How did I end up this way? I wasn't really sure. All I knew was that now I was pushing Near against the wall, holding him by the neck, squeezing to slightly restrict his breathing. And he looked so beautiful to me. I found beauty in his suffering. Because this was the way nobody had seen him before, the way nobody could even imagine. But now I was bringing this boy to life.

He looked at me with horror, his eyes open wide, his mouth gasping for the small amount of air that my grip would allow. His hands were clutching my wrists almost desperately, trying in vain to pull my arms away.

But not even he could stop me now. I didn't know what I was doing, but the one thing that rolled around in my mind over and over again was to make this boy suffer, I wanted to make him pay for what he'd done to me! He shouldn't have ever affected me in that way, and it was him who confused me so much! Near...

As he noticed my expression (which I guessed looked pretty crazed, but he pissed me off a lot), he wheezed out my name. "Me-llo..." His voice. But it wasn't his voice. It was a voice nobody had heard before, and I was the first to touch him! I wanted that sound more, so I pressed my thumbs a little harder into his neck.

He made a delightful little noise, and put his hands on my face, trying to push me away. Hah, Near, I bet you never thought I would go this far. However, I wasn't stupid. If I went on much longer, he'd die. I wouldn't want him to die, I wasn't finished with him just yet. So, taking one last looked at his tortured (and slightly blue) face, I slowly released my grip and moved my hands to his shoulders, still keeping him against the wall.

He gasped and rubbed his neck, trying to catch his breath back and looking at the floor. Why was that so appealing? The sight of him trying to recover after I'd done some damage to his perfect form. Oh, he deserved this. After all the torment he'd put me through, torment I'd had to put up with, after all this time I'd kept my cool and I hadn't laid a hand on him. But last night was too much, way too much for me to just put aside like I always did. Whether he intended to or not, he'd infuriated me. It was all his fault. Everything... all the things I'd had to put up with. Every time I'd come close to losing my temper was all about him. I was sick of my life revolving around him, so now his will revolve around me. Yes, it was only fair. I make him suffer all that I have, every second of it. And he'll see just how much I hate him.



He was looking at me again now. His hand was still on his neck, as if protecting it from another attack. The way he was looking at me was unlike any expression I'd ever seen him make. He looked... a bit confused. Puzzled. He looked at me questioningly, but saying nothing. Maybe if he said something then, his voice would squeak because of what his throat had just been through. Heh. The thought of that was almost funny, not to mention incredibly satisfying.

Now I could smirk. I smiled widely as I surveyed Near's face. A face I'd never seen before. It was like an adventure, seeing how many different expression I could put on that face. And I knew that this was just the beginning of that adventure. Oh, I would answer so many questions, I was sure of it. Questions about myself and Near.

However, I was now calm enough to realise that I needed time to actually think about what I was going to do. I'd just almost killed Near, and who knows what would have happened if I had been just slightly more angry? Shivers ran down my spine just thinking about it. No, this was definitely something that couldn't be rushed.

So I backed away, still smiling at Near. "See you." Oh, see him I would. I turned my back to a confused and slightly scared Near, feeling him watching my back as I walked away confidently. Once I was out of the room, however, I was sprinting back to my bedroom with my heart racing. I had been able to feel my heart thumping against my chest ever since I'd laid my hands on him. Oh, that feeling! The feeling of feeling your heart pounding like mad, being able to actually hear it, along with those soft whimpers. It filled every sense, I heard him differently, saw him differently, smelled, felt and tasted Near in a way that completely overwhelmed all reason left in my brain.

Still lost in my thoughts, I lay sprawled over my bed, panting from all the running. However, the anger did not seem to leave. I gripped the bedsheets tight and wondered why the hell I was still thinking about Near. HIM. He who constantly invaded my thoughts, and refused to leave. He who took up all of my time and energy. Well by then, I'd had enough. This just had to stop, it wasn't healthy. If I didn't do something, my whole life would be dedicated to Near, this... sick obsession would take me over. What could I end up doing...? I had absolutely no idea where it would end up either way.

But I knew I didn't want to spend my whole life on Near.

The only way to do this was to relieve my anger, and all these feelings.

The same feeling I'd gotten earlier.

Which was the same feeling I'd had last night.

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