Split
Chapter 2: Daichi
"The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend."
― Robertson Davies
Ino was upset.
This morning had already been difficult. Apparently her mother was experiencing some serious issues allocating supplies for the flower shop, which resulted in an unexpected fit of tears and a nervous breakdown earlier during breakfast. Her mother had always been a bit emotional, so the act itself wasn't surprising, but Ino was hurt to learn that her mother hadn't shared any of her concerns with her family. She had just been stewing internally for two weeks with increasing desperation as all of her points of contact canceled their trade agreements, 'on behalf of the instability of the area. A bad investment, you understand.'
She was very close to her mother. And Ino had always worked hard to make herself strong enough to be considered reliable. She enjoyed supporting others. She had been very happy to help her friends and Konoha's citizens in the wake of the invasion, establishing temporary shelters and passing out supplies.
So to learn that her own mother hadn't trusted her with her burdens was a substantial blow.
Normally at times like this, Ino relied on her father to bring her out of herself and help her realize the bigger picture. But he was very busy at the moment working with T&I, who had captured a substantial number of foreign-nin during the course of the invasion. He was barely home long enough to pass out on the futon he shared with his wife, and left just as the sun was started to breech the horizon.
So Ino was forced to turn to her other support network. Absentmindedly, Ino thanked whatever deity would listen that she had such a great team, and that said team was still alive.
She had been in the stadium during the Sound-Sand invasion. Ino had barely become consciously aware of the attack as a Chunnin nudged her out of the genjutsu, before one of the classmates she recognized from the academy that didn't pass was struck between the neck several seats in front of her. She can still remember the sound of that gurgle, and the darkening of her eyes with absolute clarity.
Ino remembered throwing a kunai that had made a very lucky shot, and forcibly forgetting the blood coloring her hair as she started searching the crowd for Chouji and Shikamaru. Because they had been friends since they were toddlers, because they were hers and the needed to be together.
But she couldn't stop the thought that the death she just witnessed could so easily have been theirs. And that realization caused fear to curdle her stomach.
Which is why she was really looking forward to celebrating Shika's recent promotion. If anything could drown out the pain of this morning and any memory of lingering nightmares filled with choked gurgles, it was the ridiculous antics of her closest friends. Thus, Ino had made herself a very happy bubble of ignorance as they headed to the restaurant, feeling her equilibrium settle for the first time since the Chunnin exam.
But that bubble was popped quite mercilessly by the dispassionate gaze of one pink-haired girl.
Ino barely recognized her. Her short hair was tied back tight away from her face and covered with cloth, which muted the soft pink that Ino had always secretly envied. Her clothing style was dark, loose, and discreet. But more than that, Ino couldn't stop staring at Sakura's nails. Broken and uneven at the edge, and without their familiar gloss. Ino couldn't help remembering a flashback of a sleepover a few years ago, where they had both giggled together over the best way to keep a manicure while still operating as a kunoichi.
The state of her nails felt like a surrender.
And everything else emphasized change, which made Ino feel pathetically insecure and isolated. Which was infuriating.
And her eyes. They were a reminder of the village's recent tragedy. They demanded that she accept reality as they spoke of the same desperate fear that Ino felt waking up every morning, and Ino was upset to realize that she could feel the anxiety of her own experiences settle back into her psyche.
Damnit.
She lashed out without really thinking, still in pain.
But then Sakura's response…
"Have the Uchiha, Yamanaka. I don't care."
The rejection hurt. Ino felt as if she'd been slapped. How could she? It was as if Sakura was dismissing her by insinuating that their shared obsession over the Uchiha heir had been the only real aspect of their friendship. As if they hadn't spent hours brushing each other's hair, and painting each other's nails, whispering about their dream weddings, and gossiping about the dramatic differences in kunoichi clothing styles over the five shinobi nations…
Ino came to the stark realization that she didn't know or like this person. This version of Sakura, that reeked of stress and fear, and the inevitability of change.
Ino wanted to feel better. She wanted to shake the thoughts loose from her head that said things like, 'Look at this, another person who was supposed to be close to you that couldn't rely on you' or 'Your friendship meant nothing if it is so easy for her to walk away'. So she nudged the boys ahead, trying not to let the angst show on her face.
But then Shikamaru left. She stood by the curb, and watched him pick up a scroll and dart after the pinkette with a sinking feeling in her gut that grew cutting.
It felt like a betrayal. Shika was hers, damnit. He was supposed to stand by her and help her out. Couldn't he tell that she was upset? Couldn't he tell that she was just lashing out? Couldn't he tell that she needed him right now?
Where was all of that vaulted intelligence?
But she knew she couldn't hate Shika. This wasn't his fault.
So she hated her former female friend instead, and with a passion that almost surprised her. Who was she to so easily dismiss their friendship? Who was she to steal her best friend? Who was she to change so goddamn much without ever reaching out? Who was she to look like she was in so much pain?
And in the end Ino internalized.
Why wasn't she enough?
Ino was barely aware that Chouji had led her to the restaurant by the arm until she was looking into her sensei's face. And she could barely stop from propelling herself into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso.
She needed reassurance so desperately. Didn't she deserve some?
Asuma-sensei barely hesitated before he returned her hug, patting her back in a reassuring manner, and Ino suddenly became aware that she was crying. And although she was rather ashamed to be crying in public, in front of people she had always tried to remain strong in front of, she couldn't deny that the release felt wonderful. Reassuring. These were her people, and they supported each other no matter what. Insensitive pink-haired brats aside.
They only stayed in that position for a few minutes, but afterwards Ino made sure to give her sensei the biggest smile she could in gratitude.
The man smiled back, and nudged his two students around a table crammed into the corner. He looked at Ino, who had removed a compact mirror from her hip pouch and was busy wiping under her eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Her father asked this question all the time, and Ino had become very comfortable with recounting events in her day and describing her feelings. And she completely trusted Asuma-sensei and Chouji. So she nodded, and then told both of her teammates some of what she had been feeling.
Asuma-sensei frowned afterwards. "I didn't know you were having nightmares, Ino."
Ino laughed disparagingly. "There are more important things going on right now that deserve more attention."
Asuma-sensei shook his head in disagreement. "Your health and happiness will always be important to us. Would you like to see a counselor that could help you work out some of your issues?"
Ino thought about it logically. Maybe they could tell her about some useful coping strategies so she wouldn't have to rely on her team as strongly? So she could support them too? "Sure sensei."
Asuma-sensei smiled, and then frowned, and Ino watched this change in expression curiously. She was absentmindedly aware of Chouji flagging down a waitress in order to order appetizers out of her periphery.
He started talking, and the strange turn of his lips made the words awkward. "As for Sakura-san, I don't believe you should completely give up on your friendship just yet. You need to give her some time, but I am sure she will come around. She has been having a rough time recently, and she probably feels rather depressed and isolated."
Ino frowned, curious, but somehow irrationally offended that he was defending Sakura. After all, he was supposed to be on her side, right? So her tone was probably sharper than it needed to be. "Why, what happened?"
Asuma-sensei frowned again, but it seemed sad this time. "Her father died in the attack that wiped out the civilian quarters, and word of mouth is that she spent the first week after the invasion watching her mother pass away in the hospital."
The shock of his statement hit slow and cold, but the layered guilt felt quick and sure. Oh kami, her parents… But Ino looked around at the table thoughtfully. "What about her team?"
She couldn't fathom how much it would hurt losing her parents, but she knew that as long as she had her team, she could survive almost anything.
Asuma snarled slightly in a rare demonstration of temper, and Ino knew that he was thinking about Kakashi-san. Or rather, Kakashi-san sending their then Genin teammate to accompany his charges as they made their way after an unstable bijuu in the middle of an invasion. All three of them had been very upset at the man for sending Shika out there, especially once they heard it led him to take on an ambush of Sound-nin completely alone.
And then, with a voice saturated in frustrated anger and bitter resignation-
"The man should never have been made an instructor."
Well, alright.
It was at this point that Ino saw a familiar head poke his way into the door of the restaurant, and was about to call out, feeling so relieved and happy and…
She stopped when she saw a pink-headed girl follow him in.
Ino frowned and clutched her hands to the table edge anxiously. She tried to think this through rationally, tried to force herself to forget the charged feelings of their last meeting. Sakura was her friend. And her parents had died. That was shitty, and she couldn't blame Shika for going after and comforting her.
But to bring her here?
This was her team. Hers. Hers. Hers. And perhaps she was clinging to that idea a bit possessively, but the stress of the day, the stress of the last few weeks, and a lack of sleep gave her a mental state that made her rather desperate for reassurance. Which would require some goddamn consistency. And what exactly was Shika doing leading Sakura to the table with his hand pushing her back like that? When had they reached that degree of familiarity?
Why was no one telling her anything anymore?
They reached the table. Shikamaru actually spoke up without needing to be prompted, and he didn't complain about the circumstance in his typical passive aggressive way. What?
"Hey guys. I hope you don't mind that I invited Sakura to join us?"
Asuma-sensei was quick to offer a smile. "Of course not, Shikamaru. Sakura-san, why don't you sit down?"
Everyone sat, and a waitress came and was quick to hand out menus and take orders for drinks. Ino spent the time observing everyone at the table. Chouji was engrossed in the menu in front of him, but everyone else paid little attention to the laminated paper. Sakura was staring awkwardly down at the table, fidgeting with the wraps on her hands. Asuma-sensei was giving Sakura a critical once-over, frowning intently. And Shikamaru alternated between nudging Sakura's shoulder encouragingly, and giving Asuma-sensei a weighted look.
It finally got to be too much for her, and Ino was prepared to say something- anything- when Sakura spoke up first.
"I'm sorry Ino."
What?
Ino felt a bit like a deflated balloon.
She must have said that out loud, because Sakura elaborated, tilting her head up in a fashion that was so like the shy, uncertain five-year-old Sakura that Ino felt like crying all over again, overwhelmed. "I hurt you. I called you Yamanaka and said I didn't care. I didn't even realize-" she paused and gave Shikamaru a significant look, and Ino realized that Shikamaru had told the girl how hurtful her words had been.
So he was aware of her pain? And he was still looking out for her? Ino looked at Shikamaru for confirmation, who met her gaze with a knowing smirk.
Ino huffed in exasperation, but… she couldn't stop the smile.
Sakura kept talking. "I just… it feels like all anyone cares to talk about are Sasuke and Naruto. And I get it, I really do. Compared to them, I'm weak, and pathetic, and…unremarkable," she gave a bitter laugh, "Not even my level of suffering is up to par. But!" She paused, and then looked at Asuma-sensei with wide eyes. "Does that make me expendable? Am I just… cannon fodder?"
Ino looked over at her sensei, and saw that he had gone very, very still. That didn't bode well. And the concern on Shikamaru's face gave credence to her suspicions. Although Sakura didn't seem to notice, and Ino wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.
Asuma-sensei's voice was soft, despite the tension in his face. "Why would you think that?"
Sakura's stare was almost accusing, the twist of her mouth sour. "Why else would they put me on a team with Copy Ninja Kakashi, the last Uchiha, and the Kyuubi container? How could I possibly compete? Or were they truly expecting me to somehow mediate?"
The Kyuubi container? Did she mean Naruto? Ino looked at her sensei and saw that he was frowning, and he glanced at all of them furtively out of the corner of his eye. Ah. Yes it did, and apparently they weren't supposed to know.
"You are teammates. You shouldn't have to compete or mediate. Teamwork is about cooperation."
Her answering tone was soft, but flat. "You can't cooperate with a liability, Asuma-san. You can protect them, and discourage them, and ignore them, but to include them would put everyone at risk."
Asuma's hands clenched in front of him in a discomforted manner. Why was he upset? "You are a genin, Sakura-san. All genin are liabilities to some extent because they lack the experience to be prepared in every kind of situation. That is why they have jounin instructors. To gain that experience through supervision so no one is truly at risk."
Sakura shook her head, and Ino was a little surprised to see water form at the corner of the pinkette's eyes in what looked to be frustration. "That's not true. Most genin participate in D-level missions, which are usually chores or odd jobs. That hardly prepares them for missions outside of the village."
Asuma shook his head. "I am not just talking about missions, Sakura. As a team you should be preparing for every eventuality. Establishing, as a team, different travel formations based on different clients for escort missions, effective ways to gain intelligence in different scenarios, how to strategize while incorporating all of the strength and weakness of your teammates. And you should be developing your skills, both individually and as a unit."
Based on how wide Sakura's eyes had gotten, it was obvious that her team had not worked on any of these issues. She blinked back overwhelmed tears, but a trickle still fell from both eyes. "And how do you prepare for the stress? The blood, and the pain, and the guilt, and the fear…" The speed of her words quickened, although she cut off with a whisper.
Asuma's gaze was steady. "Do you need to see a counselor, Sakura-san?"
Sakura froze, and her eyes filled with dread. Her wrists snapped defensively to her chest in panic. Ino had been trained to read body language since she was a girl, and these particular actions were very familiar, but on Sakura? Over something like therapy?
"No- no, thank you Asuma-san. But thank you for asking."
She shook, and Shikamaru was clearly concerned. He reached a hand out to grip her shoulder, and Sakura clutched it like a life-line.
For some reason, it only struck Ino then. That something was very wrong. Hearing about the death of her parents is one thing, but this…
Ino looked at Asuma and saw that he was tense and upset again, but that didn't stop him from reaching out with delicate touch. His hand stopped halfway across the table when he saw the girl in front of him flinch. "Sakura-san? Is there something wrong?"
"Nn-no. It's fine. I'm fine. It's just been… hard."
Shikamaru spoke up again. Ino's brow raised when she realized this was another careful demonstration of tact. "Actually, Asuma-sensei, one of the reasons I invited her here today was because she is looking for an instructor. Her parents were civilian, so she doesn't really know anyone outside of her team. Do you know of anyone that might be able to help her?"
"What does she intend to train in?"
Shikamaru gave Sakura a significant glance, who answered through pursed lips. "Taijutsu, Kenjutsu, and Genjutsu. And perhaps Fuinjutsu? At least the basics."
Asuma was frowning again. "That is an odd bunch. I might. But I would need to talk to them about it first. Why don't you attend our team training the day after tomorrow? It will give you something constructive to focus on, and I can invite your potential instructor to observe your abilities. That is as long as your guys don't mind?"
He shot them all a hesitant look. Shikamaru was the first to support the idea. "I don't mind. How are you going to design the training regimen? If it is actually going to be an evaluation, it would need to be holistic."
Asuma smiled at him. "Well, maybe that can be your first unofficial act as a chunnin. You can help me design it."
The boy immediately frowned at the prospect of work, but Ino could see that his eyes were locked on Sakura in a calculating manner. "Troublesome…" the complaint was made almost absentmindedly.
Clearly he didn't mind that much.
"Slacker."
Shikamaru's lips turned up.
Ino exaggerated a thoughtful hum, which drew the attention of everyone at the table back to herself. Because although Ino didn't mind Sakura's participation in their training session, she wanted her opinion to be heard too. There were other members of this group besides Shikamaru. "I guess I don't mind. After all, she'll be able to witness how awesome I have become over the past few months. Isn't that right, Forehead?"
Sakura gave her a small smile. "In your dreams, Ino-pig."
Something in Ino settled after hearing the girl's rebuttal. Some of that fear relaxed, and Ino was happy to hear that not everything had changed.
Asuma-sensei looked at the last member of their group. "Chouji?"
He looked up from the menu and gave Sakura a smile. "Nah, I don't mind. Ino, what are you going to get? You should order a real meal. Salads are stupid."
Ino huffed. "You wouldn't understand how important it is for a woman to maintain a certain figure. Right Sakura?"
The girl gave her a tired smile, and then, "Actually, if you want to get any stronger, protein is the way to go. If you're that worried about calories, you can just run it off. For a shinobi, there can never be too much running." She gave that statement like she was repeating a well-rehearsed argument.
Chouji turned and smirked at her delightedly. "See? Protein. That means meat."
Ino looked at her female friend, pretending to look stricken. "I've been betrayed. Next you'll be telling me that you can't go shopping because you're too busy playing old man games like shogi." Ino looked at Shikamaru and Asuma-sensei in exaggerated exasperation.
Sakura just blinked, with this adorable look of confusion on her face. "But I like shogi?"
Shikamaru turned to her with renewed interest. "Do you really?"
Sakura looked at the boy with a raised brow. "Yes?"
"Hm." He smiled thoughtfully, and Sakura responded by frowning at him suspiciously.
The waitress interrupted with appetizers, which Chouji responded to with his usual enthusiasm for all things food-related. He made a point to set a couple of meat skewers onto her plate, before reaching over and adding a couple more to Sakura's. He gave both of them a pointed look.
Sakura just smiled, and popped the end of the skewer in her mouth. After at least 15 seconds of pouting, once she was sure she had everyone's attention, Ino followed suit. Chouji and Sakura cheered, and Ino couldn't stop the smile.
This was nice. Ino was already starting to feel a lot better.
The next half an hour was spent gorging on hors d'oeuvres and giggles, and the rest of Ino's stress melted off of her form. By the time Sakura had gotten up to leave, Ino was feeling positively normal. She jumped out of her seat to give the pinkette a hug, which she returned tightly. The girl also made it a point to hug Shikamaru from behind, who gave her a disgruntled look, although both girls could tell he wasn't actually offended. Then Sakura looked at Chouji, unsure for a moment what to do, before the cheery boy got out of his seat and gave her a quick hug as well.
Oh, this was really nice.
Finally, she stopped in front of Asuma-sensei, suddenly looking withdrawn.
"Asuma-san, I just wanted to offer my condolences for your loss. I am sure it has been hard for you."
The older man smiled kindly. "Thank you Sakura-san. I appreciate the sentiment."
Sakura smiled as well, bowed gratefully, and then excused herself from the restaurant.
Asuma-sensei motioned for the three of them to sit and come close.
"I suppose it doesn't need to be said that the information about Naruto does not leave this table?"
They shook their heads.
He smiled, and then occupied himself getting out a cigarette and lighting it absentmindedly. He poignantly ignored Ino's glare at the action, which made her huff.
"Good. Now tell me what else you learned."
He looked at Chouji first, who frowned thoughtfully. "She purposely didn't look at the menu, and didn't eat very much. The crack in her lip was made worse with dehydration. I am guessing an eating disorder caused by depression and anxiety? Although I would need to know how much she eats privately to know for sure. And the problems are rooted deep- she was easy to cheer up, but that didn't significantly change her eating habits."
Asuma smiled at him, and then looked towards her. "Ino?"
Ino frowned, not particularly enjoying the act of psychoanalyzing her friend. But it wasn't hard. "Depression and anxiety caused by a lack of support and an ingrained low self-esteem. Reluctance to see a counselor indicates the fear of discovery of a recent trauma, and the way she flinched could imply some level of abuse." Ino continued, tilting her head thoughtfully. "She has never been interested in kenjutsu before, which indicates a new influence in her life. Potentially the abuser? She also has never worn that many bandages before. She could be covering up evidence of a physical attack, although that would be difficult to prove if she is training. And she has always been rather desperate for recognition and attention, which persisted despite Sasuke-kun's verbal put-downs, so she might be the type to accept that kind of relationship blindly."
Asuma-sensei looked very tired and severe following her evaluation, but he afforded Ino a small smile. "Very good, Ino. Shikamaru?"
Shikamaru was slouching in his chair, head resting on the edge of the back, tilted up towards the ceiling. His brows were furrowed. "Kakashi is ignoring her and prioritizing the training of her other two teammates. She thinks it's because she is somehow deficient, or isn't serious in her motivation for training, but I believe it's because the other two are both unstable, but incredibly valuable to the village. Someone else is forcing his hand. Although her comments about expendability are entirely possible, considering that there is an invested interest in Sasuke's and Naruto's growth, and the needed focus would naturally require her exclusion. And a shinobi without the right training dies. The fact that Kakashi hasn't arranged for another instructor is probably either due to pride, or a suspicion on his part that she wasn't intending to make a career out of being a shinobi due to her previous obsession with marrying the Uchiha."
He stopped long enough to give an aggravated sigh. "I also believe she is internalizing Kakashi's deficiencies, so her circumstances are less about his inability and more about her own. She doesn't seem to realize that he is just a shitty instructor. Maybe she is afraid to consider him as anything other than infallible because she is desperate for a support network. I agree with Ino that she is actively pursuing some kind of recognition, although that does not necessarily indicate an abuser. More likely, she is traumatized from recent events and terrified out of her mind, and thus unable to distinguish between threats and nonthreats with any kind of ease."
Shikamaru raised his arms up so they were supporting the back of his head. "In Kakashi's defense, their team has experienced some really shitty luck recently. He never would have been able to prepare them for encountering one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist on a C-rank mission, or a Sannin during the Chunnin exams. So a lot of the fear and anxiety she is going through is out of his hands, although if he adopted less of a hands-off approach she would probably feel a lot more mentally secure."
Another sigh, and then a pointed look at Asuma. "In regards to finding her a new instructor, there are a few things you should know. Raised as a civilian, her reluctance to approach unfamiliar shinobi and her deference for authority figures seems to be ingrained, so she has not sought outside help on her own. She was discouraged to train by her parents, so has little idea about how to go about it now. And she lacks any of the supplemental instruction that comes with being in a shinobi clan."
Asuma nodded, humming. "What does she have going for her?"
"She's intelligent, quickly able to disseminate new information and apply them in a strategic manner. She pays attention and seems to have an intuitive grasp on tactics and base motivation. And she is determined and plays to her strength, which at this point would mean devouring half the library trying to understand everything she can about chakra application. Which because of her small reserves, probably indicates very good chakra control."
Asuma gave an aggravated sigh, and took a long drag from the cigarette hanging idly between his fingers. Then he looked at them curiously. "To be honest, I'm surprised you guys are so interested in her. Considering all of you can't usually muster the motivation to do anything constructive without bribery…."
Shikamaru nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I didn't really want to intervene…"
"But?"
Her male teammate looked aggravated. "But no one was doing anything. I don't think her team even asked her if she was okay. All I had to do was ask her about what was going on, and she broke down in tears. I just… I guess I just happened to be there. But it's Sakura, you know? We've known each other for years."
"Is that how you guys feel as well?"
Ino gave the man a hard look. Like he didn't know already. "Forehead is my friend. Of course I want to help her out."
Chouji shrugged. "I mean, I don't really know Sakura very well or anything. But we are from the same village, and we will probably be on missions together in the future. We need to learn how to help each other out."
Huh. That was surprising astute coming from Chouji.
Asuma-sensei nodded. "Well then. I guess we need to plan for a training regimen. Shikamaru, I'm putting you in charge."
"Come on…"
"You're a chunnin now, it will be a good experience."
"You just don't want to do any work-"
"Oh, I think I see Kurenai. I should probably check in to see how she's doing. I'll come check in on you sometime tomorrow!"
All three of them watched as he swept from the room.
Shikamaru frowned at the door. "And he calls me a slacker."
Sakura walked to Ueda-san's house to complete her D-rank mission with a skip in her step. While painting a fence wasn't the most exciting thing in the world, she was feeling better than she had in a long time. This offer of support and direction was so fantastic and so unexpected, and she felt so relieved… She was careful to apply the paint evenly, and then absentmindedly dotted the hard to reach places with a smaller brush as she started to plan. After all, she had an evaluation in two days and she wanted to present the very best version of herself to this new potential instructor.
She had a rough schedule determined by the time she made it back to her apartment.
She wandered into her bedroom in order to grab a set of clean clothes so she could take a shower and wash the paint from hands and arms, and stopped for a moment to look at the letters posted on the wall above her dresser. Which consisted of her entire correspondence with her new penpal.
Her first letter had been a list of questions. She wanted to determine whether or not Daichi was actually an alternative personality, and if he was, how developed he appeared to be. He answered readily enough, but the information he presented made Sakura very, very wary.
She looked over the letter.
Sakura,
I am grateful to see that you have established a line of correspondence. I know you were rather anxious about me following my discovery, but please be assured that I want to help you. You have nothing to fear from me.
And in response to your questions:
-My full name is Uchiha Daichi.
-I am male.
-I am seventeen years old.
-I am a shinobi, jounin-rank. And in case it needs to be said, my allegiance is to you, although I am technically affiliated to Kohonagakure. You should have asked.
-Another thing you didn't ask, but I think you should know. I specialize in fire and wind based ninjutsu and kenjutsu.
-I have no idea why my favorite flower should have any bearing on this conversation, but a camelia.
-I like watching thunderstorms, stencil artwork, and training. I'm also partial to camping on the beach.
Another thing you should know. I would greatly appreciate it if we could start a sword collection. I will participate in the missions to build the funds if necessary.
-I dislike the smell of cauliflower, the sound of insects next to my ear, and waking up in the middle of the night because I am cold. And child-trafficking, which is beyond despicable.
-My favorite animal is an owl.
Which I intend to make my animal summon. I had been meaning to discuss that with you, actually. You need to find an animal summon- they are incredibly useful. Ask your sensei for more details.
-Yes I have a past. It seems odd that you would ask that without demanding any of the details, but yes I have memories.
-My nindo: Death and suffering is never necessary.
In regards to our situation; yes, I can see everything that you see. But I do not know absolutely everything about you. I am an inhabitant, a guest per se, but I am not you. To that end, I would appreciate it if you would take the time to answer all of the questions you asked me on a separate sheet of paper in your own time.
Until next time,
Daichi
Sakura did not know what to do about the fact that this alternative personality in her head was apparently an Uchiha. A helpful, strangely verbose Uchiha, but still… What in the world was that supposed to signify? She had read that these personalities were triggered by trauma and stress, but what determined who would appear? Why an Uchiha?
She was ungodly curious about his past, but she didn't feel comfortable asking about his memories for the same reason she had never prodded Sasuke. It was more than tact- the way the civilians had whispered about the fate of the Uchiha clan made the act seem taboo.
Also important to note; the fact that he described himself as an inhabitant was also rather startling. Inner Sakura existed as her own personality, but was also clearly an extension of herself. This was clearly an individual who felt he had the autonomy and agency to declare himself an entirely different person. Which, while this was congruent with what she had read about alters, was an overwhelming reality to accept in person.
Because what could she do but accept it? In the mean time she intended to read up on the condition some more, but this did not seem like the kind of problem that just went away. In fact, there was every chance that other personalities would continue to appear, and that they were there to stay. And until she heard otherwise, she figured that it would be… better to form some level of cooperation and correspondence. Maybe even a friendship.
Was it strange to be friends with alternative personalities living in your head?
Probably.
Many of their letters from there had been about establishing logistics and learning more about each other.
Sakura,
Your rationale is sound. And please let it be known that I greatly appreciate the fact that you are behaving in such a level-headed manner.
As for the questions pertaining to 'logistics'…
So far I have appeared in moments where you appear to be under a lot of duress, both mental and physical. I believe I would be able to come out if I was otherwise inclined, but I thought it might be rude to make the attempt without your permission. If we could establish a schedule so that I could have the opportunity to train, I would greatly appreciate it. And considering I will be training our body, you should appreciate it to.
Perhaps in the evening or at night? Less people to notice, and I believe I am trained enough to avoid detection.
And to answer your final question, my favorite color is actually mauve.
What is your favorite thing to read when you have an entire day to yourself?
Until next time,
Daichi
One notable time, he wrote about what had happened during the spar with her teammates after she had been knocked unconscious.
Sakura,
You should know that I made an appearance during your spar earlier today. We will need to experiment in order to establish if I make an appearance every time you lose consciousness through unnatural means. What if you were drugged or poisoned? Is only one of us affected?
This could be extremely useful to know considering our line of work.
But yes, the spar. I didn't want to bring attention to our situation, so I attempted to apprehend them as quickly as possible. Still, I believe your sensei may be suspicious. Read the following scrolls on chakra point manipulation before your next practice, just in case he makes any inquiries. He has agreed to teach you a genjutsu, so be prepared for that. With your level of chakra control, you should already be investing time in genjutsu training. Much of the information you need can be read (I took the liberty of acquiring some scrolls and books from the jounin archives. If you don't feel comfortable returning them, wait and the next time I am out I will do it for you). It would be helpful, however, if you were able to engage in practical instruction with an experienced teacher.
And for your question, my favorite meal is actually miso nikomi udon soup.
Have you ever tried to draw? Sketch? Paint?
On a not-completely-unrelated note, would you mind if I painted the walls in our house? They are rather… empty.
Until next time,
Daichi
Some of the other letters existed more as short remarks which were the very example of constructive criticism. The latest one, for example.
Sakura,
I couldn't help but notice that you do not have any traps surrounding your apartment. Also, that you seem to be displaying these letters on the wall where anyone can see them. I appreciate that you seem to value our correspondence, but it would benefit both of us if you were a little more nondescript.
Until next time,
Daichi
Sakura supposed he had a point. Not that she had ever invited anyone into her room in the short time she had been living there, but… if her experiences as a shinobi had taught her anything at this point, it was that you should always prepared for the unexpected. Because bad luck seemed to linger around their team in suspicious quantities.
With that in mind, she took down all of the letters and sealed them in a scroll. Internally satisfied that her admittedly conservative attempts at fuinjutsu had been successful thus far, she threw the scroll on top of a growing pile of scrolls accumulating in the corner of her closet (taking a few seconds to see where it landed and memorize where it was), before she grabbed her clothes and headed for the shower.
It was while she was under the steady stream of hot water that her body relaxed out of the giddy anticipation that had filled her chest since walking out of the restaurant. The depression was welcome because it also helped to ease the anxiety that was bubbling up at the thought of her impending examination. Under the stream of moisture, Sakura forced herself to breathe evenly, and revisit the plan she had devised during her earlier mission.
By the time she stepped out of the shower and put on some workout clothes, Sakura was filled with a steady resolve as she went to her training mat. Stretches took almost twenty minutes, but she felt ridiculously limber after she was through. She considered, absentmindedly, that she should really consider warming up at the beginning of training sessions. All of the boys on her team were rather spry.
Next, she ran through every kata drill she knew, taking the time to swing her entire body into the movements and pivoting, which was what really allowed for some strength to develop behind the actions considering her small frame.
Remembering her attempts at experimenting with chakra during her spar with Naruto's clones, Sakura decided to attempt her kata exercise over again, gathering chakra in her fists and gaining familiarity with the way the pulses of energy settled between her knuckles and in her fingertips as she directed each movement with as much precision and efficiency as she was able. The concentration it took to maintain the level of control needed to even the flow and amount took her somewhat off-guard. She realized this is something she would need to practice if she wanted to be able to utilize chakra in this way consistently.
Next, Sakura resumed her attempts into bukijutsu, which because she did not have a handy dandy training post, entailed kenjutsu. Still rather wary of the katana still lying on the floor in her bedroom, Sakura picked up one of the tanto lying across the floor in her living room.
Over the last week she had gotten used to the length and weight of the blade, and she had now begun the process of extending the blade as a part of herself. She tried to grip the handle in different ways, and curiously began to cut into the air in front of her. Once that became boring, she decided to attempt to throw the short sword and attempt to catch it at the handle.
Which turned out to be a terrible idea. Only a few attempts in, and her grasp on the handle slipped, which caused the blade to land on her thigh and slice a decent cut into the flesh before gravity pulled it to a clatter on the floor.
Stupid. Stupid. Why did she think she could do that?
She can't do anything right, can she?
Sakura fairly stomped her way into her kitchen, very peeved at her unusual display of recklessness. She turned the faucet and absentmindedly brought the bloody blade up to the sink, before realizing that there was no water.
Sakura stupidly thought to herself that she had forgotten to pay her water bill, before realizing that she was living in an apartment complex and utilities was handled by her landlord.
So why was the water out? She looked down and saw that her cut was bleeding profusely enough to leak streams of red down her calves and onto the kitchen tile. She should probably leave. Blood would probably by a real pain to scrub out of the grout.
But where could she go to wipe it off? Maybe she could just find their training ground and rinse off in the river?
Sighing, Sakura grabbed her medical pack and, still holding the bloody tanto, exited her apartment.
She almost ran into someone who was standing at her door. Sakura startled back a step, but almost immediately recognized the man, distinguishable by his long spiky dark hair, and a thin bandage draped across his nose. He had been an assistant in the Chunnin Exams.
"Hagane-san?"
The Chunnin looked surprised to see her there. "Haruno-san? What are you doing here?"
Sakura felt a brow raise as she peered at him curiously. "I live here?"
The man blinked. "You were made a chunnin?"
Sakura shook her head, and laughed a familiar self-disparaging laugh. "Nah. But they ran out of room in the genin housing complexes."
Hagane-san hummed thoughtfully, before casually looking down. Sakura could pinpoint the exact moment he saw the streams of blood beading down her leg, because he stepped back a bit startled. He was about to say something about it, looking more than a little concerned, but Sakura waved him off before he could mention it.
"You were about to knock on my door?"
"Ah… oh, yeah. Is your water off too?"
Sakura nodded, looking annoyed. "Yes, which is why I was leaving my apartment. I need to wash the blood off." She looked down at all of the bloody things attached to her person in exasperation.
The man saw the red-soaked sword, and let out another thoughtful hum. "Weapons training?"
Sakura let out a rather unladylike noise. "Attempting. I have no idea what I'm doing."
His eyebrows raised to his forehead in surprise. "So you thought you would just buy a blade and have at it?"
The idiocy of this action was more than implied by his tone. Sakura didn't really know how to respond because she hadn't been the one to buy the blade, but she shrugged because she had been the one to play with it and accidentally injure herself. "How else would I have gotten familiar with it?"
Hagane-san led out a short laugh that sounded slightly incredulous. "You could have gotten a wooden practice sword? Or found an instructor?"
Sakura shrugged again. "I don't really know anyone that uses a tanto."
Another thoughtful hum. Then, "Izumo-kun might be able to help you out. But he hardly does anything for free. How well can you cook?"
Sakura brows furrowed. "Well enough?"
Hagane-san nodded decidedly. "Good. Then you can make us dinner in exchange for an impromptu lesson. I would hate to learn that my next-door neighbor killed herself because she had no idea how to train with weapons and I did nothing to assist her. Izumo-kun's favorite food is daikon salad and thick fried eggs, and I like oden, so I would advise shopping before we come over."
What?
Suddenly the man gave her blade a strong, scrutinizing look. "How are you maintaining the blades? You were about the wash the blood out with water, right? Have you water-proofed the steel with oil?"
Sakura felt a bit taken aback at his sudden intensity. "No I haven't?"
"If you don't proof the blade, you leave it vulnerable to surface rust and could potentially dull the edge. Do you have any weapon oils in your apartment?"
Sakura thought to the odds and ends that Daichi had purchased that were still shoved into a corner of her bedroom. "Possibly?"
Hagane-san shook his head. "That's no good. I'll bring some over tonight. We'll come over at six?"
Sakura felt very out of control of the situation, but she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. As it was, her reply was weak. "Sure."
"Good." He paused, and then looked at her thoughtfully a few seconds in an evaluating manner. He added, "How clean is your apartment?"
Sakura felt her lips purse, feeling affronted. "Clean?"
Hagane-san gave her a crooked smile. "Sorry, but Izumo-kun's a bit of a neat freak. I just wanted to be sure." Then he gave one of those lax waves many of the men in her life seemed to be fond off, and went back into his apartment. Which was, indeed, right next to hers.
Well then. Sakura felt strangely resigned to her new evening plans, but apprehensive to have near strangers over at her apartment alone. But her earlier attempt to be social had turned out alright, so maybe she should have a little faith? Step one seemed to be washing off the blood and wrapping her leg. And then, apparently, she was going to stop at market on her way back. At least the daikon salad was easy to prepare, but oden? Did she even own a donabe? She didn't think so… Something else to pick up.
And then, of course, she needed to make it back to her apartment with enough time to scrub the blood from the floors before her company arrived.
They were lucky she actually liked daikon.
Kamizuki Izumo was surprisingly quick-witted. Sakura had no idea why she was surprised; perhaps because her first impression of the man had been somewhat lacking, or because men their age did not generally exchange witty repertoire with thirteen-year-old girls. Both, probably?
In any case, the two Chunnin had bustled into her house at almost exactly six, and sat at her kitchen table bantering in ridiculously good spirits.
Kamizuki-san had given her a curious once-over at the door, eyes lingering for a moment on her dark clothing and bandaged limbs, before he looked up at her face and took off his shoes with a smile.
Hagane-san, the instigator of the evening, reassured his friend as they made their way through her apartment. "Don't worry Izumo-kun. I told her about all of your favorite dishes. It should be a good dinner."
The man looked back at his friend with a raised brow. "How accommodating of her."
His friend just grinned. "Well, we're doing the girl a favor, after all. I didn't see any problem to it."
Kamizuki-san just shook his head for a few moments in exasperation, before sending her an apologetic smile. "Apologies, Haruno-san. Kotetsu-kun gets these ideas in his head that are little better than hair-brained schemes, and it's hard to discourage him."
Sakura was quick to reassure him. "No, I don't mind at all! If you guys can offer me any help, I would be grateful."
She brought out the requested food, and was pleased that they both made gratifying sounds of enthusiasm and appreciation. Hagane-san was especially vocal, and Sakura giggled thinking he sounded like a more mature version of Naruto.
Hagane-san started his inquires as he happily bit into a boiled egg. "So why did you decide to start training with weapons?"
Sakura considered the question for a moment. Had she actually decided to train with weapons? It was more like Daichi had given her a resource that she felt obligated to take advantage of. And then after she had gotten enough practice, after each throw was consistently smooth and accurate, it felt good to do. It was nice to feel like she was good at something. It made her feel like practicing something enough could actually help her improve, which was a much-needed confidence boaster.
But to answer his question? The reason she was suddenly so desperate to train at all?
"I don't want to die." She said it as matter-of-factly as she was able, trying not to make it sound as if she were whining. Sakura was very aware of the fact that these men were close to Kakashi-sensei's age. They had probably lived through the last Shinobi War, and witnessed some rather unsavory shit. She was sure her experiences couldn't compare.
But both men immediately sobered.
Hagane-san opened his mouth and started to say, "That's…" but he didn't seem able to continue.
"Depressing," Kamizuki-san offered for him, taking a careful spoonful of the oden broth.
Sakura shrugged. Probably. But- "I… am not brave. And I'm not strong enough to have the right to do things for the sake of other people. Not yet. I need to be more reliable first. But that would require me not dying." She finished the statement with a bitter smile.
Hagane-san just nodded. "There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay alive."
Kamizuki-san agreed. "Nobody is asking you to be the hero."
Sakura couldn't stop herself from snorting. That was patently not true. A lot had been asked from her team since its formation, and the boys have each acted the part of the hero. Why else would they have named a bridge after her blonde teammate? She was the only one emulating a damsel in distress.
Hagane-san made an inquiring sound as he reached over and nibbled on some of the daikon salad.
Sakura frowned, and tried to explain. "They still seem to expect it. Being a shinobi appears to mean committing to an ever expanding series of heroic acts, but I…" She took a shuddering breath, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Just thinking about it, Sakura could feel the edge of anxiety tense her fingers and forearms, and creep up towards her chest. "It's hard. When people are dying, and you're not strong enough."
Both men gave her another grim nod, as if they understood exactly where she was coming from. The commiseration shared with that action alone surprised Sakura. It was… comforting. Misery loves company perhaps?
And then Hagane-san gave her a high wattage smile, and Sakura's 'Naruto is about to say or do something stupid' senses started tingling. "Well, you're a good cook!"
Kamizuki-san snorted.
"And-" Hagane stopped to give a playful glare at his best friend, "After we are done with you, your bukijutsu skills will be the envy of the village. We'll make it difficult for anyone to get close to killing you."
Sakura couldn't stop herself from laughing out loud at his presumption. "You sound very confident. Are you are that good at teaching?"
"We'll find out soon enough." Both men shared smiles indicative of some inside joke, and feeling slightly awkward, Sakura took a big bite of daikon salad. It really wasn't bad, considering she had never made the dish before.
They continued to eat comfortably for the next ten minutes, the conversation light and easy, before both men got up and followed her into the living room. Hagane-san immediately took point. "Alright. To start with I want to know every weapon you have in this house. Lay them out here on the mat."
Sakura stared at him curiously for a moment, before she began emptying her pockets and packs. She released the naginata from the scroll. And then she went and collected everything else Daichi had purchased. Kunai, shurikens, a large shuriken (she had been inspired by Sasuke following their mission to Wave), senbon, tantos, a katana, a naginata, two tonfa, and a kubotan laid out next to each other on the rubbery mat.
Both men looked more than a little impressed. Kamizuki-san turned to her with a raised brow, "All of this just because you were afraid to die?"
Sakura felt very defensive. She didn't want to allude to Daichi's existence if she could help it. But finding an adequate excuse was easy. "Facing one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist, Orochimaru, and a bijuu may have made me a little paranoid."
They blinked at her in surprise, and it suddenly occurred to Sakura that they would have no way of knowing about her experiences. For some reason she had just assumed that everyone knew.
Hagane-san was quick to bounce back. "Do you know how to use any of them?"
Sakura shrugged. "I have a decent grasp on everything taught at the academy. Kunai, shuriken, and senbon. But as you can see-" she gestured to the weapons laid out in front of her, "-I have an interest in expanding my knowledge."
Kamizuki-san was already nodding absentmindedly, stroking the mask covering his chin thoughtfully. Then he shot an assessing gaze at her legs and arms. "How is your strength and stamina?"
Sakura gave them a sheepish smile. "In the works."
"Hm". Both men stopped to look at each other, and managed to communicate with each other nonverbally again. Sakura wondered off-hand what that was like, and if she would ever meet anyone she connected to well enough to be able to pull that off.
Hagane-san was the one who spoke up. "Right, well, this training will probably be a little more intensive than what we had in mind, but if you are dedicated enough to buy weapons and try to practice on your own, we have faith you will actually follow through with our practices and exercises."
Sakura was surprised they were so willing to jump right into instruction. But pleased. "Of course."
"But first," Hagane-san continued, "I will teach you how to maintain your weapons. Not all of these weapon types receive the same treatment, so it is important to know how to handle each blade individually."
Sakura nodded. "I would appreciate the instruction. Thank you, Hagane-san, Kamizuki-san. I know you are not really getting anything out of spending your time with me."
Hagane-san grinned. "Call me Kotetsu-san at least, kid. And it's no problem. But we will expect food in return, right Izumo-kun?"
Kamizuki-san smiled. "Ah. And you can call me Izumo-san. I am sure we will be seeing a lot of each other in the future."
Sakura couldn't stop from grinning.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
A/N:
Hello all!
This is a long Author's Note, but if you are at all curious to know my thought processes, bear with me…
I would just like address a few things before we move forward with this story.
I was very hesitant to release this chapter because I wanted it to be just right, and it felt wrong. This level of expectation somewhat influenced by the fact that so many people saw potential in the first chapter. Which I am so grateful for. However, I was also afraid to post it because I had a feeling some of what I am attempting to plot could be… misconstrued? Or at least misunderstood. The only way I could get myself to agree to publish this was by convincing myself that adding an explanation to the post-script could help to curb some of the criticism.
First of all, thank you so much for your comments. Especially the reviewers who offered some constructive criticism (lookin' at you swu and 9462641). If I want to make this story into the very best it can be, those are the reviews that are needed. So thank you.
But just to address a few comments about Sakura becoming overpowered too quickly.
Sakura is not overpowered. Her alters might be (just a bit). However, our dear cherry blossom has a long road ahead of her, which will be helped by said alters, but… she is definitely not going to become strong overnight.
The ANBU thing was a coincidence. I know I am a mean author, but I wanted this to be an example of Kakashi's inability at times to utilize Occam's razor. This is one of the consequences of always seeing 'underneath the underneath'- he remembered the association without considering that the technique could probably be applied on many skill levels (like when Sasuke knocked out Sakura on his way out of the village). Daichi and Sakura both knew about the existence and placement of chakra pressure points. But as an alter, Daichi is a prodigy with elevated perception and sensory-motor functions, so he was able to apply the concept in a way Sakura couldn't. Something he sought to rectify by giving her the scrolls with a more detailed depiction of the application.
I want these accounts to be less of a narrative and more of a perspective- this is the way they are interpreting events, which may not always be completely accurate, but it is the world the way they see it. This was my attempt to illustrate this point.
Sorry if the execution was off. If it really bothers you guys, I can take it out of Chapter 1.
As for the Uchiha thing- first, I believe that clan affiliation and last names are so emphasized in the Naruto-universe, that it is not completely unreasonable that an alternative personality would arise from one of those affiliations. That said, Daichi is an Uchiha because Sakura was traumatized enough to need someone stronger to step in for her, and so much of her consciousness has affiliated the idea of strength and competency with Sasuke and his association with the Uchiha clan for a long time. And I am sure she was peripherally aware of the clan and its strength as a child. I wanted that impression to be the inspiration for this manifestation.
Apologies if anyone disagrees.
I also want you to know that I want to do my very best to accurately represent this disorder. To that end, here are a few remarks about the disorder:
According to , on the topic of alters in DID, "These personality states must each have their own enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to and thinking about the environment and self. These personality states can be thought of as alters. Alters involve marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related changes in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor function. DID alters can have different physical affects, accents, memories, ages, names, functions, genders and other traits. Collectively, all the alters together are known as the "system" in dissociate identity disorder."
Sakura will develop several of these alters as a result of trauma. I intend for each of them to be entirely different people all living inside Sakura, who can communicate with each other and the host. As far as the Naruto-universe aspect of these individuals, they will all have different chakra reserves, elemental associations, have different affiliations (not just Konohakagure) and be capable of techniques Sakura would never have been able to execute. This is not entirely unprecedented; some real-life alters have talents and abilities the host doesn't have (foreign language, athletic ability, etc.). I am just taking that one step farther (see below).
Her alters will also make friendships with individuals in the village separate to the host, which I intend to have a lot of fun with.
When I alluded to the movie "Split" in the summary, I was referencing the idea discussed in the movie about the power of the mind. The idea that the differences in these alters happens, not only on a psychological level, but also a biological one (for example, the fact that some alters can have different physical conditions like diabetes, while all of the other personalities and the host are unaffected). This is why there will be a difference in chakra reserves, and I am seriously considering the development of a kekkei genkai (that only exists while that alter is in control of the body).
Apologies that this explanation was so long. Thank you so much for your support. Please continue to review. It is very, very encouraging. J