Disclaimer: See chapter 1

A/N: Thanks to all who read and reviewed

---------------------------

It had been a grueling day at the textile factory. The heat was surprising for May. William picked out the next letter in the bunch he held together with an elastic band. He stared at the envelope for a long time before he reached in and pulled out the neatly folded pages and his brain registered the now familiar handwriting of Allie Reid. The letter had started out in her usual jovial fashion. He'd had no way of knowing that this was the letter that would break his heart.

Dear Dad,

I hope you've been keeping well. I'm still doing well with my pregnancy. I'm getting bigger every day. Spencer says he loves it. I think he's just saying that but it's nice to hear. The big news is we found a house. It's a bi-level in McLean with, get this, four bedrooms. We got a good price on it so now we're in moving mode and 'the boss' won't let me do much of anything. The team's been a real help. JJ, Emily and Garcia have been helping me pack. Morgan has been a lifesaver. Having four properties already, he was able to alert Spencer on things to look for and problems that sometimes get hidden. It needed some flooring and some paint and Morgan, Hotch, Rossi and Spencer did most of it themselves. Spencer wants to do the baby's room himself. You should see him. He must have looked at a thousand paint chips. I know my head was spinning but he had to find just the right one and he eventually did. He's got a plan, of course, when doesn't he. I'm leaving him alone. He asks me what I think, of course but he wants so much to do this for our baby. I'm so proud of him. Anyway I hope we're all moved in by Thanksgiving.

You asked me in your last letter what I meant by saying Spencer had been hurt so much in his life and was I referring specifically to you. You were part of it, sorry, I can't say that you weren't. You left a ten year old to care for himself and a mentally ill parent when you yourself weren't up to the task. Spencer loves his mother but he suffered a lot because of her as well. He lives every day with the guilt that at eighteen he put his mother into a sanitarium. She resents him for it and even though he knows logically that it was the right decision, his heart still aches. He shouldn't have had to make that decision at so young an age.

Spencer was the victim of a lot of bullying in school. I don't know if any of it occurred before you left. I've never asked him. He doesn't like to talk about it a lot. Other students did some horrendous and humiliating things to him and the scars from that run deep. His mother's condition being what it was, he couldn't get any support from her. The BAU had a case that involved a teenage boy who'd been bullied and he was killing the people who he felt had wronged him. This case hit Spencer hard because he'd been there and understood what the boy was feeling. He eventually stood unarmed in front of the boy who was brandishing an automatic weapon to try to talk him down and prevent the police and his team from massacring this boy in the street. I thought after, that with all he'd been through, Spencer could have become that boy but he chose a better path. Your son is a man to be admired.

Spencer's also been hurt on the job. The team had a case in Georgia a while back. Someone was brutally murdering people in their homes and leaving bible passages. Spencer and JJ went to this farm to interview a possible witness named Tobias Hankel only it turned out he wasn't a witness but the killer, which Spencer figured out once they'd spoken to him. Spencer was going after the guy when he heard gunshots back at the barn where JJ was. He was running back to her when Tobias got a drop on him, knocked him out and then kidnapped him.

What happened after that still gives my husband nightmares. Tobias took Spencer to a shack in a graveyard and did some pretty inhumane things to him. Tobias was insane and lived as three personalities, himself, his father Charles and an archangel named Rafael. Each personality did things to Spencer. Charles beat him giving him a head injury, broken ribs and broken bones in his left foot. Rafael's torture wasn't physical, but it was, in some ways, much worse.

Tobias was a computer wizard who hacked into the cameras in people's computers. He would brand them with some sin he thought they'd committed while he watched them, and sentence them to die. He had computers set up in this shack and told Spencer to choose someone on one of the screens to die. Spencer said no, he wouldn't do that and Rafael said if he didn't they would all die. Spencer said he'd choose who lives and pointed to one of the screens. Rafael left and as Spencer watched, he killed a couple that Spencer hadn't picked, he slaughtered them while my husband was forced to sit and watch.

In the midst of all this, Tobias, who thought he was helping Spencer, was injecting him with Dilaudid sending Spencer on unpleasant trips to the past. By the time Tobias was finished with him Spencer had developed an addiction to Dilaudid.

Rafael, however was not done with Spencer yet. He wanted Spencer to choose one of his teammates to die and when Spencer refused he'd point his gun at my husband's head and pull the trigger. He played Russian roulette with Spencer's life because he wouldn't choose a team member to die. Finally Spencer thought of a way to send a message to his team and they eventually found him, not before he'd killed Tobias with his own gun.

Dealing with the aftermath of this has been very difficult. Spencer had his physical injuries, a case of PTSD and his drug addiction to deal with. He's worked hard and fought hard to get over this and he's come out the other side. He doesn't think so but Spencer Reid is the strongest person I know. He not only survived Tobias Hankel's torture, he rose above it.

We weren't together then so I wasn't able to help him. He had the team but other than that, he was alone. He shouldn't have been alone. He should have had his family there for him. His mother couldn't be but somebody should have been there for him. He shouldn't have had to deal with this alone. You should have been there for him. Why did you leave him? Why weren't you there for him when he needed you?

I'm sorry, I can't write any more today, take care.

Allie

William folded the letter and returned it to the envelope with shaky fingers. He was glad he didn't have to work in the textile factory in the morning. He had his scheduled session with Dr. Raymond. He'd never told her about this letter. He'd told her he was corresponding with his daughter-in-law and that she seemed nice. He'd told her about Allie's progressing pregnancy but he'd never told her about this. He supposed it was about time.

----------------------

Spencer had jumped out of bed before Allie's brain had even registered that Joanna was crying. "Honey, I'll get her," she said. "She'll need feeding anyway."

"I'll bring her to you," Spencer said as he lifted his crying daughter from her crib. "Hi my little sweetheart," he said as he cradled the baby in his arms. "Are you hungry, huh" You want to see what mommy's got for you?" He walked into the bedroom and deposited the baby in Allie's arms.

"Honey, you don't have to jump up every time she cries. I'm here too you know," Allie told him as she undid the snap on her nightgown, revealing her breast which the tiny baby latched onto eagerly.

Reid ran one of his long fingers gently over Joanna's brown hair as she sucked hungrily on her mother's nipple. He wondered if there was something wrong with the fact that he loved to watch Allie breastfeed. It didn't make him some kind of pervert did it?

"Are you listening to me," she asked when he didn't respond.

"Yeah, I'm listening, I just want, you know, to be there for her as much as I can."

"I know you do but that doesn't mean you have to jump at every noise she makes. I'm half of this team too, you know. Honey, you don't have to worry. You're not your father."

"What if I am? His blood flows through me."

"Yes," Allie said softly, "And it also flows in Joanna. He's a part of our daughter just like your mother and my parents. You can't deny it. For your sake and for Joanna, I think you need to talk to your father."