Victoria awoke from the dream with it slipping from the window-pane of her life into the void that all dreams go to be forgotten. A few things stuck though, like Kate Marsh and Maxine. She was so different in the dream, so courageous. Going up on that roof, pulling Kate down. It put a flutter in her heart as she rolled onto her side in the tiny twin bed.
She ran her hand along the wall of Maxine's photo, always over her favorite, the one of the beach in Washington with the terrible sandcastle being faded by the tide. Smiling there, on the bed, Maxine came through the door and for a brief, fleeting moment, Victoria was pulled back into the dream, worried that Maxine would discover that she had broken into her room.
"Hey," she said and Victoria said, rolling over to smile at her. She had bagels and coffee, the hipster kind that she must have heard about from Daniel or Mr. Jefferson. They sat and munched, sipped away at the steamy foam, waiting for the morning awkward to walk away.
"Thanks for letting me stay over," Victoria said.
"Oh yeah, I'm just super stoked to finally be making some friends." Max said, sitting at her desk as Victoria got dressed. "Those first few months were hell."
"Oh, I know the feeling. I was so scared when I finally got accepted. Without the Vortex—"
"Ugggggggh," Max said. "I'm really not looking forward to the party."
"It's still not for a few days, Maxine."
"Yeah, yeah." She paused. "Just anxious."
"Hold it," Victoria said, removing her phone and snapping a picture. "Gonna call this one 'life and times of a nerd' when I turn it into Jefferson."
"No way!" Max got up and reached for the phone as Victoria pulled it away. They wrestled for a moment, almost spilling the coffee. "Oh delete it."
"No way. Keeping that one for myself." Victoria emailed it to herself and stuck out her tongue. Max shook her head, fumbling with her hair.
"Throw me my tank? Thanks. What class do you have today?"
"English with the sub. Might skip."
"Yeah, def. Skip that shit. We're gonna go for a ride in Nathan's car and chill before photo class." Victoria got up, finishing her coffee. There was a strand of her hair hanging in her face that itched but she repressed the urge. The sun was poking in, shining right on her right eye. Max snapped her own photo and Victoria blushed.
Courtney texted her about some weed. Her face soured and Max brushed the strand a hair from her face. The emotions were enough to make her sit down again and Max fell to a nice place upon her lap.
"Maxine…"
"I know, I know. No one can know…"
"Yet. Yet." Their kiss was brief and full of teenage uncertainty. "You're such a hipster, Maxine."
"And you're a bitch." The words reminded Victoria of the dream. They kissed again, but Victoria thought only of Kate Marsh. "So skipping class?"
"Oh like you've never done it."
"Never English. We're studying Keats."
"'In noisy alley and pathless wood: where we think the truth least understood.' Gag me with my phone."
"I like him. I like the romantics."
"A nerd and a sap." They kissed again before standing and grabbing their bags. "Stay at mine tonight?"
"Really? Your room? You haven't let me in yet."
"Well I'm asking now. You want to leave first?"
"Yeah, I'm already late." Maxine opened the door but stopped. "Your place tonight."
Victoria smiled as Maxine left her own room. She started the timer on her phone and waited for the minutes to count up to five so she could leave without much a second glance from the girls on floor two. She took the time to reply to Courtney and send one to Taylor and Nathan as well. Taylor replied in an instant, like always. She had also gotten bagels and coffee. Victoria would have to jog an extra three miles to hide her and Maxine's little fling.
Nathan didn't reply till the timer went off and Victoria was halfway down the hall. Victoria told him that she had a dream about him, he made his usual quip but then quickly added that he too had an odd dream. Victoria told him about Kate. Nathan told Victoria about Kate as well. She thought it was odd that they dreampt about the same thing.
In class the only thing Victoria could think about was Kate Marsh. Stupid Kate Marsh and her Christian bull-shit. Victoria hated the girl but for some reason, on this particular day, there was a deep welled guilt boiling up through the vent of her subconscious. Was I really that bad to her? She thought. Would she ever really jump off of the roof?
It kept flashing through her mind; looking through her phone screen at the girl standing arms spread at the top of the dormitory. The thoughts plagued her so much that she excused herself from class and went back to the dorm, climbing the stairwell towards the roof. She flipped her phone around in her hand, staring at the push-bar on the door.
Maybe if she were a different girl with a couple beers under her arm and a boy pulling her along, she would have sprung onto the roof and enjoyed the sun, but she wasn't and she did not. Her expensive shoes clacked on the stone stairs on the way down, her hands gliding on the cool railing. She stayed at the bottom and smoked a cigarette, never inhaling.
Before she knew it, photography class was in an hour and everyone was crammed into Nathan's Jeep. Victoria, Maxine, Courtney and Taylor were in the back. Hayden was in the front with Nathan driving. Victoria was looking out the window, starring out over the ocean as they went along the beautifully stretch of road. Courtney and Taylor were bickering around where they were going to get their pills.
Maxine was quiet but her hand snaked into Victoria's, their fingers intertwining under Victoria's tight skirt. The warmth of her hand pulled Victoria's gaze away from the window and she met Maxine's eyes in the rearview mirror.
"Max, I'm glad you'll be joining us finally." Hayden said, obviously stoned. "I always knew you were a real party-hound."
"Oh yeah, that's me. Got my stomach pumped three times in Seattle." Maxine rolled her eyes and Victoria laughed, which caused Courtney and Taylor to laugh as well.
"Hell, just yesterday she drank a whole kegger by herself." Victoria kept going.
"Oh, yeah? You spending the night with Max now, Victoria?" Nathan said. Everyone laughed and Victoria had to feign some disgust.
"Ew," she said, squeezing Maxine's hand. Maxine pulled her hand away with a grunt.
"I always knew you were a rug muncher." Nathan…always with his quick wit. There were a few more laughs before they got back to the school. There was still ten minutes before class so they formed a little circle in the courtyard and shared gossip.
Maxine was her usual quiet self, but it was a sullen quiet. The kind the only hit those who knew why the quiet was different. Victoria kept looking over, hoping to catch her eye, but Maxine didn't move and inch. Things were so much better in bed, with the morning light and Maxine blushing under the covers. Victoria hated being mean to her, to anyone really, but that guilt was something bogged down by years of outside stimulus.
As the talking went on, she wanted to reach out and grab Maxine's hand again and tell everyone about how sick she felt having to hide a feeling that felt so real, like she could actually pull it out of herself and show everyone and they would all believe and understand and love the feeling too. It made her sick to even think the word love, but then again it was the only way for her to know that it was around.
"I love you Maxine," she thought to herself and her heart grew several sizes larger. She looked over and to her surprise, Maxine had moved. Not only that but she looked scared, frightened. Victoria wasn't even sure that she was Maxine. She looked like a dream.
"Hello, are you even listening Maxine?" Victoria said. There was a pause and that pause almost killed her.
"Max," she said. "Never Maxine." Victoria couldn't believe it. That was their little thing. Their own nickname that wasn't even a nickname because it was her real name. She didn't let anyone else call her Maxine, but she always blushed when Victoria did it.
"I know, sorry, Mad Max," Victoria said. "You're not pissed at me, right? Right? Do you want to hit the girl's potty and smoke 'em peace pipe?"
"I think Max is high," Courtney said.
"She's acting like, so weird. You cool, Max?" Victoria was a little relieved that she wasn't the only one noticing this change in Maxine (or Max now, never Maxine).
"Nobody listened when I said we shouldn't let her in the Vortex."
"Courtney, you don't want anybody in the club."
"Like whatever, bitch." At that, Maxin—Max got up and just walked away in a rush, pausing only to stare at the weirdo Warren and his nerdy girlfriend Stella. Victoria watched as the bus pulled up, Maxine got on and it pulled away. She sent several texts to her but there was no reply. Throughout all of Photo class Victoria was drawing little hearts and tearing them up when she realized how childish it was.
Looking back at her texts that night she felt the urge to gag because of how silly she had been, apologizing over and over again without so much as being acknowledged by Maxi—Max. In the back of her mind she kept hoping Max would knock on her door with popcorn and a six pack stolen from Samuel's closet, ready to crawl into Victoria's rather comfy bed and make out while ignoring the shitty movie.
But it didn't happen. Not even when Victoria stared across the hallways at Max's empty room. The only thing that happened was the assassination of Victoria's heart, which deflated back to being ten sizes too small when she saw Max…but she wasn't alone. She was with a girl, a girl in a wheelchair.
Victoria cried and drank alone until she went to bed.