Nine Inch Nails "Only"

"I can't stand it anymore."

Shizuo glanced over at Izaya in confusion. It had been a long time since he had said anything much beyond a murmer of small talk in their strange relationship. To everyone else, they were mortal enemies. But ever since Izaya had gotten bold and drunk and practically raped Shizuo, things had been… odd.

"The hell are you talking about."

"I'm … transparent."

"Are you drunk?"

"High."

"On?"

"Stuff."

Shizuo shifted on his position on Izaya's couch uncomfortably. Izaya was draped over him after a fit of very aggressive onslaught sex, and this explained why. "Okay. Talk."

"I can't leave you alone. You're a doorway I can't see through to the other side of. I clawed my way through, but I'm not sure I like what I've found. You're not as pretty as I thought you'd be."

"Is that an insult?"

"There is no you."

"You're not making any sense."

"Just me. Only me. The world doesn't exist, it's all in my head. I can play puppet master all day, but in the end, you are all dolls. Just dolls. People are my playthings, Shizuo. Why aren't you doing what you're supposed to?"

"You are messed up."

Izaya grinned and looked up at him a little feverishly. "I know. It's not often you get to see me like this. Enjoy it!"

"You're freaking me out."

"You told me that when I first fucked you."

"And then I pounded you."

"And sucked me off when you found out what a fucking masochist I am hahaha!"

"I cannot get over how fucked up you really are…" Shizuo sighed, kicking off his left shoe, as his other foot was bare from the savage encounter they had experienced not minutes before. "Just what's going on between us anyway?"

"I don't know. I don't care. There is no you."

"Please stop saying that."

Izaya laughed and rolled off of the couch and stayed on the floor naked, still laughing. "You're a living doll! You act independently every time! I can't control you, Shizu-chan, you're ALIVE! I LOVE IT!"

"Just how much of whatever you're on are you actually on?"

"A lot."

"Should I be calling an ambulance?"

"You would save my life?"

Shizuo sat up and readjusted his pants with a frown. "I… I dunno. I guess. You're not allowed to kill yourself. Only I can do that."

"Awwwwwwwwww!"

"Knock it off, pest!"

"Still with the pet name?"

Shizuo sighed. "Why haven't I killed you yet?"

Izaya hopped into his lap and pressed his bare body close. Shizuo felt that he was hard again. "Because you're alive, Shizuo. That's why."