Disclaimer: I do not own Penny Dreadful or any characters of this show.
Big shout-out to Leah, Carolin and Mai for proofreading this for me, it meant everything.
Chapter 2: Sorry
"All we need is hope and for that we have each other." Andra Day-Rise Up
Ethan had a sleep full of dreams, with flashes of the battle against Dracula. All of these flashes had Vanessa in them, not being able to recall anything else when he is a werewolf: Vanessa hurrying everyone out; Vanessa fighting off familiars using Verbis Diablo; Vanessa almost getting killed by Dracula when she refused to follow his command. He feels he must have killed hundreds of Dracula's followers but he's not entirely certain. He is certain he killed Dracula, when he saw Vanessa's Verbis Diablo was not causing the desired effect and her life was threatened.
Guilt starts rushing over him, not being sure if he hurt her or anyone else in their family. Ethan wakes up, feeling eyes upon him.
"Shh Ethan it's okay, I'm here." He recognizes Vanessa's voice.
She is sitting in a chair right beside his bed, dressed in a light blue dress. The sun was coming in through the drapes…what time was it? Was that sunrise or sunset? He didn't have much time to focus on that, as he notices Vanessa, calm and safe, something quite opposite of what he had encountered the previous night.
"Did I injure you or anyone of our group?" His voice sounds hoarse and dry, like he hadn't had a drink of water in months.
"No, don't worry, we are all fine." She assures him.
That's when he notices a scratch on her arm, almost touching her wrist. He's invaded by a feeling of pain, much stronger than guilt.
"Did I do that to you?" He asks, pointing at her arm, afraid to hear the answer.
"This? Oh no, stop blaming yourself. Dr. Sweet…" She corrects herself with a cough. "I mean Dracula did this to me when he was trying to make me go with him. But it's over Ethan. We defeated him. We actually did it together." She smiles, pleased with herself.
He smiles back at her full force and out of nowhere, they both start laughing. Once they start, they can't stop, trying to gasp for air as tears of joy start rolling down their faces. Ethan can't believe she's actually laughing with him, never imagining this after the battle.
Reading his thoughts, Vanessa's mood changes and her tears of joy become real tears and she throws herself into his arms. Ethan is stunned by this unexpected change, doesn't really know what to do, so he just strokes her hair and whispers into her ear: "Shhh you're okay, we are both okay."
"You might think me foolish, I know, but you slept for so many days that I thought you might never wake up again." Vanessa's face is hidden in his neck. Ethan keeps stroking her hair. "I couldn't believe that after I JUST got you back, you were going to leave me again"
Ethan felt guilt rushing over him once more but at the same time relieved that they were finally talking.
He sighs and whispers: "Vanessa, I'm never leaving you again, not ever. I promise."
She feels her tense and she draws back from him. He immediately misses her weight on his body. How can he make her trust him again? Vanessa sits backs on the chair and interrupts his thoughts.
"I want to believe you Ethan. I do. But before you left you also swore to me that you were my protector and that as long as you lived you were never going to leave me, and then you did just that. Ethan, before the fight against Dracula, all I remember is your back. Walking towards the door, not even glancing back. I know you might have had your reasons, but you broke my heart when you wrote that letter of goodbye. You left without explaining yourself; and for a while, for all I knew, you could be dead, or in prison, or anywhere else." She sighs and continues, wringing her hands nervously. "Getting over your departure was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and I don't know if I could do that again."
Ethan is at loss for words. Silence stands between them and for a while none of them say anything. A single tear rolls down Ethan's eye, not believing that he did this to HER. VANESSA. The woman he loved. But that's the thing. He never showed this to her. Not in an obvious way at least, but he was so frightened at the intensity of his feelings for her, that the only course of action for him was to hide it. And he knew that she was afraid too. But like in every other situation they found themselves in, she was the one that took the risk of voicing out loud what she really wanted with him. To run away. To be themselves and loving that. Their whole selves. Day by day being less afraid. The problem was that at that time he was blind with grief and guilt. He loved her, he really did, but he was so afraid of hurting her that he chose to pay for his crimes...look where that led them.
But this needs to stop. Now he knows better. All that guilt and shame did none of them any good. If he kept feeling sorry for himself and concentrating on the "what ifs", they would never be able to progress. He needs to make her trust him again, and if she lets him, he wants to earn her love.
"Vanessa, for what is worth, I'm sorry. I really am. You cannot even imagine how awful I feel for breaking your heart and losing your trust. But I promise that I will do everything I can to earn back your trust." He was about to say earn your love back, but after everything they both went through in their time apart, he didn't want to spook her. "At least as your partner in this fight against darkness. You need to recognize that we make a good team." He jokes trying to make her laugh again.
She gives him a side smile, and exhales a little laugh. "Too soon to answer." She answers rather mysteriously. "Now let me bring you some dinner, you need to gain your strength back." And with that, she leaves the room.
While he waits for Vanessa to come back, Ethan starts figuring out a plan to win her back.
A/N: Thank you for reading, it means a lot! And thank you for all the comments, shares and reviews I'm getting here but specially on Twitter (just in case, I'm fangirlFlo). I'm open to suggestions, ideas, reviews, comments or any kind of constructive criticism. Promise things will start looking up on the next chapter (enough spoilers for now).