you imagine me to be."
I am my father's son after all…
"You are perfect," she whispered, "at least in my eyes you are."
I looked into those eyes, and suddenly everything became clear. I was in love with her, and had been for some time. Probably since the day we met. I allowed my gaze to drift downward to Bella's lips. The urge to feel those lips pressed against mine was overwhelming, and I'm ashamed to say that I acted upon that urge without a second thought.
I grasped her arms, pulling her to me, and brought my lips to hers before melting into the soft warm kiss. The feel of those lips against mine was heaven and I knew that I wanted this forever. When Bella sighed ever so softly, I was abruptly made aware of my inappropriate behavior and immediately pulled back, barely able to look her in the eye. "Oh Bella, I apologize. What must you think of me…"
Bella looked at me curiously. "Edward, what are you talking about?"
"I am so sorry for my ungentlemanly behavior. I hope you know I'm not the sort of fellow to go around stealing kisses."
Bella smiled; amused. "I should hope not Edward. Have you kissed many girls?"
My mouth fell open in surprise. "Why no, of course not." I defended before adding in a whisper, "You are the first."
"Well then, you haven't stolen any kisses, because I gave that one of my own free will." Her smile was so happy and bright that I couldn't resist smiling along with her, and kissing her again for good measure.
****HofA****
"It was wonderful Edward! Oh how I wish I could sing like Judy Garland," Bella exclaimed as we left the movie theater. "Thank you for taking me," she said before leaning up to kiss my lips, right there in the middle of the busy sidewalk. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her close, while ignoring the catcalls.
"If that's your reaction, I'll have to take you to the picture show more often Miss Swan."
Bella giggled and kissed me again. "I love you Bella," I whispered. It wasn't the first time I'd said it; not by a long shot.
Bella grinned. "I love you too Edward."
I never tired of hearing those words.
***HofA***
The next year passed in a haze of work, school, and happy moments spent with Bella, and before I knew it, I was graduating from high school. Before I began my full-time job at Caterpillar however, Mama, Claire and I traveled to St. Louis. I was thrilled that Bella's parents allowed her to make the journey with us.
We showed Bella our former home, spent some time with Mr. and Mrs. Nicholls and lastly, before returning to Peoria, visited Papa's grave.
Claire placed a small bundle of flowers there before telling him she loved him. She had told me once that it had been easy for her to remember the Papa who had bounced her on his knee and sang to her when she was small. The man he had become during the last year of his life had been a stranger.
Mama also told him in a whisper that she loved him and said a quiet prayer. Deciding that I needed a moment, she and Claire walked a few yards away. When Bella turned to follow them, I stopped her. "Stay with me."
She smiled before placing her hand in mine. I stared down at the grey stone, wishing I could tell him I loved him. "I can't say it," I whispered.
"What Edward?"
"I can't tell him I love him, there's just too much that happened..." I sat down on the grave and placed my head in my hands.
Bella's gentle touch on my shoulder was comforting, her words even more so. "Edward, I don't think it's necessary to say it. It's enough that you know it to be true." She knelt down beside me and placed her hand in mine. "I think it's more important that you forgive him for you family's pain; for your pain."
I breathed in sharply, remembering the day I found him dead on the floor and my stomach churned. On that day he had lost all hope, and no matter how much we loved him, it hadn't been enough to save him.
I could forgive him that. I had to if I ever wanted to free myself of the weight of those memories. I touched the stone, tracing my finger over the letters of his name. "I forgive you Papa," I said in a low whisper. "And I hope that you've found peace."
***HofA***
Upon returning from St. Louis, I started my full-time job. It was the summer before Bella and Claire would begin their senior year of high school.
One evening as Bella and I were returning from a walk, we found Bella's parents waiting for us in the front parlor. "Good evening Edward," Mr. Swan began in a serious tone. "Mrs. Swan and I need to have a word with Bella if you don't mind."
"Oh, of course," I said politely before giving Bella a reassuring smile and exiting toward the kitchen. Something about Mr. Swan's tone made me uneasy, and I contemplated lurking in the hallway in an attempt to eavesdrop on their conversation, but thought better of it.
It wouldn't do to have the father of the girl I love angry with me
Instead, I poured a glass of milk and helped myself to a few cookies from the jar as I waited. I knew Bella would seek me out as soon as she finished speaking with her parents.
A few minutes turned into almost a full half hour before Bella emerged from the parlor. Her eyes were red rimmed, and her cheeks were damp with tears. "Bella, whatever is the matter? Oh Bella, what's wrong?"
She rested her forehead against me and proceeded to cry into my chest. I could do nothing but rub soothing circles on her back as I waited for an explanation.
Once she'd calmed enough to speak, she began. "Oh Edward, my father has a new job."
I bent my head down, trying to look into her eyes. "But Bella, surely that's good news."
She nodded and sniffled. "It is. His cousin got it for him." She took a deep breath and ran her fingers along the lapel of my jacket. "It's a very good job Edward. It's with the B&O Railroad, and he'll be based in Baltimore." She watched my face for a reaction.
No. This can't be happening.
"Father leaves tomorrow. Mother and I will follow in a week." She said as a couple of fresh tears fell down her cheeks. I wiped them away with my thumbs. "They want me to be there in time to start the school year in Baltimore."
"I'll miss you so much," her lip quivered, "but we can write all the time…." She said as her voice faltered.
I held her face between my hands. "Bella," I soothed, "it will work out. Do you think that I have any intention of losing you now? After you graduate, we'll find a way to be together. I promise." I tried to sound convincing, but inside, I was dying.
The next few months were difficult. I worked hard, trying to take my mind off of missing Bella.
We wrote weekly, sometimes more often.
It hadn't taken long for new boarders to move in, although Mr. and Mrs. Malloy, and their daughter Laura were nothing like the Swans. Mr. and Mrs. Malloy were extremely indulgent parents, and therefore Laura was spoiled and selfish.
It made me miss my Bella all the more.
To make matters worse, Laura seemed determined to become the object of my affections. I thought it best to ignore her advances without confrontation, but in the end, I was forced to explain to her that I already had a girlfriend, and was not interested in anyone else.
Laura wasn't one to easily accept defeat, "Mark my words Eddie, someday you'll see how perfect we are for each other. Don't think your little girlfriend isn't having her fun in Baltimore."
Her words caused a knot to form in my stomach.
***HofA***
December 1941 brought sudden change to all our lives.
America was at war.
Like most men my age, I signed up at the Army recruiting office the day after Pearl Harbor was attacked. In a few weeks, I would be headed to basic training in South Carolina.
That Christmas I traveled to Baltimore, needing to see my Bella; unsure of what the next year would bring. There had never been a more welcoming sight than that of my beautiful girl standing on the platform as I exited the train. All the doubts that Laura had raised in my mind quickly vanished when I wrapped my arms around her.
"I missed you Bella."
"I missed you too Edward, more than you can imagine."
I couldn't stop myself from kissing her, even with her father standing just a few feet away. I placed my hand against her cheek and brought my lips to hers. They were soft and inviting, just as I'd remembered, and the skin of her cheek, smooth and warm beneath my fingertips.
I never wanted to let her go.
***H*of*A***
That certain night,
The night we met,
There was magic abroad in the air.
There were angels dining at the Ritz,
And a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square.
It was my last night in Baltimore. We were attending a New Year's dance at the local fire hall and my girl had been the recipient of many an admiring glance. My stomach twisted at the realization that once I went home to Peoria, these other fellows would remain here in Baltimore; entirely too close to my Bella for comfort.
"So you're the lucky guy," I turned to see a fellow about my age standing beside me as I poured Bella a glass of punch.
He seemed amused by my confusion. "The guy that Bella Swan's so crazy about."
I smiled at those words, and reached to shake his hand. "Edward Masen."
He nodded and returned the shake. "Michael Clarke," he didn't smile back as he continued, "Bella's a wonderful girl, but I don't believe in beating around the bush so, just know that if you are ever stupid enough to hurt her, I'll be there waiting."
I glared at him, knowing all too well what he was hinting at. "Well, you had better prepare yourself for a long wait then." I turned on my heel and went back to Bella without another word.
After Bella had taken a sip of her punch I took her hand in mine. "Let's dance."
She smiled and let me lead her to the dance floor.
"Bella." I said quietly as I held her close.
"Yes?" She smiled softly.
"I know I haven't asked you formally, I mean, I intend to," I sighed and looked around, making sure we didn't have an audience.
"Bella, you're the only girl I've ever loved, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I think you feel the same way about me, so I was hoping that, even though I don't have a ring yet…."
Bella's eyes were shining with tears.
"And I know we're young, but I'm a hard worker. I promise to take care of you." I took a breath, "Do you think you could give me a hint as to what your answer will be when I do ask?"
Bella grinned. "That may have been the worst almost proposal in history."
I didn't blush often, but I could feel my face heat up at her words. "I'm sorry…."
"Edward," she placed her finger on my lips. "When you do ask, my answer will be yes; it will always be yes Edward."
"Oh Bella, you've made me the happiest man in the world." I smiled wider than I ever had in my life. "I know it's not official without the ring, but I promise the next time you see me, I'll be carrying it." I hugged her close before pressing my lips to hers.
Bella cried when I boarded the train for home. "Bella, the paper says that this thing will be over in six months. Think about it, in less than a year I'll be back with you," I soothed.
***H*of*A***
"I'm sorry dear, I'm getting tears all over your jacket," Mama said as she and Claire waited for me to board the train that would take me to South Carolina.
"I'll miss you Edward," Claire whispered in my ear. I hugged her tightly before kissing them both goodbye. As I waved from my window on the train, I swore I caught a glimpse of Laura's blonde curls in the crowd.
I shook my head. She was tenacious, I'd give her that.
As they always did, my thoughts went to Bella; where she was, what she was doing. I missed her so...
***** end flashback ****