Chapter 2

My Dad

I am proud to be considered a role model for my child. I hope he grows up to be just like me: - 666

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

"Get your things together and get out."

I knew he had been standing there. I could smell him and if he thought he was going to intimidate me he was mistaken.

I picked up the coffee mug from the oak coffee table and sipped at my drink. "You are in no position to tell me what to do. If I leave Spencer leaves with me and goes back to the hospital and neither of us want that to happen."

He moved around the back of the couch and now stood in front of me just watching. He then slowly sat down on the table and leaned forwards with his elbows on his knees and his chin resting on the back of his hand. "Well Jason – I hope you don't mind me calling you that, I think you will find I am listed as next of kin and if I tell you to get the hell out of here then you will. I think you might even find that I pay the bills for this place. This is my home as much as it is Spencer's and I don't want you here."

I took another sip of my coffee and looked at him. "You are mistaken Flanders. You were temporary next of kin for emergency purposes only and I don't give a damn if you pay the bills here or not…Spencer is here on the condition that I stay to care for him."

"I don't need a carer."

I hadn't realised that Spencer was standing behind me and for the second time that day he surprised me. I had hardly heard him speak at all until – well until the bedroom.

"You need someone to cook and clean for you."

And now Spencer moved slowly around the couch too but he went to his chair and slid slowly down into it. "I have Floyd."

I wasn't prepared to go into details of why this wasn't a very good arrangement and so changed direction on it slightly. "The plan wasn't to stay here though. I wanted to take you to the cabin. Go fishing. Spend some time healing in peace."

And again I was surprised. I thought Flanders would jump in there and say something, but he kept quiet. He just moved slightly so that he was looking at Spencer over the top of his hand.

"The cabin doesn't actually bring back happy memories."

I nodded. "I can understand that Spencer, but I wanted us to get back what we've lost."

And still Flanders stayed silent and Spencer shook his head. "You just proved to me Gideon that I can't trust anyone." Reid looked at Flanders. "He is the only thing I know will always come through for me. He wont back off he wont run away without reason and he will definitely never turn my life support system off."

Knowing that Spencer knew what had happened came as a shock. I don't know who told him, but it couldn't have been that overly pretty man sitting on the table…he was virtually dead himself at the time. I let out a sigh.

"Can't you see that he is just using you?" And I saw a puzzled frown on his face.

"Because of what you saw you think he is using me?"

I was looking at this frail young man sitting with his hands shaking on his knees and human bite marks over his neck and I wondered what it was Reid needed from Flanders. It couldn't be love. The man showed no love. He showed lust and sex and violence but I had never seen him show love.

"Gideon –I let him in – he didn't break in and rape me. It was what I wanted….and I am sorry if I am a disappointment but it is what I am."

I looked between the two of them. "I think I can see why you might think this is what you want Spencer…but this man is abusive and I want him to leave." I Paused. "You are not a disappointment Spencer."

"Erm – excuse me." Floyd stood up and walked over to Spencer. He bent down and placed on hand on the side of his face and the other on his right hand. He moved forwards until their lips touched and he gave Spencer a light kiss on the mouth. "I will see you later. Rest. Tonight I am taking you to the club."

The monster turned to look at me. "I trust you. I know you don't have sexual desires towards him. I know this is a fatherly relationship but Gideon I warn you….if you hurt him….if you leave him again when he needs you I will hunt you down….and I will skin you….and I will feed your carcass to the crows and being who I am I know just the place. Don't you mess with me and I won't mess with you. Take care of him."

He stroked the top of Spencer's head the way a parent would a child and it made my skin crawl. Everything just felt so soiled and wrong….and not because it was two men. That wasn't the problem here, it was because it was Flanders. I looked up at him and then stood.

"He needs rest."

"He has plenty of time to rest. It should be easy for him to sleep…I just fucked his brains out…he is going to need a lot of time to recover from that buggering."

"Why do you do this?" I was feeling sick listening to this man.

"Do what? Fuck Spencer?"

I shook my head. "No…why do you drag it down to such a sordid level. Why do you try to make me hate you for being so vulgar?"

"Because that is what you think of me. You see me and you see something which has taken your precious child and despoiled him…but you forget something Gideon…I've known him a lot longer than you would like to think." He turned to Spencer and I could see a questioning frown cross Reid's face. "You were what? Twelve? Nearly thirteen? When we started to get to know each other properly."

"Just get out will you Flanders."

And he stood up straight and turned to me. "I will be back….and may I advise that you stop treating him like a crippled child. He had no problem with me just now…I don't see why he needs you here all damned day getting in the way."

"Floyd." Spencer spoke. "It's OK. I will go and lay down…come back tenish….I will have showered and gotten ready by then. Go chill out."

I noted how Reid didn't get up. I noted his shaking hands and I noted a glimmer of fear (?) or was it apprehension ? I wasn't sure…but I knew something wasn't right here.

I walked Flanders to the door. "I don't like this." I hissed at him.

"I'm not asking you for a blow job so you don't have to like it. This is between Spence and I and you can father him as much as you want, but Gideon that is the very role model he doesn't need. I know what his father did to him. I know. I was there. You only know a fraction of what is going on in his head. A tiny fraction….but if you come even close to hurting him again I swear I will kill you Gideon. And it will be slow."

"Just go, and remember to come back…as I said , I don't like this, but if this is what will make Spencer happy then so be it. And like wise young man….you hurt Spencer and you will regret it….and I am talking physical and emotional pain, and it starts with you treating him with respect and turning up at ten."

"Screw you Gideon – I'm not some punk taking your daughter to the prom. I will do what I want. He will do what he wants. He is a fully grown man with all the correct parts in the correct places and you will not treat him like a delicate flower of a girl. Get me?"

-o-o-o-

I can hear them yapping at the door and I want to get up and go to the bathroom but I don't want Gideon to see. I am sure I am bleeding. It didn't hurt at the time, or if it did it was one of those many times when pain and pleasure got confused. I am a bit concerned though that if I don't get up off the chair and into the bathroom now that Jason will see something is wrong.

I put my hands on the arms of the chair and try to keep a smile on my face but I think it's turned into a death like grimace and I am glad that Floyd is still telling him how it is at the door way. I knew he would do this. He gets very protective. He gets overly protective to the point that no one is even allowed to look at me….let alone touch me.

Ah god that did hurt and I can feel that the back of my bathrobe is stuck to me. With a sigh I reach out and put my hand on the wall and slowly use it to keep my balance as I walk to the bathroom, and I know that Floyd can see me, but he ignores me and now I realise why he is keeping Jason there…for this very reason…He knows me too well. He knows me better than anyone and I pause and look at the face. Those burning dark eyes and that hair and the perfect formation of his face and I know I am lucky for having such a beautiful person who would give his life for me.

I close and lock the bathroom door…this was where we made a mistake earlier….we should have locked the bedroom door. I smile to myself and push the bolt across the door and then pull my bathrobe off. I throw it into the laundry basket but I know that Gideon will see it there. I will have to do the laundry before I go out tonight.

Now I stand naked in front of the full length mirror and look at my body. I can see I am too thin….but then again I cant seem to work out exactly where I need more meat on me. I don't to put weight on. But I don't really want to lose any, but I know Floyd loves me as I am right now. He seems to like me with no muscle and with my ribs sticking out and he definitely likes my hip bones.

I stand and run my fingers slowly over my body and close my eyes and try to imagine doing this to Floyd. I try to work out what it is about my particular body he loves so much. What it is that seems to drive him out of his mind trying to get to it. I shake my head. I have no idea what it is and again I am left wondering if it is insecurity. He doesn't like muscles. I know that is one of the reasons he hates Morgan so much. That and his skin colour. He feels threatened by Morgan's strength. His raw brute strength. He feels the same with Hotch, but again it is different. With Hotch it's his mind he is bothered by. The way I will go to him for help or comfort. He hates the smell of him on me.

I walk to the shower to turn on the water and as I turn I can see the smears of blood down the back of my legs and across my buttocks. He hurt me. And I can feel that he hurt me….but as I move my hand to touch myself I realise that this is what I like. I like to see bite marks on my shoulders and around my nipples and I like to feel the weight of him on me and I adore the way he will just use me.

I step into the warm water wondering what that makes me. I like to be hurt. I don't think I could make love with someone who was too gentle and enjoy it. The two things are too closely linked and I cant blame Floyd for that. I was drawn to him partly because of the way he made me feel…the way he kept me constantly on edge. The way he would lash out for no reason and then pull me to him and kiss me better.

It was a cycle….and there was not much I could do to avoid it now.

I gave myself a good soaping. I soaped every part of me that I could reach. Some parts I soaped better and for longer than others ….my body was still demanding what Floyd had given it earlier….it wasn't ready to rest yet.

-o-o-o-

I was in the bar again. Too often I was finding myself here. Too often I was not remembering how I got home. Home to stand and stare out of my window over the road at the hopeful shadows.

Maybe tonight – maybe tonight I will see him again. I'm sure he was there yesterday. I can tell…the shadows get deeper somehow and the lights in the street seem to dim…almost like he is sucking the light out of the place.

I am in the bathroom…I have drunk too much and my body stinks of stale sweat and smoke and just the dirt of the day. I know Hotch is worried about me. I've seen him look at me. I have seen the look on his face when I've not slept that night and I have lain with my eyes open all night praying to the shadows that tonight he will come to me. He does. Sometimes he does.

And as I lay there I can feel the weight on the bed behind me and I can feel those rough hands on my shoulders and a finger running down my back and I can feel the hot breath on the back of my neck. He never touches my front. His hands sometimes move and press on my stomach, but they never wander lower and they never go higher. I don't know if it is out of some twisted Floydian respect or if it is simply that if his hands explore too far it will be too obvious to him that I am not a boy.

I'm not stupid. I know he doesn't desire me for my gender….I'm not sure why he does come to me. He could have any of the boys from the clubs he goes to. He could have Spencer. I am sure he could have Hotch he seems to be able to have what and how he likes and we are all defenceless against his onslaught.

You are not interested in what he does to me….how he does it to me….but it is the most wonderful thing ever. I can understand why Spencer will do almost anything to be with him. He seems to be able to get someone to completely degrade themselves for him. He doesn't care and nor do I.

I rub the soap in over my body and stand rubbing shampoo into my hair.

Damnit…soap in my eyes…at least the tears have a reason now….and …………

I feel the hands. But they are only in my imagination. I stand with my head tipped back and I let the water run over me and imagine what it would feel like to have him standing there behind me now with his hands resting on my hips and his mouth on my neck.

I want him so badly!

I could give him so much more than Reid could ever give him…I would do anything for him….and now the soap has gone from my eyes but they are still watering. I turn around and put my back against the cold tiles in the shower and let myself slide to the floor. How many times have I woken up in the morning cold and shivering in the shower tray?

-o-o-o-

I have my own room….but they lock me in at night….I hate it here….I want to go home, but they keep saying that I don't have a home to go to anymore. My dad has fucked off somewhere probably with his freakazoid lover Spence and me? Nothing.

I have to go to school, but I can't go to the normal fucking school can I? Fuck no….they wont have me because of my 'attitude' problem…and my 'anger' issues.

And they've never even bloody seen me angry…they haven't. They really need to see that one day.

This is my classroom. I am stuck here every bloody day with a load of loons and morons. I keep asking--

"What the fuck am I doing here?!" and they just say

"Sit down Sam…you are disturbing the class."

And so I throw things at her and I stabbed Morris Anderson with my pencil and he screamed like a skinned cat….and it reminded me, the next day I went hunting, but couldn't find a cat but I found that spinster Minter's yorkie and I skinned that and took it to school. They screamed and it was taken from me and I was told it was inappropriate behaviour and I had to stay in all lunch time….and THAT SUCKS and that is why I am here now and not out there throwing stones at the people walking past.

I got someone on the head once and had to stay in for a fucking whole sodding week!

Masturbation is something else they don't like you doing…but hell do they let you do anything? Fuck no they don't. I had my had up Louise Shamfords skirt and got in trouble for that too…damn near everyone else has screwed her and I wasn't even allowed to touch?

I hate it here….I hate it so bloody much and I know dad is out there having fun screwing around and I want to be with him. He said he would show me….he said he would teach me…and I have been shown nothing. He is too busy with Spencer…and

Emily….

He thinks I don't know?

He waits until she is cold from the shower then he takes her…he butt fucks her when she sleeps…he uses his smells and he keeps her drugged and she lusts after him in the morning like a pig in heat and doesn't even know she's been fucked senseless the day before.

When I grow up I want to be just like my dad.