ACT TWO:
SEASONS OF LOVE:
{The entire cast lines up and holds paws. Admetus is on the far right. Etcetera is in the centre.}
All: 525,600 minutes.
Mistoffelees: Wait a second. Are 525,600 minutes really a year?
Jemima: Why don't you work it out for yourself?
Mistoffelees: Fine, I will. {He starts to leave}.
Jemima: Not NOW you idiot! Later! Much later!
Mistoffelees: Oh right.
All: Seasons of love. Seasons of love.
{Spotlight goes on Etcetera. Munkustrap on her left, and Mungojerrie on her right, turn to face each other. They can be seen making faces at each other as she sings}.
Etcetera (Seasons soloist #1): 525,600 minutes. 525,000 journeys to plan. Wait, why only 525,000? What happened to the other 600?
Jemima: Etcetera. Sing. Now.
Etcetera: 525,600 minutes, how do you measure the life of a woman or a man?
{Mungojerrie makes a particularly stupid face at Munkustrap who has to stop himself from laughing. The spotlight goes to Admetus on the end of the line.}
Admeuts (Seasons soloist #2): In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned or the way that she died. {On 'died' he hits an impossibly high note and the cast all turn and stare at him.}
Demeter: Wow.
Macavity: You can say that again.
Demeter: Wow.
Cassandra: Double wow.
Jemima: Okay, okay, let's push on here!
All: It's time now to sing out, though the story never ends. Let's celebrate!
Mistoffelees and Rumpleteazer: La Vie Boheme!
Jemima: No.
Etcetera: Look, I want to sing my Seasons solo!
All: Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends!
Remember [that love]
Etcetera: {over the top of them} Oh, you've got to, you've got to remember that love.
All: Remember [that love]
Etcetera: You know that love is a gift from up above.
All: Remember [that love]
Etcetera: Measure, in love.
All: Measure in love.
Etcetera: Measure, measure your life in love {On 'love' like Admetus she hits an incredibly high note that is higher even than Jemima can sing.}
Tugger: Wow, we're just surrounded by talent!
All: Seasons of love. Seasons [of love]
Etcetera: Measure, measure your life in love.
Jennyanydots: Now that was a nice song. Measure in love, what a nice message that is.
Electra: I want to see the good stuff!
Jennyanydots: Why aren't you up there performing, Electra dear?
Electra: I wanted to be a swing.
Jemima: Stop talking! We're going on to the next song!
HAPPY NEW YEAR:
{Alonzo runs on with a piece of wood. The word "Door" is written on it. There are padlocked chains on it, with the word "Padlock" written next to them.}
Alonzo: {Swings the "door" around bringing it inches in front of Jennyanydots' face.} Pan to the padlocked door. New Year's rocking Eve, the breaking back into the building party!
Bombalurina: How long till next year?
Munkustrap: I'm not sure, I broke my watch yesterday.
Alonzo: It's about 3 and a half minutes away, or so.
Bombalurina: Go away Mark, this is a PRIVATE conversation.
Alonzo: Oh, go light your candle. {He exits}
Bombalurina: Guess what? Because of you I'm going back to school. I know that as long as I have you I'm cool, no matter how hot the week has been.
Munkustrap: I know! And they say it's winter here!
Bombalurina: That wasn't quite what I meant. But I couldn't crack the love code till you made the lock on my hear EXPLODE! I think it's gonna be a happy New Year.
{She hands him a plastic cup with champagne in it, keeping the bottle for herself. Alonzo enters again.}
Alonzo: Coast is clear. Hey, you guys are supposed to be working, that's for midnight {He takes the champagne bottle and puts it back}. There isn't that much time, where the heck are they?
Bombalurina: {Grabbing the bottle once again} I don't know, maybe they're dressing. It takes awhile to decide to wear to a party that's also a crime.
Munkustrap: I think you chose your clothes well, Mimi.
Bombalurina: Oh, thanks!
{Rumpleteazer enters wearing a pair of tight black vinyl pants and a matching jacket. A pair of vinyl mouse ears sit on her head. She has a black bag.}
Rumpleteazer: Chips anyone? {Waves a packet of Thins}
Alonzo: Ha ha ha! You can take the girl out of London, but you can't take the London out of the girl!
Rumpleteazer: {Glares at him} Yeah? Well my riot got you on TV. I want a royalty!
Bombalurina: {Walks in between the two of them} Be nice both of you, or you won't get some of this sickeningly cheap and appallingly awful tasting champagne!
Rumpleteazer: {Grabs the bottle} Don't mind if I do! Hey Mark, no luck breaking the door down?
Alonzo: {Brandishes his fake "door" again} like this? I made it myself.
Rumpleteazer: Just answer the question! Where were you on the night of February 14?
Alonzo: What the...
Rumpleteazer: I mean, any luck breaking back into the loft?
Alonzo: Nope, a total dead end.
Rumpleteazer: Ha, just like my EX girlfriend. {Picks up a cellular phone} Honey, I know you're there. Pick up the blasted phone for crying out loud! Are you okay? {Alonzo, starts filming the inside of her bag, but Rumpleteazer doesn't notice.} Come on Pookie, it's not funny or fair. How can I make amends if you ignore me? {She sees what Alonzo is doing and runs over to him. She proceeds to kick him and hit him with the bag while she's talking}. I know I lose control sometimes, but I really can learn to behave. Come on, give me one more chance, Joanne. Let me be your slave! I'll even kiss your high-heeled boots! Please let me kiss your boots!
{Demeter enters, but Rumpleteazer doesn't see her because she's looking the other way.}
Demeter: That MIGHT be okay. {Rumpleteazer looks at the phone, then spins around and sees Demeter.} Down girl! Heel! Good girl.
Rumpleteazer: I resent being treated like a Pollicle.
Demeter: Well get used to it!
Rumpleteazer: Yes, Joanne.
Demeter: So, Mark, I did a bit of research with my pals over at Legal Aid. They say there's some hope for you yet, but just in case I brought some rope!
Alonzo: Joanne - you think of everything!
Demeter: I try.
Alonzo: So, I was thinking we could maybe hoist a line to the fire escape?
Demeter: Oh, good plan! And perhaps tie the rope off at -
Alonzo: That bench!
Demeter: Perfect!
Rumpleteazer: {To Bombalurina and Munkustrap} I don't think I can handle them as chums.
Demeter: Start hoisting, Maureen. Now! Forward MARCH!
{Exit Demeter, Rumpleteazer and Alonzo}
Munkustrap: You know something tells me I should be laughing at them, but I forget how to begin! I feel something inside but I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry. It's all thanks to you, you know. Last week I was ready to give up but you've convinced me that it just may be a happy New Year after all! {They kiss - much to Demeter's irritation.}
{Enter Mungojerrie and Mistoffelees - who's wearing yet another 'cool' drag outfit complete with a blonde wig.}
Mungojerrie: The name's Bond. James Bond.
Mistoffelees: I hate this wig! It's too itchy!
Jemima: Well deal with it!
Mistoffelees: Dealing, dealing. And I'm Pussy Galore - in person!
Bombalurina: Pussy?
Mistoffelees: Don't ask.
Bombalurina: Hey, you came prepared huh? Love the blowtorch.
Mistoffelees: Well I figured it matched the pink tights.
Bombalurina: Which also match my fur!
Mistoffelees: Yeah I meant to ask about that.
Bombalurina: I thought pink spiked fur would suit the role of Mimi better.
Mistoffelees: I see.
Mungojerrie: {To Bombalurina} Aha! Miss Moneypenny, I believe that is my Martini!
Bombalurina: Well Mr Bond, will bad champagne do? That's all we have.
{Mungojerrie rubs his hands together}
Mungojerrie: Sounds great!
Munkustrap: {in another British accent} that's shaken, not stirred.
Bombalurina: You've already had some.
Munkustrap: And I found it difficult to breathe after awhile.
Bombalurina: That wasn't due to the champagne! That was because you were holding your breath.
Munkustrap: I know, but that doesn't sound as good.
Jemima: HELLO!?!?!?
Mungojerrie: Angel, if you please, the bolts!
Bombalurina: We've only got two minutes left! Where is everyone else?
Munkustrap: Playing Spiderman, I guess. I wanted to join in, but noooo they made me come here with you.
Alonzo: And once they finish with the bolts, the power comes back on. Very strange.
VOICE MAIL #3
Victoria (Mark's Mom): Mark it's the wicked witch of the west - your mother!
Mungojerrie: Well, that sentence is ALMOST right, you just need to take away the last two words.
Jemima: MUNGOJERRIE!
Mungojerrie: Sorry Victoria.
Victoria: Apology accepted. Anyway Mark, happy New Year from Scarsdale. We're all very impressed with the riot footage. Even your father says well done. Honey.. CALL HIM? Love Mom!
Cassandra (Alexi Darling): Mark Cohen, Alexi Darling from Buzzline!
Alonzo: ooh, that show is so sleazy! I would never work for them!
Cassandra: Your footage on the riots - network - deal time. A great opportunity for you! I'm sending you a contract, ker-ching ker-ching! Lots of money for Marky!
Jemima: {Laughing} Improvisation it may be, but that's a classic!
Cassandra: Marky - give us a call when you've signed! My home number is.. um.. oh stuff it, I can't remember. But you can e-mail me at darling alexi newscom dot net for my phone numbers. Oh, and you can always page me at -
{Beeeep}
{Cassandra glares at the phone as the machine cuts her off, and exits.}
HAPPY NEW YEAR B:
Rumpleteazer: {To Alonzo and Demeter} You know what? I think we need an agent!
Demeter: Define "we".
Rumpleteazer: You know.. us... three...
Alonzo: Sounds fishy to me, Maureen. What do you think Joanne?
Demeter: I agree, Mark.
Rumpleteazer: No, come on, it'll be fun! We'll plan another protest -
Demeter: There's that "we' again!
Rumpleteazer: This time Mark can shoot from the start, Joanne can direct, starring me!
All: 5, 4, 3 ... open sesame! Happy New Year!
{Tugger enters blowing a whistle}
Tugger: Sorry about that, I couldn't find a party thing.
Bombalurina: A party what?
Tugger: A party thing.
Rumpleteazer: And that would be?
Tugger: One of those toy things you blow at parties.
Demeter: {Sarcastically} Ah. All is explained.
Jemima: Okay, BACK TO WORK!
Tugger: So, I see you all beat me here.
Munkustrap: How did you know we'd be here?
Tugger: I'm psychic.
Alonzo: You're not mad at us are you?
Tugger: For what?
Alonzo: Gee, I don't know... Breaking down the door maybe!?
Tugger: Oh right. No, I'm here to end this war. It is a shame you went and destroyed the door, though.
Alonzo: And as our landlord, you have to fix it!
Tugger: That's not fair!
Bombalurina: Why did you change your mind all of a sudden?
Tugger: The credit is yours, my dear, you made a good case.
Munkustrap: What case!
Tugger: Well, Mimi came to see me yesterday and she had a lot to say.
Bombalurina: I did? Yesterday you kicked me out!
Tugger: But I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. Mark, grab your camera, and get this on film.
Alonzo: Fine, whatever.
Tugger: I really do regret what happened the past few days.
Munkustrap: Like padlocking our door for example?
Tugger: So now I'm happy to give you these keys on behalf of Cyber Arts.
Munkustrap: We don't need keys, we just broke the door down, remember?
Tugger: Oh yeah. Look, Mimi came over and convinced me to do what you wanted.
Bombalurina: What?
Munkustrap: Liar!
Tugger: Come on, tell him what you wore to my place!
Bombalurina: But I was on my way to work!
Tugger: Black leather and lace!
Munkustrap: At least you didn't wear the spandex.
Bombalurina: No, that's a pain to dance in.
Tugger: Wait, you guys are supposed to fight now!
Bombalurina: Fighting is a negative energy.
Jemima: THAT'S IT!! Next song, please!
TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME:
Demeter: The line is: "Cyber Arts and it coporate sponsor, Grey Communications, wish to MITIGATE the Christmas Eve riots." What is so difficult about that?
Rumpleteazer: It just doesn't roll off my tongue. I like MY version.
Demeter: You, dressed as a groundhog to protest the ground breaking.
Rumpleteazer: It's a metaphor!
Demeter: It's less than brilliant.
Rumpleteazer: That's IT Ms Ivy League!
Demeter: What?
Rumpleteazer: Ever since New Year's I haven't said boo. I let you direct, I didn't pierce my nipples because it grossed you out, I didn't stay and dance at the Clit Club that night because you wanted to go home."
Demeter: YOU were flirting with the woman in rubber!
Rumpleteazer: That's what this is about? There will always be women in rubber flirting with me, give me a break! Wherever I go people stare at me! I can't help it and it doesn't mean I don't love you. Take me for what I am and who I was meant to be! And if you give a damn-
Jennyanydots: Rumpleteazer!
Rumpleteazer: Sorry! Then take me baby, or leave me! You know you love the limelight too, it's not just me! Come on baby, admit it! Kiss, Pookie.
Demeter: No it won't work! I look before I leap, I like discipline. I never quit, I always follow through what I do. I hate mess, yet I love you.
Rumpleteazer: Just what is THAT supposed to mean?
Demeter: {innocent look} On, nothing.
Both: So take me or leave me!
Demeter: Guess I'm leaving!
Rumpleteazer: {Slamming a chair down} Well I'm sure gone! {She sits in it and glares.}
SEASONS OF LOVE B:
Company: Seasons of love.
Jemima: That's it?
Coricopat: What's it?
Jemima: That's all you're going to sing?
Coricopat: Why not? Everyone's already heard it once.
Jemima: Why do I always do this to myself?
WITHOUT YOU:
{Munkustrap is sitting on a table by himself. Bombalurina runs in.}
Munkustrap: So, where were you?
Bombalurina: Look, I'm sorry I'm late.
Munkustrap: Sure. I'm going back to the loft. Tell Benny I said hi.
Bombalurina: But that's not... Oh, fine. Go.
{Munkustrap exits}
Bombalurina: It's funny, isn't it? Nothing changes when you're gone. The rain falls, the eagles fly, the ground roars, the babies cry and the rivers flow. So why do I die without you?
{Munkustrap enters and stands at the back}
Munkustrap: I die without you.
Bombalurina: Without you.
Both: Without you.
{They embrace.}
Bombalurina: Well, that was a nice cheerful song, wasn't it?
VOICE MAIL #4:
Cassandra (Alexi Darling): Mark Cohen - Alexi Darling here! Labor Day weekend in East Hampton {Long pause} On the beach! Just saw Elvis, told him you said hi. {Another long pause} Just kidding! We still need directors and you know you need money, we know you need money. Pick up the phone! Marky - Sell..us..your..soul. {very long pause. Jemima begins to look impatient}. Just kidding! We're waiting!
CONTACT:
{Silence}
Jemima: Um... okay, just chat amongst yourself for a little while until Angel's song.
{they chat. Mistoffelees stands up on a table.}
Mistoffelees: Take me! Take me!
Today for you, tomorrow for me.
Today me, tomorrow you,
Tomorrow you, love,
You love,
Love you, love you,
I love you, I love you,
Take me, take me, take me take me!
{he disappears}
All: This year was bad for me - was it bad for you?
Demeter: Our relationship - It's over!
Rumpleteazer: It's over!
Munkustrap: It's over!
Bombalurina: It's over!
Mungojerrie: {softly} It's over.
I'LL COVER YOU REPRISE (Angel's memorial):
Bombalurina: Angel was one of my closest friends. It's right that it's Halloween because it was her favourite holiday.
Munkustrap: Her! {he giggles quietly}.
I knew we'd hit it off the minute we met. That Skinhead was bothering her and she said she was more of a man than he'd ever be - and more of a woman than he'd ever get.
Alonzo: And then there was that time he walked up to a group of tourists and they were petrified because a) they were obviously lost, and b) had probably never spoken to a drag queen before in their lives, and he... she just offered to escort them out of Alphabet City. Then she let them take their picture with her, and she said she'd help them find the Statue of Liberty.
Rumpleteazer: So much more original than any of us. You'd find an old tablecloth on the street and make a dress - and the next year, sure enough, they'd be mass producing them at the Gap. {She pauses}. You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends. But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.
Mungojerrie: {slowly} Live in my house, I'll be your shelter. Just -
Jemima: {sobbing} Stop! Please! Next song! I can't take the sadness!
HALLOWEEN:
Alonzo: {on the phone} I can't believe I'm stooping this low, I really - oh, hello it's Mark Cohen here, can I speak to Alexi please? Oh, no don't bother her, just let her know I'm running a little late for our...uh.. appointment. I'm at my friend's... Yes, I'll be there. Yes, I did sign the contract. Thanks.
{He hangs up the phone.}
How did I get here? Oh, of course. Christmas Eve last year. How can a night so frozen be so scalding hot? How can.... {he sighs} Why am I the witness to everything? When I capture it on film will it mean that it's the end and I'm just alone?
GOODBYE LOVE:
{Rumpleteazer and Munkustrap enter. Bombalurina and Tugger enter together. Demeter enters and stands up the back with Mungojerrie}
Bombalurina: So, Roger, I hear you sold your guitar and bought a car?
Munkustrap: I couldn't play the guitar anyway.
Alonzo: I'll vouch for that!
Munkustrap: Oh, leave me alone! So I hear you're with this .... This... Pollicle.
Tugger: {To Bombalurina} Mimi, you said you'd never speak to this jerk again.
Bombalurina: Not now.
Rumpleteazer: Who says YOU can tell her who to speak to?
Demeter: Why don't you mind your own business for once! We always used to have this fight! She'd never admit I even existed!
Bombalurina: Roger was exactly the same way! He's in denial!
Demeter: She's in denial!
Munkustrap: {laughing helplessly} Come on guys, chill!
Demeter: uh...what's so funny?
Munkustrap: I'm not exactly sure, come to think of it!
Jemima: keep going...keep going!
Mungojerrie: Will you guys stop fighting? Angel helped us to believe in love and you're ripping this family apart. I can't believe this is goodbye.
Rumpleteazer: Pookie?
Demeter: Honeybear!
Rumpleteazer: Oh, I missed you.
Demeter: I missed you too.
Rumpleteazer: I missed your smell.
Demeter: Your mouth.
{They kiss}
Rumpleteazer: Ouch!
Demeter: What?
Rumpleteazer: Nothing Pookie.
Demeter: No baby, you said ow. What?
Rumpleteazer: You bit my tongue.
Demeter: No I didn't.
Rumpleteazer: You did, it's bleeding.
Demeter: No it's not.
Rumpleteazer: I think I should know!
Demeter: Oh, let me see.
Rumpleteazer: She doesn't believe me!
Demeter: I was only trying to..
{they hug and exit, followed by Bombalurina and Tugger}
Munkustrap: How could she do this to me?
Alonzo: How could you let her go, you dope?
Munkustrap: Oh yeah, it's all well and good for you. "Mark's got his work," right? Mark's in love with his work. Sure, I've heard it all before. Mark hides in his work!
Alonzo: From what?
Munkustrap: From spiders!
{silence}
Oops; I said the wrong line, didn't I?
{Alonzo can't answer, he's on the floor in hysterics}
Jemima: Just keep going, Munkustrap!
Munkustrap: Yes Mark, you live a lie - tell you why, you're always preaching not to be numb when that's how you thrive! You pretend to create and observe when you really just detach from feeling alive!
Alonzo: Yeah? Well perhaps that's because I'm the one of us to survive!
Munkustrap: {pauses for a few moments}. Poor baby. My heart bleeds for you.
Alonzo: Mimi still loves Roger. Is Roger just afraid that Mimi's weak?
Munkustrap: Mimi did look a little pale.
Alonzo: Mimi's running out of time! Roger's running out the door!
Munkustrap: Stop! No more!
Alonzo: Fine. Run away, just like you always do.
Munkustrap: {Blank look} Huh, what?
Alonzo: What do you mean "huh what"?
Munkustrap: Sorry, I wasn't listening. Can you repeat what you said?
Alonzo: {Frustrated} FINE! RUN AWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO!
Munkustrap: Look, I'll call you when I get to Santa Fe, okay? I'm sorry, it's just this darn weather that's getting me down.
{Bombalurina re-enters}
You heard?
Bombalurina: Every word. You are SO busted!
Munkustrap: I hate that.
Bombalurina: You don't want to watch me die? I just came to say goodbye love.
Munkustrap: No! I have to find my one song...
Bombalurina: Man, you really are obsessed!
Alonzo: I tried to tell him, but would he listen?
{Munkustrap exits, Tugger enters}
Bombalurina: Please don't touch me, I'm scared, I need to go away.
Alonzo: I know of a great rehab clinic.
Bombalurina: You went there, did you? You don't strike me as the type.
Alonzo: Actually a friend of mine went there.
Tugger: That's what they ALL say!
Alonzo: You were the friend!
Tugger: Was not!
Alonzo: Was too!
Bombalurina: Can we get back to MY problem here?
Alonzo: Oh, right. Sorry.
Bombalurina: I just came to say goodbye love - hello disease.
{She runs off.}
Admetus (Priest): Off the premises now, we give no handouts here.
Mungojerrie: What happened to rest in peace?
Admetus: Off the premises!
Mungojerrie: That's no way to send a boy to meet his maker. {To Alonzo} They had to know we couldn't pay the undertaker!
Tugger: Don't you worry about him. {To Admetus} Hey! I'll take care of it.
{Admetus nods and exits}
Alonzo: Must be nice to have money.
Mungojerrie and Tugger: No shit.
{Jennyanydots is so captivated that she doesn't even comment on the language.}
Mungojerrie: I think it only fair to tell you, you just paid for the funeral of the person who killed your dog.
Tugger: I know. Always hated that dog. Let's pay him off and then get drunk.
Alonzo: I can't, I have a meeting.
Mungojerrie and Tugger: Punk. Let's go.
WHAT YOU OWN:
Alonzo: Hi, Mark Cohen here for Buzzline! Oh God, what am I doing?
Don't breathe too deep just drive the other way. It all goes away, you just have to play the game! You're living in America at the end of the millennium and guess what? You're what you own.
Munkustrap: The filmmaker cannot see.
Alonzo: Oh yeah? Well the songwriter cannot hear!
Munkustrap: You take that back!
Alonzo: Make me! Oh and guess what? I'm quitting Buzzline!
Jemima: All together now! Final refrain!
Alonzo and Munkustrap: And when you're dying in America at the end of the millennium, you're not alone!
VOICE MAIL #5:
Cassandra(Roger's Mother): Roger, this is your mother. Roger, honey, I.... Do I have to say Honey?
Jemima: Change it.
Cassandra: Roger, Buddy, I don't get these postcards! First you move to Santa Fe, then you're back in New York, then you're starting a rock band? I'm seriously worried! Roger where are you? Please call.
Etcetera (Mimi's Mother): You know, having never taken Spanish before in my life I'm not sure I have all these pronunciations right.
Jemima: Hurry up!
Etcetera: Fine, but I warned you! Mimi chica! Donde esta? Tu Mummy, esta yamando. Donde estas' Mimi? Call.
Plato (Joanne's Father): Kitten - wherever are you? Call.
Victoria (Mark's Mom): Mark? Are you there? Are you there? Turn that blasted machine off and answer the phone for once! Where are you Mark? Are you there? I don't know! Please call your mother!
FINALE:
Admetus: Christmas bells are ringing.
Etcetera: They are? I don't hear anything.
All homeless: How time flies when compassion dies!
Alonzo: December 24th again, 10 PM Eastern Standard Time, can you believe a year went by so quickly? Turn the projector on and see what we have! Oh look it's Roger, still trying to tune that fender guitar he just got back when he sold the car.
Munkustrap: I found my song.
Alonzo: But it's not very good.
Munkustrap: Hey!
Alonzo: Well it's a fact that Your Eyes is not as good as Glory. Ask anyone!
Munkustrap: So you think I should release Glory instead?
Alonzo: No contest!
Jemima: Ah-HEM!
Alonzo: Sorry. Now all he needs to do is find Mimi.
Munkustrap: Hey, I tried.
Alonzo: Yeah, I know. Oh look it's me! And I'm still in the dark.
Munkustrap: At least you got some great footage.
Alonzo: Yep, which I've cut together to screen tonight, in honour of Benny's wife.
Munkustrap: {With the British accent} Muffy!
Alonzo: Allison!
{Victoria enters}
Alonzo: Victoria? What are you doing here?
Victoria (Allison): I'm Allison. Have you seen Benny anywhere?
Munkustrap: Allison? You're not supposed to be in this show. You're never supposed to actually appear!
Victoria: So sue me. I need to find Benny.
Alonzo: Why?
Victoria: I just want to tell him in person that after the divorce goes ahead, he'll be left with nothing!
Munkustrap: But then he'll have to move back in here with us!
Victoria: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, guys. But it won't be for too long. He'll find another rich sucker to marry. {She exits}
{The power blows}
Alonzo: Well this sure feels familiar.
Munkustrap: Then again, maybe we won't screen it tonight.
Alonzo: I wonder how Allison found out about Mimi?
Munkustrap: Maybe a little bird told her.
Mungojerrie: Or an angel. Here's some money, I figured you guys would need it.
Munkustrap: How'd you get that? Tutoring again?
Mungojerrie: No, I rewired the ATM at the Food Emporium to provide an honorarium to anyone with the code.
Alonzo: So what's the code?
{pause}
Munkustrap: Well?
Mungojerrie: A-N-G-E-L
Alonzo: {thoughtfully} No, I don't like it. I think it's too simple to guess.
Rumpleteazer: Mark! Roger! Anyone! Help! We've got Mimi but I can't get her up the stairs!
Munkustrap: No!
{Alonzo helps Rumpleteazer and Demeter bring Bombalurina over to the table and lay her down}
Rumpleteazer: She was all alone in the park and she was freezing and begged to come here.
Bombalurina: Got a light? I know you... you're shivering.
Demeter: She's been living on the street.
All: Duh!
Alonzo: Here, we can buy some food for her, and some wood.
Mungojerrie: I'm afraid she needs more than heat.
Bombalurina: I heard that. I'm not dead yet!
Rumpleteazer: Collins will call for a doctor, honey.
Bombalurina: Don't waste your money on Mimi me... me
Munkustrap: Oh what are we going to do?
Bombalurina: Look, I should tell you about Benny -
Munkustrap: I know. I should tell you why I left -
Bombalurina: I know. I love you.
{She goes limp}
Munkustrap: Oh no you don't! Before you go you have to hear my song! It may not be much, but I slaved for a year to write it!
YOUR EYES:
Munkustrap: Your eyes are in my mind, and I see them everywhere. Now I know how much I love you, I should tell you I have always loved you. You can see it in my eyes...
Jemima: What? keep going!
Munkustrap: I can't.
Jemima: And why not?
Munkustrap: It's too sad.
{Bombalurina giggles}
Jemima: Quiet! You're supposed to be almost dead!
Bombalurina: {laughing even harder} I'm sorry, Jemima.
Jemima: No you're not! I suppose we should go to the final song then!
FINALE B:
Bombalurina: I {giggle} jumped over the moon! It was a leap of mooooo!
Rumpleteazer: She's back!
Bombalurina: You bet I am! I was in a tunnel, heading for a warm, white light. And I swear Angel was there! {She looks at Mungojerrie} And she looked GOOD! And she told me to turn around and listen to Roger.. but that made me want to stay with her -
Munkustrap: I admit I can't play guitar! I tried!
Bombalurina: But she sent me back here to be with all of you.
Munkustrap: There is no future. There is no past. Thank God this moment's not the last.
{All the cast enter}
All: NO DAY BUT TODAY!
SEASONS OF LOVE:
{The entire cast lines up and holds paws. Admetus is on the far right. Etcetera is in the centre.}
All: 525,600 minutes.
Mistoffelees: Wait a second. Are 525,600 minutes really a year?
Jemima: Why don't you work it out for yourself?
Mistoffelees: Fine, I will. {He starts to leave}.
Jemima: Not NOW you idiot! Later! Much later!
Mistoffelees: Oh right.
All: Seasons of love. Seasons of love.
{Spotlight goes on Etcetera. Munkustrap on her left, and Mungojerrie on her right, turn to face each other. They can be seen making faces at each other as she sings}.
Etcetera (Seasons soloist #1): 525,600 minutes. 525,000 journeys to plan. Wait, why only 525,000? What happened to the other 600?
Jemima: Etcetera. Sing. Now.
Etcetera: 525,600 minutes, how do you measure the life of a woman or a man?
{Mungojerrie makes a particularly stupid face at Munkustrap who has to stop himself from laughing. The spotlight goes to Admetus on the end of the line.}
Admeuts (Seasons soloist #2): In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned or the way that she died. {On 'died' he hits an impossibly high note and the cast all turn and stare at him.}
Demeter: Wow.
Macavity: You can say that again.
Demeter: Wow.
Cassandra: Double wow.
Jemima: Okay, okay, let's push on here!
All: It's time now to sing out, though the story never ends. Let's celebrate!
Mistoffelees and Rumpleteazer: La Vie Boheme!
Jemima: No.
Etcetera: Look, I want to sing my Seasons solo!
All: Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends!
Remember [that love]
Etcetera: {over the top of them} Oh, you've got to, you've got to remember that love.
All: Remember [that love]
Etcetera: You know that love is a gift from up above.
All: Remember [that love]
Etcetera: Measure, in love.
All: Measure in love.
Etcetera: Measure, measure your life in love {On 'love' like Admetus she hits an incredibly high note that is higher even than Jemima can sing.}
Tugger: Wow, we're just surrounded by talent!
All: Seasons of love. Seasons [of love]
Etcetera: Measure, measure your life in love.
Jennyanydots: Now that was a nice song. Measure in love, what a nice message that is.
Electra: I want to see the good stuff!
Jennyanydots: Why aren't you up there performing, Electra dear?
Electra: I wanted to be a swing.
Jemima: Stop talking! We're going on to the next song!
HAPPY NEW YEAR:
{Alonzo runs on with a piece of wood. The word "Door" is written on it. There are padlocked chains on it, with the word "Padlock" written next to them.}
Alonzo: {Swings the "door" around bringing it inches in front of Jennyanydots' face.} Pan to the padlocked door. New Year's rocking Eve, the breaking back into the building party!
Bombalurina: How long till next year?
Munkustrap: I'm not sure, I broke my watch yesterday.
Alonzo: It's about 3 and a half minutes away, or so.
Bombalurina: Go away Mark, this is a PRIVATE conversation.
Alonzo: Oh, go light your candle. {He exits}
Bombalurina: Guess what? Because of you I'm going back to school. I know that as long as I have you I'm cool, no matter how hot the week has been.
Munkustrap: I know! And they say it's winter here!
Bombalurina: That wasn't quite what I meant. But I couldn't crack the love code till you made the lock on my hear EXPLODE! I think it's gonna be a happy New Year.
{She hands him a plastic cup with champagne in it, keeping the bottle for herself. Alonzo enters again.}
Alonzo: Coast is clear. Hey, you guys are supposed to be working, that's for midnight {He takes the champagne bottle and puts it back}. There isn't that much time, where the heck are they?
Bombalurina: {Grabbing the bottle once again} I don't know, maybe they're dressing. It takes awhile to decide to wear to a party that's also a crime.
Munkustrap: I think you chose your clothes well, Mimi.
Bombalurina: Oh, thanks!
{Rumpleteazer enters wearing a pair of tight black vinyl pants and a matching jacket. A pair of vinyl mouse ears sit on her head. She has a black bag.}
Rumpleteazer: Chips anyone? {Waves a packet of Thins}
Alonzo: Ha ha ha! You can take the girl out of London, but you can't take the London out of the girl!
Rumpleteazer: {Glares at him} Yeah? Well my riot got you on TV. I want a royalty!
Bombalurina: {Walks in between the two of them} Be nice both of you, or you won't get some of this sickeningly cheap and appallingly awful tasting champagne!
Rumpleteazer: {Grabs the bottle} Don't mind if I do! Hey Mark, no luck breaking the door down?
Alonzo: {Brandishes his fake "door" again} like this? I made it myself.
Rumpleteazer: Just answer the question! Where were you on the night of February 14?
Alonzo: What the...
Rumpleteazer: I mean, any luck breaking back into the loft?
Alonzo: Nope, a total dead end.
Rumpleteazer: Ha, just like my EX girlfriend. {Picks up a cellular phone} Honey, I know you're there. Pick up the blasted phone for crying out loud! Are you okay? {Alonzo, starts filming the inside of her bag, but Rumpleteazer doesn't notice.} Come on Pookie, it's not funny or fair. How can I make amends if you ignore me? {She sees what Alonzo is doing and runs over to him. She proceeds to kick him and hit him with the bag while she's talking}. I know I lose control sometimes, but I really can learn to behave. Come on, give me one more chance, Joanne. Let me be your slave! I'll even kiss your high-heeled boots! Please let me kiss your boots!
{Demeter enters, but Rumpleteazer doesn't see her because she's looking the other way.}
Demeter: That MIGHT be okay. {Rumpleteazer looks at the phone, then spins around and sees Demeter.} Down girl! Heel! Good girl.
Rumpleteazer: I resent being treated like a Pollicle.
Demeter: Well get used to it!
Rumpleteazer: Yes, Joanne.
Demeter: So, Mark, I did a bit of research with my pals over at Legal Aid. They say there's some hope for you yet, but just in case I brought some rope!
Alonzo: Joanne - you think of everything!
Demeter: I try.
Alonzo: So, I was thinking we could maybe hoist a line to the fire escape?
Demeter: Oh, good plan! And perhaps tie the rope off at -
Alonzo: That bench!
Demeter: Perfect!
Rumpleteazer: {To Bombalurina and Munkustrap} I don't think I can handle them as chums.
Demeter: Start hoisting, Maureen. Now! Forward MARCH!
{Exit Demeter, Rumpleteazer and Alonzo}
Munkustrap: You know something tells me I should be laughing at them, but I forget how to begin! I feel something inside but I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry. It's all thanks to you, you know. Last week I was ready to give up but you've convinced me that it just may be a happy New Year after all! {They kiss - much to Demeter's irritation.}
{Enter Mungojerrie and Mistoffelees - who's wearing yet another 'cool' drag outfit complete with a blonde wig.}
Mungojerrie: The name's Bond. James Bond.
Mistoffelees: I hate this wig! It's too itchy!
Jemima: Well deal with it!
Mistoffelees: Dealing, dealing. And I'm Pussy Galore - in person!
Bombalurina: Pussy?
Mistoffelees: Don't ask.
Bombalurina: Hey, you came prepared huh? Love the blowtorch.
Mistoffelees: Well I figured it matched the pink tights.
Bombalurina: Which also match my fur!
Mistoffelees: Yeah I meant to ask about that.
Bombalurina: I thought pink spiked fur would suit the role of Mimi better.
Mistoffelees: I see.
Mungojerrie: {To Bombalurina} Aha! Miss Moneypenny, I believe that is my Martini!
Bombalurina: Well Mr Bond, will bad champagne do? That's all we have.
{Mungojerrie rubs his hands together}
Mungojerrie: Sounds great!
Munkustrap: {in another British accent} that's shaken, not stirred.
Bombalurina: You've already had some.
Munkustrap: And I found it difficult to breathe after awhile.
Bombalurina: That wasn't due to the champagne! That was because you were holding your breath.
Munkustrap: I know, but that doesn't sound as good.
Jemima: HELLO!?!?!?
Mungojerrie: Angel, if you please, the bolts!
Bombalurina: We've only got two minutes left! Where is everyone else?
Munkustrap: Playing Spiderman, I guess. I wanted to join in, but noooo they made me come here with you.
Alonzo: And once they finish with the bolts, the power comes back on. Very strange.
VOICE MAIL #3
Victoria (Mark's Mom): Mark it's the wicked witch of the west - your mother!
Mungojerrie: Well, that sentence is ALMOST right, you just need to take away the last two words.
Jemima: MUNGOJERRIE!
Mungojerrie: Sorry Victoria.
Victoria: Apology accepted. Anyway Mark, happy New Year from Scarsdale. We're all very impressed with the riot footage. Even your father says well done. Honey.. CALL HIM? Love Mom!
Cassandra (Alexi Darling): Mark Cohen, Alexi Darling from Buzzline!
Alonzo: ooh, that show is so sleazy! I would never work for them!
Cassandra: Your footage on the riots - network - deal time. A great opportunity for you! I'm sending you a contract, ker-ching ker-ching! Lots of money for Marky!
Jemima: {Laughing} Improvisation it may be, but that's a classic!
Cassandra: Marky - give us a call when you've signed! My home number is.. um.. oh stuff it, I can't remember. But you can e-mail me at darling alexi newscom dot net for my phone numbers. Oh, and you can always page me at -
{Beeeep}
{Cassandra glares at the phone as the machine cuts her off, and exits.}
HAPPY NEW YEAR B:
Rumpleteazer: {To Alonzo and Demeter} You know what? I think we need an agent!
Demeter: Define "we".
Rumpleteazer: You know.. us... three...
Alonzo: Sounds fishy to me, Maureen. What do you think Joanne?
Demeter: I agree, Mark.
Rumpleteazer: No, come on, it'll be fun! We'll plan another protest -
Demeter: There's that "we' again!
Rumpleteazer: This time Mark can shoot from the start, Joanne can direct, starring me!
All: 5, 4, 3 ... open sesame! Happy New Year!
{Tugger enters blowing a whistle}
Tugger: Sorry about that, I couldn't find a party thing.
Bombalurina: A party what?
Tugger: A party thing.
Rumpleteazer: And that would be?
Tugger: One of those toy things you blow at parties.
Demeter: {Sarcastically} Ah. All is explained.
Jemima: Okay, BACK TO WORK!
Tugger: So, I see you all beat me here.
Munkustrap: How did you know we'd be here?
Tugger: I'm psychic.
Alonzo: You're not mad at us are you?
Tugger: For what?
Alonzo: Gee, I don't know... Breaking down the door maybe!?
Tugger: Oh right. No, I'm here to end this war. It is a shame you went and destroyed the door, though.
Alonzo: And as our landlord, you have to fix it!
Tugger: That's not fair!
Bombalurina: Why did you change your mind all of a sudden?
Tugger: The credit is yours, my dear, you made a good case.
Munkustrap: What case!
Tugger: Well, Mimi came to see me yesterday and she had a lot to say.
Bombalurina: I did? Yesterday you kicked me out!
Tugger: But I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. Mark, grab your camera, and get this on film.
Alonzo: Fine, whatever.
Tugger: I really do regret what happened the past few days.
Munkustrap: Like padlocking our door for example?
Tugger: So now I'm happy to give you these keys on behalf of Cyber Arts.
Munkustrap: We don't need keys, we just broke the door down, remember?
Tugger: Oh yeah. Look, Mimi came over and convinced me to do what you wanted.
Bombalurina: What?
Munkustrap: Liar!
Tugger: Come on, tell him what you wore to my place!
Bombalurina: But I was on my way to work!
Tugger: Black leather and lace!
Munkustrap: At least you didn't wear the spandex.
Bombalurina: No, that's a pain to dance in.
Tugger: Wait, you guys are supposed to fight now!
Bombalurina: Fighting is a negative energy.
Jemima: THAT'S IT!! Next song, please!
TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME:
Demeter: The line is: "Cyber Arts and it coporate sponsor, Grey Communications, wish to MITIGATE the Christmas Eve riots." What is so difficult about that?
Rumpleteazer: It just doesn't roll off my tongue. I like MY version.
Demeter: You, dressed as a groundhog to protest the ground breaking.
Rumpleteazer: It's a metaphor!
Demeter: It's less than brilliant.
Rumpleteazer: That's IT Ms Ivy League!
Demeter: What?
Rumpleteazer: Ever since New Year's I haven't said boo. I let you direct, I didn't pierce my nipples because it grossed you out, I didn't stay and dance at the Clit Club that night because you wanted to go home."
Demeter: YOU were flirting with the woman in rubber!
Rumpleteazer: That's what this is about? There will always be women in rubber flirting with me, give me a break! Wherever I go people stare at me! I can't help it and it doesn't mean I don't love you. Take me for what I am and who I was meant to be! And if you give a damn-
Jennyanydots: Rumpleteazer!
Rumpleteazer: Sorry! Then take me baby, or leave me! You know you love the limelight too, it's not just me! Come on baby, admit it! Kiss, Pookie.
Demeter: No it won't work! I look before I leap, I like discipline. I never quit, I always follow through what I do. I hate mess, yet I love you.
Rumpleteazer: Just what is THAT supposed to mean?
Demeter: {innocent look} On, nothing.
Both: So take me or leave me!
Demeter: Guess I'm leaving!
Rumpleteazer: {Slamming a chair down} Well I'm sure gone! {She sits in it and glares.}
SEASONS OF LOVE B:
Company: Seasons of love.
Jemima: That's it?
Coricopat: What's it?
Jemima: That's all you're going to sing?
Coricopat: Why not? Everyone's already heard it once.
Jemima: Why do I always do this to myself?
WITHOUT YOU:
{Munkustrap is sitting on a table by himself. Bombalurina runs in.}
Munkustrap: So, where were you?
Bombalurina: Look, I'm sorry I'm late.
Munkustrap: Sure. I'm going back to the loft. Tell Benny I said hi.
Bombalurina: But that's not... Oh, fine. Go.
{Munkustrap exits}
Bombalurina: It's funny, isn't it? Nothing changes when you're gone. The rain falls, the eagles fly, the ground roars, the babies cry and the rivers flow. So why do I die without you?
{Munkustrap enters and stands at the back}
Munkustrap: I die without you.
Bombalurina: Without you.
Both: Without you.
{They embrace.}
Bombalurina: Well, that was a nice cheerful song, wasn't it?
VOICE MAIL #4:
Cassandra (Alexi Darling): Mark Cohen - Alexi Darling here! Labor Day weekend in East Hampton {Long pause} On the beach! Just saw Elvis, told him you said hi. {Another long pause} Just kidding! We still need directors and you know you need money, we know you need money. Pick up the phone! Marky - Sell..us..your..soul. {very long pause. Jemima begins to look impatient}. Just kidding! We're waiting!
CONTACT:
{Silence}
Jemima: Um... okay, just chat amongst yourself for a little while until Angel's song.
{they chat. Mistoffelees stands up on a table.}
Mistoffelees: Take me! Take me!
Today for you, tomorrow for me.
Today me, tomorrow you,
Tomorrow you, love,
You love,
Love you, love you,
I love you, I love you,
Take me, take me, take me take me!
{he disappears}
All: This year was bad for me - was it bad for you?
Demeter: Our relationship - It's over!
Rumpleteazer: It's over!
Munkustrap: It's over!
Bombalurina: It's over!
Mungojerrie: {softly} It's over.
I'LL COVER YOU REPRISE (Angel's memorial):
Bombalurina: Angel was one of my closest friends. It's right that it's Halloween because it was her favourite holiday.
Munkustrap: Her! {he giggles quietly}.
I knew we'd hit it off the minute we met. That Skinhead was bothering her and she said she was more of a man than he'd ever be - and more of a woman than he'd ever get.
Alonzo: And then there was that time he walked up to a group of tourists and they were petrified because a) they were obviously lost, and b) had probably never spoken to a drag queen before in their lives, and he... she just offered to escort them out of Alphabet City. Then she let them take their picture with her, and she said she'd help them find the Statue of Liberty.
Rumpleteazer: So much more original than any of us. You'd find an old tablecloth on the street and make a dress - and the next year, sure enough, they'd be mass producing them at the Gap. {She pauses}. You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends. But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.
Mungojerrie: {slowly} Live in my house, I'll be your shelter. Just -
Jemima: {sobbing} Stop! Please! Next song! I can't take the sadness!
HALLOWEEN:
Alonzo: {on the phone} I can't believe I'm stooping this low, I really - oh, hello it's Mark Cohen here, can I speak to Alexi please? Oh, no don't bother her, just let her know I'm running a little late for our...uh.. appointment. I'm at my friend's... Yes, I'll be there. Yes, I did sign the contract. Thanks.
{He hangs up the phone.}
How did I get here? Oh, of course. Christmas Eve last year. How can a night so frozen be so scalding hot? How can.... {he sighs} Why am I the witness to everything? When I capture it on film will it mean that it's the end and I'm just alone?
GOODBYE LOVE:
{Rumpleteazer and Munkustrap enter. Bombalurina and Tugger enter together. Demeter enters and stands up the back with Mungojerrie}
Bombalurina: So, Roger, I hear you sold your guitar and bought a car?
Munkustrap: I couldn't play the guitar anyway.
Alonzo: I'll vouch for that!
Munkustrap: Oh, leave me alone! So I hear you're with this .... This... Pollicle.
Tugger: {To Bombalurina} Mimi, you said you'd never speak to this jerk again.
Bombalurina: Not now.
Rumpleteazer: Who says YOU can tell her who to speak to?
Demeter: Why don't you mind your own business for once! We always used to have this fight! She'd never admit I even existed!
Bombalurina: Roger was exactly the same way! He's in denial!
Demeter: She's in denial!
Munkustrap: {laughing helplessly} Come on guys, chill!
Demeter: uh...what's so funny?
Munkustrap: I'm not exactly sure, come to think of it!
Jemima: keep going...keep going!
Mungojerrie: Will you guys stop fighting? Angel helped us to believe in love and you're ripping this family apart. I can't believe this is goodbye.
Rumpleteazer: Pookie?
Demeter: Honeybear!
Rumpleteazer: Oh, I missed you.
Demeter: I missed you too.
Rumpleteazer: I missed your smell.
Demeter: Your mouth.
{They kiss}
Rumpleteazer: Ouch!
Demeter: What?
Rumpleteazer: Nothing Pookie.
Demeter: No baby, you said ow. What?
Rumpleteazer: You bit my tongue.
Demeter: No I didn't.
Rumpleteazer: You did, it's bleeding.
Demeter: No it's not.
Rumpleteazer: I think I should know!
Demeter: Oh, let me see.
Rumpleteazer: She doesn't believe me!
Demeter: I was only trying to..
{they hug and exit, followed by Bombalurina and Tugger}
Munkustrap: How could she do this to me?
Alonzo: How could you let her go, you dope?
Munkustrap: Oh yeah, it's all well and good for you. "Mark's got his work," right? Mark's in love with his work. Sure, I've heard it all before. Mark hides in his work!
Alonzo: From what?
Munkustrap: From spiders!
{silence}
Oops; I said the wrong line, didn't I?
{Alonzo can't answer, he's on the floor in hysterics}
Jemima: Just keep going, Munkustrap!
Munkustrap: Yes Mark, you live a lie - tell you why, you're always preaching not to be numb when that's how you thrive! You pretend to create and observe when you really just detach from feeling alive!
Alonzo: Yeah? Well perhaps that's because I'm the one of us to survive!
Munkustrap: {pauses for a few moments}. Poor baby. My heart bleeds for you.
Alonzo: Mimi still loves Roger. Is Roger just afraid that Mimi's weak?
Munkustrap: Mimi did look a little pale.
Alonzo: Mimi's running out of time! Roger's running out the door!
Munkustrap: Stop! No more!
Alonzo: Fine. Run away, just like you always do.
Munkustrap: {Blank look} Huh, what?
Alonzo: What do you mean "huh what"?
Munkustrap: Sorry, I wasn't listening. Can you repeat what you said?
Alonzo: {Frustrated} FINE! RUN AWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO!
Munkustrap: Look, I'll call you when I get to Santa Fe, okay? I'm sorry, it's just this darn weather that's getting me down.
{Bombalurina re-enters}
You heard?
Bombalurina: Every word. You are SO busted!
Munkustrap: I hate that.
Bombalurina: You don't want to watch me die? I just came to say goodbye love.
Munkustrap: No! I have to find my one song...
Bombalurina: Man, you really are obsessed!
Alonzo: I tried to tell him, but would he listen?
{Munkustrap exits, Tugger enters}
Bombalurina: Please don't touch me, I'm scared, I need to go away.
Alonzo: I know of a great rehab clinic.
Bombalurina: You went there, did you? You don't strike me as the type.
Alonzo: Actually a friend of mine went there.
Tugger: That's what they ALL say!
Alonzo: You were the friend!
Tugger: Was not!
Alonzo: Was too!
Bombalurina: Can we get back to MY problem here?
Alonzo: Oh, right. Sorry.
Bombalurina: I just came to say goodbye love - hello disease.
{She runs off.}
Admetus (Priest): Off the premises now, we give no handouts here.
Mungojerrie: What happened to rest in peace?
Admetus: Off the premises!
Mungojerrie: That's no way to send a boy to meet his maker. {To Alonzo} They had to know we couldn't pay the undertaker!
Tugger: Don't you worry about him. {To Admetus} Hey! I'll take care of it.
{Admetus nods and exits}
Alonzo: Must be nice to have money.
Mungojerrie and Tugger: No shit.
{Jennyanydots is so captivated that she doesn't even comment on the language.}
Mungojerrie: I think it only fair to tell you, you just paid for the funeral of the person who killed your dog.
Tugger: I know. Always hated that dog. Let's pay him off and then get drunk.
Alonzo: I can't, I have a meeting.
Mungojerrie and Tugger: Punk. Let's go.
WHAT YOU OWN:
Alonzo: Hi, Mark Cohen here for Buzzline! Oh God, what am I doing?
Don't breathe too deep just drive the other way. It all goes away, you just have to play the game! You're living in America at the end of the millennium and guess what? You're what you own.
Munkustrap: The filmmaker cannot see.
Alonzo: Oh yeah? Well the songwriter cannot hear!
Munkustrap: You take that back!
Alonzo: Make me! Oh and guess what? I'm quitting Buzzline!
Jemima: All together now! Final refrain!
Alonzo and Munkustrap: And when you're dying in America at the end of the millennium, you're not alone!
VOICE MAIL #5:
Cassandra(Roger's Mother): Roger, this is your mother. Roger, honey, I.... Do I have to say Honey?
Jemima: Change it.
Cassandra: Roger, Buddy, I don't get these postcards! First you move to Santa Fe, then you're back in New York, then you're starting a rock band? I'm seriously worried! Roger where are you? Please call.
Etcetera (Mimi's Mother): You know, having never taken Spanish before in my life I'm not sure I have all these pronunciations right.
Jemima: Hurry up!
Etcetera: Fine, but I warned you! Mimi chica! Donde esta? Tu Mummy, esta yamando. Donde estas' Mimi? Call.
Plato (Joanne's Father): Kitten - wherever are you? Call.
Victoria (Mark's Mom): Mark? Are you there? Are you there? Turn that blasted machine off and answer the phone for once! Where are you Mark? Are you there? I don't know! Please call your mother!
FINALE:
Admetus: Christmas bells are ringing.
Etcetera: They are? I don't hear anything.
All homeless: How time flies when compassion dies!
Alonzo: December 24th again, 10 PM Eastern Standard Time, can you believe a year went by so quickly? Turn the projector on and see what we have! Oh look it's Roger, still trying to tune that fender guitar he just got back when he sold the car.
Munkustrap: I found my song.
Alonzo: But it's not very good.
Munkustrap: Hey!
Alonzo: Well it's a fact that Your Eyes is not as good as Glory. Ask anyone!
Munkustrap: So you think I should release Glory instead?
Alonzo: No contest!
Jemima: Ah-HEM!
Alonzo: Sorry. Now all he needs to do is find Mimi.
Munkustrap: Hey, I tried.
Alonzo: Yeah, I know. Oh look it's me! And I'm still in the dark.
Munkustrap: At least you got some great footage.
Alonzo: Yep, which I've cut together to screen tonight, in honour of Benny's wife.
Munkustrap: {With the British accent} Muffy!
Alonzo: Allison!
{Victoria enters}
Alonzo: Victoria? What are you doing here?
Victoria (Allison): I'm Allison. Have you seen Benny anywhere?
Munkustrap: Allison? You're not supposed to be in this show. You're never supposed to actually appear!
Victoria: So sue me. I need to find Benny.
Alonzo: Why?
Victoria: I just want to tell him in person that after the divorce goes ahead, he'll be left with nothing!
Munkustrap: But then he'll have to move back in here with us!
Victoria: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, guys. But it won't be for too long. He'll find another rich sucker to marry. {She exits}
{The power blows}
Alonzo: Well this sure feels familiar.
Munkustrap: Then again, maybe we won't screen it tonight.
Alonzo: I wonder how Allison found out about Mimi?
Munkustrap: Maybe a little bird told her.
Mungojerrie: Or an angel. Here's some money, I figured you guys would need it.
Munkustrap: How'd you get that? Tutoring again?
Mungojerrie: No, I rewired the ATM at the Food Emporium to provide an honorarium to anyone with the code.
Alonzo: So what's the code?
{pause}
Munkustrap: Well?
Mungojerrie: A-N-G-E-L
Alonzo: {thoughtfully} No, I don't like it. I think it's too simple to guess.
Rumpleteazer: Mark! Roger! Anyone! Help! We've got Mimi but I can't get her up the stairs!
Munkustrap: No!
{Alonzo helps Rumpleteazer and Demeter bring Bombalurina over to the table and lay her down}
Rumpleteazer: She was all alone in the park and she was freezing and begged to come here.
Bombalurina: Got a light? I know you... you're shivering.
Demeter: She's been living on the street.
All: Duh!
Alonzo: Here, we can buy some food for her, and some wood.
Mungojerrie: I'm afraid she needs more than heat.
Bombalurina: I heard that. I'm not dead yet!
Rumpleteazer: Collins will call for a doctor, honey.
Bombalurina: Don't waste your money on Mimi me... me
Munkustrap: Oh what are we going to do?
Bombalurina: Look, I should tell you about Benny -
Munkustrap: I know. I should tell you why I left -
Bombalurina: I know. I love you.
{She goes limp}
Munkustrap: Oh no you don't! Before you go you have to hear my song! It may not be much, but I slaved for a year to write it!
YOUR EYES:
Munkustrap: Your eyes are in my mind, and I see them everywhere. Now I know how much I love you, I should tell you I have always loved you. You can see it in my eyes...
Jemima: What? keep going!
Munkustrap: I can't.
Jemima: And why not?
Munkustrap: It's too sad.
{Bombalurina giggles}
Jemima: Quiet! You're supposed to be almost dead!
Bombalurina: {laughing even harder} I'm sorry, Jemima.
Jemima: No you're not! I suppose we should go to the final song then!
FINALE B:
Bombalurina: I {giggle} jumped over the moon! It was a leap of mooooo!
Rumpleteazer: She's back!
Bombalurina: You bet I am! I was in a tunnel, heading for a warm, white light. And I swear Angel was there! {She looks at Mungojerrie} And she looked GOOD! And she told me to turn around and listen to Roger.. but that made me want to stay with her -
Munkustrap: I admit I can't play guitar! I tried!
Bombalurina: But she sent me back here to be with all of you.
Munkustrap: There is no future. There is no past. Thank God this moment's not the last.
{All the cast enter}
All: NO DAY BUT TODAY!