Hey everyone! Thanks for waiting; I was a little busy at school so it took longer than expected to post this and on top of that I lied about this being a two shot, it's gonna be a tree chapter story. I'll try to update as soon as possible.
Okay, here's part two. Enjoy.
"Ichigo!" Renji said and stared at Ichigo for a moment before rushing to him.
Ichigo was sitting on the floor in the shower with a bloody knife in his hand and a cut up wrist. Luckily he had only cut one but Renji was sure that if he had been a little later Ichigo would have cut the other too.
"Baka! What are ya doing? Ya trying ta kill yourself or something?" Renji questioned and bent down to take the bleeding wrist in his hand but to his surprise Ichigo snatched it away and backed into a corner.
"Ichigo what…? Why won't ya let me help?"
"I d-don't want h-help. I w-wanna die. M-my life isn't worth l-living anymore."
"What do ya mean 'not worth living'?" Renji asked.
"I don't hav…" When Ichigo was about to answer he suddenly passed out due to blood loss and Renji saw his chance. He grabbed the injured wrist and preformed a healing technique. 'Good thing I decided to improve my kido skills after the war' he thought as he healed the cut. After healing it he washed the blood away from it and carried Ichigo to his bedroom and changed him into some clean clothes and laid him down on the bed. Next he headed back to the bathroom and washed the blood from the floor, took the knife back to the kitchen and washed it too. Then he went back to Ichigo's bedroom.
Ichigo was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at his hands. When Renji stepped into the room he looked up with a broken look in his eyes.
"Why did you save me?" he asked with a hoarse voice.
"'Cause I don't want ya ta die, why else?" Renji answered and walked up to him.
"It's not your decision whether I die or not! I wanted to die, damn it!" Ichigo shouted and stood up.
"Why did you wanna die? Does your life really suck that much!" Renji shouted back.
"In fact it does, not that it's any of your business!" Ichigo shouted and grabbed the front of Renji's shirt and prepared to punch him.
"Oh yea? Then tell me, why does it suck so much that ya don't wanna live anymore?"
Ichigo froze but after awhile he lowered his fist and gaze.
"I…" he started and felt tears start to form in his eyes again. "I don't have a-anyone to l-love me anymore. Not a-after what happened to my f-family." He started to sob and fell on his knees still holding onto Renji's shirt.
"Ichigo" Renji said, dropped to his knees and pulled the trembling teenager into a hug. "Ya should have talked ta someone. Ya have great friends who would have listened ta ya if ya would have talked ta them instead of pushing 'em away."
"R-Renji, listen…" Ichigo tried to protest but was interrupted by Renji continuing his speech.
"Or if ya didn't want to 'bother' yer friends ya could've called to those phone-things where ya can talk about things with a stranger or…" he made a short pause."Ya could've called me."
"Would it have made a difference, it wouldn't have brought my family back. I lost my whole family damn it!"
"You're not the only one who lost their family! I lost Rukia who was the closest to family that I've ever had!" Renji shouted and held Ichigo so that he could look into the brown teary eyes.
"I-I'm s-sorry Renji" Ichigo whispered and looked down.
Renji's expression softened. "It's okay" he said and pulled Ichigo close again. "Ya don't have to apologize ta me but don't try anything like that ever again. Now let's go sit somewhere more comfortable an' then ya can tell me everything that's bothering ya, 'kay? He said and pulled Ichigo up with him. He walked over to the bed and sat down. "Come 'ere" he said and reached for Ichigo's hand.
Ichigo stared at Renji's hand for a few seconds before stepping forward and hesitantly taking it but to his surprise Renji yanked him forward so that he landed in his lap and was once again hugged by Renji.
"Ano…Renji? You can let go now."
"Nah. I think I'm gonna hold on ta ya at least for now. Besides ya seem ta like being close ta someone so you're stayin' here until you've told me everything."
"O-okay." Ichigo said but his expression was kinda funny; he was almost crying, he looked confused about Renji's behavior and on top of that he was blushing because he hadn't been this close to anyone in a long time yet alone Renji. "But I don't know where to start."
"Don't worry about it. Take your time, we're in no hurry." Renji said and eventually Ichigo started telling him everything. He told everything about how much he missed his family, how guilty he felt for those who had died, his nightmares, how lonely he felt, how he didn't want to 'bother' his friend with his problems and how he wanted someone to love and love him in return.. Sometime during his 'speech' Ichigo had started crying and now he was sobbing against Renji's chest while clutching his shirt.
'I had no idea that he was this messed up, he even tried to kill himself. What if I'd come 5 minutes later? Then he would be…dead.' Renji thought while he softly rubbed Ichigo's back. 'It hurts to see him like this; he used to be so strong an' independent. I wanna help him get over this an' return to his old self.' he thought before pushing the thought aside and whispering: "It's gonna be alright Ichigo. I'll help ya, I promise."
"Thank you… Renji… for listening." Ichigo mumbled tiredly.
Renji smiled. "No problem." He whispered back. He continued to pet Ichigo's back and hair while wondering why he was being so protective of the teenager. He didn't remember being like this with anyone else, not even Rukia. 'His hair is so soft even though it looks so sharp 'n' spiky. Wait! What am I thinkin', it's not like I like him so why do I notice things like that? Gotta stop thinkin'.' To distract himself from his thoughts he decided that he should let Ichigo go to sleep now.
"Ichigo, ya should sleep now." He said quietly. No response. "Oi, Ichigo did ya hear me?" he said a little louder. Still no response. "Ichigo, what…" he said but then he noticed that Ichigo was already asleep, still holding on to his shirt. Renji's expression softened and he smiled. "I see" he mumbled. He tried to lay Ichigo down but to his surprise Ichigo refused to let go. 'What…? It's almost like that day.' he thought.
"Don't leave me" came a quiet mumble from the sleeping teenager. 'Okay, it's exactly like that day.' he thought and gave up trying to pry Ichigo's hands off his shirt. He remembered how Ishida and Inoue had told him about when Ichigo had fallen asleep and grabbed Yoruichi's tail and refused to let go. It had taken four people to get him to let go, so he knew he might not be able to do it alone. He lay down with Ichigo in his arms and the said teen nuzzled his chest in his sleep. 'He's cute when he sleeps. No, what am I thinkin' again! Don't tell me I'm falling Kurosaki Ichigo of all people, especially now when he is so vulnerable. Gotta stop thinkin' about things like that an' help him get better. Then I can think about that, maybe. No, no, no. Damn he's skinny. I need to cook and make sure he eats while I'm here. Guess I should get some sleep too.' he thought and soon after that he fell asleep.
~next morning~
Ichigo woke up after the first night without nightmares in a whole year but he didn't open his eyes yet. He wondered why he felt so calm and warm and why he hadn't had any nightmares this night, not that he complained. Then his brain started to register his surroundings; the snoring he assumed belonged to Renji, the sunlight and the arms wrapped around him. 'Wait! The arms wrapped around me? That can't be right.' he thought and snapped his eyes open. He was faced with Renji's chest and apparently the arms holding him also belonged to Renji. 'Why is he sleeping in my bed?' he wondered but then the memories from last night came flooding back to him. 'Oh shit! I broke down in front of him of all people after he saved me. He must think I'm pathetic. But why does it feel so…comfortable being close to him?'
"Ya awake Ichigo?" asked a voice above him.
"Wha…? Yeah."
"Mornin'. How did ya sleep well? Any nightmares?"
"N-no." he stuttered. "I slept well. Can ya…you know…let go now. And why did you sleep in my bed?"
"Oh. Of course." Renji said and let go and sat up. "Well, last night when I tried to lay you down an' get up ya refused ta let go an' asked me not to leave ya in yer sleep. So I had no choice."
"I see. Sorry about that." Ichigo said and blushed. "And sorry I broke down like that. It was really pathetic, I should be stronger than that." he added.
"Oh gimme a break. Even the strongest people sometimes need help an' comfort. It doesn't bother be at all. I'm surprised ya didn't snap a long time ago when ya were bottling all those things up. Just let me help from now on 'kay?"
"O-okay. But why do you want to help me?"
"'Cos you're one of my best friends and I don't want to lose another friend. Done asking stupid questions?" he asked.
Ichigo nodded.
"Good. Then we can go an' eat breakfast." He said and stood up. "C'mon."
Ichigo stood up as well but when he tried to walk he fell down on the floor.
"Oi! Ichigo! What's wrong?" Renji asked and rushed back to Ichigo.
"Besides having a hangover my head is spinning and I feel weak." he mumbled.
Renji had noticed the smell of alcohol the night before and now he remembered that the kitchen had been pretty much empty so maybe Ichigo hadn't eaten anything recently.
"When was the last time ya ate somethin'?" he asked.
"Monday afternoon. I think."
"What?! You've been almost five days without eating?! What the hell have ya been thinkin'?"
"Don't yell my head hurts. Anyway it's none of your business how often I eat."
"Yes it is. Ya agreed ta let me help ya so that's what I'm gonna do and that involves making sure that you eat properly. Can ya get up?" Renji asked after his lecture.
"Yeah, I think so. The spinning has stopped for now at least." Ichigo replied and stood up again. But when he tried to walk the spinning started again and he wobbled a little.
Renji sighed, picked Ichigo up bridal style and started walking to the kitchen.
"Hey! Put me down, I can walk on my own!"
*sigh* "Ya were barely able to stand so how were ya planning on walking? Ya have to learn to admit when ya need help. Didn't ya just agree ta let me help ya so shut up an' let me do it."
"Hmph. Fine." Ichigo scowled but his cheeks were tainted with red.
"We're here. Now, it wasn't so bad, was it? Sit here while I make something ta eat. Yesterday I saw that ya didn't have much ta eat here so I bought somethin' on my way back. It's not much since the actual markets were closed but it'll do for now. We'll go shopping later."
"Could you…could you bring me some aspirin? My head is killing me."
"Sure." Renji said a little surprised that Ichigo had actually asked for help. "It wasn't so hard to ask for help, right? Where do ya keep it? The bathroom?"
Ichigo blushed again at Renji's comment. "Shut up. Yeah, on the right side of the cabinet." he mumbled.
Renji chuckled and went to find the medicine. 'He's cute when he blushes. Damn it, what's with these thoughts? Is it 'cos of what he said last night about wanting to be loved or do I really like 'im? Waaah, I dunno anymore!' he thought and took the medicine. On the way back he remembered something. He went to his jacket and took out an energy-snack bar. Renji went back to Ichigo and handed him the things along with a glass of juice.
"Here ya go. Eat this; the energy should stop yer head from spinnin'."
"Thanks" Ichigo said and swallowed the pills first and started to nibble on the snack while Renji started to make breakfast. 'Why do I feel this way around Renji?' Ichigo thought as he watched the said male work. 'I feel so calm and like… everything's gonna be okay. His presence is somehow comforting.'
"All done. Now eat up" Renji said and put down a plate with chopped apples, two oranges and some strawberries. "As I said it's not much but at least you'll get somethin' ta eat. You've lost so much weight that it can't be healthy. Have ya been eating at all since ya came back from Soul Society?"
"Of course I have. I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't now would I?" Ichigo scoffed.
"You know what I mean. Have ya been eating properly?"
"Depends on what you mean by properly. My appetite hasn't been what is used to be before the…war." Ichigo admitted quietly while he stared at the fruits in front of him.
"Ta me it seems like you've been eating barely enough to stay alive so while I'm here I'm gonna make sure that ya eat properly. Eat or I'll have to force it down your throat." Renji threatened.
Ichigo looked cautious and slowly picked up a piece of apple and took a bite.
"It's sour." he said.
"I know. They only had that kind of apples left but it's okay with me since I like them." Renji said and took a strawberry. "But these strawberries are really sweet. I love strawberries, especially the ones in this world."
Ichigo started blushing madly at Renji's comment.
"Why are ya blushing?" Renji asked but the he realized the double meaning of his sentence. "I-I didn't mean it like that (or did I?)" he quickly explained while waving his hands.
"It's okay. I understand." Ichigo said still blushing. 'But why did I feel so sad when he said it when I don't even like him like that?' "Besides, my name doesn't mean strawberry."
"Hey, eat up. Can't have ya fainting when we go shopping." Renji said to change the subject.
"Do I have to go? I don't want to."
"Yes. I'll drag you if I have to. We need to get some groceries an' I would like to look around the town since it's been so long since I last came here. So you're coming."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Wanna bet?" Renji said with a smirk.
And so they continued arguing and eventually they finished their breakfast and Ichigo felt better than in a very long time.
~Later. At the mall~
"Then how about this? Renji asked.
"I think the first was better." Ichigo replied.
Renji had managed to drag Ichigo to the mall and currently they were in a big store for clothes and Renji was trying on some shirts. He had already found a pair of black jeans and now they were looking for a shirt that matched both with Renji's hair and the pants. Ichigo was standing outside the changing stall and said his opinion about the clothes.
"Okay. I'll try on this last one and if it doesn't match I'll take the first one." Renji said and went back into the stall.
Ichigo turned and looked around himself while Renji changed. 'It's actually nice to hang out with a friend for a change. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to go out.' he thought.
"Ichigo how's this one?"
Ichigo turned back to look at Renji and he was stunned at the sight. Renji was wearing a black button-up shirt with red patterns on the right side and the hem.
"I-it's perfect." he managed to breathe out.
"Good. Then I'll take this one. Have ya found anything for yourself?"
"No. Actually I haven't even been looking for anything."
"Why don't ya do it then? I'm sure you'll find something ya like."
"But I can't buy anything; I have my wallet at home."
"How did ya manage to do that? After all I said we were going to shop."
"It's your fault. You dragged me out and grabbed the wrong jacket for me."
"Sorry." Renji said smirking sheepishly.
"Whatever." Ichigo said but anyway to check out some clothes. Soon he found a pair of tight-fitting, dark blue jeans and a dark purple shirt with flames that he liked. Ichigo decided to try them on while Renji was putting the other clothes he had tried back to their places. He went back to the stalls and started changing.
Meanwhile Renji was putting the last shirt back to its place and when he didn't see Ichigo anywhere ha assumed that he had found something that he wanted to try on so he went back to the stalls to wait. A moment later Ichigo stepped out with a pair of jeans and a shirt in his hand.
"Ya found something ya like?" he asked.
"Yeah. Maybe I'll come back later to buy them when I have my wallet with me."
"Lemme see." Renji said and held out his hand. "They look good." he said when Ichigo had handed them to him. "Let's go, I'll buy 'em for ya." he continued and started walking towards the cash desk.
"Wait! You don't have to do that. I can pay for them myself." Ichigo protested.
"I know but I want to. I'm staying at your place after all so ya can consider it as payment for it if ya want."
"But you don't have to pay for that and you're already helping me with my problems. That's more than enough."
"I'm paying. No buts."
"But…"
"I said no buts. I want to do this, get it?"
"Okay, but I still think it's too much."
"Good. Now lemme pay an' then we can go and get the groceries and head back home." Renji said and walked to the young woman behind the cash desk.
"I'd like to buy these."
"Sure thing. Are they for your boyfriend?" the woman asked. Ichigo stood completely chocked behind Renji. 'Boyfriend? Do we look like we're dating since we're shopping clothes together?' he thought.
"Boyfriend?" Renji asked and looked at Ichigo who seemed to be paralyzed behind him. "Oh we're not dating, we're just friends an' he left his wallet at home so I'm paying."
The woman realized her mistake and started apologizing. "I'm so sorry. You two just look so cute together. I apologize for my rudeness."
"It's okay. Everybody makes mistakes."
Ichigo just stared at Renji while the shinigami paid. 'He didn't get mad when she suggested that we were dating? He must be sick because the Renji I know would've flipped at the thought of dating me or then he's just good at hiding it.'
"Hey Ichigo! Ya comin'?"
Ichigo was pulled back to reality by Renji's voice. "Yeah, I'm coming." He replied quickly and hurried after Renji.
They walked in silence towards the food market until Renji asked:
"Is somethin' wrong? Ya haven't said anything since we left that store."
"No. I'm just thinking."
"About what?" Renji inquired.
"Why do you wanna know?"
"C'mon, just tell me."
"N-no, it's nothing important."
"Tell me."
"No."
"It must be something if it gets you silent. Well?"
Ichigo gave in. "Why…didn't you…react when that woman thought we were…you know…dating?"
"That's what bothered ya?"
"Well…yeah. The you I know from before would've flipped at just the thought of dating me."
"I've changed just like you. In Soul Society we don't care about gender and lemme say that you're strong and attractive so I see no shame in the thought of dating you, understand?"
"Yeah. So…you think I'm…attractive?" Ichigo asked a little unsure and blushed once again.
"You're blushing a lot today and yea, I think you're attractive. Hasn't anyone said that to ya before?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Not even Orihime? She used to like ya before she started to date Ishida."
"She liked me?"
"Don't tell me ya never noticed? The hints she gave were so obvious that even I noticed."
"Well sorry for not being very good at that kind of things though it wouldn't have made a difference since I don't like her that way."
"Is there anyone ya like that way?"
"I'm…not sure. There's this one person that suddenly appeared in my life and now I get this weird feeling when I'm around them. How about you?"
"I think I like this one person but I don't know if there's even a small chance that they feel the same about me. I'm pretty sure this person is straight even though they haven't been in a relationship yet. We're here." Renji announced and stopped in front of a market. "What would ya like ta eat today?" he asked to change the slightly awkward subject.
"Nothing particular. I like spicy food and chocolate but you can choose since you're paying."
"I don't like spicy food but chocolate is okay. Maybe we should make something that's somewhere between spicy and mild. How does curry and chocolate cake sound ta ya?"
"Pretty good actually. Can ya cook?"
"Of course I can. I live alone so I had ta learn to feed myself. Can't ya?"
"I can but I'm not that good. I can mainly cook simple stuff like soup and cookies."
"Maybe I can teach ya somethin' while I'm here. Let's go so we can head back then." Renji said and they went into the market.
~later in Ichigo's apartment~
"Renji, this is really good. Who taught you to cook like this?" Ichigo asked after he had eaten the curry Renji had made.
"No one. I taught myself by using cookbooks. Glad ya like it, want some more?"
"Nah, I'm full."
"But ya barely ate anything."
"I'm not used to eating very much. Like you said before I haven't been eating properly for the past year."
"Okay. Do ya still want some dessert?"
"Yeah, I like chocolate cake."
Renji chuckled and handed Ichigo a piece of cake.
"What" Ichigo asked with his mouth filled with cake.
"Ya just looked so happy when ya tasted it and ya look adorable when yer mouth's stuffed with cake."
Ichigo swallowed and said: "I'm not adorable."
"Well not all the time. But when you're confused or asleep or when ya smile ya look really adorable."
"I do not!"
"Yes ya do. Have ya ever seen yourself when ya sleep?"
"No, of course not but I'm still not adorable."
"Think what ya want but I've seen it. Since I cooked ya can do the dishes right?"
"I guess. What are you planning on doing and why do you insist on saying that I'm adorable?"
"During the war I realized that if there's something ya wanna tell someone ya should do it right away because if you don't it might be too late when ya decide to do it. I wanted to tell Rukia how much she means to me but I was too scared to do so and when I finally found the courage to do it it was already too late."
"Did you love her?"
"Yeah but only as my best friend. Back then I decided that I would tell the people I care about everything I want them to know."
"Why do you want me to know that I'm…adorable when I'm asleep?"
"Who knows? I just felt like telling you, I guess. After all you're one of my best friends an' I care about ya. I'm gonna go an' watch some TV. Join me when you're done." And with that Renji left the kitchen and went into the living room leaving a confused Ichigo sitting in the kitchen.
'I still think he's acting strange but he's right about that. Guess I should get to work.' He sighed and stood up.
~meanwhile in the living room~
Renji was sitting on the couch watching a movie. He had learned how to use a TV at Urahara's place during the time he had spent in Karakura town before the war and Ichigo's TV wasn't that different from Urahara's so it didn't cause him any problems to put it on and choose a channel he liked. The movie was some action movie with lots of shooting scenes and things going boom and Renji thought it was actually kinda good.
After about fifteen minutes of watching Ichigo came from the kitchen and sat down next to him and they continued to watch the movie together.
When the movie ended Ichigo got up and said: "I'm gonna go and take a shower and then go to bed. Turn the lights off after you stop watching."
"'kay, I'll just watch this show. I'll try to be quiet so I won't wake ya up. And don't do anything stupid this time."
"Yea yea, I won't." Ichigo replied and started to walk towards the bathroom.
"Just making sure."
"Thanks for caring."
"That's what friends are for."
"Yea but thanks anyway. By the way, what are ya watching?"
"It's called CSI I think. They can do really cool things with those machines they use to investigate stuff." Renji said while grinning his trademark grin.
"I used to watch it too until last season ended. Now they're only showing reruns." Ichigo said and disappeared into the bathroom. Renji just returned to watching the TV.
~later~
Ichigo walked into his bedroom and closed the door. The shower had been really nice and relaxing and he was even more convinced than before that it might have been a good thing that Renji had stopped him from hurting himself.
'I'm glad he's here, I feel better when he's around.' Ichigo thought.
'So are we.' said an eerie voice inside his head.
'What do you want Shiro?'
'Nothing much, for once we agree about something. It stopped raining in here after ya told him about everything. We are tired of getting soaked in here; it's been raining nonstop for the past year. And on top of that ya locked me and the old man away last night an' tried to kill yourself.'
'Sorry about that. As you might have noticed the past year hasn't been a very good one but Renji made me realize that my life is still worth living. It won't happen again.'
'It had better not King or I'll kick yer as and become King myself. The sunshine's nice in here; I might get a nice tan if this keeps up.'
'That's something I would like to see. You with a tan.'
'What's wrong with that?'
'Nothing, you're just so…white it might look weird. Now, can you get out of my head? I'm gonna go to bed now.'
'Okay but remember what I said King.' Shiro said and his voice faded away.
Ichigo walked to his closet and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. He had learned to get along with his inner hollow during the war and he wasn't so bad when you learned to know him. Shiro had actually tried to cheer him up after the war with no success but he had tried and that was something. Ichigo got dressed, laid down on his bed and pulled the covers over him. 'It was a fun day, hopefully there will be no nightmares this night.' he thought and fell asleep soon after. His wish however wasn't going to come true.
~later~
Renji walked into Ichigo's bedroom as quietly as he could but immediately he noticed that it was no need for it when he sensed the distress echoing from Ichigo's reiatsu. Ichigo was having another nightmare so he walked over to him and started shaking him.
"Oi! Ichigo, wake up! Wake up!" he said loudly.
Ichigo sat up so fast that he almost hit his forehead against Renji's. He was breathing hard and clearly panicking.
"Renji hurry! We gotta help her or she'll…"
"Ichigo! Calm down. It was just a dream." Renji said and embraced the trembling teen. Ichigo leaned onto Renji and after a while his breathing slowed down.
"Ichigo?"
"Hmm?"
"Wanna tell me about your dream? It often helps to tell someone about your nightmare."
"It was about Rukia when she fought that arrancar and got…killed."
"Okay. Do ya still feel guilty about it?"
"Yeah. If I had been a little faster she would still be …"
""Ichigo, it's not your fault. No one blames you for it, not me not Kuchiki-taicho and I'm sure that not even Rukia does wherever she may be now. So stop blaming yourself. Do you understand?"
"Yeah but I still feel like there's something that I could've done." Ichigo said and pulled away from Renji.
"There wasn't anything that you could've done, don't worry. Can ya go back to sleep now or do ya wanna talk some more?" Renji asked.
"I'll try to sleep. Thanks for listening again." Ichigo said and laid back down.
"No problem." Renji answered and got up. "I'll go to sleep too after I've brushed my teeth." he continued and left the room for a few minutes. When he returned Ichigo was already asleep again. He smiled and changed into his night clothes. 'He's gonna be okay once we get rid of those nightmares.' he thought as he laid down on his futon.
They both slept peacefully that night without any nightmares.
Thanks for reading.