Disclaimer: see Chapter 1

A/N: As is fanfic convention (I think), anything in italics indicates a flashback, and normal script indicates "present time" so to speak.

The reference in this chapter is blatantly MGG-related.

As you can see from this chapter, JJ will come out of the whole ordeal alive. That doesn't mean, however, that everyone else does as well.

To those who reviewed, thank you! You are now the lights of my life.

"I could have killed him." JJ paced around the room. Dr. Simon Zissou carefully followed her frenetic movements. "Then none of this would've happened."

"Him?" Dr. Zissou asked, though JJ sensed he knew exactly whom she was talking about.

"Doyle."

"But you didn't."

"No, I made a choice. I chose my family. I chose to give them more time. I don't even know if they needed it. I just – I had to be sure."

"It was a difficult decision." Dr. Zissou tried to look her in the eyes, but she was still pacing, eyes glued to the floor.

JJ snorted. "But was it the right one?"

"You tell me."

"I don't know." JJ's path became wilder. Dr. Zissou had the suspicion that, if it'd been possible, she would've found her way onto the walls and perhaps even the ceiling.

"Agent Jareau, would you please sit down?" JJ froze for a second and then complied. Her eyes remained fixated on the floor. "What do you think would've happened if you'd killed Doyle instead?"

"His people would've killed me. And when – if – his people caught Will and Henry, they would have been killed too."

"Do you think that would have been better? That's three people dead. I wouldn't say that's much of an improvement."

JJ's voice was quiet. "I don't know what to think."

Silence fell, and Dr. Zissou took the opportunity to observe JJ. She was strangely still. The nervous energy that had manifested itself so loudly was suddenly contained, apparent only in the aura JJ didn't seem to notice. Dr. Zissou was sure that had JJ been completely cognizant of herself that too would have been evaporated in favor of the façade of control she was reportedly so fond of.

"Ok then. Let's try a different track," Dr. Zissou suggested. "You didn't kill – what was his name? – Connor? either."

"No."

"Why? I'd imagine at a time like that keeping a moral high ground hardly seems important."

"Like I said, I was trying to buy time. I kill him, and the other guy pretty much has only one option: continue on. But with Connor alive, he also has the option to stay and help. That decision, any sort of hesitation, it eats up time. Every second counts."

Dr. Zissou nodded. "Why not grab more than one pen?"

"The element of surprise is only there the first time around. There's no way I would've been able to do it again."

Dr. Zissou made a note to himself: appealing to JJ's favored senses of rationale and control seemed to be working better. "You can take comfort in the fact that he didn't get to your family."

"Not that family."

JJ's eyes finally met his. Her astoundingly blue eyes – both tumbling vortices of pain, tragedy, and regret – bored through his, and for the first time, he truly understood the connection between the color blue and the deep, unfortunate emotion of sadness.