Batman: For her first number Miss Harleen Quinzel sings a song of love and devotion dedicated to her dear husband, Ricky.

Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong But he doesn't care, he'll string along
 He loves me so That funny honey of mine

"I came home and there was my little Harley, sleeping like an angel."

Sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm up
But he follows 'round like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so That funny honey of mine

"There he was trying to climb through the window. Well a man got the right to protect his home and his loved ones, right?"

He ain't no sheik, that's no great physique
Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts
But look at that soul, I tell you that whole Is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me I know you'd agree

"He was trying to burgle us!"

What if the world slandered my name?
Why, he'd be right there taking the blame
He loves me so and it all suits me fine
That funny, sunny, honey, hubby of mine!

"Well apparently he's been 'burgling" you every Saturday night for the past month."

"Huh?"

He loves me so That funny honey of mine

"We have a witness that says that every Saturday night he's been spotted heading up here with your little 'angel.' followed by some... Rather appalling noises."

"Ms. Doris, is this him?"

"Mmhmm. That's him."

Lord knows he ain't got the smarts

"Little whore..."

Now he's shot of his trap I can't stand that sap

"I'm sorry?"

"She told me to take the blame for her! That i'd get off easy if I did!"

Look at him go, rattin' on me
With just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be
If they string me up I'll know who brought the twine
That scummy, crummy, dummy, hubby of mine

"Oh!" Harley yelled as she approached her husband. "You little lyin' whore!" Ricky yelled grabbing her shoulders and shaking her violently. They argued back and forth too quickly for Harvey Bullock to keep up. All he could make out was "You're just a whore!", "What did you expect?", and "I wish I killed you 'stead-a him!" As soon as she said it she threw her hands over her mouth. "That's enough." Commissioner Gordon said as he drew out his hand cuffs and pulled Harley's hands behind her back. "No, no you don't understand! He was a liar! He was a dirty liar! It was self-defense! I want a lawyer!" She shouted as they dragged her out of her apartment. Ms. Doris frowned at Harley, who was thrashing around and screaming obscenities. She was thrown into the backseat of a cop car. "Trial won't take long." The officer that took the driver's seat said to the one that took the passenger's seat. They looked back at her. "If the judge don't kill her the other inmates will."

Batman: And now ladies and gentlemen - the Countess of the clink, the mistress of Murderers Row, the beautiful Poison Ivy!

Ask any of the chickies in my pen
They'll tell you I'm the biggest Mutha. . . .Hen
I love them all and all of them love me -
Because the system works;
the system called reciprocity!

"Welcome, ladies."

Got a little motto
Always sees me through
"When you're good to Ivy
Ivy's good to you".

"You might think being here would make life a living hell, which is not true."

There's a lot of favors
I'm prepared to do
You do one for Ivy
She'll do one for you.

"l'd be your friend if you let me. So if something upsets you or makes you unhappy in any way, don't shoot your fat-ass mouth on me 'cause l won't give a shit."

They say that life is tit for tat
And that's the way I live
So, I deserve a lot of tat
For what I've got to give
Don't you know that this hand
Washes that one too
When you're good to Ivy
Ivy's good to you!

Poison Ivy was Gotham's cover girl. She was beautiful and curvy. Every other inmate that trailed behind her paled in comparison to the beauty leading them. She showed each of them to their cells until it was just her and Harley walking the catwalk. A hand shot out of a cell and grabbed Ivy's arm. "Hey Ivy, come here!" Selina Kyle purred as Poison Ivy turned to face her. "Selina Kyle? You're the Selina Kyle? You know I was there that night? I was there that night that you got arrested." Selina didn't even look up at her. "Yeah, you're a half of Gotham. Look at this, Ivy. Another story of announcing me in Redbook magazine. 'Not in memory do we recall so finishing horrible in double homicide.'" Ivy chuckled. "Maybe you couldn't buy that kind of publicity."
"Couldn't buy it? I guess I can keep these then." Selina asked holding up two twenties. "Let's try." Ivy said snatching them from her hand and walking away, Harley hot on her trail.

If you want my flower
Weed my garden too
Water it for Ivy
She'll flourish for you
When they pass that basket
Folk contribute to
You put in for Ivy
She'll put out for you
The folks atop the ladder
Are the ones the world adores
So boost me up my ladder, Kid
And I'll boost you up yours
Let's all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you
So what's the one conclusion
I can bring this number to?
When you're good to Ivy
Ivy's good to you!

"Ivy? It's... kinda freezing in here. You don't think maybe there's something wrong with the heat? Not that I'm complaining, mind you but... you know... lf you can bring some blankets on the way..." Ivy slammed the cell door in her face and walked away. One of the guards appeared in front of her cell. "Lights out." He winked. Harley sighed as the sound of generators shutting down in different areas overcame any other sounds. I guess I made it to Arkham after all... She though as she laid down on her cot. Just not how I imagined it...

A/N: So in the next chapter I'm gonna need a little more time to write because I'm changing a majority of the song... Please tell me how you feel and what you think! I love you all! :D