Chapter One: The Talking Cube

"Your Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact cannot speak. If your Weighted Companion Cube does speak, please disregard its advice.

"Wake up… Chell."

Every nerve, every muscle in her entire body responded all at once. Chell reached for her portal gun – panicking when she realized that it was nonexistent – before remembering a crucial piece of information: She was free.

Her body slowly relaxed as she settled herself back into a bed of wheat fibers and tiredly reprimanded the voices inside her head for the rude awakening. It had been almost four days since her release from Aperture, and she'd yet to find any sign of life other than birds and bugs. A thunderstorm the night before had taken care of her hydration problem, but a combination of mud had water had reduced her orange jumpsuit into a disgustingly brown one. And although surrounded by grain and plump insects, she was going to be in desperate need of real food very soon.

She sighed quietly, pushing those problems to the back of her mind as she rolled onto her back. The early morning sky was a strange color that reminded her of when orange globs of Propulsion Gel mixed with the robin's egg blue of Repulsion Gel…

Oh God, she thought worriedly. I'm thinking about Aperture… in a positive way. That doesn't involve destroying vital testing apparatus.

She found that so repulsive, that she purposely started thinking about fire pits and death traps… of awful surprises and bad confetti. But she was painfully aware that although her body had finally made it out of Aperture, it would take time (and probably a few expensive therapists) to exorcise this particular demon from her mind.

Nuzzling her Companion Cube in a frail attempt at comfort, Chell laid her head against the earth and let her eyes drift shut. She was almost starting to feel her consciousness slip away when she heard it: not a voice this time… but rustling. Ominous rustling.

She jumped to her feet – hands fisted in the direction of the disturbance. Daring the noisemaker to show itself… which it did. Much to Chell's horror.

There are moments where being mute was more of a benefit than a handicap, and this was definitely one of them. A person with functioning vocal chords would have screamed when this whiskered animal padded out from within the dense stalks of wheat and into the small clearing that she had created around her bed.

It was just a cat. But at the same time… definitely not just a cat.

The creature looked up at her endearingly with its one good eye. The other was covered by a white eye-patch that was sown into its very skin by yellow and blue wires. But what really disturbed her was the thing hovering over the area that should have been a regular eye: a red, glowing orb.

A turret's optic.

Chell started to back away, intent on running as fast as she could away from the abomination in front of her when the back of her leg bumped into her Companion Cube. The same one she'd promised to protect. Already, that solemn oath was being tested.

She steeled herself as the Cat-turret approached her and watched as it opened its mouth to purr –

"Target acquired."

Chell came close to abandoning her Cube and running off when she heard that haunting, child-like voice. Yes, that would make her a coward. Not to mention a friend-abandoning monster. An act of betrayal of that magnitude would actually make her qualified enough to become a full-time employee at Aperture Science if she had any interest in that at all.

But Chell stayed her ground. Surely, this was nothing compared to – OHMYGOD, it's coming in for the kill!

She flinched as it pressed its head against her calf before rubbing the side of its body against her. It gazed up at her once again, flicking its tail restlessly. When Chell remained in a state absolute terror, it turned away from her boredly and disappeared into a patch of tall grass.

Oh, thank God… wait a second…

She ran after the Cat-turret the moment it dawned on her that she'd let her only shot at finding civilization (or – at least – some decent food) just scamper away. A flash of calico caught the corner of her eye, and she altered her course to head straight towards it. Although she wasn't entirely sure that this was the best decision, something predatory inside of Chell reawakened when she came within a few feet of the animal. Without a second of thought, she leap towards it – ignoring the mewl of surprise that escaped the Cat-turret when she wrapped bother her hands around its torso.

"Don't shoot!" it cried, paws flailing every which way.

And now, she mused, staring at the struggling feline with a fair amount of empathy. To figure out what to do with you…

Chell had the feeling she was being watched.

Strangely enough, it wasn't because of the new pet she'd acquired two days ago that was currently trailing behind her on a crude leash made of tied-together grass blades and wheat stems. While its single robotic eye gave her the creeps, she was very good at ignoring GLaDOS' cameras in the testing chambers and couldn't imagine why a cat-fused-with-a-turret would bother her when she'd explored the depths of Aperture without the slightest concern that a swarm of mantis-men would eat her head off.

She knelt down, carefully placing the handle of her cat's leash beneath her Companion Cube, before crawling silently beside the path she'd just walked.

"Are you still there?" her latest companion asked, its voice causing her to shudder a bit as she moved forward. And stopped dead in her tracks.

A sound – a strange, mechanical, bouncy sound was coming towards her.

Lowering herself so that her chin almost touched the ground, she waited with baited breath as the sound came closer… and closer…

It was right in front of her when she had a sudden brainwave: For all she knew, GLaDOS had realized the error of Her ways and had sent a ruthless killing machine after her to finish the job. It wouldn't have surprised her in the least. In fact, it made much more sense than being released without so much as a day in the Room-Where-All-The-Robots-Scream-At-You. But when she actually came face-to-face with her stalker, she could tell that they were both taken aback.

"Paaaajoogina!" the familiar white robot buzzed as its orange optic spun with fright. Just before her release from Aperture, she remembered seeing this robot and a blue one wave to her from inside GLaDOS' chamber. It had an awful lot of personality to it for being a machine, Chell noted, as it leapt onto its feet and stumbled away from her.

The robot clutched its portal gun defensively when Chell pulled herself to stand. Calmly, she showed it her empty hands in a gesture she hoped would convey 'Hey there, buddy – I'm unarmed' because she was really in no mood to figure out what would happen when a quantum tunneling device was shot at human flesh.

"What are you doing? Capturing her was the only reason I let you leave the facility. Now, get on with it before she dies of starvation," a cold, feminine voice ordered.

Chell's blood ran cold even before the robot lunged towards her. It had an easy time binding her hands and feet with the rope it carried on its back, thanks to the fact that listening to Her in real life once again had caused her body to go rigid. Evidently, hearing the same voice in your nightmares for years does unimaginable things to the human fight-or-flight reflex.

"Yes, that's it! Tie her up just like I taught you," GLaDOS continued, her tone both relieved and wary. They were more than a hundred miles away from the inauspicious little shed that was the gateway to Aperture Science. A seemingly useless bit of information trapped in the back of her head that told her that a person on average walks about 2 to 4 miles per hour. If she had walked for at least 12 hours every day for six days with only quick restroom and food breaks… there was no way she was still in range of the facility.

So how did She find her?

Immediately, Chell's eyes darted to the cat sitting next to her Companion Cube, branding it as a traitor without the slightest inhibition. Who else could it have been – her Cube? Ha.

"Poor thing. Probably starving and delusional. That's why she's looking at one of my old testing cats so hungrily."

Her stomach plummeted when she realized that GLaDOS' remarks were coming not from the Cat-turret, but from… dear God.

"Could your eyes get any fatter?" the AI quipped, confirming that Her phonations were definitely coming from Chell's Companion Cube. "Orange, stand-by for Blue. He's bringing the Aperture Science Ground Accelerator to you right now."

Aperture Science Grou – her thoughts were interrupted by a tremendous roar that was intensifying every second. In the distance, she saw what looked like a car.

"Wahoooo!" Orange pumped the air with a robotic fist as the vehicle flew right past them, skidding to a stop just as its tire tapped her Companion Cube. If her shoulder wasn't gripped in the robot's other hand, she'd have surged forward instinctively to protect her friend. It took her a moment to remember that it had heartlessly betrayed her.

"Blue, I don't find your daredevil stunts to be amusing. The equipment you are operating is very, very old. Minus five collaboration points."

She hadn't noticed it before, but there was a chubbier robot in the driver's seat of the vintage car. Its blue optic gazed at her curiously, not even slightly fazed that he'd lost some sort of points for his dramatic entrance. But even more eye-catching than the robot or the car itself was what was written on the license plate: CAVE

A passionate message instantly came to mind: "Make life rue the day it gave Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down!"

This was his car, wasn't it? Somehow, the bright yellow Mustang was very befitting of the Man Who Refused to Take Life's Lemons.

"The portable surface is in the trunk, Blue. Take it out before one of us dies of old age."

The moment GLaDOS finished that command, Chell began to struggle desperately against her robot captor. It was a futile attempt given that her ankles were strapped together and her wrists were equally bound, but she did have one thing on her side. One thing that GLaDOS never let her forget.

She was heavy.

Chell allowed her knees to buckle, and the robot holding her was dragged simultaneously to the ground with a computerized yelp. She managed to slip out of its relaxed grip and wormed her way back onto her feet.

"WATCH OUT, BLUE!" GLaDOS screeched, but the pudgy robot was busy pulling a white, rectangular object out from the car's trunk. It didn't notice a very panicked woman bounce towards the car until being knocked aside by a few swings of her tied-together fists. The object in its hands slipped into the backseat.

Engine's still warm… she thought with a feral grin, squirming her way behind the wheel of the antique car. She was a second away from flooring the gas pedal when she remembered that her Companion Cube was just in front of her. Deciding that it was in both of their best interests to part ways – but not bitter enough to simply run it over – she shifted into Reverse. Then she floored it.

Chell was momentarily thrown forwards against the wheel, before she managed to brake, shift back into Forward drive, and maneuver around the two frantic robots.

Who's got sucker's luck, now? She glowed with pride as the car soared towards the horizon. Her situation had gone from incomprehensibly terrible to better-than-ever in a matter of minutes. If that hadn't caused psychological whiplash, nothing would.

She was so quick to relish her escape that the familiar sound of a portal opening wasn't heard above either her mental gloating or the wind. But a portal had opened. On the panel Blue had dropped right behind her. Those few minutes of absolute freedom were the best she had ever experienced. It's a shame, really, they were cut so short.

"Test-ruining sociopaths are not authorized to handle this equipment."

Chell screamed – correction: would have screamed if she could produce any noise – as a metal claw appeared from the backseat, grabbing onto and pulling her thrashing body into the red portal that Orange's sharp-shooting skills had placed just in time.

For the second time in her life, Chell was dragged back into Aperture Science.

She wanted to cry as hot rays of sun were replaced by bright white lights that offered no warmth, but the emotional havoc of being back in the clutches of her mortal enemy somehow obliterated her ability to produce tears.

"If I didn't know better, I would think that you weren't thrilled to see me."

A yellow glow was all she could distinguish of GLaDOS' enormous chassis. Her mind was spinning, and the contents of her stomach were threatening to erupt from her mouth. Sadly, her hearing remain unaffected for just a bit longer.

"Good thing I do know better. Otherwise, I'd have to kill you right now," GLaDOS continued smoothly. "But you'll be happy to learn that finding you again taught me a valuable lesson…"

And that's when Chell's consciousness mercifully ended.