Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Danger Is Our Business

The group around the hovercraft kept silent as Tim broadcast a stream of reports on their progress toward the surface. "See the light," he reported. "Wade's out," The terrain was too rolling for those in the staging area to see the first man out. "Jim's out."

"Gonna. be. fine," Bego assured Joss.

"Drakken and I—" Tim's scream came over the speaker.

"Tim! Tim! What's happening!"

There was a minute of silence. Joss and Bego both sat stunned, then Tim's laugher came over the speaker, "Did I scare you?"

"I don't know that guy," the greenish man called Abe commented. "But I want to hurt him."

"Only. if. Joss. and. I. leave. you. a. piece. He's. kin. so. we. get. first. crack. at. him."

"Help me back into the suit," Joss asked Bego, "Ah'll pick 'em up."

"Did you say Lipsky and Load?" Abe asked Bego after Joss departed.

"Yes."

"That mean something to you?" the red creature asked.

"You weren't part of the cleanup in Innsmouth last month."

"I'm too important for garbage details."

"In your imagination," the average looking man in the group commented.

"The big damage was done before we got there. Credit went to a Lipsky and Load for finishing that—"

"Any. Possibles?"

"Possibles?" Abe asked, confused. "I guess it's possible some other people could have been—"

"The. name. is. Possible. Jim. Possible. Tim. Possible. Joss. Possible. Bego. Possible. That's. me. We. were. all. there."

"Sounds like Team Possible needs a better publicist," the woman laughed.

Colonel Woodruff, uncertain what to do about the trespassers and waiting for an opinion from the civilians in his charge, ordered soldiers to begin setting up equipment. Meanwhile, in the small group standing near Bego, the average looking man announced, "They're coming back," and pointed toward the hovercraft as it returned.

"Six of you all together?" the red creature asked.

"Yes."

"Well, pack up and get out of here," he advised.

"Is. there. any. way. we. could. help?"

"Yeah, get out of here alive."

"Four of them were just down one of the holes," the woman reminded him. "They might have information that could help."

"They couldn't understand our work."

"That doesn't mean they don't possess information which might be valuable," Abe said in a soothing tone. "It can't hurt to ask some questions."

"Fine," the tall creature muttered.

The hovercraft set down. As soon as the hood was removed from Tim's head Joss punched his face.

"Ow! Why'd you do that?"

"Ya know darn well why Ah did that. Try somethin' like that agin and I'll blacken both eyes."

"You. will. be. in. trouble. from. aunt. Anne."

"Tell Mom what he did and she'll probably blacken the other eye," Jim suggested.

Abe Sapien introduced himself and those with him. "This charming woman is Liz Sherman."

The dark-haired woman smiled, "Pleased to meet you."

Abe gestured at the man of average build, "Garrett Omatta." Garrett nodded. "And the big guy here is Anung Un Rama."

"Call me Hellboy," the red figure offered. "This is a Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense operation. You have no business here."

"I suggested they might have information from while they were out there," Abe reminded him.

Tim spoke up, "I bet my brother some kind of giant invertebrate was out there."

"That's Tim Possible," Wade said by way of introduction. He pointed at Jim, "And his twin brother, Jim. I think you met Joss and Bego already, cousins to Jim and Tim. This is my partner, Drew Lipsky." Drakken nodded. "And I'm Wade Load. If we can help with what you're doing we'd be glad to."

"As long as it doesn't involve giant squids," Tim threw in.

"I'll hold him if you want to punch him," Jim offered.

"We cleaned up after you at Innsmouth," the amphibious man told them. "Not sure if you have any information we might need or not. Garrett is going to see if the dead soldiers have information."

"Before that," the red man told them. "Hey, Singh!" he bellowed at a brown-skinned man wearing a turban. "You ready to go?"

"Of course not," the Indian replied. "We don't have enough information."

"Do we ever have enough information? If we had to wait that long we'd never get anything done."

"Patience is a virtue he never acquired," Liz sighed. "Garrett?"

"I'm trying."

The dark-haired woman turned to the group from Middleton, "You didn't see surprised when Abe said Garrett would try to contact the dead."

"We know a couple toddlers who can talk with ghosts," Jim told her.

"And. I. can. see. ghosts."

Abe frowned, "Is there a problem with ghosts? Should we check on them for you?"

"Well, it's more like one ghost," Joss explained. "Her name's Helen. Seems friendly. Don't know that little Sheki or Hana could talk to other ghosts... Don't really understand 'em myself, but Ah've seen Helen through Bego's eyes."

"Ghosts are usually the psychic remains of someone who dies suddenly and violently. They weren't ready for death and they can't pass on," Hellboy told them. "Some are powerful, and evil... Not sure if evil is the right word. Maybe crazy from not understanding what's happening to them."

Garrett looked slightly irritated and held up a hand requesting silence. Those around him were quiet, with the lesser noise of soldiers and BPRD workers continuing to set up equipment in the background. After a couple minutes he spoke, "Don't have anything we didn't already know. Bullets didn't stop it. There wasn't room to use grenades or larger ordinance. If there's anything of their bodies in there they'd like the remains sent to their families. I think they're at rest after our conversation."

"That was no help," Hellboy grumbled.

Garrett shrugged, "Being dead doesn't give you the secrets of the universe."

"Hope they are at rest," Abe sighed, "after we blow the hole we may not be able to recover remains - assuming there are any."

"Singh!" Hellboy shouted, "you ready?"

The brown man in the turban came over, "I most certainly am not. We're not getting normal readings... Who are these people?"

Liz made introductions.

"We were testing radiation suits," Drakken explained.

"I don't know what you're looking for," Wade told him. "We took a lot of readings. They didn't all make sense to us... Radiation levels were dropping as we went in deeper."

"Dropping?"

"Yep?"

"Can I see what you have?" Singh asked. "Every job we do is different, but some are more different than others. I'd like to see your data before we attempt anything."

"Blow it up first and sort it out second," Hellboy suggested.

"I second that," Tim called.

"No. We. are. not. B. P. R. D. and. have. no. voice. in. this."

Drakken and Wade left with the Sikh to share their information, leaving the Possibles behind.

"Ah'm not really sure what you folk do," Joss confessed.

"Sometimes I'm not sure either," Liz sighed. "We deal with the phenomena that standard science can't handle."

"Some things, like ghosts, represent psychic activity on this world." Garrett continued. "Other things... Are you familiar with string theory?"

"Multiple worlds on different planes of existence stuff?" Tim answered.

"That's it," Abe agreed. "There are places where the boundaries separating one world from another get weak and creatures from other worlds can get into ours. Now some of them, if they were raised right, come out pretty well - except for smoking bad cigars–"

"There's nothing wrong with my cigars," Hellboy growled, and pulled one out from his duster. "Light me, please." Liz frowned, and a flame burned. The red creature took a couple puffs. "Thanks."

"And some of them are the stuff of nightmares," Abe continued. "Not all worlds are physical in our sense, and some things are hard to stop. Fortunately the portals... doorways... whatever you want to call them are seldom stable and can be destroyed."

"With explosives?" Jim asked. "Sounds like science does the job."

"Not standard explosives," Hellboy told him. "But they go off a bang. I don't really remember what Singh said about 'em. I call it a full spectrum implosion. It'll usually close down a portal."

"And. if. it. does. not?"

Hellboy walked over to a jeep, grabbed the rear end and lifted the back of the jeep off the ground. "It gets ugly. We win. You need to get out of here before you get hurt." He set the jeep back down and walked back.

"The. motor. is. in. the. front," Bego explained as she walked over to the jeep, "so. the. back. end. is. lighter." She put her hands under the front bumper and lifted the front end off the ground.

Liz and Abe laughed. "I could've done that," Hellboy complained.

There was small talk, with the BPRD asking question about events at Innsmouth, until Singh, Drakken, and Wade rejoined the party.

"Well?" Abe asked.

"I believe the expression is screwy," the brown man told them. "That is what is happening here. Something is screwy. Young mister Load has recalibrated some of his data collection devices, but it will be necessary to revisit the tunnels in order to gather information."

"Great," Hellboy muttered in a sarcastic tone. "Give me the doohickey and I'll go get your measurements."

"No you won't," Wade told him. "We designed this equipment. It may need adjustments during the tests. Doc and I can–"

"Perhaps a video hookup," Drakken suggested, "It, uh, really isn't our concern."

"Don't be a wuss," Jim argued.

"I'm not a wuss. We came here to test radiation suits not to fight some... whatever."

"It really isn't your job," Garrett agreed.

"We need data," Singh told them firmly. He turned to Wade and Drakken, "I believe, with some instruction, I can gather the necessary information. I would like the loan of your equipment."

"It'd be faster if we did it," Tim spoke up. "We didn't see anything last time. We'll get in and out."

"The BPRD doesn't like to risk civilians," Abe told them.

Hellboy looked at Singh. "You really need the info?" The brown man nodded. "Great," the red creature muttered. He turned to the Middleton group. "Raise your right hands." They followed his order, "Do you swear, as honorary and temporary members of the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense, to faithfully guard this world from evil shit, listen to orders designed to save your asses, and floss daily? If so answer, 'I do'."

Before anyone of the Middleton group could answer Liz pointed out, "You realize he has no power to swear anyone into the BPRD."

"We need information, they can get it," Hellboy growled. "I'm going in with them to make sure they get out safe."

"Assuming you can get out safely," Abe shot back.

The Middleton group entered the conversation with a ragged chorus of, "I do."

"Okay, suit up," Hellboy ordered. "Let's get it fast." He looked at Singh, "Will I need a radiation suit?"

"No, the levels in the tunnels are so low that you will be fine, unless you chose to stay down for a year. The creatures may be consuming the radiation, we can not be certain."

"Creatures? There. is. more. than. one?"

"We aren't sure," Drakken told her, "that was the working hypothesis Wade proposed. Always need to be safe."

"You said you needed better lights," Singh reminded Wade. "We will provide same."

After some arguing Jim and Tim were allowed to go back because of their experience the hour before, while to the disgust of Joss and Bego they were not allowed to join the expedition, although Joss again piloted the explorers out to the tunnels.

Only the red creature of the BPRD team accompanied them. "I'm the toughest," he informed them. "And I'm in charge. If–"

"Perhaps I should go with you," Abe told the four men, "to keep him in line."

"Let's just do this, fast," Wade suggested. "We'll use the route, with more data collection this time."

Singh stood by Bego and fidgeted as she checked over the communications equipment. "This can be very dangerous work. I hope your friends will be all right."

"Well. my. cousins. can. be. down. right. stupid. But. Doc. won't. put. himself. in. any. danger. if. he. can. help. it. and. Wade. knows. to. be. careful."

"I hope they can pinpoint the location of the anomaly, it will make our task much easier."

"I. can. see. the. location. of. the. anomaly."

"You can? What do you–"

Tim's voice came over the speaker, "We're heading in."

"Is that the joker?" Liz asked.

"Probably. they. sound. alike."

"Let's hope he takes it seriously this time," Abe muttered.

Joss returned a minute later and joined her metal sister. Tim was providing a running commentary as they entered one of the tunnels.

Singh took the microphone and directed questions. Underground Drakken and Wade made adjustments as they took their readings.

The brown man frowned. The data was not as helpful as he wished, and he had no idea what to suggest.

"Drakken says we need to be closer to the source for better readings," Tim reported. "Big Red says he's going to scout ahead and check safety."

"Tell him to be careful," Liz relayed through Bego.

There were a couple tense minutes of silence.

"Keep. talking. you. idiot," Bego reminded her cousin.

"Sorry, nothing happening right now. Doc and Wade are packing up our gear and we're waiting for news."

"Keep. talking. any. way. What. class. do. you. hate. the. most?"

Tim rattled about composition for a few minutes then announced, "Horn head is back."

The sound of someone being thrown against the tunnel wall came over the speaker.

"Your cousin lacks an instinct for self-preservation," Singh remarked dryly.

"Yep. that. is. Tim. all. right."

Tim told them in a whispered tone, "Wade wants to go a little deeper. Big guy says he's seen something down there. It's slow, but it's big. Drakken's hesitating."

There was a lull in the broadcast.

"Did the boom guy back there said we needed more info. How important is that?"

"Very."

"Okay, we're going a little deeper. Get Joss out here in case we need to out fast."

"Tell 'em I'm on it," Joss told Bego and started to suit up.

The Sikh questioned Bego, "You said something about being able to see the location of the anomaly?"

"I. see. beyond. the. visible. spectrum. I. suspect. the. thing. is. underground. but. I can. see. where. the. energy. it. emits. comes. through. the. ground."

"Does it make a difference," Garrett asked Singh. "Can it be treated from the surface or will someone need to go below?"

"How would I know? First we gather all necessary data, then we determine our approach."

Tim's voice came over the speaker giving details as they descended into the earth. Bego and Joss worried as the broadcast quality grew worse. Before they lost contact, however Tim announced, "Big Red says he hears something. I don't. Probably these suits. Anyway, Drakken and Wade are setting up and going to get data as fast as they can. You getting their readings?"

"No. So. you. have. to. stay. safe. and. bring. the. information. back."

"Roger on that." Tim made more small talk for a couple minutes. "I hear something too. Jim wants to head down that way and Hellboy won't let him... Holy shit!"

"Tim! What is it?"

"I... Bus-size... White and puffy like the Stay Puff Marshmallow guy in Ghost Busters. Round mouth, maybe three feet wide, grinders like he could chew through rock."

"Get out!"

"He's slow, but we're packing. Red says he's going to get a tissue sample."

"Did we send all the crazies on this mission?" Liz murmured.

"Just. speaking. for. our. bunch. I. would. say. yes. Of. course. Doc. isn't. bad. if. he. stays. on. his. medication."

"RUN!" Tim's voice barked over the speaker.

"What. happened?" Bego demanded.

Those at the base camp heard noise, and panting over the speaker. "I. hope. he. is. joking. again..." she said nervously.

"Are. you. all. right?"

"Wait... No breath..." Tim panted.

"Is everyone all right?"

"Fine... Later..." A minute later they heard, "How would I know?" apparently directed at someone whose radiation suit wasn't equipped for broadcasting to the base receiver . "Well, break a piece off."

"Tim. What. is. going. on?"

"We're getting out. Joss out there?"

"She. is. waiting."

"Well, we're moving fast as we can. Jim and I are carrying equipment and I'm saving my breath. Won't call unless there's trouble."

Ten minutes later the expeditionary force was back in camp. "Microscope, medical equipment," Drakken demanded immediately.

"Let's find out what this thing is," Tim seconded

Liz frowned, "I doubt the army brought the kind of diagnostic equipment you... What thing? What did you see?"

"We're not sure," Wade told her. "But your friend got some on his hand." He pointed to the rock-like hand on Hellboy

"Bullets didn't stop it," Garrett commended, "so you try hitting it?"

"He never suffered from modesty," Abe commented.

"We should know what it is if we're going to stop it." Drakken argued.

"We're going to stop it," Hellboy corrected him. "You and the kid scouts are going home."

"And he discovered that when you stick your hand in it and pull off a piece it gets mad," Wade added. "And it can move faster than he thought."

"Well Drakken is your best chance of figuring it out what it is," Tim argued, "and I've got a five buck bet with Jim it's a radioactive mutant maggot."

"Guys... Testosterone..." Liz whispered to Joss.

"Yeah," the teen giggled.

"And we heard something about, 'What is that' and 'Break off a piece'," Garrett reminded them. "What was that about?"

Wade held up a chunk of what looked like a translucent sheet of plastic, the edges of the piece were rough, apparently from being torn from a larger whole. "Empty case down there. If it was like a snake it just outgrew the old skin and sloughed it off. If it was a pupae stage then it matured inside its chrysalis and we don't know what the mature version may look like."

Singh nodded, "More knowledge of what we're facing is always a good thing. Your Mr. Drakken–"

"Doctor Drakken, if you please," the blue man sniffed.

"– many of the things we face don't leave such evidence. But we will supply such equipment as we bring into the field. I would also like to examine it, in case the substance falls more into our area of expertise."

Material gleaned from Hellboy's hand was carefully collected and the researches went to work."

Tim and Jim waited with their cousins and members of the BPRD team not involved with the examination. They tried to figure how to rig a device to measure the red creature's strength with the limited materials on hand.

About an hour later the preliminary findings were shared with the group.

Colonel Woodruff stood to one side to show he was in charge of operation, even though he said nothing and didn't understand a quarter of what was being said. He tried to look solemn and nod knowingly at what he took to be appropriate moments.

"The creature, or creatures, absorb or eat radioactivity," Singh reported.

Tim nudged Jim and gave a quiet, "Ha!"

"Shut up and listen," his twin warned.

"Whatever is out there is outside our usual experience. There is no evidence of magic, demonic or ghostly manifestations, or any of para-physical phenomenon consistent with our experiences. The anomaly does not conform to anything we've seen before, and there is no reason to think our usual procedures will work on this kind of portal."

"Any reason to think it wouldn't?" Liz asked.

"It might make things worse."

"Hey, if it eats radioactive stuff maybe is would be good to have them around. We could drop one in Chernobyl, or that power plant in Japan the earthquake hit," Tim suggested.

"Zebra mussels, nutria, Asian carp, kudzu, rabbits in Australia... How many examples you want of invasive species causing major headaches?" Wade asked.

"And whatever it is, is not of this planet," Drakken told them.

"Wait," Abe protested. "I thought Singh said it was from this planet."

"What I said," the Sikh reminded him, "was that is does not exhibit any of the paranormal phenomena with which we are familiar. It is entirely physical."

"And utterly devoid of cellular structure," Drakken continued.

"Hold. on. a. sec. all. living. creatures. have. cells. Are. you. saying. this. is. a. a. a. what?"

"All living creatures on this planet have cellular structures," Wade explained. "That doesn't mean living creatures on other planets have what we can identify as cellular tissue."

Jim frowned, "So you're saying there's some kind of wormhole, and the thing out there is from another planet?"

"Wormhole?" Garrett asked.

"What's the shortest distance between two points on a piece of paper?" Jim asked him.

"A straight line."

"Fold the paper so the two dots are one on top of the other. The shortest distance?"

"I still don't get it."

"A wormhole is a fold in the dimensions of time and space."

"An' if there's a backdoor to another planet out there," Joss mused, "there could be a whole heap of them maggot things wanting to get through and munch on radiation here."

The Colonel spoke up, "This is wasteland out here. We could probably use an atomic bomb to kill them."

"Perhaps," Singh told him gently, "but since the earlier atomic experiments at the site might have been what triggered the creation of the portal we should probably avoid that option if at all possible."

"So. you. are. saying?" Bego asked.

"I'm saying we've figured out a few things we're pretty sure won't work, and we have not clue what might."