Ed and Eddy Do: Eurovision 2014

Chapter 2: The Second Semi-Final

A/N: Before I start the A/N proper, I would just like to thank BarthVader for helping me with a bit of Polish in this story. Feel free to correct me if I've gotten any of it wrong.

So here we are. The second semi-final. Not much I can say here, so let's just get back to the story, shall we?

It was after the break. Ed was still wearing that Jeg Elsker Danmark shirt from the previous chapter, whereas Eddy was still in his usual clothes. 'And we're back in 3... 2...' Edd said from behind the camera.

'Welcome back to Ed and Eddy Do: Eurovision 2014.' Eddy said. 'And you know what this reminds me of?'

'What?' Ed asked.

'Brass Eye. Except that was funnier.'

'Did they catch that guy dressed as a school?' Ed asked.

'No.' Edd bluntly replied. 'It was all fictional.'

'Aw.' Ed complained.

'So what do we do now?'

'This time, we're analysing the second semi-final of the Eurovision Song Contest. Let us - as they say - "kick things off" with Malta.'

'It was OK.' Eddy said.

'Yeah.' Ed agreed.

'Next up is the Israeli entry.''

'Her name is Mei Finegold, right?'

'Yes it is.' Edd replied. 'Why do you ask?'

'It fits, doesn't it?' Eddy started getting that look again. 'She's definitely fine.'

'Ed-' Edd was about to call Eddy out, but then decided against it. 'Oh, what's the use? Next up is Norway.'

'It was OK, I guess.'

'Same.' Ed said. 'A silent storm is like a quiet riot, right?'

'Yeah, sure, whatever.' Eddy said, clearly uninterested in what Ed was saying.

'Next up is the Georgian entry.'

'They just didn't care, did they?' Eddy said, wearily. 'A bit like the "custume" designer from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Or a f[BEEP]ing cactus falling in love with a hunk of wood.' Edd was able to censor Eddy at the right moment by literally shouting "beep" at the right moment.

'Or The Hunger Games!' Ed blurted out as if he was controlled by some other being. Eddy looked at him weirdly, as did Edd, who had walked onto the set just to do that. Even Ed was unsure about what he said, so he followed it with 'Er... I mean buttered toast!' A goofy yet nervous grin then appeared on his face.

'That's what I thought you said?' Eddy was confused before going back to what he was saying. 'I bet whoever's in charge got drunk and went "Let's send these guys! We don't want the contest to come to Atlanta or wherever."'

'A tad harsh, don't you think Eddy?' Edd was a little bit concerned, to the point where he ignored his friend's geography mistake.

'They'll live.' Eddy brushed it aside. 'Anyhoo, what's next?'

'Next up is the Polish entry.'

'It was a good song.' Eddy leant back a little bit. 'Don't believe me? Let's ask our Polish corners fondant.'

'Correspondent.'

'Whatever.'

Over in Wroclaw, we cut to a man - with hair that was either a light black, an incredibly dark brown or some combination of the two, plus a fair amount of stubble - typing on a computer. He then looked to his left to grab something, but noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He ignored it at first but then he quickly glanced at it again to find out it was a camera. He then looked at it and angrily asked it 'Co ty kurwa tutaj robisz? Wypierdalaj!' He then picked the camera up, opened the door and threw it out, slamming the door behind him and shouting 'Kurwa mac!'

Back in Peach Creek, Eddy pretended to wipe a tear away, saying 'Beautiful language, eh Chode-y?'

'Chudy.' Edd corrected him.

'Hey, I've only seen it written down.'

'Touché.' Edd conceded defeat.

'You're a touché.'

'I'm not even going to comment on that.' Edd said before announcing the next country. 'Following that is Austria, who won both this semi-final and this year's contest.'

'It was good.' Ed nodded.

'Yeah. The next Bond movie should be called Rise Like a Phoenix, just so they don't have to spend money on a new song. And then there's the adult one, Rise Like a Pe-'

'Lithuania!' Edd interrupted, which might've seemed out of character even though he had a good reason to. 'What was their song like?'

'We are the winners of Eurovision!' Ed started singing.

'Wrong year, Lummox!' Eddy grabbed onto Ed's arm and yanked it downwards. He was trying to make Ed sit back down but instead he ended up falling through his chair. 'Little help?' At that point the legs of the chair started cracking, with Eddy still stuck in the seat visibly worried.

Edd then grabbed a Technical Difficulties card and placed it in front of the camera, held on with sticky tape. On it was a lousy drawing of Ed sitting down on his chair, whereas Eddy's about to hit him with a broken bottle. Little did the Eddy drawing know that a stage light was about to fall on him. All of this was going on whilst a drawing of Edd was behind the camera - with some reel sticking out of the side - facepalming at what was going on. Behind the card were the trio grunting at they were trying to get Eddy out of the chair he was stuck in

About a minute and a half after the chair broke, Edd took the card off of the camera and revealed that Eddy was still trapped. 'We do apologise for the situation, folks, but we cannot seem to get our host out of the chair. Despite this... rather unfortunate accident... the show will continue regardless.'

'In other words, I'm stuck here and we're still gonna keep filming.' Eddy summed it up, his knees level to his face. 'So yeah, where were we?'

'Lithuania.'

'We are the-' Ed started singing again.

'Can it, Lumpy.' Eddy managed to get Ed to stop. 'The song wasn't too bad.'

'Same here.'

'Alright, next is Finland. '

'The music wasn't bad, but the vocals could've been a little bit better.' Eddy said.

'Yeah. More like Someone Better... For singing! Am I right?' Ed asked jokingly.

'No, not really.' Eddy replied. 'But yeah, give it to Muse or Kings of Leon or whoever, they might do a good job of it'

'How about Ireland?'

'I liked it.'

'Me too.'

'Nothing else to say about it?' Ed and Eddy shook their heads. 'Alright, then. Next up is Belarus.'

'Kinda looks like Robin Thicke got bored of music, grabbed some guys and took up bank robbing.' Ed explained. 'But they needed an a libby so they entered the Eurovision.'

'That...' Eddy was slightly confused about what Ed said. 'Kinda made sense. Song was good too.'

'Rather than dwell on what Ed said, shall we move onto the next entry?' Edd asked.

'Yeah.' Eddy said.

'Alright, then. Next up we have the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.'

'It wasn't bad. I kinda liked that, er...' Eddy paused. 'What was her name? Tidge-anna?'

'Tijana'

'Tin armour?'

'Tijana.'

'Tijuana?' Eddy said, making it clear that he's actually trolling, although for some reason Edd isn't spotting this.

'Tijana.'

'Pink?'

'Close enough.' Edd just wanted this to be over with so he can announce the next song.

'I liked tinned tuna.' Ed said, trying to join in but he was shot down by Edd.

'Moving on.' Edd said. 'Switzerland.'

'I liked the whistling.' Ed smiled before he attempted to whistle.

'Hey, that looks like fun.' Eddy then joined in. Unfortunately, neither of them could whistle very well; they sounded like they were blowing air out of their mouths - which was what they were doing.

At that point, Edd joined in - mostly because there was nothing to do and mostly because he wanted them to hurry up and continue with the show - and let out a belter of a whistle. It wasn't enough to get Eddy out of his chair, but it did cause a stagelight to fall... onto Ed's head. Rather than bouncing off harmlessly [and landing much less harmlessly onto Eddy], it ended up covering Ed's head. 'Oh my.' Edd said, embarrassed.

'Glassy!' Ed said before doing his usual goofy laugh.

Edd then ran onto the stage, his face going a lighter shade of red until it was back to normal, and placed his hands onto the light. After counting to three, he placed his hands onto the light and lifted it off Ed's head, although it was clear he was having trouble lifting it. The top of his head was covered with ash and bits of tungsten, whereas his hair stood up as far and as wide as it could go without each follicle touching each other. Edd managed to move it away from Ed's head, but ended up dropping it onto his own foot. It then landed behind Ed's chair He clutched his foot and started hopping back to the camera shouting. 'Ow! Darn it!'

After about 5 minutes, Edd walked on stage, dragging along a big shoe full of ice on his left foot. At that point, Ed's hear was surprisingly clean and his hair was back to normal. 'So what's next?' Eddy asked.

'Greece.'

'It was OK.' Eddy said. 'Not as good as their last entries, though. WAY better than Georgia, though.'

'Yeah.' Ed agreed.

'Slovenia?' Edd asked what they thought of the song.

'She's the Flute Professor Gone Bad, right?'

'Yes...' Edd replied, not liking where this is going.

'I know what she can do with that flute...' Eddy smirked

'Eddy!' Edd yelled, shocked by what was said. 'This is no time for innuendo!'

'But I'm saying she's good at her fin-'

'Eddy.' Edd warned, sotto voce.

'Fine!' Eddy conceded defeat, waving his arm as high as he could, ignoring a slightly creaking sound coming from his chair. 'Song wasn't that good either. Next!'

'And finally we have Romania.'

'It was OK.' Ed said. 'Made me hungry for doughnuts.'

'Can't imagine why.' Eddy sarcastically responded.

'And there we have it.' Edd clapped his hands together, albeit by accident. 'That's the second semi-final covered.'

'Yeah, so join us after the break when we're doing the... third semi?'

'There are only two semi-finals, Eddy. Afterwards, it's the final. Or, in our case, we cover the Big Five plus the host nation.'

'Alright, alright. OK. And hopefully I'll be out of this damn ch-' At that point, the chair legs finally snapped and it collapsed in on itself. Eddy landed on the floor, still wedged in his seat. 'Little help?' Edd sighed before turning off the camera, realising that it was going to be one of those days.

A/N: That's the semi-finals done. As I've probably said, the next chapter might be a little bit shorter due to there being less songs, but hopefully it'll turn out alright in the end.

Also, I would like to apologise to any Georgians (Georgia the country and not Georgia the state), especially The Shin and Mariko, who were this year's entrants; I know you were trying to mix plenty of styles and that into a [less than] 3-minute song, but it just ended up sounding all over the place, which was probably why it came last. Lyrically, it wasn't bad (I'll give you that), and the singing was alright I guess, but apart from that... Normally, I'd be into avant-garde, but it just didn't really work here. Still, there's always next time, so don't get too down-hearted.