Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
"Naruto"-Normal speaking
"Naruto"-Normal thought
Chapter II
Attack of the (Retarded) Clones
--
Kakashi calmly strode through Konoha. It really was a nice mourning. The birds were singing. The sky was clear, and he'd get to mess with the heads of and/or beat the shit out of little kids once again. Today was going to be fun.
He had no idea who he was messing with.
Observing the training field from a tree, he found his three new charges. Most of whom seemed to be extremely board.
Sasuke was standing against the center post, brooding (like he ever does anything else (except train and run from his fangirls of course)?). Sakura was sitting against the post to his left, staring dreamily at Sasuke (again, like she does anything else?). Naruto…where was Naruto?
Glancing over to the third pole, Kakashi noticed something sticking out from behind it. A pair of legs and feet lying on the ground.
'Sleeping eh? Well, he's got more sense then the other two. If this keeps up I'll probably have to just throw that file on him away'
Deciding to make himself known, Kakashi jumped down from the tree he was in. Sakura, upon noticing him, immediately made her mood clear (and everyone else temporarily deaf).
"YOU'RE LATE!!
Removing his fingers from his ears, Kakashi started on one of his genius (to him anyway) excuse speeches.
"Sorry, a black cat crossed my path and I had to take the long way to be safe"
As everyone looked at him like he was crazy, a voice sounded from behind the post.
"Are you sure that was smart? I thought you had to go back to your house, sacrifice a lamb, then kill the cat, bury it in the exact place it crossed you, THEN take the long way" Naruto said as he got up from behind the post confusing everyone even more. He had apparently gotten new clothes sense the day before. He now wore black combat pants with black combat boots. He also wore black and dark orange unzipped jacket over the black T-shirt from the day before (1).
'Whoa. Never got THAT reaction before'
"Well, yeah. But I was short on time and just taking the long way works, there's just no guarantee"
"Ah" Naruto nodded in agreement.
"BAKA! You actually believe him?!" Sakura yelled at him.
"Nope. I just thought I'd go along with it" Naruto replied.
Deciding to defuse the situation before things got violent (again), Kakashi brought a pair of bells from his ninja pouch.
"Alright, here's how the test is going to work" he said, getting everyone's attention.
"There are two bells here. Your mission is to take them from me. This will be full combat. You can use anything in your arsenal against me, and you'll have to come at me with the intent to kill if you want any chance"
Sasuke's and Sakura's eyes widened at this, while Naruto just smirked.
"Intent to kill eh? SWEET!"
"Well, it's a good thing we made preparations. He'll regret doing that"
"OH YEAH. WE ARE GOING TO MAKE HIM REGRET SAYING THAT"
Tying the bells to his belt and pulling a pair of bentos from his pouch, Kakashi walked over to the memorial stone and placed them in front of it.
"At noon, those who didn't get a bell will be tied to a post, while those that did will get to eat these in front of them. If nobody gets a bell, then I'll eat them in front of you"
Two stomachs grumbled while Naruto just snickered and spoke in a sing-song voice.
"That's what ya get for not listening to me. Or thinking for that matter"
"And there's one more thing" Kakashi said. "If you fail to get a bell, not only will you be tied to a post and not get to eat lunch, but you'll also be sent back to the academy"
Now everyone's eyes widened, though Naruto's quickly seemed to harden into one of contemplation.
"But sensei…there's only two bells" Sakura said, unease obvious in her voice.
"Wow. She can count? Amazing!" Naruto said, making her glare at him.
"Well, yeah. One of you will be going back to the academy. That's why you'll have to come at me with the intent to kill"
Not one second after he finished speaking, Naruto drew a kunai and drew back his hand to throw it. However, he found his hand suddenly bound, and Kakashi no longer in front of him.
"Geez. Don't be so hasty. I never said to start" Kakashi said, one hand binding Naruto's wrist, the other on his head.
Naruto simply smirked.
"I know. I just thought…"
"…I'd test the waters" said a very familiar voice from behind Kakashi.
Behind Kakashi, was another Naruto, this one with a kunai to his back.
Glancing behind him, Kakashi smirked under his mask.
"Having a clone draw me out so you could ambush? You're smarter then you let on"
"Well, isn't deception part of being a shinobi?" the Naruto behind him said.
Sasuke and Sakura were currently gaping at the display of cunning Naruto had just shown, but before they could do anything, Kakashi spoke.
"Alright then…start!"
The Naruto in front of Kakashi instantly drew a kunai with his free hand and spun around, slashing across Kakashi's chest while the other stabbed him his kunai. However, Kakashi poofed into a log.
Looking to Sasuke and Sakura, the Narutos found they were already gone, hidden in the foliage. Stowing their kunai, the Narutos ran off in a seemingly random direction.
Up in the trees, blue eyes gazed upon the situation.
--
In another clearing, Kakashi stood, seemingly board as he read his orange book.
Suddenly, several kunai came flying out of the trees, which the jounin dodged easily, along with a flying kick from Naruto.
Catching Naruto's leg, Kakashi hurled him into a tree, dispelling the clone.
"You think just because you have shadow clones, you can go toe-to-toe with a jounin?" Kakashi taunted.
"Well, no. But I do have few advantages" the Naruto in front of him said. "Like this"
With that, a hail of kunai came flying out of the trees. Kakashi simply leapt upward, dodging the knives. However, as the weapons passed under him, they all were enveloped in smoke to reveal…Naruto clones. The clones brought out six kunai each and through them upward at the jounin, only to impale a large log.
As Kakashi landed, he sped into the group of clones, slicing though them with his own kunai. After they were all dispelled, Kakashi was left all alone in the clearing.
'So…not only does he adapt on the fly, he also stays out of the battle so he can assess the situation. He's probably up in the trees now trying to think of a way to counterattack. He's definitely a sharp kid, but even then, if he can't figure out the purpose of this test, he's got no purpose being a shinobi'
Before he could leave however, another hail of kunai came down on the jounin, along with more Naruto clones.
--
Little did Kakashi know, but figure out the test was exactly what Naruto was trying to do right now. Hidden far from the area of battle on pretty much the other side of the forest that was the training area, Naruto sat against a tree, trying to think of a way to pass Kakashi's test. As he contemplated, a voice sounded in his head.
'Chief! It's no good. There's no way we can beat him at our currant level. Any luck on figuring out how to pass?'
'No. I haven't come up with anything yet. All teams, how much longer can you stall him?' Naruto thought out his mental reply/order to the clones in question. A second later, five replies reached him.
'Fire team Alpha's at 85'
'Fire team Beta's at 91'
'Fire team Charlie's at 87'
'Fire team Delta's at 83'
'Fire team Echo's at 85'
Naruto thought over what he had just heard. Suddenly, a new message arrived.
'Chief! He's moving out!'
'What?! Damn it! Alright. Fire team's Beta and Charlie, send out scouts and track him. All other teams, stand by and await further orders'
'YES SIR!'
--
At that time, roughly two miles from Naruto's position, a grand total of seven clones stood in the trees above the ground, hidden from sight from those on the ground, one of the clones in a sitting position with his hands making the ram seal with his eyes closed.
The clone got to his feet and made a series of hand signs to another one, the other five being gathered around the second. The first clone made the handsign for Kage Bunshin, followed by a gesture to his eyes, then covered his left eye with his hand, then swiped his hand across his neck and tapped his ear and pointed up. The second clone nodded and created two bunshin. The bunshin nodded and leapt off through the trees. At the same time, another group of clones were doing the same thing, while three other groups were doing just neck-swiping onward, without creating any new bunshin.
--
Sasuke swore as he knocked down again by Kakashi. He was getting his ass kicked! Wasn't he the rookie of the year?! Heck even the dead last had gotten some good hits in. If the dead last could do it…WHY COULDN'T HE?!
"Damn it," Sasuke swore as he made handsigns, surprising Kakashi.
"Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu!" Sasuke cried as he spat a giant fireball at the jounin.
When the smoke cleared, Kakashi was nowhere to be found.
'Did I get him?'
Suddenly however, a pair of hands grabbed his feet and dragged him under ground up to his neck. Looking up, he saw Kakashi staring down at him, obviously smirking.
"You know, maybe you should try taking some pages from Naruto's book. Or are you just to good to be imitating the dead last?" Kakashi said as he turned to leave.
Neither one of them noticed the blonde boy watching them from the trees.
'Commander. He's incapacitated Sasuke. He's moving out now. I recorded some interesting information. I'll send it back now'
A puff of smoke later and all trace of the clone's existence was gone.
--
Naruto smirked as the information from the clone that witnessed Sasuke's battle was relayed to him.
'Goukakyuu eh? Yeah. That should come in handy'
His smirk changed into a groan of exasperation as he was relayed the information concerning Sakura's…er…battle? Well more like a pathetic knock out.
That in turn changed to one of seriousness as a clone relayed a message to him.
'Sir. Kakashi's been sighted in the clearing from before. If we don't move now, he may come after us next! Any luck on what he wants? Our teamwork alone just isn't going to cut it'
'I know. Wait! Teamwork… Yeah that may be it'
'Chief?'
'I figured it out! All teams, prepare to move! Charlie Team, locate Sakura and brief her on the situation. Delta Team, do the same for Sasuke. We'll need them for this. Fire teams Alpha, Beta and Echo, engage operation WTF!'
'Understood sir!'
A dark smirk spread across Naruto's face.
"Alright sensei, let's see ya squirm"
--
In the middle of the clearing, Kakashi stood, reading his porn. Little did he know, he was in for the shock of his life.
Suddenly, Kakashi jumped out of the way of a hail of kunai.
"Doing the same thing over and over isn't going to get the job done Naruto" he taunted. "Maybe you shou-"
He was cut off as he was forced to dodge…a sofa?
'What the…?'
This was quickly followed by tables, chairs, trees, roof tiles, more chairs, stuffed cats, real cats and many other random objects.
As Kakashi dodged a lawnmower, he yelled out the question anyone would be asking themselves.
"Where is he getting this stuff?!"
Deciding to test a theory, he hit an oncoming telephone pole with a kunai. The pole poofed away.
'So he's having his bunshin henge into random objects and throwing them at me? Okay…this kid has issues. Though it is effective. What the…?'
His train of thought stopped as about 200 clones all jumped high into the air above him. The clones all made the ram handsign and Kakashi tensed as he prepared for an attack. It would be a futile effort.
The clones cried out as smoke obscured them.
"TAJUU BUNSHIN HENGE!"
As the smoke cleared, Kakashi's mouth dropped and he thought only one thing.
'WTF?!'
"TROJAN BUNNY!!"
The clones had henged into a giant wooden rabbit that was now falling on Kakashi.
Realizing that this could be a serious threat if he didn't do something, Kakashi made handsigns as the bunny fell on him.
"RAIKIRI" the legendary lightning blade easily cut through the henged clones, dispelling the large rabbit.
In the trees above him, only one thought was going through several clones heads.
'Operation WTF…success'
--
Sasuke struggled to dig himself out of the hole Kakashi had buried him in. He was just about to yell out in anger when he heard chuckling.
"So…the great rookie of the year…buried up to his neck in dirt. Man I wish I had a camera right now" said Naruto standing up in a tree above the clearing.
"What do you want dead last?"
"You know…if I'm the dead last…and you're worse off then me…what does that make you? The undead last? Okay bad pun. Look do you want my help or not?"
Sasuke looked surprised for a second, then schooled his expression.
"I don't need your help. You'll just weigh me down"
"Well with that attitude you'll never pass Kakashi's test. Look, I'm only doing this because we all need to fight him in order to pass. Hear me out, and I'll dig you out, okay?"
"Okay"
"Good" Naruto then created a clone which then kawarimied with Sasuke, causing him to be pretty much warped out of the hole.
"It saves effort" Naruto explained.
"Okay, what is this plan of yours?"
"Alright. Kakashi said that we have to get a bell to pass, and there are only two of us. Therefore, only two of us can pass, right?"
"Yeah. I know that" Sasuke replied.
"Wrong. How many Genin teams have you seen that are composed of less then three genin and one jounin?"
Watching Sasuke contemplate this, Naruto continued.
"Exactly. You haven't. That's because there are none, excluding those that have lost a member. If you remember from our history lessons, when the Shodaime first came up with this system, he made it law that all new genin teams would be composed of three genin and one jounin sensei. The only one that can override that law is the Hokage in special circumstances. So unless Kakashi is bluffing, he's committing a federal offence. So he must be bluffing" Naruto explained.
Sasuke was now looking at him like he had just grown wings, tails and giant spikes out of his spine. Naruto sweatdropped.
"Look, let's just say some things happened and now I'm a lot smarter then before. But we don't have time to talk about it"
Sasuke quickly schooled his face again. "So what's your point?"
"My point is, is that it's all or nothing. Either we all pass or none of us pass. And here's how we do it. This test is supposed to test our teamwork. The bells are only a diversion to split us up. What he wants is for all three of us to make a combined effort to get the bells. In other words, teamwork. If we do that, then we'll pass. I guarantee it"
"You sure about this?"
"Positive. The chief's a lot smarter then you give him credit for. Now come on. Another teams getting Sakura. We're meeting near the main clearing" Naruto said as he turned to run off.
"Wait! Who's this 'chief'?" Sasuke asked as he followed him.
"The original of course. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I'm just a clone"
Sasuke was gaping, but quickly followed the clone. He never noticed the clone that had switched with him now looked like him.
--
Near the said clearing, Naruto watched as Kakashi dispatched another wave of clones, these having henged in ostriches. A message from the retrieval teams then reached him.
'Chief. We're in position'
'Good. All teams, commence operation 'DOUBLE-CROSS''
'YES SIR!'
--
Kakashi was board and extremely weirded out at this point. He had dispatched wave after wave of clones, all of them henge'd into everything from giant living trees to elephants to large carts pulled by donkeys. He was also extremely confused as to what the heck Naruto was trying to accomplish. What he was doing obviously wasn't working.
'What is he planning? He's obviously stalling for something. But what is it?'
It was then that Kakashi heard something coming from the memorial stone.
The sound of ripping plastic.
'That little sneak'
Shunshining over to the stone, he found Naruto opening one of the bentos. Kakashi shook his head. He had expected better of someone who had appeared so sharp.
"Well well. What have we here?" Kakashi said as he jumped on the stone above Naruto. "Trying to cheat and get lunch early? Well, we can't have that can we?"
Kakashi grabbed Naruto and created a pair of Kage Bunshin to get Sasuke and Sakura. It was time to teach them a lesson.
--
Kakashi looked over his three charges, all of them tied to the poles.
"I have to say, I am very disappointed in all of you. You never even got close to what this test meant, did you?"
"Well, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto spoke up "there's one thing your forgetting"
"Oh? And what exactly am I forgetting?" Kakashi asked.
"We haven't lost yet"
"Huh?" Kakashi asked, wondering what he meant, when a hail of kunai came at him.
Realization dawning on him, the jounin ducked under the barrage, and looked around.
"You didn't…" his eyes wide.
"We did" Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura all said in the same voice before going poof.
Looking around the clearing, Kakashi saw he was surrounded by dozens of clones, all of them henged into either Naruto, Sakura, or Sasuke.
"Alright! Let's go!" One of the Naruto's yelled.
They charged.
Kakashi drew a pair of kunai and began hacking through the clones, until he heard a familiar yell.
"Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" Sasuke yelled as he let loose a massive fireball, followed by a cloud of kunai and shuriken by Naruto and Sakura. Kakashi dodged the first few kunai and was about to jump away when he noticed something.
He couldn't move.
The kunai that he had dodged had really been henged clones, that were now holding him down. Quickly running through handseals, Kakashi cried out.
"Suiton: Suijinheki!" a large wall of water appeared around him, shielding from the fireball. As the wall fell, Kakashi, panting, looked to the three genin in front of him, the clones having spread out and dispelled their henge.
"So Kakashi-sensei…do we pass?" said a smirking Naruto.
"Well, you never got any bells…" Kakashi said.
"Actually…" Naruto said before disappearing in a 'poof', making Kakashi check his belt. The bells were gone. Glancing behind him, Kakashi gaped, along with Sasuke and Sakura. Standing on the lake behind them, were easily 100 Narutos. The clones parted, as one of them walked through, the two bells resting in his hand.
"…we did" with that he snapped his fingers
Hundreds of Naruto's appeared on the trees around them, popped out of the ground, and came out of the water. While Sasuke and Sakura stood gaping, Kakashi shook his head.
"This is the first time we've seen you today hasn't it?"
"Yep. Even the Naruto that was waiting here was one. I've been at least 200 feet from any of you this entire time" with that, Naruto tossed the bells to Sasuke and Sakura.
"So as I was saying…do we pass?"
"Heh…I guess you do" Kakashi replied.
--
AN: Well, second chapter up. What do you think? Naruto's random behavior is actually a reflection of my own, kinda. As for the Trojan Bunny…I don't know, I kinda just popped into my head.
(1). Imagine Naruto's Shippuden outfit only with black pants, boots and his jacket unzipped.