The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.
Fan Fiction.
Chapter 2; Intruders.
After a long day of tending to the garden, sorting through his pile of books and even more riddles, (Bilbo's feeble attempts to outdo me) I found myself sat opposite him at the table, ready to begin a well-deserved supper.
As usual Bilbo had outdone himself, the plate was full of perfectly cooked vegetables, fresh from his garden, and fish bought that very afternoon in the market. I tucked in a napkin under my chin and salted the fish. Bilbo was in the process of squeezing a lemon over his fish when the doorbell rang.
I dropped the fork, which had been on its way to my mouth full of food and let out an involuntary yelp at the shrill sound. Bilbo sat frozen, face slumped in confusion and arm still outstretched over his meal, lemon juice tricking down his fingers.
The two of us sat for a moment, staring off in the direction of the front door. My eyes slid forwards to meet Bilbo's. He cleared his throat and put down the lemon slice, wiping his fingers on the napkin.
"You're not expecting anyone, are you?" I whispered, leaning forwards across the table. Bilbo shook his head. He stood and whipped the napkin from his neck, throwing it down on the table beside his supper.
"Excuse me for a moment…" he mumbled, started off towards the door and disappeared out of sight.
The door might have been out of sight, but noise travelled surprisingly well through Bilbo's halls. I pulled the napkin from my own neck and turned at the sound of a deep voice greeting Bilbo.
"Dwalin, at your service." The voice said. There was a brief mumble from Bilbo and the sound of heavy boots echoed off the walls as the owner of the gruff voice entered the house.
"Do we know each other?" Bilbo asked, his voice higher than usual and clearly flustered.
"No." the voice, Dwalin, answered. "Which way laddie? Is it down here?" the sound of heavy fabric being thrown sounded from the hall and then more heavy foot falls echoed off the walls.
I stood, edging towards the archway in order to peer round at the strange guest at the door.
"I-Is what down where?" Bilbo asked. The heavy fabric hit something soft, probably Bilbo by the sound of it and the deep voice replied.
"Supper. He said there'd be food, and lots of it." More heavy foot falls as Dwalin searched for food. I crept up to the edge of the wall, and peered around. From here I could clearly see a distressed Bilbo, clutching what appeared to be a dirty cloak in his arms, padding after a disgruntled looking Dwarf.
Dwarf? What in heaven's name was a Dwarf doing in Bag End?! Or the Shire for that matter. The Dwarf was bald down to his ears where thick dark hair began to grow up and around the ears, meeting a long beard.
"H-He said? Who said?" Bilbo asked, desperately padding after the Dwarf who had started off towards the kitchen.
I stumbled back until I met the wall on the far side of the kitchen and listened as the Dwarfs footsteps neared me. He rounded the corner and within a second his eyes had spotted both me and the two fish plates on the table. With a better view I could see the Dwarf was stout and built heavily around the shoulders.
Ignoring Bilbo's question the Dwarf stepped forwards and into the kitchen a smile forming on his weathered face as he took me in.
"And who is this then?" the Dwarf asked as Bilbo skittered into the room behind him and dumped the cloak on a chair. "Entertainment?" the Dwarf asked, his eyes not leaving me. "He said there'd be food, but not entertainment."
I could feel my nose wrinkle at the comment. Entertainment indeed!
Bilbo looked over at me, then back at the Dwarf and gulped… "Oh no… that's… s-she's not for… entertaining." Bilbo finished uncomfortably, as though the words tasted strange in his mouth.
"Well at least the food looks good…" Dwalin responded, rubbing his fingers together at the sight of the meal, before seating himself in Bilbo's place and beginning to stuff the beautifully prepared dish into his mouth.
Bilbo joined me over at the wall and we watched in silence as the Dwarf devoured, first Bilbo's and then my plate of food. Although by that time I wasn't complaining, my appetite had thoroughly been lost at the sight of the Dwarves grubby fingers picking the fish clean.
"Bilbo, what is a Dwarf doing in your house?" I hissed, my eyes glued to the Dwarf in question.
"I have absolutely no idea." Bilbo hissed in reply.
"Why don't you ask him?" I hissed through my teeth. I let my eyes slide from the Dwarf for just a second to see the grim expression on Bilbo's face, his eyes almost pleading me not to make him confront the Dwarf, but I nodded my head to the table stiffly and returned to glaring at my disappearing food. It was his house. He would have to deal with this himself.
With a final bite of the fishes head the Dwarf hummed in satisfaction. "Very good this. Any more?"
Bilbo and I started, clearly neither of us expecting to be spoken to again. Bilbo glanced around the room, his eyes landing on a plate of freshly baked buns. Buns we had made ourselves that afternoon. "What? O-oh, y-yes." He grabbed the plate and went to offer them to the Dwarf.
A small pleading sound escaped my lips as I stared at the plate. Bilbo's eyes flashed up to my face as I reached across as grabbed two buns and shoved them into the pockets of my apron. I was not going to go hungry, I would at least have one bun to myself until this blasted Dwarf had left, then I could scour the remains.
I nodded to Bilbo who brought the plate forwards to Dwalin "Help yourself." Bilbo said, the plate was taken from him and dumped on the table with a clatter, and a bun, shoved whole into Dwalin's mouth. I felt my nose wrinkle again at the sight of the Dwarf eating.
Gently I nudged Bilbo in the side who took a tentative step forwards. "Mmmm, it's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company…" Bilbo started, the Dwarf too engrossed in buns to pay him much attention.
The doorbell rang and my eyes flashed up towards it, as did Bilbo's. We shared a moments glance before the deep hum of Dwalin's voice broke our stare.
"That'll be the door." He said glaring at Bilbo. Both Bilbo and I started towards the door, leaving a munching Dwalin in the kitchen.
"Who's that?" I whispered, hurrying alongside Bilbo and trying to glance out the windows on the way.
"I don't know… and I'm not sure I want to…" Bilbo replied in a hushed voice as we came to a stop in front of his door.
Bilbo took a breath and stepped forwards, unlatching the door and pulling it back. Outside stood another Dwarf, this one older and smaller than the first. His hair and beard were white and kept far neater than Dwalin's. At least this Dwarf looked friendly.
"Balin. At your service." He said, bowing to the two of us. His voice was pleasant and light.
"Good evening." Bilbo choked out, gripping the door tightly. I stood in shock, staring at the new arrival.
Balin looked around himself "Yes, yes it is." And then entered the house, looking gravely into Bilbo's eyes. "Though, I think it may rain later."
Bilbo and I stood transfixed at this second Dwarf. His eyes flickered over to me and he smiled gently bowing again. I nodded in response, too shocked for words. Two Dwarves in Bag End?! Two? What would Bilbo's mother say if she could see him now?
"Am I late?" Balin asked, studying Bilbo.
Bilbo's face fell in confusion. "Late for what?" Bilbo asked, his eyes narrowing in confusion. I could feel a similar expression beginning to twist my features. What on earth was going on?
A crunching sounded from the family room and all three of us rounded to see Dwalin struggling to fit his thick fingers into a cookie jar. A small, wicked smile curled on my lips at the sight of his struggle.
"Oh!" yelped Balin at the sight of the other Dwarf. He started in towards Dwalin a joyful smile tugging at his lips. "Ha ha! Evening brother." He said chuckling a little.
Dwalin stopped trying to empty the jar of cookies and turned at the sound of Balin. Dumping the jar of cookies on the table beside him he let out a deep laugh as he took in Balin. "By my beard, you are you are shorter and wider than last we met."
I watched in wonder at the two Dwarves as Bilbo stuck his head outside, searching for more hiding Dwarves in the shrubs.
"Wider, not shorter. And sharp enough for the both of us." Replied Balin, the two Dwarves chortling for a moment at the joke. Then grasped each other's shoulders in what looked like a hug. I watched in confusion as simultaneously the two bent forwards and bashed foreheads. It was the strangest greeting I had ever witnessed.
Bilbo, now returned from hunting for stray Dwarves, stoutly padded forwards to the two chortling Dwarves in his family room, leaving me to stand alone in the hall.
"Uh, excuse me," Bilbo began, trying to get their attention. "Sorry, I hate to interrupt… uh, but the thing is… I'm not entirely sure, you're in the right house…" the Dwarves were stood completely ignoring poor Bilbo apparently now in an important conversation.
Dwalin lead Balin down the hall, finally finding the pantry. Bilbo trailed after them, stammering out short sentences of disapproval and apologies. I gave a last glance out the door into the cold calm night, taking in the sight of a sleeping Shire, warm lights seeping out of windows and glittering over the lake. I sighed, a little envious of their tranquil evenings and peaceful homes. I then closed the door, bolted it shut and headed over to find Bilbo and the two Dwarves. This would be a long night for both Bilbo and myself.
As I rounded the door through the kitchen I caught sight of a thick block of blue cheese flying out of the panty and landing with a splat on the tiled floor, just barely missing the antique rug. Bilbo watched the cheese fly past him and turned back to face the two Dwarves in the pantry.
I huffed out another deep sigh and padded over to stand beside Bilbo.
"…I don't mean to be blunt, but I uh, I had to speak my mind. I'm sorry" Bilbo ended, raising his hands in submission.
I could have groaned at how irritatingly polite he was being. It was his house, he had a right to be upset. But then Bilbo had become a bit soft as of late.
The Dwarves stopped picking through the pantry and looked up at Bilbo. "Apology accepted" replied Balin, then the two Dwarves turned back to each other, Balin taking the tankard of ale Dwalin had handed him and peering into it.
"Oh now fill it up brother, don't stint." He said disapprovingly, handing the tankard back to Dwalin.
Just then the bell sounded again. This time I did groan, Bilbo's head snapped up towards the door in agitation, his face falling in despair.
"Hmm." Came the strangled cry from Bilbo as he eyed the direction of the door.
"I'll deal with this," I murmured, pointing to the cheese. "You answer the door."
Bilbo sighed but nodded and began padding off towards the door, murmuring something which sounded suspiciously like 'please, no more Dwarves.'
I headed off to the kitchen and began to tidy away the empty plates and clean the kitchen table, leaving the Dwarves to themselves in the pantry.
I heard the sound of the front door opening and a desperate hum coming from Bilbo at the sight that greeted him.
Fili," said one voice. "And Kili," added a second. "At your service." The two chimed together.
I let out a small groan. "More Dwarves," I whispered, placing the washed plates on the drying rack and picking up a cloth to go wipe up the thrown cheese. "Oh joy"
"You must be mister Boggins." One of the Dwarves said proudly. I snorted.
"Nope, you can't come in, you've come to the wrong house." Bilbo's growl hummed through into the kitchen as I left to go clean up the ruined blue cheese. Finally, he was standing up to these pesky Dwarves.
A thud sounded from the entry as someone pushed the closing door open.
From where I stood, all I could see was Bilbo tumble back a few steps as the door was forced to remain open and him cowering slightly behind it.
"What? Has it been cancelled?" asked a Dwarf.
"No one told us." Added the second.
Good I thought, tell them whatever they're here for is cancelled and they'll go away!
I bent down over the cheese on the floor, muttering grouchily to myself. Dwalin and Balin were continuing to raid the pantry of food. I picked up the soft block of cheese which now had a nasty coating of dirt on one side and wiped up the residue with the cloth. Maybe I could save some of the cheese at least, I thought.
"Whoops, sorry lassie." Dwalin muttered, nearly stepping directly on me as he and Balin made their way into the dining room in search of a place to sit.
It took all my mental strength to not reach out and bash the Dwarf in the shins.
"ca-no, nothings been cancelled…" Bilbo murmured. I felt my shoulders slump in irritation and forced myself to stand up and bin the cheese.
To my dismay the sound of two more sets of heavy boots began to thump forwards into the hallway. I leant heavily against the sink as I rinsed out the cloth. This was becoming ridiculous, why on earth would Dwarves want to gather in the Shire? It was far from any Dwarvish settlements and too quiet for them to search for work.
"Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Droned one of the new Dwarves, and the sound of heavy iron and clinking weaponry belts met my ears.
"It's nice place this, did you do it yourself?" asked the second
Bilbo seemed to be answering before suddenly he cried out "That's my mother's glory box, can you please not do that?"
I sighed, dried my hands on my apron and straightened myself, preparing to head out and confront the Dwarves.
The sight which met my eyes in the hallway was staggering. Bilbo was loaded down with swords and all manner of weapons and gear, a bow and quiver slung over his shoulder and a young looking Dwarf with light hair and a short beard, braided either side of his lips was adding more to the pile in Bilbo's arms. A second Dwarf, just as young, but dark haired and no beard to speak of was scraping the bottom of his thick, muddy boots against the antique glory box in the hallway.
I had had quite enough of this. I stood in the middle of the hallway, with my hands on my hips and cleared my throat loudly. The two Dwarves looked up towards me. The dark one froze, brown eyes wide, his foot still on the glory box, the other shifted where he stood.
I opened my mouth to give the two Dwarves a good verbal thrashing when suddenly I felt Dwalin lumber past me towards the two newcomers.
"Fili, Kill!" Dwalin said, cutting me off and putting his arm around the dark haired one. "Give us a hand."
"Mr Dwalin," said the dark one, his dark eyes sliding away from me as he unfroze and followed the older Dwarf past me and into the dining room, a huge grin spreading across his features at the sight of this other Dwarf. The other youngest, with light hair trailed after Dwalin, throwing me a wink as he passed.
It was infuriating. They, were infuriating. Bilbo padded after them, looking pained and bewildered and still clutching onto the pile of weapons.
"Let's shove this in the hall, otherwise well never get everyone in." Balin spoke up then, ordering the others to take hold of the dining room table.
"Not more Dwarves." I moaned, my hands falling to my sides in defeat. I gained a look and eyebrow raise from the dark haired Dwarf at my remark.
"Everyone?" Bilbo cried, now stood beside me. "How many more are there?"
The Dwarves too busy to answer, continued to re arrange the furniture. Leaving Bilbo stood staring at the mass of them and me, contemplating weather a pan or a broom would be the most efficient weapon to remove these intruders from the house. A pan was weighty, and I was sure a light blow to the head could send them on their way. But Balin looked too old and sweet to actually strike. A broom could be good though, a sharp smack on the back to get their attention, then it was good for prodding, I could poke the Dwarves out through the door and latch it behind them.
I had just turned to fetch a broom when the doorbell rang for a fourth time.
"Oh no!" Bilbo moaned, turning to face the door.
"Give me those." I said, taking the weapons from his hands "You deal with them and I'll deal with these." I said, nodding to first the door and then my armful of swords.
Bilbo nodded and straightened before heading off towards the door. "There's nobody home!" he yelled "go away, and bother somebody else. There's far too many Dwarves, in my dining room as it is."
While Bilbo moaned I turned and roughly dumped the swords on the floor, kicking one belt into the corner for good measure then turned on the Dwarves in the dining room.
"What exactly are you all doing here?" I yelled, finally getting the attention of the Dwarves. They turned, some with chairs in their hands, and stared at me. The dark haired Dwarf raised an eyebrow at me, the fair one crossed his arms across his chest and studied me. Dwalin, spun completely round to face me with an intrigued look, it was Balin who answered, looking ever so slightly apologetic.
"He told us to meet here, that you would be expecting us." Balin took a gentle step forwards, clasping his hands in front of him as he did so.
"He? He who?" I said, narrowing my eyes at the Dwarf.
From the hallway I heard a heavy thud of several bodies hitting the floor and an exasperated exclamation of "Gandalf!" from Bilbo.
I turned to the noise, rolling my eyes at my own stupidity. "I should have known" I mumbled, storming off in the direction of the door to find a mass of Dwarves sprawled out on the hallway floor and Gandalf himself peering in through the door with a gentle smile on his face. Bilbo stood, staring out at the scene before him with a look of exhaustion and irritation dancing across his features.