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Chapter 2
Two hours later Andy and Dov were given a tip from a hooker on third street about an old abandoned restaurant that John Gray once told her he used to get high in.
Following the tip, Andy pulled up outside the side entrance and took a deep breath before reaching for the door.
"Andy, we can pass it on, you don't have to be here". Dov was worried about her frame of mind.
She had been off since Sam left her standing in the rain outside the Penny a couple weeks ago, and since then she was battling to find some kind of normal ground. She was always miles away, and looked tired enough to sleep for a solid month.
"I'm fine, we have to do this Dov". Andy said without looking his way, knowing he would see the fear that still cursed through her veins if he looked into her eyes.
"Take the front, I'll go round back". Dov mumbled knowing that once she had her mind made up, nothing would change it. He just hoped that if Gray was in here, he would do the common thing most criminals did, and try leave through the back door.
Andy nodded, as she drew her gun, took off the safety and moved towards the front door of the run down building. Pulling on the doorhandle she was not surprised to find the door lock broken open as she slowly pushed it open to reveal a dark room littered with garbage and broken furniture, empty bottles and the pungent aroma of stale alcohol.
Taking out her flashlight, Andy covered the front of the building in its silent darkness, her heart sagging at the thought of another dead lead that was wasting their time, while the girl was at the mercy of a deranged pshycopath.
As Andy stepped into the kitchen area, she heard the feint noses of what sounded like a cat, soft whimpering, mingling with what sounded like the purr of an animal in pain. Stepping towards the noise, Andy found an old walk in refrigerator, the door closed with what looked like an open new shiny padlock hanging from its door handle.
Opening the door, Andy heard the whimpering become a load screech as her eyes focused on the wide ones of a young girl staring at her, fear tracing her pale face.
"Don't come closer". The kid whispered holding out her hand.
"He said it'll explode if I let go".
Andy holstered her gun and flashlight and took a step forwards as her heart began to thunder away in her chest.
Clutched in the child's tiny hand was a grenade, strapped in with black tape.
"Its okay, you're gonna keep holding it as tight as you can okay? I'm gonna pull off the tape, but as long as you keep squeezing it, we'll be okay". Andy had no idea what she was doing, but this was what she had to do.
Less than five minutes later, Andy had slipped the live grenade into her hand, as Dov's face made an appearance in the doorway.
"Andy?". Dov's voice was in panicked shock, ringing out four octaves too high.
"Its okay, take her out, call back up and ETF". Andy's voice was shaking as she spoke, her hand holding the bomb, rattling as the realization of what was happening set in.
"Go Dov". Andy said loudly, Dov jumping a fraction as he reached out for the kid before pulling her out the door.
"Dispatch, we have the child, no suspect. Need ETF, fire and a bus at our location, live bomb,...um... officer Mcnally is holding it..."
Dov radioed in, unsure of how to actually phrase the fact that Andy was holding a grenade. There were no codes or keywords for that kind of thing.
Seconds later, a flurry of activity began over the radio, a string of units responding, all unheard by Andy as she only heard the beating of her heart stampeding in her eardrums.
Andy felt her breathing become painfully constricted as she looked down at the green resting firmly against the pale skin of her hand.
She'd always wondered how she'd die, shot, stabbed, a car accident, but this...this never crossed her mind. Being blown to tiny specs of ash was never in the ideas of how she'd go. Drawing in a deep breath as she clenched her eyes closed, she let the few tears that were loose, roll their way down her cheeks before they dropped off her chin, as she made peace with the idea of this is how she would die.
But she saved a life, the girl would grow up and have a future, get married and have kids, lead a full life. The thought caused a small smile to tug the corners of her lips up as she remembered how Jerry had died saving Gail. She let out the deep breath, she was happy to go this way, knowing it would probably be instant, and that she exchanged her life for another.
Sam barely killed the ignition before he was out the cruiser, not even bothering to put it in park or pull up the hand brake.
Oliver turned and moved towards Sam the second he saw him coming over, the intention of his actions written clearly over his usually emotionless face.
"No Sammy!". Oliver said stepping between Sam and the perimeter tape set up.
"Is she..."
"It hasn't gone off yet. Epstein said it looks like a pressure sensitive grenade. She took it off the girl and sent them out".
Oliver had seen Sam in a slight panic outside the laundrymat when Mcnally had been stuck in it after it burned down, but this, now, was something he hoped he never would have to see.
Sam's face was encased in its usual mask of nothingness over recent weeks since his split with Mcnally, Oliver had seen it morph into that after the heartache and anger that graced his features after Jerry died, but this was unbridled fear, total sheer terror dancing in his eyes as he looked towards the building currently holding Mcnally with a bomb in her hand.
"I have to go...". Sam said side stepping Oliver before he felt the firm grip of a hand on his arm.
"Sammy you can't..."
"I have to go..."
"Go what Sam? You need to wait for ETF, they're on their way, so is Frank".
"I'm going in there". Sam said shaking his arm free before taking a step away from Oliver.
"Sammy?".
Sam stopped long enough to hear Oliver whisper a "Watch her in there, she's working some kind of notice" before he spun around to face Oliver.
"What?". Sam yelled as he stepped towards Oliver.
"I dunno. Noelle just called me when she heard about it, Mcnally is working some kind of notice that's all I know. Just be careful". Oliver turned on his heel, walking back to the other officers that had began collecting on scene.
Andy clenched her eyes, as though shutting out the images would erase the grave situation and she would wake up to find it all a nightmare.
Hearing the sound of footsteps approaching, she let out a sigh of relief at the thought that ETF was here, and nobody would die today.
Turning to face the open door of the refrigerator, she let her eyes flutter open to find Sam standing in the doorway staring at her.
"Are you kidding me?". Andy yelled the words out as she rolled her eyes, the fear and panic that momentarily lifted slamming back into her.
"Hey". Sam said as he stepped over the threshold and into the danger zone to see Andy take a few small steps back.
"What are you doing here? Are you insane? Have you lost your mind?". Andy whispered as she felt the trembling begin again.
"I wish you could read my mind". Sam said still stepping forwards as his eyes lifted from her hand clasping the bomb take in her face.
"Really? So I can see what a huge screw up I made through your eyes? She's just a kid Sam". Anger flashed over her face as she looked Sam in the eye, her own harsh words slipping from her lips.
"Andy don't okay? Not now. You did the right thing". Sam still took tiny steps towards her as she kept taking small ones back.
"Why did you come? If this goes off I'm going with it...and so are you. You need to go Sam. Now!".
"No Andy, I'm not going anywhere".
"Sam...I'm holding a bomb...". Andy's strong facade slipped as her voice cracked before breaking off entirely, just as she let the tears that she had kept at bay slip free. But she stopped moving away, and instead stood rooted to the spot as reality set in harder.
Sam took the opportunity to take two steps forwards to wrap his hands around hers before whispering "So am I".
Andy had dropped her gaze attempting to hide the tears she deemed a sign of weakness until she felt his hands clamp firmly over hers, causing her head to snap up.
"Sam...you can't be here! You..."
"No. I made the biggest mistake of my life by walking away, I'm not gonna do it again". Sam said shaking his head as he felt Andy try pull her hands away from under his, his grip tightening around them in an attempt to keep them there.
"What? You seriously wanna have this conversation now? No Sam, you need to walk away now, I'm holding a live grenade, a bomb, if it goes off I'm gonna die and you're gonna die, this time you need to walk away".
Sam stepped a little closer, still not relinquishing his grip on her hands.
"No, this time I'm gonna say what I should have said then, I screwed up okay, I get it, and I'm sorry. I never should have said what I did or did what I did, I can never take it back and I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I kinda just lost it, and I never meant what I said. I love you, and right now I'm not leaving, if you're here when that goes off, then that's where I'm gonna be".
"No Sam...um...No okay! You can't just walk in here coz I'm holding a bomb, and ...and I don't even know what you're saying!". Andy began shaking her head in denial as his words left his lips in a hushed whisper. Her hands trying to free themselves of the iron grip he had on them.
Radio static suddenly caused them both to jump as Best's voice filled the silence surrounding them.
"Swarek?".
Sam reluctantly pulled one of his hands away from Andy's to push his radio to reply.
"Yeah?".
"How you guys holding up in there?". Sam didn't miss the worry in Franks voice.
"We're good. EFT?".
Silence followed Sam's question as they waited for an answer, both on the brink of panic.
Sam never taking his eyes off Andy, although she let her's drift aimlessly around the room looking anywhere but at him.
"Andy I know you don't wanna hear this, but I have loved you all along, even when it was killing me slowly to see you with Callaghan, I just didn't know it back then. But now that I know it..."
"No Sam! You promised to fight for it if things got tough, you said you wouldn't walk away, and that's exactly what you did! You blamed me for...for Jerry, you said you couldn't be a cop and be with me, so you chose being a cop over me...you can't just...".
Andy's words trailed off as she began to sob, her hands still holding the bomb shankingly, were incapable of moving to wipe away her free falling tears.
Her heart was breaking more now than it had weeks ago.
"Andy, do you still love me?". Sam blurted the words out before his brain could filter them, as he watched Andy bite on her bottom lip, her lips keeping silent.
"Andy, that's all I want to know?" His words came out harshly, his tone flat as his lips moved.
"No Sam...I...". Andy held his gaze, answering his question while looking him straight in the eye.
Sam felt like his world shattered there in that single instant. Like it had tilted off its axis with two simple words. If he thought he was hurting before, her simple admission had ripped the remainder of his heart out and shredded it into oblivion before shoving a black lump of emptiness back into his chest.
Reaching out for his radio again he kept looking at Andy as he whispered into it. "ETF?"
Seconds later Franks voice filled the now sad silence that filled the air around them.
"Um...they're delayed. Traffic accident closed them off on the other side of town, they're trying to reroute traffic, but the roads closed, there's no alternative roads, you guys sit tight, we're working on it". Frank trailed off, his voice shallow in Sam's ears as he watched Andy's eyes widen in fear.
The longer they stood here like this, the less chance they had of making it out.
"Shaw?". Sam's voice held a sharp edge as he called out over the radio for Oliver.
"Yeah brother?". Oliver's reply was instantaneous.
"I need three minutes, then you send in a volunteer to take Mcnally out, and I'm live on rounds so I need to hand over".
Sam knew that if this went badly having a loaded gun and spare magazines strapped to you would wreak havoc on anyone in the vicinity.
"What? No!...No!". Andy was shaking her head violently as she heard Sam ask Oliver to send someone in to take her out.
His words and tone clearly stating that a family man like Oliver or Frank not be the ones to venture in to fill his request.
"Andy..."
"No Sam, you can't...I won't. Think about Sarah, and Oliver, they need you".
"Andy please. Think about your Dad and Traci, I need you to go. I need you to do this, I need you...". Sam just stopped talking after that as he put his other hand back over hers after releasing the radio.
His hands momentarily lingering over hers before he gave her hands a gentle squeeze before using one of his to gently run under hers and begin to lift her fingertips as he slipped his hand in place of hers. He kept his eyes focused on hers as he did the same with her other hand, his fingers filling the spaces hers had seconds ago, squeezing down on the grenades pressure clip.
Andy just shook her head as her tears continued to stream wet marks down her cheeks. Even after she had just told him that she didn't love him, he would still take her place and die so that she could make it out.
After telling the worst lie she had ever told, he was willing to sacrifice his own life to keep her safe.
"Promise me one thing Andy". Sam had moved impossibly close to her, the heat of his body felt through her uniform, her hands now replacing the position his had been in.
"No Sam...".
"Please let me say this, I know you hate me now and I don't blame you, I really don't, but just make me one promise...".
Andy stared at Sam, her body trembling as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as if an electric current passed through them.
"I kno...". Sam's voice was left to drift into silence as approaching footsteps filled the air. More than one set.
Sam and Andy turned to see Luke, Gail and Nick file into the refrigerator.
"No...no...". Andy let the words come out as more of a sigh as she refused to make her feet walk away as Gail gently tugged on her arm in an attempt to pull her hands off Sam's.
"Andy, you need to go". Sam said managing a flash of the dimples as he stepped forwards to press his lips to the top of her forehead, as he inhaled a deep breath of her scent.
Luke made his way to stand in front of Andy as Sam turned and nodded to Luke like they were having a silent conversation. Sam tried to pull his hands away from Andy's but she clung to them, refusing to relinquish her hold on them.
Sam's eyes snapped to her before he said what she would later think sounded like a whispered 'I'm sorry' before turning to Luke and saying a forceful "Take her" before he looked away.
Andy felt Luke's hand wrap around her as Gail's fingers pried hers away from Sam's before she was lifted into the air just a fraction and spun around before her feet met the ground and she was literally being pulled out the door by Luke and Gail. As they stepped through the doorway Andy stopped and turned one last time to look at Sam as her heart was overcome with the worst regret she had ever felt.
She had possibly just lied to Sam in what could very well be his last few living moments. As she stood looking at him, she was fighting the urge to run back up to him and tell him she lied, but the look on his face stopped her. He looked like he was overcome with peace. Contentment filling him, as he watched her walk away. She was frozen to the spot as she watched his lips move as he said a soft 'I love you' that she couldn't hear, before he gruffed out a loud "Close the door".
Andy whimpered as she was tugged away, watching Nick close the door, blocking her view of Sam. If the bomb went off, having the door closed could restrict the outwards blast to contain it mostly in the tiny space behind the door, it was the logical thing to do, but it just felt so wrong.
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Jelly Bean Jenna©