CHAPTER 3: DOCTOR ZIM IS IN THE HOUSE!

The next morning, everyone woke up from the sound of Sandy yelling at them to gather together in the living room. Once everyone had made it into the living room (except Gir; he was in the bathroom screaming CHOCOLATE STARFISH), Sandy explained the team's new purpose.

"It seems ya'll've been brought here because the cartoon gods seem to believe that you boys are the only ones that can stop the evil menace...the faceless, soulless, heartless corporation known as Viacom." Sandy began.

"But I'm owned by Viacom!" Spongebob pointed out.

"And so was I during my final season!" Rocko added. "Curse those greedy bastards for not putting me on demand...I mean, honestly, couldn't I at least have an uncut DVD release for a change? Why does Spongebob ALWAYS have to get all the attention? It makes me feel so horribly miserable and neglected. I don't want to feel rejected anymore!"

"ZIM FEELS YOUR PAIN, PUNY MORTALS. HOWEVER, NOTHING CAN STOP THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY FORCE OF NATURE KNOWN AS ZIM! NO COPYRIGHT LAW IN THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO STOP ME! WORLD DOMINATION IS IMMINENT!" Zim added.

"I hate my life." Squidward groaned.

"Anyway, moving on," Sandy continued, "we need a game plan here."

"DOES IT INVOLVE GIANT ROBOTS AND/OR TAKING OVER THE WORLD?!" Zim asked.

"Nope." Sandy answered.

"Sandy, will you marry me?" Rocko asked.

"Well, although you're super-adorable, we don't really have time for that right now...aww, man, you're such a cuddly little sweetheart though." Sandy answered. "Maybe we could just go out together for dinner or something. Spongebob has a huge crush on me, though, and I don't wanna disappoint him."

"Well, whatever works for you works for me, I suppose!" Rocko said with a smile; despite being generally introverted, he was always so kind, compassionate and charismatic.

"Um...excuse me, but...is our story based off of Lord Of The Rings?" Spongebob asked; oddly, he was actually one of Sandy's smartest students despite being a warrior.

"Why, yes! How did you know that?" Sandy answered.

"Well, I suppose most medieval stories these days do have strong similarities to Lord Of The Rings..." Spongebob explained.

"THIS IS GETTING BORING! WHERE ARE ALL THE ANIMALS? I MUST ENSLAVE THEM!" Zim complained. "YOU! SIR! ROCKY! WHATEVER YOU ARE!"

"I'm a wallaby, thank you very much." Rocko pointed out. "Also, please don't eat me! I'm too juicy- I mean, tender- I MEAN, CHEWY! OH MY GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"

That comment put a huge and evil grin on Zim's face. "I'LL EAT YOU ALL ALIVE! STARTING WITH YOU, JUICY TENDER CHEWY KANGAROO THING!" he laughed maniacally.

Rocko screamed his brain out and made a run for it as Zim charged after him. After a few minutes of running, he reached a dead end, the Cliff Of Very Sharp Things.

"Come on, brain, think. You've studied alien biology! Where would Zim's squeegly-spootch be? Ah, screw it, here goes nothing." Rocko thought to himself.

"Pointwandicus Atsqueeglyspootchicus!" Rocko yelled. Somehow (likely through divine intervention), his spell worked. As Zim charged straight into him, Rocko's staff inexplicably pointed itself at just the right angle to hit Zim right in the squeegly-spootch.

"OOO! SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!" Zim squealed.

"ROCKO...WINS. FLAWLESS...VICTORY." Zim said, wincing with pain.

"FATALITY." And just then, he fainted.

All of a sudden, Gir appeared out of nowhere riding a flying pig. "OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED ZIM! HE'S DEAD! YOU KILLED HIM! NO!" Gir screamed to the heavens.

"I'M STILL ALIVE, YOU BLITHERING IDIOT! IT IS BUT A FLESH WOUND!" Zim yelled at Gir in a high-pitched helium voice. "AND DON'T LAUGH!" he added. Rocko almost wet himself just from trying not to laugh.

Meanwhile, Gir laughed so hard that he started screaming and writhing on the ground like a lunatic again. "BALLOONS! CUPCAKES! PIZZA! CANDLES! FLOWERS! PRESENTS! CANDY! GRAPE SODA! BUBBLES! POTATO CHIPS! MOON-BOUNCE! BUTTERFLIES! MICHAEL JACKSON! TIN FOIL! LADYBUGS! OBAMA! FLOWERS! RAINBOWS! PINGAS! NEEURRRGH!"

"Sweet Mother Teresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz, Zim! You really need to get that mentally ill robot fixed immediately! He's got so many blasted screws loose that even my dog Spunky looks normal by comparison now! And that dog ate my toenail clippings off the floor as if they were delicious hotcakes!" Rocko ranted about Gir's troubling incompetence.

"OH YEAH?!" Zim talked back like a completely insufferable douchebag. "WELL HOW ABOUT I TAKE THAT DAMNED STAFF OF YOURS AND SHOVE IT DIRECTLY UP YOUR BLOODY HAIRY-"

"OOH, LANGUAGE!" Gir screamed right in Zim's face, startling him and almost giving him a heart attack. "LOOK AT MY BIG, BEAUTIFUL DICTIONARY! STUDY IT OR DIE! CRICKETS! PIKACHU! ZEEURRRGH! EEYOOM? CUPCAKES WITH RAISINS?! AIEEURRRAGH! WAHAHAHAHA! DERPY DERPY DOOM! WHEE! WHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!"

"OKAY, THAT'S IT, YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL!" Zim yelled. "YOU NEED...TO SHUT! THE FRAK! UP!" At that moment, Gir started crying super-ultra-loudly, shaking all the trees in the forest and releasing all the blue jays.

"Oh, sweet, kind-hearted Jesus, please tell me, what did I ever do to deserve such a horribly cruel and unusual punishment to my eardrums?!" Rocko yelled, pulling and stretching his ears in frustration; he almost tore them off from how forcefully he was yanking on them.

"That's it!" Rocko said, irritated. "I'm using a magic spell! Earius Pluggioos!" The spell worked and gave Rocko earplugs, but it also made Rebecca Black's "Friday" play very loudly inside his brain, causing the god-awful music to echo through his entire skull.

"Zim, for the love of God, please help me! I think my ears are bleeding internally!" Rocko screamed.

"This looks like a job for Dr. Mario...or should I say ZIM!" Zim proclaimed.

"Just cut to the chase already, would you please?!" Rocko demanded. "That god-awful music you're hearing is coming from inside my poor, tortured little brain! You gotta dig in there and pull out whatever infernal device is playing that filth! I don't even care if you have a medical license or not! JUST DO SOMETHING BEFORE I GO COMPLETELY INSANE, FOR PETE'S SAKE!"

"I don't understand what you're saying and I don't care." Zim replied.

"Okay, okay, I'll rephrase it the way you want me to say it..." Rocko groaned, rolling his eyes.

"FLIP OPEN THE LID! ON TOP OF MY HEAD!

GET THAT MUSIC OUT OF THERE BEFORE! I'M! DEAD!"

"Your head has a lid on top of it?" Zim asked, confused.

"Don't ask." Rocko replied.

TWELVE SECONDS LATER...

"Damnit, Zim, I thought you'd have some kind of proper tools for this! I always knew you had absolutely no idea what you were doing to begin with!" Rocko ranted about Zim's piss-poor skills as a doctor.

"Stop complaining! I know what I'm doing!" Zim complained, digging his bare, sharp-clawed fingers into Rocko's brain without a second thought.

"OW! Stop jamming your sharp claws into my nerve endings! That really hurts, you know!"

Rocko demanded.

"My calculations show that, thanks to the massive amount of cartoon logic flowing through your bloodstream, this sorry, pathetic excuse for brain surgery isn't even hurting you that much at all!" Zim explained. "Now just ignore the pain and let me work my magic! Get ready!" Zim said, forming his hand into a drill shape. "I'm going in!"

APPROXIMATELY FIVE SECONDS OF SCREAMING LATER...

"There it is! I can feel it! I'm pulling it out right now!" Zim exclaimed with excitement.

"Please be gentle. PLEASE?" Rocko asked, begging Zim for mercy.

"Will you spare me a dime if I try to do this as gently as possible?" Zim asked.

"Sorry, mate, but I'm flat broke. However, would you mind being a bit more careful with your- GAAAH!" Rocko suddenly yelled in pain as Zim painfully yanked out the iPod stuck inside his brain.

"I'm observing the device, and it seems that there is no way to turn it off." Zim explained.

"Well, for goodness sakes, are there any other music options on that wretched infernal contraption?" Rocko asked curiously.

"Yes...but it seems that the only other option would appear to be music from a certain musician named Justin." Zim replied.

"Justin who?" Rocko asked. "Oh, please don't tell me it's-"

"If you're asking what I think you're asking, then yes. Yes it is. Justin...Bieber." Zim answered. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, kangaroo boy?"

"Y-Yes. Yes, I am." Rocko said, surprised by Zim's unexpected insight. "Hand the device to me, and I will do what has to be done."

"Throw it." Zim said, reading Rocko's mind. "Throw it off the cliff into oblivion."

"Yeah!" Rocko replied confidently with an incredibly evil and mischievous smirk on his face. "That's what I'M gonna do..."

And with that, Rocko threw the iPod off the cliff, put on sunglasses and walked away from the demonic nuclear explosion like a badass. "A wallaby's gotta do what a wallaby's gotta do."

"Not to mention aliens also gotta do what aliens gotta do!" Zim pointed out, shooting Gir in the face. "Good riddance. I'll just summon our robot horse to take us back to our group! We'll simply use the GPS feature to locate them! MUHUHAHAHA! NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE GENIUS OF ZIM! I AM ZIM AND ZIM IS AWESOME!"

"Hit it, doc!" Rocko encouraged Zim.

"ROCKY'S FEELING FINE!

I AM ON CLOUD NINE!

DOCTOR MARIO IS IN THE HOUSE! TO-NIGHT!

And with that, the unlikely dynamic duo rode off into the sunset. "Who needs inferior organic horses when you can just buy one with useful headlights, infinite fuel and super-nifty cupholders? HA! You silly humans are just so utterly pathetic!" Zim boasted.

"Good old Zim..." Rocko sighed.