Lucy stared at the body on the floor.
"What," she started, deliberately, slowly, "is that."
Natsu and Happy looked entirely too pleased with themselves.
"We went out on a job," Natsu began, grinning like mad, "and we found this bastard wandering around."
"We thought it would be a good idea to bring him back," Happy chirped, looking for all the world like the duo had brought back a kitten or a puppy or an fish instead that literal piece of shit that was lying unconscious on the guild floor.
"So you didn't take-" Lucy hesitated- "it to the council? You brought it back?!"
"We did take him to the council!" Natsu protested.
"So why isn't-" Lucy paused again and gestured, rather rudely, at the lifeless for on the ground- "it in prison? Or dead?"
Natsu scratched his head. "The council kicked us out," the dragon slayer said casually. I'm not sure why he's alive," he admitted, shrugging casually. "But we couldn't leave him wandering around like that."
'Yes, you absolutely could,' Lucy wanted to say, but since she had more self control than Happy near a fish, she grit her teeth and asked, "Why not?"
This time, Natsu was the one who hesitated. "Well... I don't think he remembers anything."
"Mm," the figure grumbled. He cracked open one eye, and then the other, squinting through the bright afternoon sunlight that flooded the room. Why did have so much hair on his face? It was blocking his vision. And it was itchy.
He impatiently brushed his hair out of his face with one hand and- ooooh his hand had claws. Cool. And he had tattoos all over his arms, solid black ones that covered his hands and forearms and broke off into geometric shapes on his biceps.
He felt something twitch on the top of his head and patted it gingerly. Cat ears? Sure, why not. A tail? He could deal.
There was a plate of toast and some soup on the bedside table. It looked cold.
"You're awake," someone said flatly.
He blinked and looked around. There was a girl standing by the doorframe, arms crossed and teeth bared, like an animal. Something about that thought made him laugh.
"What is it?" the girl snarled. Her hair, he noticed, was pretty, like golden threads woven into a shining plait.
"I'm not sure," he said mildly. He felt his ears twitch again. "I'm... not actually sure about anything right now. You wouldn't happen to know my name, would you?"
Suddenly, the girl looked very tired. She strode to a chair and slumped into it and was quiet for a long time. He was starting to think that she was ignoring him.
"Jackal," she said abruptly. "Your name is Jackal."
"Jackal," he said slowly. It sounded right, if a bit odd. "My name is Jackal."
"I'm Lucy," the girl with the golden hair stated. Her hands were clenched so hard they were trembling.
Jackal hesitated. "You look... familiar."
"I should," Lucy said.
Then she got up and walked away.
No one else came to visit that day.
The next day, Lucy was back, and she brought a book with her.
"This," she said, tossing the book onto his bed, "is what you did. This is why I am familiar, and why I think you should be rotting in hell." And she walked out.
Jackal blinked and opened the book.
When Lucy saw Jackal the next day, he was cradling his head in his hands, staring blankly and nothing.
"Tell me I didn't do all that." His voice cracked. "I'm a demon? A monster?" He was trembling now. "Tell me I didn't do that."
Lucy didn't say anything. She sat in the chair at his bedside and listened as he cried.
Two days later, Jackal tried to get out of the bed for the first time. He felt weak, but he saw, felt the muscles, coiling and bulging, and knew he could handle it.
He stumbled through the doorway and froze in his tracks. Lucy was in the next room, head in her hands, and crying. There was a pink haired boy next to her, hugging comforting her.
"I can't handle this, Natsu," she sobbed. "I can't look at him. I'm so angry and confused and I'm pitying him and I can't handle this."
Jackal turned around and walked back through the door and lay on the bed.
Lucy was back the next day, bringing food. It was nothing special, just a some bread and soup and a cup of water.
Jackal felt nauseous.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked, his voice hoarse. "You hate me. You should hate me."
Lucy gave him a long look, filled with sadness and anger and compassion. "Because I think I can change you," she said simply, and left.
Her words haunted him for hours.
It wasn't until three days later that Jackal tried to get up again. He gingerly padded around, exploring. Was this Lucy's apartment? He tiptoed to the kitchen, hoping for a glass of water.
The amnesiac was shuffling around the cupboards when the sound of footsteps made him go rigid.
Lucy stared at him owlishly. "You're up."
He nodded, refusing to meet her eyes.
She sighed. "It had happen eventually," she mused, brushing her golden hair behind her ear.
He hesitated. "Can you... Can you tell me what I was like? Before this?"
Lucy pursed her lips. "Let's sit down," she said, and led him to an overstuffed couch.
Jackal was silent, gazing at her intently as she gathered her thoughts.
"You were cruel," she said finally, after an eternity. "You thought the lives of humans were toys to be played with and thrown away. You enjoyed suffering."
The words cut like barbed wire, tearing at him. 'This is who you were,' a malicious little voice whispered. 'This is who you are.'
As if she heard, Lucy said, "You're not like that now."
Jackal flinched, looking up at her with a tremulous gaze.
"You're not like that now," she repeated. "That's what matters."
And she smiled.
Another two days later Lucy took him to the market. He wore long sleeves and gloves to cover his tattoos and a beanie to cover his ears.
"People won't do you any favors if they knew who you were," Lucy had said, handing him the hat.
At least, Jackal thought mildly, the autumn weather was crisp and cool, so the extra covering wasn't doing him any harm.
"I haven't been to the guild for a while," Lucy mentioned conversationally. "Natsu and I told Master about the situation with you, though, so I should be fine."
She was wearing a fluffy pink coat and a long, equally fluffy scarf. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were bright.
Jackal blushed a little. Was it normal to stare at people's faces? Maybe. Who knew. Certainly not him.
A week after Lucy took him out, Jackal started to remember. Bits and pieces flashed through his mind like shattered shards of glass, painful and fragmented.
Lucy found him lying on the ground, curled up and trembling.
She sang him a lullaby.
Two months after Natsu had found Jackal and Lucy had taken him in, Jackal had regained almost all his memories.
But at the same time, they weren't his memories. It was like he was watching an old television set- everything was distant- he was there, yet he wasn't. White noise filled the gaps of silence in his mind.
But as his memories of his past life returned, his current one flourished. He asked Lucy to take him to the memorial of the old council, to the cemetery where the townspeople were buried, to the guild, where he prostrated himself on the floor in front of Master Makarov.
When the flashbacks became too much, he started having panic attacks. He could feel the blood staining his hands, the gore coating his face, his mouth twisting into a sadistic, hellish grin that felt so wrong yet so right.
Lucy would hold him gently and sing.
Four months passed.
Lucy and Jackal were close, now. They were curled up on Lucy's overstuffed couch watching an old soap opera, one with gratuitous shots of women's cleavage and men's abs.
"Do you think I've changed?" Jackal asked, not looking at the TV.
Lucy smiled gently. "You've been changed for a long time now."
She looked beautiful, he decided. Her hair was loose and she was dressed in an over-sized sweater and shorts.
She was always beautiful when she smiled.
"I love you," he told her solemnly. "I wish that I didn't remember anything, because every time I remember causing you pain, I wish that I could have ended myself then and there."
Lucy turned to face him completely. "You've changed," she repeated firmly, and kissed him.
A/N: lmaooooooooo im back
the day my writing style stays consistent is the day i consistently no longer write
this was originally supposed to be a gift fic but its too shitty so now its just a drabble as i work on something thats actually semi decent
school is back
i am dying
ive also been sick for like an entire month pls just stab me
how to write? how
amnesiac!baddies who turn out to be sweeties is my aesthetic so thats how this pile of shit was created good for you guys