Love is just a way to die

I took on all your pain
Oh, what a great mistake I made.
I never thought you'd leave me
With all your burdens overneath me.

I'll let go of all we've ever been through
I'm finding out the ways to live
In spite of all the wars you left inside my mind
Love is just a way to die.

BELLA'S POV:

Its been a while since I opened my eyes to this crystalline world of speed, strength and immortality.5 years to be exact.

I would be lying if I had said I couldn't have been anymore happier,but then I would also be lying if I said I was still in pain.

I was just Numb to it all.

Strong, lethal and unbreakable…I was now so much more than that shell of a human girl, The Cullens had left behind. I'll admit,it had taken a while for me to get back to point where I could actually smile without breaking inside.

But I had done it.I had learned to cope with my past and hope for the best in the future.

But that didn't mean I had learnt to forget…No.

'Human memories tend to wane ', they said…. 'you'll forget that part of your life Bella..your past that brings you so much of pain...Trust me we all did."

I had played along back then, nodding my head to everything my new family had said while pretending to find comfort in their words.

But I was never the one to lie to myself, why start now ?

I would never really forget Edward Cullen,no... and I'm not sure if I would ever be able to forgive him either….

His name bought back so many memories…..after all, He had been my first love, my first kiss and my very first heartbreak.

I watched the sun hide behind the clouds.

The Cullens had incorporated themselves into almost every human memory I had...So much, that sometimes If I really closed my eyes and listened for it I could still hear their laughter in the air.

"Bella,my love..."

Edward.

I closed my eyes, against the onslaught of memories, that always came with his name.

I would never truly heal, Would I ?

"Isabella?"

I turned away from the window as Alexander walked into the room.

"There you are.." he mumbled smiling,his feet quickly closing in the distance between us to take my hand in his. "Rachel said you had asked for me ?"

He arched a perfect eyebrow in question waiting for my response while, mirth danced in his expressive eyes.

In his dark jeans and black leather jacket, he looked the part of the bad-boy heartbreaker who went around breaking hearts before,as he claims,I had stolen his.

"Don't blank out on me now sweetheart."

I blinked up at him,only to find myself wrapped in his strong lean arms,our faces well within the reach of each others while his eyes stared back at mine with love, concern and absolute adorning...for me.

And I hated myself,for the hundredth time,for wishing he was someone else.

His onyx coloured eyes stared back at me as he caustiously moved in closer to rain soft kisses along my jaw-line.

I closed my eyes in bitter sweet pain as I he trailed kisses up my jaw before planting a soft kiss over my cold marble lips.

"Isabella...", he whispered softly against my skin.

He made my name sounded like a prayer, a benediction all rolled into at times..like this,his sincere love was too much take...it was too much like his.

I wanted to return his adoration,I wanted to love Alex for teaching me to love myself how can one really love without their whole heart? When Pieces of mine disappeared into the night a long time ago.

"Alex.."

I pulled myself out of his embrace,forcing laughter as I turned away and walked over to dresser,mindlessly rearranging things to work through my anxiety.

I wasn't ready for more with him and I honestly doubted if I ever would matter how many times I turned him down,Alex persisted..Promising to take things as slow as I wanted because he could wait an eternity for us to be together.

And I had agreed,promising myself that this year,would be last time I would allow myself to grieve over the past.I had to learn how to move on,for my sake and everybody else's.

How long will I go on killing myself for a love that had so easily forsaked me ?

I reached out for my car keys and hand bag, sliding it over my shoulder, as I turned towards him.

"Actually,I told Rachel to tell you that I had gone to the book store,in case I was still gone when you made it back from your hunting trip."

He rolled his eyes,leaning against the door frame.

"Another book already Bella? Really?",he snickered.

"What is it this time ? A Dikens…or A Jane Austen ?"

I laughed."You know me so well..But no, not this time….its Shakespeare actually. Mrs. Coup? You know that old sweet lady from the store I showed you that other day right ? Yeah..Well She had called me up earlier, saying she had found the version of Romeo And Juliet novel I was searching for."

I placed a light kiss over his cheek as I pushed past him on the way to the staircase.

"I'll probably not take too long anyway…the store closes in another hour and a half, so you defiantly don't have to worry about me getting lost in the literary world and coming home late again ."

I snickered,at his pouty expression while my fingers pulled open the door.

"Awww,babe….does it have to be today?", he groaned as he helped me put on my coat and quickly pull my hair to a side to nip my throat.

I rolled my eyes playfully,as I headed out to the door and into my car,in a matter of seconds.

"Yes Alex….I do… !" I slid the key into the engine,before rolling down the window…and waving to him.." But I'll be back soon..I promise !"

He laughed at my uncovered enthusiasm as I pulled my car out into the drive and hit the accelerator,Escalating the speed.

My mind wandered over everything and nothing as I drove through the highway with the radio halfway there, I suddenly began to grow anxious,my body almost tinging with sparks of feelings as I drew closer to the store..How odd.

I stepped out into the parking lot,slamming the door a bit too forcefully as I tried to shake out my uneasy feeling.

I could have sworn the air crackled with with life.

I stared across the street,at the small cottage like store hesitating but for a moment before heading for the door.

The old copper Wind chimes tinkled softly as I stepped into the cozy warmth,as it effectively announced my arrival and ended my train of thought.

Spacious,and dim lighted,this place had quickly become my favorite refugee during the sunny days. I had never bought Alex here,he had never asked to tag along nor did I force him other wise.

In some ways this store had fixed a small crack in my heart by offering me sanctuary from the sun the way one beautiful meadow once had.I had never gone back there by myself or with Alex.

My memories and The Cullens was my past...And Alex and his family was my Oil and water I wanted them to stay separate and never mix.

I shook my head at that thought and signed.

I am such a hypocrite.

Shuffling quietly to the side,I took a small breath in,desensitizing myself to the human scents before I made my way over to counter to greet the old woman.

"Oh hello deary, what can I do for you?".She smiled sweetly & I knew she had forgotten.

"Hello " I chuckled."I got a call this morning telling me you found the 1980's version of the Romeo and Juliet I was looking for."

She frowned and then smiled sadly. "Oh, but I'm sorry my dear,that one is already reserved for Isabella...There must be some mistake…"Her voice trailing off in confusion.

"Yes, I know Mrs. Coup….Thank you for holding onto it for me,it is me Bella…don't tell me you've forgotten me so soon already!"

"Oh...Oh !"

She laughed lightly whacking her head softly at her forgetfulness . "Yes..Yes,I remember now...I am so sorry dear. I really am starting to forget more and more these day ! My childeren tease me about it all the time ! And well about the copy you were searching for..."Her voice trailed off as she made her way back into the shelves and pulled out a dog-eared copy of the well loved book,I had come searching for.

"Well I think..I finally found it"

She made of a show of blowing off imaginary layers of dust before handing it to me with a quick wink before turned away to help the next customer in line.

I quickly flipped through it's delicate pages to cross check the year,intending to read a few random words before settling on a particular line.

"o;think'st thou we shall ever meet again."

Juliet's line.A line she recited the morning after her marital night,that fateful morning she begged Romeo not to go on the account of his banishment.

I snorted.Figures.

Well atleast she had hope.

I folded the end of the page and turned back to leave,just as a musical voice finished the partaking line of Juliet's Romeo.

"I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve..
For sweet discourses in our times to come."

*Blushes shyly* So..um...What do you guys think ?

I know its kinna short,but I'm just testing the waters here :) Any thoughts ?