Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Slayers or any of the literature/anime I may or may not reference.
I do not profit in a monetary sense from writing fan fiction.
I thank you for your kindness and tolerance.
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Deep-fried
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The morning is the best part of the day; if you can wake up and stay alert enough to enjoy the beauty and solitude. Too often we prefer to sleep through until noon rather than rising in the dark and watching the tendrils of the dawn sun embrace the pale sky. Yes, sunrise is a splendid, romantic, early event.
Emphasis on the 'early' part.
Lina usually didn't watch sunrises. Her pillows were much more comfortable than some early morning sunrise staring. Generally, Lina slept until the quiet sounds of the inn roused her. Lina's alarm clock was the soft swishing of the maid's skirt as she walked past the door, the faint clatter of dishes from the kitchens, the muted murmur of voices, and the footfalls of the other guests as they went down the stairs. Not today.
Today, Lina woke up before the sun had begun to cross the horizon. Lina felt like the first person awake in the inn. It was very unusual, but Lina had a good reason.
It involved food.
What else do you expect from Lina Inverse?
She rose early for the sole purpose of getting first dibs on the inn's specialty breakfast. Lina heard that the innkeeper's wife was an excellent cook; and that her specialty was a delicious, calorie packed, inexpensive feast. Lina liked the sound of 'inexpensive feast'. Regrettably for the sleepy head sorceress, the innkeeper's wife stopped making special breakfast orders at seven in the morning. So Lina dragged herself out her bed at half past five. She sat around for a while, resisting the seductive invitation of her pillows.
'I've heard that sleep is a toned down version of death,' Lina mused in a stupefied semi-sleep state, 'if waking up is so hard, I understand why even Mazoku can't raise the dead…' Lina managed to stumble down the stairs without inflicting severe bodily harm to her self. The young lady wobbled over to the nearest table and plopped herself into the wooden chair. 'Why do I feel like I've been sitting in an armchair all night?' Lina wondered, 'and why do I want a puppy?'
The portly innkeeper interrupted her thoughts by waddling over to her and asking if she wanted anything to eat or drink. Lina ordered the special breakfast several times over and then some, shoving thoughts about puppies into the back of her brain.
……………………………
Gourry strolled into the inn a few minutes after the innkeeper's wife had brought out Lina's breakfast. It was almost as though he had planned that…
"Wow, Lina!" Her favorite jellyfish exclaimed, "You're up so early, did you have trouble sleeping?" He sat down across from her; and for a confusing moment Lina saw a different blonde, sitting in an overstuffed armchair.
'Whoa, I'm really tired… that or I've finally lost my mind and I've begun to hallucinate' the bandit killer thought as she tried to separate the man she saw in front of her from the other she almost remembered. Lina gnawed on a piece of deep-fried sweet bread and stared with glazed eyes at a point on Gourry's left ear. She stared without blinking for two minutes before Gourry decided to do something.
Gourry stole one of Lina's deep-fried eggs and devoured it in front of her.
No reaction.
He waved one of her deep-fried chicken wings in her face and then he ate that too.
No reaction.
Lina was absent-mindedly chewing on her glove.
Gourry smiled, he knew what was going on. Lina must have fallen asleep with her eyes open! Gourry understood; he fell asleep with his eyes open a lot of the time, like when Lina started to talk about how magic worked.
"Poor kid," he remarked to himself, "She's really tired but she'd never forgive herself if she missed this breakfast. I wonder what I should do…" But while the swordsman was pondering the best course of action, Lina's mind was rebooting rapidly.
Lina's crimson eyes cleared and she slapped her face several times. Gourry wasn't surprised, after traveling with Lina for eight years he'd grown accustom to most of her quirks.
"Good morning, Gourry!" Lina greeted as she spat out her glove, "Get your own food." Gourry ignored her second comment as he stole a deep-fried avocado and a slice of deep-fried cheesecake.
Lina hadn't slept well, she woke up early, she just remembered an important dream, and some one was taking her food. Lina wasn't in a good mood. Lina had a butter knife.
So she took the logical course of action and tossed her butter knife at the food thief.
Gourry dodged, he was too good a swordsman to allow a mere eating utensil hit him. The butter knife buzzed as it flew past his head at a dangerous speed. The knife miraculously managed to sever the waitress' apron strings without harming her as it sped past with a hum. The flying knife was kind enough to shatter the elderly man's teacup and leave his arthritic hand unscathed as it flew past. The utensil missile didn't hit anyone; it just buried itself up to the hilt in the solid oak door.
The knife handle quivered next to a woman's head.
A woman who, oddly enough, looked like Lina; the only difference being the godly aura of golden light emitted by the other.
"Nice!" The Lord of Nightmares remarked with undisguised admiration.
Then The Golden One coughed to hide her approval. "As I promised, little Lina, I brought you a pet." Since the Creator of All Things said so, a burlap bag covered body appeared before Lina. "Play nice," The Lord of Nightmares encouraged, "I'll see you later, my chipmunks."
And the Mother of All hopped on to a little, red tricycle and pedaled into the clouds that waited in the early morning sky.
The quiet noise of the inn returned, as though only Lina and Gourry had seen the most powerful entity appear and then leave on a red tricycle. A little, red tricycle with sparkly stuff all over the handle bar and smiley face stickers on the pedals to be exact.
Gourry blinked, "Chipmunks?" He inquired tentatively.
"Chipmunks" Lina affirmed, wringing drool out her chewed up glove.
"Oh" Gourry beamed, "I don't get it."
"We're only human" Lina replied cheerfully, "We're not supposed to understand the workings of the universe".
"Yeah" Gourry nodded sagely. "So what did she give you?"
"She said it was a pet."
"It looks like someone with a bag on his head."
Lina swallowed a few deep-fried salad shrimp before responding.
"It's Gaav" she remarked casually, watching her companion out of the side of her eye.
"Who?" Gourry asked, falling into his role of the confused jellyfish.
"Gaav" Lina replied, licking grease off of her ungloved hand, "Y'know: Mazoku traitor, maybe colorblind, super tall, weird eyebrows, cocky jerk, got knocked off by a little boy, et cetera…" Lina waited for the spark of memory to show in Gourry's blue eyes.
"Oh yeah, I remember him!" Gourry lied poorly, "But why are you so sure it's that guy? He does have a bag on his head."
"Elementary dear Gourry," Lina chuckled arrogantly between bites of deep-fried potato hash, "Despite his concealed face, there are several distinguishing characteristics that are unhidden by the sack. With my great intellect and those clear clues, identifying him is child's play." Lina would have prattled on, she hadn't prattled enough recently.
"I don't get it" Gourry interrupted her monologue with a forlorn note.
"I mean," Lina snapped, "Only a few people are that tall, and only one person would wear a trench coat in that color."
"I wonder why he has a bag on his head." Gourry said casually, "Should we take it off?" He chewed on another piece of deep-fried cheesecake.
"No." Lina stated firmly, "We shouldn't let the Gaav out of the bag"
"Oops." Gourry muttered as the burlap bad slid off the Devil Dragon King.
Gaav didn't move for a short time, it was as though he was asleep on his feet and with his eyes open. Then he blinked. His brain slowly processed his surroundings. There were four things he noticed:
He wasn't dead.
He wasn't in the Katato mountain range.
Lina Inverse was in front of him.
He was really hungry.
Gaav paused to organize his priorities. He could try to kill Lina Inverse; that was what he had been doing last time. He could eat now and worry about killing later. His stomach and his brain dueled briefly. Luckily, his stomach was faster in delivering an eloquent growl.
Food was the top priority.
"Hey!" Lina shrieked indignantly as two men attacked her food, "That's mine!"
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The three stopped feeding on the fried feast after a half hour of brutal competition. The girl, the man, and the demon lord leaned back in their respective seats with simultaneous sighs of satisfaction.
The peace was short lived; Lina hadn't gotten to say her piece before the two men had viciously pounced on her food. Now that the food was gone, Lina decided to assail the demon lord with a speech. Not a justice speech though.
"GAAV!" Lina cried dramatically, knocking the Devil Dragon over with the sheer volume of her voice, "What are you doing back from the dead? Didn't the hole in your chest, the sliced off arm, and the fire that incinerated your body discourage you from returning? Why are you back? Have you come to seek revenge? Or will you grovel before me and beg for mercy and forgiveness?" The title 'queen of speeches' belonged to Amelia, but Lina knew art of verbal attack almost as well as her princess friend.
The traitor demon sat back down and slouched like a sullen teenager, projecting an air of disinterested disdain.
"I don't know why I'm back" he grouched as he attempted to pick something out from between his teeth, "The One with Dominion Over All Terrible Dreams whacked me with a shovel and put a bag on my head. Now I'm alive and eating with the enemy and I'm wearing a stupid collar that won't come off. Don't ask me what's going on; I'm the one who's confused." He flicked something off of his thumb, probably food, and leaned an elbow against the table, a study in feigned boredom.
"A collar?" Gourry repeated happily, "You mean, like, a dog collar? I had a dog when I was little who didn't have a collar, but he ran away and never came back." He grew quiet, perhaps overwhelmed with the task of thinking about dogs.
Lina felt a sinking sensation that was entirely unrelated to the artery-clogging fare she had recently consumed. The Lord of Nightmares had mentioned a 'pet'… and considering the fact that the Lord of Nightmares had made the world, she probably had a very twisted sense of humor.
"Lemme see the collar" she ordered.
Gaav knitted his ruby-red, caterpillar-sized eyebrows together as he considered her rude demand. He had eaten, so he could try to kill her. But… he wanted to know what the collar said just as much as the diminutive sorceress.
He could try to kill her some other time.
The large man leaned forward so the girl could grab the newly added decoration around his neck. Lina read the engraved tag once to herself, and felt a peculiar sensation bubbling up inside her. Lina wanted both to run around the town laughing like a crazy crone and to find a nice hard rock to bash her head on. Unfortunately or fortunately, Lina was too tired to run around the town and there weren't any hard rocks within arm's reach.
Oh well.
She could ignore the impulses as she read the cheap metal tag aloud:
"First line: Gaav the Devil Dragon King." Lina announced, "Second to forth lines: Pet and Property of Lina Inverse." Lina looked at Gaav and frowned, "I'd rather have a puppy" she informed him with a childish pout, "maybe I'll call you Fido."
Lina Inverse lived in interesting times… Lina Inverse would live interesting times.
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The Golden hand reached for an intangible and opposite shore. The Golden arms stretched out so painfully far. The Golden fingers nearly touched a nowhere. But she reached too far and not quite far enough. She sighed but she never cried. Yet tears of unknown origin cascaded along her borrowed face.
There are some things God doesn't know. There are some things God cannot do.
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Author's Note to the Compassionate Reader: My deep thanks to you, my heart is filled with happiness when I see that my humble writing has been read. I pray that I do not let you down.