The call came hours later, though the young girl could hardly remember answering her communicator, let alone the short trip from her hollow little alleyway and toward the overly crowded shopping mall downtown. The scenery passed, but her eyes didn't see it, her mind didn't register it. Everything was numb, as if her tears had frozen every feeling she'd ever had. Her head pounded with unreleased tears and stress, her hands still shook and she felt short of breath. All of that didn't matter now, though, she had others to worry about now.
The scene opened before her in a jumbled mess of information that couldn't be processed by her muddled and murky mind. Chaos gripped the area as pieces of drywall from the ceiling had fallen in heaps across the ground, several storefronts had been ripped down and one was on fire – most likely from an attack of Mars'. It was otherworldly and frightening to see children cry in the corners, trying in vain to hide from the scaly beast rampaging through the ranks of the Senshi. After spending hours, maybe even days centered entirely on herself, to see the children cry caused a ripple of guilt to wash through the young girl. All of that time spent worrying and hurting over her stupid infatuation with a man who would never look at her that way. She should have been training. She should have taken her responsibilities more seriously and forgotten herself. She should have been more aware of the innocent people around her.
One moment, she was simply numb, trying in vain to hide from the world; and the next, there were tables and stands flying through the air as a rather nasty looking monster bent on the complete destruction had its way with the building. She leapt into action, noting hazily that her movements were not as quick as they had been, her mind not as sharp. The shadow of lethargy threatened to consume her as every movement became more and more difficult to perform.
The left storefront exploded in a blaze of fire, nearly knocking the young girl from her feet. The shrill scream of a child snapped her back into place and she leapt upward, wrapping both arms around a smoldering little boy and careening through a glass showcase. Sudden agony split her arm and she whimpered in pain, glancing down to see a shard of glass glinting wetly in the fake mall lights. No doubt the fire spreading along her back would prove to be more of them grinding through her fuku. The blood dripping down her arm was a silent testament to her own failing. If she had been as fast as Mars or as strong as Jupiter, she could have taken the boy to safety instead of being tossed like a rag doll.
Though the boy leapt up, screaming his thanks to the heroine, she hardly heard it. It was with a distinct detachedness that she returned the boy to his mother, idly brushing her fingers across his bleeding face. That was her fault, too. She forced herself to turn, to face the oncoming youma. If she didn't fight now, other children –other people, would be injured as badly or worse.
Mars' fireball slammed into the ground beside her, erupting the area in intense heat. The destruction could have severely injured her, had Tuxedo Kamen not leapt from the shadows and slammed into her. They fell through the air in a short arch, landing on the rubble strewn tile and sliding to a painful stop. She leapt away from him as if his touch had hurt, clutching her side and gasping. It was physical pain to have the mysterious savior hold her, or save her. It was as if he actually thought something of her. In the wake of her Senshi proclaiming her ignorance, her parents grounding her for her grades, and Mamoru….
The pain of it seared her heart, though she remained outwardly untouched by the emotion. Tuxedo Kamen had been forced to reveal himself just to save her. It was with a heavy heart that her mind retraced it's earlier path. If Mamoru, who was everything perfect in this world to her, couldn't bare the sight of her, then Tuxedo Kamen must not think highly of her either. In fact, she was depressingly sure he only showed up to save her sorry butt from the monsters. Once she had realized that her feelings for both were equally powerful, it didn't take much to realize that she had to make a decision on which man she wanted more. After talking with Mamoru, though, all hope had been mercilessly thrown out the window. If a regular (though perfect) guy couldn't find it in his heart to throw her a kind word on a bad day, then surely her hero would do no better. It was all for the best anyway, her sad mind argued. In the end she wouldn't want someone as amazing as Tuxedo Kamen wasting any of his time on her.
She leapt away from him the second he let go, jumping directly into the battle and forcing her attacks out with as much power as she could muster. Having known of Kamen's oath to keep her safe, she was hell bent to keep him away from her. There would be no use in allowing him of all people to risk his life to save her. He, after all, didn't whine and cry like a baby, he wasn't known as Sailor Pout at all the meetings, and he surely didn't inspire complete disgust every time his name was mentioned. Sure, the others didn't particularly trust him, but they did respect his skills in battle. He would have been a much better choice for the team than she; at least he didn't need to be rescued by someone who could be the enemy.
Her mind chose the wrong moment to shift gears as the Youma barreled forward and body-checked her into a mall stand, sending shards of glass and wood flying everywhere. She screamed out of habit, no longer out of fear. Stunned by the blow, she could only lay there and wallow in her thoughts. She was pathetic. The tears staining her face had nothing to do with the burning agony in her back, or the fact that a large splinter of wood protruded from her other arm. The Senshi continued to fight as if nothing had happened to her. The only pair of eyes she felt on her form was Kamen's, and she was sure even he was disgusted by her weakness.
Faintly, she heard the others scream a warning to her, but her mind barely registered another tentacle flying toward her before her back met with brick, squishing as her blood painted the wall of the shopping center. Another jarring pain as her body collided with the floor again, leaving her coughing up blood into her hands. To her horror, she felt numb everywhere, not only in her mind. Was she paralyzed? Had her idiocy really reached so far? She gulped, trying to force feeling into her legs as Kamen landed beside her, worried words jumbled together as he tried to help her stand.
Instead, she pushed him away weakly, muttering that the battle wasn't over yet, that he could still help the others. Reluctantly, it seemed, he finally backed away after some protesting. At least, she reminded herself, she wished it were reluctance that made him seem to stay by her side longer. In truth, she wondered if one of these battles would eventually kill her. Would it matter to the Senshi? Would they be relieved? Would she ever amount to anything as a Senshi? Her hope was soon fading, though, as she realized that her injuries had made no difference in the fight. Her attacks had not made a difference either, and that if she were to die, no one would notice. No one would care.
The thought was ironically timed, as the only one who might have was chucked bodily into a store window, sending shards of glass flying everywhere. Moon felt her pulse quicken in horror and a scream gurgled out of her throat at the sight. He was here for her, to save her. If he were to die simply because she wasn't strong enough to fight on her own, she would never forgive herself. On wobbly legs, she forced herself upright, stumbling as she went to try and reach him, her only support, her only…. She choked, coughing up blood splattered flesh into her glove.
The sound alerted the Youma to her presence, reminding it that the Moon Senshi had not been incapacitated. It roared, barreling toward her as Kamen struggled to his feet. Her mind distracted and pained, she watched in listless fascination as the beast loomed closer and closer. The sight caused her thoughts to move with a sudden fluidity that frightened her. If she were to die now, Tuxedo Kamen would never have to risk his life for her again. The Senshi would never feel ashamed of her. Her parents would never have to nag her. And Mamoru…she would never see him again. Tears slipped past the barrier of her eyes to travel in a salty line down her smooth cheeks. She whispered a silent prayer before closing her eyes. It was for the best, she reminded herself. The others wouldn't notice her passing, and no one would have to be ashamed of her anymore.
What would he have said anyway? Knowing the arrogant college student, he would have laughed in her face, would have told her that he had tons of fans who felt the same. He would have said she was too young, too stupid, too ugly….
Hot, searing pain burst through every nerve ending as the attack hit dead on, every muscle was paralyzed beneath the sudden blow, all higher brain functions shut down completely as her body was slung across the dirt, blood mingling with the dust. Screams could be heard, though they sounded far away and muffled. Something dark fell down beside her, hands touched her face. But she could no longer see, could barely hear anything. All the strength within her was draining into puddles of murky iron brown beneath her torn, broken body.
"Hold on, Moon. Hold on! Damnit!" Someone screamed, holding her close. Sounds became more and more faint, everything was dark. The weight on her chest seemed to become more persistent with every breath. The person holding her began to rock, sobbing helplessly. She could hardly feel it, nor did she want to. In one last, terrible moment, her lungs finally gave in, and the great Senshi went still.