You watch, constantly.

You watch him when he thinks that no one is looking, those rare chances give you a glimpse of who he really is. He is more causal then, more relaxed in his own skin when he thinks he's alone. It's the main reason why you don't knock, instead you just walk right in. It's the only way you get to see him like that.

You watch him every Tuesday too. You couldn't believe it when he changed his schedule. Personally you don't think that the burgers at work are anything to write home about, but he seems to enjoy them. You can't help messing with his order though, putting that tomato on his plate every single time. Each time you do he berates you, although he never asks for your boss. At that point in time you are his sole focus. It must be what his whiteboards feel like.

You watch his face out of the corner of your eye. It took a long time for you to find expression in that face, sometimes it seemed to be made out of stone. But then you find a tick here, a slight twinkle in his eyes there. Little things give him away, and you take great delight in discovering each and every one of them.

You listen, constantly.

You tell him stories about work just to hear him tell you that he doesn't care. You discover that when you two are alone, he is more expressive. Instead of dirty looks you get stories of your own. Stories about Germany, stories about his childhood. When you get those stories his voice gets musical, the southern twang that he tries so hard to suppress comes out.

You ask his advice for all of your problems, big and small. He doesn't seem to care as long as he can give you a solution. You ask for his opinion and listen to his voice carefully. You can't make out what some of the more complicated words are, and make a mental note to look them up later. But you do listen to the tone of his voice. It has a wonderful ebb and flow to it and you love to hear it.

You touch, when you get the chance.

You sit next to him on the couch, the middle cushion has become your spot. You guard it almost as zealously as he does his. You sit there because every once in awhile his leg touches yours and it sends shivers up and down your entire body. You wear the shortest outfits that you can just so that there is one less layer between you and him. Every great while you use his thigh as a launch pad for you to get up. Your hand touches him and for that split second you let yourself enjoy it. Then he forces you to say sorry. You don't care, it was worth it.

You live for the days that he hands you things. He doesn't seem to notice that his hands touch yours almost every time. It sends sparks down your body every time.

You hug him for far too long, and he doesn't know any different. The napkin that started it all, you think you might love that napkin a bit more than is healthy. When you gave him that he willingly wrapped himself around you for almost a whole minute. It was glorious until you cuddled in closer. He pulled back after that, coming to his senses. You live for the chance to give him something that wonderful again, because that means another hug. You hope that one day he hugs you and doesn't let go.

You don't tell him.

You don't tell him because it wouldn't make any difference. He has stated time and time again how he doesn't want a romantic relationship of any kind, he is above all of that. Telling him would only leave you raw and bleeding. He can't change who he is.

You prefer his friendship to nothing at all.

You don't tell him because of Leonard. No matter what he says you know that Leonard is one of his best friends. You also know Leonard has a thing for you. Even if he did reciprocate, which he doesn't, he would never hurt Leonard in that way. He is to good of a friend.

You don't tell him because you can't be what he wants, what he needs. You aren't smart, you barely graduated high school. You need the dictionary\Internet combo to even have the slightest clue what he does for a living. You would never be able to keep up with him, and he'd get bored with you. It would break your heart to see him leave you behind.

You will never be what he wants, what he needs. So all you do is watch, listen, and barely touch him when you think no one is looking. You do all this because that's all you can give. It's all that he will accept from you.

You will keep doing it for as long as he lets you.