Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Character(s): Harry P. & ?

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a female because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry is suddenly free from her old responsibility as Harry Potter. Could Harry leave that kind of life to become Harry Potter again?

Chapter One: Land of Learning Pt. 1

Day One: Meeting With The Twins

It was on July 23 (I had arrived at Hogwarts via Floo Powder on the 20th, and Dumbledore had me take the "Gender-Bender" Potion on the 21st, which then gave me one day to get used to my...assets...before my trainers arrive) that I was called up to Dumbledore's office. I didn't know what I had done (or hadn't done) - but I was going to find out soon enough!

I quickly told the gargoyle the password ("Reece's Peanut Butter Cup") then walked onto the revolving staircase after the stone gargoyle jumped aside. As I went up the stairs, I could hear a conversation going on in Dumbledore's office. I couldn't understand it though. When I reached the door, I gave it a few knocks.

"You can come in now, Harry." Dumbledore almost snickered from behind his desk. I peered around the door, staring in disbelief at the old man.

"How'd you know it was me?" I wheedled at the Headmaster pathetically. Ever since the whole fiasco had begun, I had been more informal with Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Flitwick. It was almost scary how protective they adults became of me when I became a girl - especially after they found out how the Dursleys acted towards me and magic in general.

He sighed, and I could almost swear he was trying to hold in laughter. "Only you, dear girl, knock to the Muggle tune of 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat'."

I gave my now tiny hand a horrified look, then switched to Dumbledore, and then switched again to my hand. Then I shook my head, gave up trying to understand my sudden bout of madness, and walked into the room.

I was suddenly hyper-aware of how I had acted towards Padma at the Yule Ball for the Triwizard Tournament last year. I felt my face burn as I stared back at the two Indian girls lounging in the plush chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"Um...hi?" I ventured. The two looked at Dumbledore in shock, and I realized they probably hadn't known that Dumbledore was actually telling the truth and not pulling some wool over their eyes at their presence in Hogwarts. Dumbledore nodded serenely at them, and they practically shot over to me.

I jumped at their sudden closeness, but decided to ignore that for their new predatory looks as they circled me. Just then, I wondered where those parchments and quills had come from, and what exactly they were writing.

"Turn for us Harry dear." Parvati ordered kindly from a few feet away. I did so, slowly and awkwardly, but knowing it was probably what they wanted. Parvati continued, observing my new qualities. "Thick hair - a gorgeous brunette color -" BRUNETTE! When was I ever a brunette! "-and big eyes, nice shape and color. Not to noticeable from far away."

Padma picked up from there. "Bad fashion sense - it must be rectified before the start of term sister mine." She tapped her lips thoughtfully with a long nail. Then she wrote comments on the parchment. "Good body - small and petite. Good posture also. Did you learn how to do this in the last day, or is it habit?" She asked. I thought about it for a minute.

"It is a habit for good posture, Padma, but with the new body, I had to re-learn it so I wouldn't topple over." I grimaced. I had found that out the hard way yesterday when I had gotten tangled in the bed sheet and fell out of bed, fallen down a flight of stairs and tripped going into the Great Hall. Madam Pomphrey fixed up my bruises and sprained ankle quickly, and gave me a warning to be extra careful for a while until I was used to my body's new center of balance.

"Interesting." Padma and Parvati said simultaneously.

"So, what are you two going to do to me?" I asked curiously. I didn't fear Voldemort, but I did fear those to smirking grins they gave me - as if they were planning my torture or something. I was most definitely afraid to find out.

"Well, first we need to have a good long talk about what you need to know about your new body and the changes it'll be going through - and those emotions that tag along for the ride." Parvati smiled benignly, and then looked at her notes. "Then we are going to go for a thorough waxing and tanning. After that, we'll go to a salon for your hair and nails. Last, we'll go shopping for some fitting clothes and accessories." Parvati looked up from the parchment to give a pleading stare at Dumbledore. "I'd like to take Harry into Muggle London for some clothes also, Headmaster. She'll need some other things besides robes and the uniform."

"Of course, Ms. Patil. I'll have Prof. McGonagall accompany you on this trip." He smiled at her, and Parvati nodded in acceptance.

"That'll be okay - a pureblood witch to give us opinions on what clothes would be acceptable in the Wizarding world." Padma mumbled the last bit to herself, although I believe Dumbledore heard it also.

"But that's it?" I asked, almost shocked. It didn't sound all that bad at all! Hardly the torture I was imagining at first.

Parvati looked me up and down. "Yeah Harry, I believe that'll be all we'll do with you."

"Wait, sister mine." Padma placed a hand on my shoulder. "How long will Harry remain a girl? A month? A year? Forever? She'll need to know haw to actually be a girl, Parvati, or the disguise won't be believable." Padma argued.

I almost wanted to run away. How long would I really be in this disguise? Dumbledore and I hadn't truly discussed that topic at length, and now I really wanted to know.

Padma drew my attention back to the present. "I don't think Hermione will be much help in this either, because she's not close with other girls her age, just guys. And Ron doesn't have a feminine bone in his body. I can't really say that for Harry here any longer though."

"Your right, Padma." Parvati smiled brightly. "As always. We'll teach Harry how to act, talk, and walk like a girl." The two sisters turned towards me with gentle looks that transformed in sadistic grins before my very eyes.

It was then that I knew I was doomed.