Part Two – Sunday

He looks at his clock, it's only ten minutes after he last looked, 5.30 am. In what world was this a good idea, Dr Wright said he needed to do this to have "closure" one way or another, that it would in the long run make him feel better. Right now he feels like he's been on a three day whiskey session. He can't sleep, eat, keep still and for the love of god could he just stop shaking for two minutes! How the hell was he supposed to get to six this evening he has no idea.

A run that's what he needs, just a little time to focus on nothing other than putting one foot in front of the other, to try a picture something other than standing on that bridge all alone. Jesus Brady what are you doing, you've really put your heart out there to get stamped on this time.

6.30am

No matter how hard and fast he ran, he was in his head, the place along with his heart he would always be, no matter what, his boy, his Steven.

Tea that might help, he knew he was at the very edge of reason if he was coming up with clichés like that. God help him nearly twelve hours to go, and what, what exactly was he expecting, Steven to see him after three years take one look at him and just run into his arms? More likely he'd get an onslaught of rightly deserved abuse that's is if he showed at all. It terrified him, the thought of Steven not coming, of him giving up finally on Brendan, on them, he really didn't know what to do with that. Brendan knew he couldn't live in a world without Steven in it, he couldn't breathe at the thought of never seeing him again, to never have his taste on his tongue, to feel his heat, to be overcome with everything Steven.

No if he didn't come then Brendan knew that would be it for him, he would have no life at all.

10am

"Hey Bren how you doing"

"Chez really now is not the time ok"

"But Bren todays the day, you are gonna see Ste again"

"Please Chez, don't"

"What? Why Bren is everything ok, are you, are you okay Bren?"

"I can't, Chez I can't do this, I thought I could I really did, but what if, what if"

"What Brendan?"

"What if I'm not enough? Because I can't be can I to a man like Steven, I left him Chez all by himself, cut him off, didn't let him in, there's no way he wants a man like me back in his life."

"Bren stop this okay, you need to do this, one way or another, you need to move past this part of your life"

"How can you say that! There is no moving past this, don't you get that, there is nothing if there is no him"

"Bren"

"No Cheryl that's the way it is"

"He'll show"

"You don't know that, it's too much, I've done too much I don't deserve any more chances from him, he's too good, too good for a man like me"

"BRENDAN BRADY I swear to god! Stop this, he will be there on that bridge at 6pm tonight, there is nothing and no one in this world that loves you more than Steven Hay, he loves the bones of you, yes things may have stood in the way but Bren, I mean this there in nothing in this world that would make that boy not come back to you"

"I hope you're right Chez, I need you to be right, because.."

"No because, he will be there, I know he will".