Hi! I'm new to this whole writing thing on fanfiction. I just got this discovered last November. I didn't know people actually read this. So this is a very rushed Update but thank you to Patsy, Charlotte, and the other people who reviewed it. I checked my mail the today and I saw that people actually is interested in this story. I'm gonna try to do update once or twice a week because of school but I'm gonna try to update a lot this summer :)

Also last update I wrote "resident" Meredith is not a Resident in this Fanfic, She's an Attending at Seattle Grace-Mercy West

Enough of my rambling let's get to it.

I think my heart stopped beating for a while.. What are the odds? Out of hundreds of other neurosurgeons why him?.. I mean if my son is sick in his brain I would want Derek Shepherd as my neuro consult but maybe not quite.. I just can't believe this? I mean I kinda can but at the same time I can't.

"Dr, Grey? Are you okay?"

My breath hitched. I think I can feel my pulse pulsating outside my body, If it can even be pulsating like that.

"Yes. I'm fine. It's just.. I ha-haven't um tal- worked with uuhhh..."I cleared my throat and suddenly I can't pronounce his name properly..

"He's umm.. a really great.. uhh teacher and uhh, Um, Jared is in better hands. He.. Der.. I mean Dr. Shepherd, He's umm.. an okay doctor.. I mean not just okay. He's good. He's good at a lot of things. Umm-"

"Dr. Grey?"Wilson.. Stop calling my name. It's not like I'm having a panic attack or something..

Wait.. I am aren't I?

"Uh."I cleared my throat and tried talking again.

"He's an excellent doctor, Jared is in good hands. You don't have to worry about it.I put my hands in the holes in my lab coat suddenly this room is so cold..

"Are you saying yes to the surgery?"Her voice sounds excited. How in the hell would I do this?

"I'm not gonna promise anything but I assure you I'm gonna try to do my best."

I grabbed Jared's chart and handed it to Wilson. Today is gonna be a long day for me.

I want to talk to Alex and Amelia... Amelia? Does she know? Does she know this? She did told me earlier to get over him? Basically. She knows. Damn it. God. This is infuriating.

My heart cried. I don't know what to do. It's been 6 years since the last time I saw him and the last time I talked to him, I practically called him or rather yelled at him every kinds of bad words I could say. The last time I saw his face was when He got published for a groundbreaking surgery he did last year. Which I definitely don't pay attention to. Okay right now, I'm just trying to convince myself.

I saw Alex handing a nurse a patient's chart and I am planning on murdering him with my bare hands.

"Alex!!" I yelled

"Woah, slow down and .. jeez you look like you're about to blow up any second.."

"Is it that bad?" I touched my face briefly

"Well you're red which means you're mad about something or .. someone."

"Do you know that I'm gonna be working with Derek?"

"Wait what?... You? I knew that I'm gonna be working with him I-"

"Why didn't you tell me!!" I punched his arm which backfired to me because his arms are freaking flexed.

"Ow, what the-" I argued

"Mer, I didn't know that you'll be working with him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I really am. I just think that maybe you're better without him or the baggage or even just the thought or idea of him. You were devastated when you guys divorced and we all saw it. The tequila, the crying, up until you-"

"Okay.. okay.. But do you really think I'm better off without him? I mean was I really happy when I was with him?"

"You were happy. Okay you guys are like a novel. You believed in love which made me believe in it too. That messed up people can also be happy, I was rooting for you guys not gonna lie. I was sad too, you know for you guys. You guys went thru hell together."

I smiled

"You should not talk like that." I laughed then turned around

"Shut up!" I giggled then went to the cafeteria.

The cafeteria lines are always long, surgeons are always hungry to eat food. At this time of the day, I would be at the nursery or the day care. I love looking at children play around, the babies always look so innocent, beautiful. They made me feel something in my gut. A lonely tear fell from my eyes as I walked thru the cafeteria to find Maggie, Callie and Amelia eating together. I roughly wiped my eyes and walked toward them.

"Hey!" Callie greeted

"Hey!" Amelia greeted, Maggie was about to greet me but I interrupted.

"Hey yourself, Did you know Derek is gonna go here for a consult?" I asked Amelia

"Wait.. Derek is coming here?" Maggie questioned

"Like.. Derek your um." Callie added which is nice enough to left out the word "husband" haven't heard that word since forever and I don't want to any time soon.

"Speak." I commanded, looking at Amelia.

"Well... I didn't know the whole details but.. let's just say.. Maybe??.." Her voice being super suspicious

"You should have told me."

"I'm sorry, it's just" she sighed "After all you guys have been thru, I don't want you to be hurt again."

"Why does everyone assume what I'm gonna feel or how I'm gonna feel it." I sighed "We divorced, so what? People do that all the time.. It's practically a rule."

"Not for you guys." Callie added and I looked at her "I'm sorry we're eavesdropping, you're kinda in the middle and we can hear so"

I gulped and sighed again.

"Plus I thought you're over him. You dated Finn for 6 months and you had Nathan, and the other guys that I would not mention." She scrunched her nose and smiled apologetically "Look Meredith, I'm sorry I didn't told you, I just thought maybe you didn't care. You guys have been divorced for 6 years and don't worry, next time I would tell you." She smiled at me

"There will be no next time." I sighed.

"The amount of sighs I've heard in this conversation is telling me that you're still not over him." Maggie buts in

I sat down on the chair

"I am over him."

"Saying it doesn't make it true." Callie said while getting up because she's getting paged "I gotta go, Mer if you could go too, We have a consult."

"I didn't get paged" I looked down on my pager. Oh it needs a change of batteries. "Oh that's why". I looked at Amelia "Okay we are not finished."

"Whatever Meredith, I'm just saying."

After a couple of hours later, Me and Callie did our surgery which is refreshing because I worked with Callie before and honestly, that was my kick ass surgery today. Today is still not my favourite day but I'm content with what I have. I'm happy. I've been happy. I can't really remember the last time I cried because I've been happy. I have everything I could ever ask for. My family, My job, just maybe not almost everything but still. Today just reminded me that some time sooner or later Derek and I might cross pass again. My stomach feels sick whenever l remember the horrible memory of the reason why Derek and I got divorced, It still makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. I've never really thought about it but isn't it funny? The very reason why we had a divorced is the only reason that is making me happy right now?

"Mommy!"