Bless you all for your amazing reviews and support. I am honored to have such wonderful readers.

I happen to include song titles as the chapter titles, but this time around I won't be restricting myself to one artist. Maybe I just miss Lana.

I am going to start adding some little dividers for flashbacks and major scene shifts for the sake of clarity. I hope it makes things a bit easier.

xoxo

Chapter Two: High by the Beach

If it weren't for the sweaty memories and current catastrophe, Regina might have been able to really love the house in Long Island. As things were, she almost viewed it as a sort of hospital. It lacked the smells and constant activity, but the ominous shadow hung above them all the same. It was difficult to focus on anything but that shadow sometimes. Her mother had kept such a secret from her. Gold had done the same, but Regina expected that from him. She knew that her mother wasn't perhaps, the most forthcoming with sensitive information, but this? Regina heart pricked at the thought of it. She sat with her half-sister on the patio in the back of the house, enjoying the sea breeze. Cora had chosen to take a nap. Emma, Snow, and Henry were probably still watching Guardians of the Galaxy. That left the siblings to themselves.

"You know, this is a lovely house." Zelena said, smiling a little too wide. Regina sighed and tried to smile past the anger she felt.

"Thank you. It was a gift for her. She never really cared for it though. Mother preferred the pulse of the city, I suppose."

"A gift? Wow. From who?" Zelena asked, still attempting to force politeness.

"My late husband." Regina said stiffly. It seemed they had to talk about this at some point.

"I'm sorry for your loss. May I ask what happened?"

"He was murdered by his PR agent."

"My goodness. That's so…dramatic." Zelena said. Regina felt as though she wanted to melt into the floor and disappear. Or scream. She really wanted to scream, but she feared that if she started, there would be no end.

"Yes. It was all very dramatic. We were even harassed by paparazzi for a while." Regina said, looking away and wishing she was somewhere else, maybe even someone else.

"That all sounds rather exciting."

"It wasn't…" Regina said. They grew silent for a few minutes. What was there to say? Well, there was too much to say.

"So, how long are you planning on staying?" Regina asked. Zelena sighed.

"I'm not sure yet. I suppose that depends on what you plan to do with her." Zelena said, her feigned cheeriness slipping slightly. Was that a bit of anger peeking through, perhaps resentment? The target was not clear to Regina, but she noticed.

"I haven't decided yet, truth be told."

"I see. Well, I have a very flexible job, so I can stay for as long as you would like me to." Zelena offered.

"And what is it that you do, exactly?" Regina asked, but she received no answer. Henry was standing in the doorway looking rather anxious.

"Uh, mom?"

"What's wrong?"

"Grandma needs you." He said. Regina rose and walked towards the door. The urge to scream came back. Oh how she wanted to scream. Zelena didn't follow her as she walked through her house to find her mother.

"Regina?" Cora called. Emma and Mary Margaret were standing with her, but she seemed to be ignoring them completely. Once Regina was in the room, Cora smiled. She actually smiled and rather than feeling any sense of joy, Regina only wanted to scream.

"What's wrong, mother?" She asked quickly. Cora looked at Emma and Mary Margaret and then back to Regina, beckoning her closer.

"Where are we?"

"We're in your Long Island house."

"And why are these people here?"

"This is Mary Margaret, your granddaughter."

"And her?" Cora asked. Regina took a long look at her mother. Her face was softer than usual, more confused. Maybe this was the right time to take a chance.

"This is Emma, my girlfriend." Regina said gently. Cora's face screwed itself into a look of confusion.

"You're not a lesbian." She said. Snow and Emma exchanged a look.

"Mother I-"

"What would your husband say?" Cora snapped. Regina wondered where we mother was today? Was this when she was 19, or was she in her twenties now? The doctors said that Cora would "travel back in time" as her illness progressed, but who knew where she was? Sometimes she knew what was going on, but most of the time she really didn't.

"Leopold is no longer with us." Regina said calmly, sparing Snow a nastier explanation. Emma put a hand on Regina's shoulder.

"Did he throw you out for fornicating with that blonde bitch?" Cora snapped. Regina's jaw tightened and she moved away from Emma.

"Mother, would you like to spend some time with Zelena?" She said. Cora furrowed her brow.

"How do you know about her?"

"She's here. Would you like me to get her?" Regina pressed. Cora just stared at her for a few seconds, clearly growing more confused.

"Where are we?" She asked.

"We're in the Long Island house." Regina said, her flurry of emotions growing more violent. Cora got up and moved to her bed, looking for something. Emma tried to touch Regina again, to calm her down, but the comfort was lost in Regina's icy rage. Mary Margaret bit her lip.

"Regina, would you like me to go find Zelena?" She asked gently. Cora continued to search for something and she only grew more frustrated as she couldn't find it.

"Please." Regina said. Snow was out of the room in a flash, eager to get away from the mounting tension. She hurried to the back of the house, where Zelena and Henry were talking.

"Hey." She said.

"Well, Henry, duty calls." Zelena said, smiling. She always seemed to be smiling. He nodded and Zelena walked into the house. Snow sat down where the stranger had sat.

"I want to go home." Henry whispered. Snow sighed.

"I know. So do I. We'll be on our way tomorrow." She assured him.

"I'm worried about mom." Henry said, tears springing to his eyes.

"She'll be ok, Henry. Emma's here and Zelena is helping a lot."

"I know, but she seems so angry."

"She is angry." Snow said gently.

"I hate Cora." He said firmly.

"Hey, now. She can't help that she's sick."

"This is all so messed up." Henry said, crying. Mary Margaret moved closer to him and took him into her arms. He was right. This was all so very messed up.

((Nine years ago…))

Regina lay in the hospital bed, horrifically still. Her body ached with rage and fear and all the pills they had pumped out of her body. She was still here. How? How was she still here? She had been so meticulous. She shouldn't be here. No. No, she couldn't be here. Maybe this was the afterlife. Maybe this was hell. Her consciousness blurred in and out, but the sinking realization hit her. She was alive and she was in the hospital. Fuck.

"Mrs. White, there is someone here to see you." A nurse said gently. Where had she even come from? Who wanted to see her? Regina didn't think she could face Leopold or Mary Margaret. Her visitor was neither one of them.

"Jesus, Regina." Mal said, walking into the room. Regina's lips trembled.

"Mal." She croaked. Maybe this was heaven instead. The blonde didn't say anything, she just walked slowly to the side of the bed and took Regina's hand. They had known each other for so long, but when had they become friends? Regina couldn't seem to understand why she had come.

"If you wanted to go, then you should have said something." Mal said, maintaining her snarky tone. Regina's eyes scanned her face.

"Why are you here?" Regina whispered. Mal chuckled.

"I'm your friend, aren't I? Isn't this what friends do?" She asked. Regina's lips trembled and her jaw tightened, but she couldn't keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks. Mal leaned down and kissed her hand.

"You want to go to the beach when you get out of here?" Mal asked, running her fingers over Regina's cheek. It was so sweet, so sweet. Oh god. Regina didn't deserve this.

"Does my mother know?" Regina whispered suddenly. Mal shook her head.

"No, she doesn't. I saw her this morning."

"She can't know, Mal."

"I know."

Regina watched her mother struggle to find whatever it was she was trying to find. Emma just stood there, hoping she would magically become invisible.

"Mother, what are you looking for?" Regina asked finally. Cora's eyes snapped around, glaring a hole into her daughter.

"My medicine." She said.

"Mother, you don't take that anymore." Regina reminded her. Cora's face grew angry.

"Oh? Why the hell not?"

"Because you're very sick and it was making you worse."

"Well call Gold and tell him to bring me some. I need to go to work." Cora snapped. Regina sighed.

"Mother, I'm not getting you any coke." She said firmly.

"Then I'll do it myself. Like I do everything." Cora said. She turned back to her search, now for the phone. Her cell phone was in Regina's pocket though. It was best if she didn't have it. After what felt like far too long, Zelena appeared in the doorway and walked into the room. Cora looked up and her mouth fell open.

"Zelena!" She said.

"Hello, mum."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to visit you."

"Well, right now I need to get ready for work, so I will have to see you later." Cora said. The whole room seemed to grow tenser.

"But thank you for coming to visit." Cora said, warmly. Then she returned to her search. Wait, what was she looking for? Regina turned and looked at Emma, then nodded for her to leave. The couple walked out of the room without a word. Hopefully Zelena could manage on her own for a bit. Regina walked through the house with Emma trailing behind her. She walked to the back patio where Snow and Henry were talking and she walked right past them. Emma shrugged at them as she followed. Regina just kept walking. She walked through the yard and past the back gate. She walked all the way to the beach. She discarded her heels and walked into the water, not even caring that her clothes were going to get wet. She just walked. When the sea was up to her waist she finally stopped. She didn't want to die, but she didn't want to live through this anymore. She just wanted…Oh god, what did she want?

"Regina?" Emma called from the beach. She was climbing out of her boots so that she could join her in the water. Regina remained silent. When Emma finally reached her, she saw that the brunette was crying. Emma slid into place behind her and held her, planting kisses on her neck and shoulder.

"I can't do this." Regina whispered, "Not after everything she has done."

((Nine years ago…))

It was Regina's third day in the hospital. All the pills she had taken had really done a number on her body. If she wasn't in so much pain she would have been thankful for the morbid vacation. Leopold and Snow had come to visit the day before. He had pretended that she was sick with something that wasn't the urge to die. Snow had done a lot of crying, but had been kind. Before she had gone, Regina had asked her not to tell Cora about her hospital visit. She had made her promise not to tell. Regina knew that Leopold wouldn't mention it; he liked to avoid uncomfortable conversations. But Mary Margaret? She would tell her. Regina adjusted herself in the bed, hoping to the god she didn't believe in that her secret would be kept. It was difficult for Regina to believe in god, because if there was one, then he was cruel. If there really was a god, then she never wanted to meet him.

"Where is she!?" A voice shouted down the hall. Regina bristled. No. No. No, please no.

"Ma'am, I need you to calm down." A nurse said. They were right outside the door. Why hadn't the pills worked? Why was she here? She wasn't supposed to be here and-

"Regina!?" Cora shouted, finally bursting into the room. Regina froze.

"Regina, what happened? Why didn't they call me!?"

"Mother, please. I'm fine." Regina said, but it sounded more like a plea.

"You are not fine! What happened?" Cora demanded to know. Regina couldn't tell her.

"Nothing, mother." Regina said weakly, "I just…I took too many."

"What do you mean?"

"I took too many pills." Regina said quietly. Cora's face changed from anger to shock and back to anger.

"What?"

"I said I took too many fucking pills, now please go away." Regina snapped. Cora just stood there for a moment, denying what he heard.

"No." She said firmly. Regina looked away.

"Why are you always doing this!? Why are you always so determined to hurt me?" Cora whispered.

"Have I not given you everything? Why are you always trying to throw it all away?" Cora asked, masking her tears with anger. Regina wiped a tear from her own eye.

"Because I don't want it. I wanted Daniel."

"This is about that damn Mexican? Really? Oh, grow up, Regina." Cora sneered. Why was her daughter such a fool? All the lessons she had taught her and for what?

Emma held onto Regina, the waves pushing them forward and back gently.

"We could hire a nurse." Emma suggested. Regina rolled her eyes.

"I don't know if I would actually wish that on someone, no matter how much I was paying them."

"You've got to do something. You can't go on like this forever."

"Maybe she'll just fucking die." Regina snapped. Then, she burst into tears. She hated herself for even thinking that, much less saying it. Cora was her mother. She had to take care of her even if she hadn't been taken care of, even if the heartless woman didn't deserve it. So, Regina cried. She cried for every snap of the belt she had endured, for every screaming match, for every kiss. She cried for Emma and her immeasurable kindness. She cried for Snow and Henry, for their fears. She even managed to shed a tear for herself, but perhaps this was her penance. This was the price for every act of violence and self-indulgence she had committed. If god really was out there, he was a bastard.