I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of yelling coming from the study. It really didn't do to have such nonsense when one was trying to acquire beauty sleep, I reached down and pulled the blanket that should cover my lower half over my head, but it wasn't there. Whatever the problem outside, I was entirely positive that Walter was more that capable of handling it.

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to get back to sleep, it wasn't working.

The voices grew louder and louder, soon I could tell that they were approaching my very own chambers. How rude! To awaken someone before they were good and ready. Didn't they know this was Arthur's daughter's room? Who did they think they were?

"I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEING EXTEEMLY OBNOXIOUS!" I yelled at the door from my bed. "IF YOU KEEP IT UP I'LL REPORT YOU TO MY FATHER AND YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUNECES!"

The voices stopped. Eternally, I did a victory dance; let them deal with the threat of Arthur Hellsing's wrath, which was enough to put anyone on edge.

I rolled over on my side in a huff. So much for getting some extra rest.

Knock knock

Two quick wraps, a sure indicator that Walter was doing his rounds.

"Sir Integra?" inquired a haggled voice that sounded somewhat like Walter, I decided his voice must be acting up; perhaps he was feeling under the weather. "Is everything alright?"

Sir Integra? Walter must have finally taken a plunge off the deep end.

"Sir Integra," the voice inquired again.

Was he mocking me? How unkind!

"Stop that behavior at once Walter, how dare you openly jest my…boyish figure!" (That was putting it nicely; I was as flat as a pancake.)

By now I was sitting up and talking to a door. I waited for his apology, but it never came. Instead the door opened a crack and I watched as a strange man stepped foot inside my room.

I screamed and threw a book; he caught it and looked at me curiously. I stood up on the bed and stomped my foot.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked grasping a pillow to my body to hide my state of undress from what may be prying eyes. "Are you some sort of pedophile or something? Because if you are, I'm warning you I am not afraid to-"

"Sir Integra?" he asked with his head cocked and eyebrows raised. "What the devil do you think you're doing?"

"How do you know my name? You're a stalker, aren't you! You're an old stalking pedophile!" I was enraged, how dare presume he could just come in here and… what?

"What do you want? Are you a kidnapper too?" I asked, reaching down to grab the hem of my night gown in case I had to break away at a run, I didn't want to get tripped up on my best silk. I was surprised to find I was actually wearing pants.

"Sir Integra-" he began to approach me.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed and ran to the window. I was going to get out before he had a chance to snatch me.

"What in blazes?" he didn't bother chasing after me, he sort of just watched me go. I didn't stop to ask myself why, maybe he was partially retarded. I decided to ask questions later.

I swung my body over to the window and proceeded to wiggle my way out of the room and onto the ledge. However, I was not as prepared for the shock of looking down from six stories up, it momentarily phased me, just long enough for the pedophile/stalker/kidnapper to walk over, at a slow walk it sounded like, grab my ankle and pull me down to the floor at his feet.

He just looked at me, as if he'd been struck by lightening.

"Please don't rape me!"

I closed my eyes and waited for something bad to happen. It never did.

"Is everything alright here? I heard screaming," the pleasant voice of a woman caught my attention and instinctively I opened my eyes. In the doorway of my father's room stood a woman with short red hair and what looked to be a stripper's attire.

Why was I in my father's room? Where was he? Who was this man? I hadn't gotten a chance to look around before, what was going on?

I didn't stop long enough to ask any more questions. I took one look at the man with the bewildered expression and ran into the woman arms.

She caught me, her own eyes as wide as saucers.

"Please help me," I begged. "I think he's a rapist!"

The woman seemed to be between laughing and confusion.

"If this is a joke it's a very poor one," she said looking a somewhat hurt and angry looking Walter.

"I have no idea what's going on Seras," he said shaking his head.

"He broke into my room and tried to kidnap me!" I supplied, hoping someone would finally understand my distress.

The woman looked at me incredulously. "Your own butler broke into your room to kidnap you?" She looked at me and shrugged. "Want me to eat him?" she asked with a playful tone.

"Seras!" said the intruder. "That was uncalled for."

"Ah, I was just joshing!"

"Now might not be the most appropriate time."

I looked up from the woman's large bust where I had previously hidden my face, to look at the woman, apparently called Seras, who though my predicament was so entertaining.

Then I saw them.

Two

Big

Round

Red

Pools

Of

Eyeball

Accompanied by, I realized soon after, a pair of pearly white fangs.

"VAMPIRE!" I screamed again. My throat was beginning to hurt. I push her away from me and tried to escape down the hall at a sprint.

"What was that she said?" asked the vampire to the man.

"I believe she just discovered your nature," he responded.

"Ah," she said. "That'd do it."

I kept running, but I didn't get nearly far enough. I ran towards the stairs, but I saw a man with a long braid and some sort of pimp hat climbing them, I took a right turn to avoid him. If this was an invasion then I wanted to be as far away from enemy personnel as possible.

I ran down another hallway and into a guest bedroom, from there I ran into the bathroom and shut and locked the door. It wasn't much but it would have to do for now.

I sat down on the commode and began to cry in my hands. What was I going to do? This was horrible! I wanted my father.

I sat and wallowed in self pity for a moment, it felt good. After a few minutes I decided to hold my head up high. I looked up from the tile on the floor to the mirror that sat across from me.

What I saw shocked me.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Yes," said Walter into a phone receiver. "Indeed, I understand perfectly…it still doesn't matter...I don't have that authority…she's indisposed at this time…now, I'd hardly think the situation warrant language like that…do you now…well I might have small genitalia, but I have huge guns and lots of ammunition…that's right…I though we could come to an agreement…yes, that would be perfectly acceptable."

Walter hung up the phone and leaned over to rub his temples. This had not been a good week.

"Any sign of her?" he asked Seras, who had been standing in the corner waiting for him to finish his phone call.

"Yeah, she's in the bathroom off the bedroom number seven."

Walter's brow furrowed in thought.

"Any idea what's up with her little episode earlier?" she inquired curiously.

Walter looked at her for a moment. He had a few guesses. It had been a rough week. Integra had disappeared six days ago, after nearly suffering from a nervous break down. The last person to have seen her was Alucard; apparently he had left her in her room about three in the morning. Unfortunately for him this did not reflect well on the undead king, the knights had ordered Hellsing to keep him under house arrest until further notice, which was difficult. Of course he tried to leave to find her, but his seals kicked in and in a very painful sort of fashion he had been thrown into a sort of coma, although his eyes still moved and saw things, his body could not. He could not leave Hellsing without direct permission from his master, which. Personally Walter thought it was a good test run to make sure that Alucard was still bound to them, sometimes he got the uncanny feeling that it was all just a façade…

That morning he had been arguing with one of the queen's goons as to whether or not an official representative of the crown could temporarily take up residence in Sir Hellsing's place. He put his foot down hard and demanded the man leave, no sooner had he walked off in a huff, no doubt to report him to her majesty, had he heard the voice of the one he thought missing.

"I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEING EXTEEMLY OBNOXIOUS!"

His seventy-seven year old heart nearly gave out on him. Relief poured over him, but it was only temporary. He soon discovered that all was not what it appeared to be.

"IF YOU KEEP IT UP I'LL REPORT YOU TO MY FATHER AND YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUNECES!"

And with that the relief he felt went racing back into the little pouch in his soul where he kept all his forbidden emotions.

That led him to where he was now. Trying to manage the house, the soldiers, and the incessant idiots Integra had to deal with everyday. It had soon become obvious to him how his lady could be such a pain; she had to deal with them on a daily basis. Where he once felt sympathy for those that were forced to look down the barrel of Integra's gun, he now only felt righteous justification.

At least he didn't have to deal with Alucard, that really would have made things difficult.

"Walter?" prodded Seras. "Pip saw her run into that room, I checked it out, and I heard her in the toilet."

"I don't know what's happened Seras," he answered her first question. "I think maybe… maybe someone took her. Someone had to have taken her."

Seras looked dubious. "Really? Maybe she just needed a vacation."

"…and just happened to come back thinking she's ten years younger!" he snapped back.

Seras looked at him with half lidded eyes and hands on her hips that said 'I am not amused,' in classic female body language expression.

"She is over worked."

"This is just what we need," said Walter. "Now not only will they call her a murdering virgin dike that gives out bullets like candy, drinks like a fish, and smokes like a train, but they can tack mentally disturbed to the list."

Seras hesitated for a moment, then…

"Why are you giggling?" he asked impatiently. Seras looked at him and burst out laughing. "What?"

"You sound just like her!"

Walter opened his mouth to argue, but a firm realization dawned on him and he was forced to stop mid thought.

"Oh my," he said, looking flabbergasted, not the first time that day.

The two looked at each other, really, what was this but another notch on the bed post?

"Did I miss zomething?" asked the leader of the Flying Geese as he entered the room. "It zeems that despite ze crisis you two are getting along formidably."

Seras quickly sobered up. "Right, what are we going to do Walter?"

Walter seemed to flinch slightly at this question.

"I suppose we should just pretend that everything is normal," he said. "If anyone asks after Sir Integra we'll tell them that she has a bad head cold and has been ordered to bed for awhile."

"You think that this is just temporary then," asked Seras. "If she's just got a head cold, well, that means she could be up and running soon…right?"

"Our first priority is to make sure that no one finds out about this-"

"And what, prey tail, do we tell people she has been the last week? Hmm monsieur?"

"We tell them she went on an unexpected trip to the country for a sabbatical," replied Walter.

"Who else knows?" asked Seras.

"Us, her majesty, Alucard, the doctors we're undoubtedly going to have work on her," he answered. "We must not let anyone know how weak we are, without Integra Hellsing to thwart the jackals they'll come by the dozens."

They all stood and thought about exactly might happened to each of them if Hellsing was given new ownership. No more vampire trash men, or criminal mercenaries, definitely not decrepit butlers either.

"I guess now we just have to be as discreet as possible."

"Zis will not be easy."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

This could not be happening to me. What the hell? I looked into the mirror. My hair was long and …tall. I had breasts! I had long legs and a firm torso and strong cheek bones…and breasts!

The beautiful woman looking back at me could not possibly be me. I was flat chested and mousy. I had tangly wild locks and spider legs…this was not me.

But she did do an amazing job of mimicking my actions, when I touched my arm, she touched hers, when I blew a kiss, so did she. It was uncanny.

I looked down at my hands. They had writing calluses. They had ink stains and my nails were uneven.

I looked in the mirror again. I got closer. I had dark circles under my eyes, a small scar on my neck, a cleft in my chin…but there was no mistaking it. The ice blue eyes staring at me were my own; no one else on this earth had eyes like mine.

What had happened to me?

A/N Sooooooooo………..Got reviews?