Chapter 2
After the long ride out of town, skipping the cliff roads for obvious reasons, Jason could not get Elizabeth out of his head. The more he thought about their conversation and Sonny's wedding he realized a few things.
Entering the penthouse, he tossed his keys on to the desk and pulled out his cell phone, only to get the voice mail recording, "Hey, this is Elizabeth I'm currently unavailable please leave your name & number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can" BEEP
"Elizabeth, it's me. I need to speak to you. Call me when you get this I'm at home"
Placing his jacket across the back of his desk chair, he walked over to the balcony doors. Crossing his arms over his chest, he sighed in contempt of what he was about to do. Hearing the opening and quick closing of the door, he looks over to see Spinelli making his signature rush entrance into the penthouse.
"Did you find what I asked?"
"I was looking into the PCPD mainframe like you asked to get all the information on the drug bust that happened on the docks" he said in an almost somber voice that slightly confused him
"So what did you find out?" hoping for once that Spinelli could get to the point without long tangents about Greek literature or the one of his 'blond ones' finding their way into the mix.
"But then something most distressing…"
So much for getting to the point, "What?"
"A car accident out on Route 22."
Rubbing his hand across his face, "Spinelli, what does a car accident have to do with anything I asked?"
"It was the Maternal One. It was her car"
Brushing past Spinelli to grab his keys from the desk, he raced out the door without so much as a glance back
"So what are we looking at? Another drunk driver?" Detective Spencer stated as he nonchalantly walked onto the scene
Mac, Harper and Cruz all exchanged looks, none of them wanting to be the bearer of bad news.
Taking Lucky's shoulder, Mac pulls him to the side, "It wasn't a drunk driver. It was Elizabeth Webber"
"Elizabeth? We're my kids in the car?"
"No, just their car seats"
Breathing a sigh of relief, "What the Hell happened?"
The faint sound of a motorcycle could be heard in the background as it pulled up to the scene. Climbing off his bike and making his way over to Mac, only to be stopped by Lucky
"Was this your doing? One of your enemies running Elizabeth off the road, my kids could've been in the car!" Lucky yelled as he pointed an accusation finger in Jason's face
Clenching and unclenching his fists at his side, he held back his initial instinct to level Lucky on his ass. Curbing his anger because the last thing he needed was to be hauled down to the PCPD for assaulting an officer, he brushed him off and continued to make his way to Mac
"What are you doing here Jason? Your hacker listening in police scans now"
"I was driving by. Is Elizabeth alright?"
"She's…" Mac started to say but was cut off by Lucky
"Her car went off the road and over the cliff, how do you think she is? She's dead" he spattered before he walked off the scene.
Jason felt like the ground opened up beneath him and threatened to pull him under. So many emotions crossed his face and through his mind he couldn't handle it, denial being the key player. She couldn't be dead…I just, we were just, I called her…she was
Recognizing a look on Jason's face he had never been witnessed to. Gone was the emotionless stone cold give nothing away look, as a look of pure devastation crossed his path and the brightness of his pale baby blues darkened. For once, Mac took pity on the once mob enforcer now kingpin.
"Commissioner?" another officer called as he walked up to the two men
Jason could only vaguely understand what they were saying. Something about Elizabeth's car going off the road and crashing at the bottom of the cliff only to be caught on fire, one body pulled out, burnt beyond recognition, but they did find what was left of her purse that contained her identification
Jason watched as they pull the body containing Elizabeth. His Elizabeth, in the back of the morgue truck, feeling as if he couldn't breathe and that the walls were closing in on him, he walked off and climbed on the back of his bike, riding away into the night.
Barging into Jason's office in hope of finding his friend after all the other locations he's searched came up empty, only to find Carly sitting in the chair across from Jason's.
"He isn't here," she says as she briefly glancing up from her magazine. "He was supposed to meet me here, but obviously something came up because he's running late. He's never late. So take a number because the minute he gets here I'm speaking with him first"
"I fear that Stone Cold is missing"
Closing her magazine, she tossed it down on the desk, "What do you mean 'missing'? What are you talking about?"
Giving her a mini recap of the latest events of the Stone Cold saga, from what happened at the penthouse to his reason for being at the coffeehouse.
"Wait wait wait. What kind of information did you give Jason that would make him run off like that?"
"It would seem that the maternal one was in a fatal car accident"
He wasn't sure where he was going when he hopped on his bike but he knew he had to get away before the events of the night started to consume him. Taking the curves fast and the straight-aways faster the memories started to assault him.
Do you know what nothing feels like?
Yeah. That's pretty much where I live
Nothing, that's where he felt like he was going again. He was numb to everything around him, not even the cool night air against his skin could be felt. Everything was slipping away and he wasn't sure if he could survive living like that again.
Looking up into the sky covered in stars…
Aren't you glad we get to see it?
The words felt like they were whispered across his ear, that if he turned his head back around she would be there laughing as she always did when they were going fast. Face roused by the whipping of cool air across her smooth skin and midnight blue eyes twinkling with excitement.
She always looked small, delicate, but filled with a lot of life. She always left you wanting to protect her from anything and everything, sometimes forgetting how strong she truly was despite her small stature.
No, no! Jason, not here. Come on. We have to get you out of the snow. Jason I'm not going to let you die. Come on. Damn it, Jason, help me!
Never once giving up, when all he wanted was to be left alone in the snow, alone to die because nothing in his world made sense anymore, much in the way it doesn't make sense now.
He couldn't believe she was really gone. That there were so many things left unsaid between them, things he wanted, no needed her to hear, could he ever really say 'good-bye'
No, I'll see you later
He wished that was true now more than anything. That this was merely one of the times he left Port Charles for parts unknown and that when he got back she would be there with that smile that reached her eyes and she'd run into his arms and it feel like they were never apart
Do you remember when we sat here and you said good-bye and I said, "No, see you later"? I knew I'd see you again
Dropping in and out of her life, he always seemed to do that. Even though he knew it hurt her every time he did it…
Don't you get it yet? It's not OK for you to just drop out of my life. I would miss you too much.
Is this how she felt when he would push her away? The empty feeling, the constant longing, the ache…but he had to push her away then. His life wasn't good enough for her. She always had dreams and so much life in her that his life of violence and death would cage all that, he had nothing to offer her
You listened when no one else could hear me. You trusted me to live my own life when I didn't even trust myself. You make me happy. You make me feel free.
But he couldn't see all that. All he saw was her meeting a cruel and early death that surrounded his life and he'd be damned if she'd have that fate, so he pushed until she left
But you are Sonny's…Sonny's enforcer, first…last…and always
Then she was gone. It took everything in him to not run after her, pull her into his arms and never let her go. But it was for the best right?
Give me your hand…do you feel that?
This is perfect timing. I've been wanting you to see my son, Cameron
But then they drifted apart. Their lives never seemed to cross for a period of time. However, whenever he really needed someone, he could always count on her to be there. She was like the light at the end of a dark tunnel, showing him the way and saying the things he needed to hear to get him through it
I don't think you ever knew just how much I fell in love with you
He didn't know. With everything that happened and all the choices they had both made in the past he never knew that she could love him. An unexpected night that gave them the most precious unexpected gift
Jason, Lucky's not the father of this baby. You are.
She gave him the greatest gift. The one thing he always long to have but never thought possible and in a way it still wasn't
Please don't hate me
I could never hate you
And he never could. She had given him something that could never truly be taken away from him and he could never hate her for the circumstances that surrounded it. She was a good mother, the best possible one he could've ever hoped to be the mother of his child.
I love you, and I always will
Shocked by her admission, when he let those words slip out of his mouth he couldn't imagine she would ever return them back to him. He longed to hear those words for so long, but as usual whenever, they would come close something always got in the way
Are we really doing this?
Unless you back out
Nuh-uh. It's not going to happen
In that moment nothing could've made him take it back. In that one moment everything they both had longed for had come true and then fate was cruel again. In the briefest of happiest moments shared between them the pain started to seep in
Okay, so – just so I'm clear on this…you're choosing that life, the violence, over me and the boys?
All he ever wanted was to make her happy. Why couldn't he ever make her happy? Why did he always leave her broken hearted?
You see, that's what hurts, that every time we come close to happiness, you disappear from my life. And then I am left with all this love and all these dreams and no place to put them. And it's happening again
Why couldn't he ever stop the tears? Why couldn't he just let them be happy?
Seeing the bright headlights coming towards him, vaguely hearing the sound of the horn, the voice was back whispering in his ear, despair in its tone
Will you ever allow yourself to be happy?
After searching for what felt like hours for his friend, he returned home feeling defeated and at a lost. Entering the darkened penthouse, with nothing but the moonlight for lighting, he went to reach for the desk lamp when the stoic figure on the couch stopped him. It would seem that what he had been searching for had been in the last place he ever thought to look.
Hesitantly approaching his friend, his voice broke the silence, barely above a whisper
"Stone Cold?"
No answer. Taking in the scene before him, the bottle of Tequila, unopened, with an empty shot glass next to it. His usually calm stone like friend was sitting in the middle of the couch looking in a way the Jackal had never seen him before.
Is this heartbreak?
The young computer geek wondered as he noticed the gash on the side of his friend's forehead. Long had the blood dried and speckled around the wound. Looking over the rest of his body for injuries he noticed the ripped jeans, a rather large dark burgundy spot on the side of the blue T-shirt, knuckles bruised reddened and covered in dried blood
"Stone Cold…Are you hurt? Should I go…"
He let the last of his words trail off. His friend made no movement and if he wasn't watching him so carefully he would've probably missed him blink, the only evidence of life.
"Maybe I should get a first-aid kid, to help, um…"
"She was good at that"
Startled by the voice that broke the uneasiness Spinelli was starting to feel about the unfamiliar situation. The base boomed against the walls but quieted down by the time he reached the end of his thought.
"Who? The maternal one" the timid geek asked
"She would bandage me up whenever I was hurt even when I told her I was alright" his gaze focused on nothing and no one
"I saw her earlier tonight", he continued as if he didn't hear Spinelli's question
"I hate seeing that look in her eyes. All the hurt and anger, it always breaks something in me to see her like that"
Taking a seat in the chair next to the couch he sat and listened…
The silence continued to the point where Spinelli felt he may have imagined his friend ever speaking, but then there it was again, this time in a harsh whisper
"I only ever wanted to make her happy but I…I couldn't. I let the fear consume me, cripple me because I couldn't risk her being hurt by my life again. I left her there…just standing there, alone…again"
"But then I changed my mind. I wanted to be with her…the boys. I wanted my family. I called her, left a message…doesn't matter now does it?"
The anger and disgust had entered his voice. Growing agitated he rubbed his palms along his scuffed jeans, in an attempt that Spinelli thought would calm him down, but seemed to have the opposite effect, until he stopped moving all together.
Taking a long deep breath, he slowly let it out, which seemed to calm him for a moment.
"I went for a ride" he started again, his voice still no louder than an octave above his beating heart.
"It usually helps to clear my head, but I just…it was so loud. Her voice was so loud" he declared harshly, almost cursing the haunting voice
"Not even the wind could drown it out. She was there, she's always there with me"
"Stone Cold, I don't think…"
"We used to ride together, did you know?" He stated just before his head snapped towards Spinelli. A quick motion that almost had the geek jumping out of his skin
That's when he saw it. Looking into Jason's eyes, for the first time, with only the lighting of the moonlight he saw the despair and the building of tears that threatened to fall
"We would ride nowhere and she would throw her head back and scream into the wind to go faster" He said with a slight chuckle, as if he could see the vision of the memory in front of him.
"She loved it more than me. She said it made her feel free and on the back of my bike, she was"
Wiping at the tears in his eyes with the back of his hand and then with his other he ran it across his face, trying to gather himself.
Burying his face in his hands, he let out an awful moan and turned his head to Spinelli, this time his eyes hollow and blood shot.
"All I can think about…is if she was scared. Did she know what was about to happen to her? Did she feel any…" swallowing thickly, the mere word was too bitter on the tongue to utter…
Shaking his head of the thought, too harsh too cruel for him to dwell on any longer.
Leaning back against the cushion of the couch with his head laid back he tried to will the tears away. His thought becoming unbearable, almost consuming
Will you ever allow yourself to be happy? He thought behind the hands that masked his face. Letting his arms drop at his side as he kept his head titled back along the couch.
He sat there wondering if he would ever be able to answer that question…