A/N I was so surprised to see the reaction from this new fic.
Holding On
It had been just a few days since the baby was born and she still didn't have a name yet. Arizona and Mark had decided to wait on that until Callie had seen her. Mark, Arizona, Addison and Lexie had taken shifts with both the baby and Callie so everyone could get some sleep and a shower and food in their stomachs. Mark usually had to be pulled away from his daughter and Arizona usually had to be kicked out of Callie's room. Neither of them felt right when they weren't with the baby or with Arizona,
Lexie had used the last few days to reassure both Callie and Mark that she was in it for good. She had taken some time to be okay with all of this but she had come to realize that this baby was very lucky to have so many people who loved her. Lexie had spent a lot of time with the baby telling her stories. Lexie just wanted the baby to get used to her voice so she was just talking about anything that came into her head.
Lexie was in the NICU when Mark and Arizona came in, rolling Callie's wheelchair between them. Lexie could tell that Callie was feeling all sorts of emotions. She wasn't going to pry about it because it wasn't any of her business. If Callie needed someone to talk to, Lexie would be there to talk to her though. Lexie couldn't imagine the thoughts that were running through Callie's head.
Callie was scared to see her baby. Mark, Arizona, Addison and Lexie had all told her that the baby was small but she was also a fighter. Callie felt so much guilt for putting her daughter through this. If she had just ignored the beeping of her phone, then she would have had her seatbelt on and she wouldn't have been thrown into a window. It wasn't anyone's fault but hers. Arizona had told her to put her seat belt on but before Callie was able to do that, the truck came out of no where.
"It's my fault she's here already." Callie whispered. Arizona felt tears slipping down her cheeks when she heard Callie's words. It wasn't Callie's fault. It wasn't anyone's fault except that damn truck driver's fault.
"Calliope no. Don't say that." Arizona whispered. Mark hated seeing Callie feel so guilty. It wasn't her fault that their daughter was here already.
"She's right Callie. It was an accident." Mark murmured. Lexie kept silent because she didn't feel she had the right to make a statement yet. These three had been dealing with the delicate nature of this situation for months before she had come on board.
"She's so tiny." Callie whispered.
"But she's a fighter." Arizona whispered.
"And she needs a name." Mark added.
That was the one thing that these three hadn't discussed. They had assumed that they'd have awhile longer so they didn't rush that discussion. Now she really did need a name.
"How about Sofia after my grandmother?" Callie whispered as she stroked her daughter's tiny arm.
"And Danielle for a middle name. Let's her middle name be after her Uncle Daniel only a girl version of it." Arizona suggested. Daniel of course had been Arizona's brother who had been killed at war. Mark was almost sure he was going to get shot down for his suggestion, but he figured he could try it.
"And Sloan for a last name." Mark suggested. Lexie smiled, glad that they had all been able to name this baby and give her a part of each of them. Mark was convinced that Arizona was going to argue so it surprised him when she didn't argue.
"Sofia Danielle Sloan." Callie whispered. She smiled at her daughter and breathed a sigh of relief that her daughter finally had a name.
"I love it." She finally said aloud to the others in the room. Arizona and Mark exchanged glances and smiled at each other.
"It's perfect Calliope." Arizona assured her softly.
"Like her." Mark added. She was perfect. Despite her tiny size she was perfect to all four people in that room.
"I'm not leaving her until she is well enough to come off of that vent." Callie told the room. The other three adults in that room knew that Sofia would be in there for a long time. They would not let Callie run herself ragged.
"Calliope you need to take care of yourself. Mark and I have taken a leave of absence from the hospital so we can be with you and our daughter." Arizona told Callie. She and Mark had made that collective decision the night Sofia was born. Lexie and Callie both looked at Mark and Arizona confusedly. Neither of them had known this.
"But she's my daughter." Callie protested.
"She's ours too Callie." Lexie told her softly. Callie looked at Lexie and smiled weakly. Callie was happy that Lexie had come around. Mark was happier with Lexie in his life. Already Callie could tell a difference.
"Lexie's right Callie. We're here with her whenever you can't be. We aren't going to let her be alone." Mark told her.
"Promise?" Callie asked, looking away from the baby to look at the other three parents in the room. She didn't want Sofia to be alone even just a minute. Someone needed to be here with her at all times. Lexie looked at her and all she saw this time was a scared mother who wanted her baby to live. Before, as awful as it sounded, all she had seen was another woman who had managed to worm her way in between Lexie and Mark. Irrational, Lexie knew, and she was glad not to feel that way anymore.
"Just breathe Callie. We've got this. Just relax." Lexie reassured her. She remembered saying almost those exact words to Callie when she went in for surgery the first time.
"I-I want her baptized. Just in case she doesn't make it." Callie whispered. She knew that there was still a big chance that Sofia wouldn't make it, and that was why there was such urgency on getting her baptized. Callie knew that the other three parents hadn't grown up in a church like she had. In Mark and Arizona's cases they were only ever in a church for special occasions like weddings and funerals. Lexie had attended church on holidays with her family.
"Okay Calliope." Arizona agreed as she exchanged glances with Mark and Lexie to make sure they were okay with it.
"I called your parents and your sister. They all wanted to come, but I asked them to wait until you and the baby were stronger." Arizona told Callie. Callie breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't think she could handle her family so soon. She knew her father would yell at her for getting pregnant with someone she wasn't even seeing. When he found out it was Mark, Callie knew her father would blow a fuse.
"Thank you." Callie told her fiancée softly. She was already growing tired and she knew that she needed to get some rest, but she was reluctant to leave Sofia. She had never understood a mother's love until now. Now she realized that she loved this tiny baby more than anything in the world and she wanted Sofia to make it so badly.
"Callie let's get you back into bed." Lexie suggested. She knew that it was going to be a battle to get Callie to get back into bed, but it was important. Sofia needed her mother to get stronger.
"No, I can't leave her." Callie whispered she kept rubbing her daughter's arm lightly. She didn't feel like she could leave her yet.
"She needs her mama to stay strong Calliope. Please go back to bed." Arizona whispered.
"I'll be with her Callie. You just had major surgery four days ago. You still need to heal" Mark told her kindly. He knew Callie would run herself ragged for their daughter if they let her. He also knew that he'd be kicking and screaming if someone tried to pull him away from Sofia.
"I never thought I'd say this, but he's right. Sofia needs her mama to heal." Arizona told Callie.
"I'll take her back." Lexie offered. She wanted to let Arizona and Mark chat alone if they needed to. They both loved Callie and they needed to make sure that she took care of herself.
"I'm right here. Don't talk over me." Callie muttered under her breath. These three were talking like she wasn't even there. Callie was not happy about that, It made her wishes and desires feel unimportant and not considered.
"Sorry Calliope. Lexie, take her back to her room." Arizona told Lexie with a nod of her head.
"And if something happens to her?" Callie asked.
"I'll come get you." Mark promised. Callie swallowed hard and nodded slowly. She was tired and she did want to get stronger. Seeing how hard Sofia was fighting was inspiring and Callie wanted to keep getting better so she could spend more time with her daughter.
"Mama loves you Sofia." Callie whispered before she dropped a kiss on the incubator. Finally Lexie was able to wheel Callie out of the NICU, leaving Mark and Arizona alone. Mark pulled up a chair and sat down next to his daughter's incubator. It wasn't his turn technically but he wanted to stay with her. Arizona stood beside him and looked at their daughter.
"You really should go lay down for a bit." Arizona suggested. Mark shook his head. He wasn't leaving his daughter's side. Not now.
"Later." Mark told her shortly. Arizona wished that Callie or Lexie were here. They knew Mark better than she did and they could get him to do whatever they wanted.
"It's Lexie's turn isn't it?" Arizona asked. She was drawing a blank on whose turn it was to sit with Sofia. That was more than likely due to the complete exhaustion she was dealing with.
"Yes. I'll sit with her until Lexie returns." Mark told Arizona firmly. Arizona sighed, knowing Mark was not going to be dissuaded.
"Page me if anything changes. I'm going to go eat something." Arizona told Mark. Mark nodded. He was starving, but right now all that mattered was this tiny micro preemie by the name of Sofia Danielle Sloan.
"Do you want anything?" Arizona offered.
"I want my daughter to live. That's what I want." Mark told her quietly. Mark never admitted to being scared but whenever he looked at his daughter, he felt fear. He didn't want her to feel pain and he didn't want to lose her.
"I know Mark, but I meant was do you want anything to eat?" Arizona clarified. It was different for her to see Mark like this. So desperate for his daughter to live and willing to do anything to make sure it happened.
"No. Thanks for the offer though Ro-Arizona." Mark had been about to call her Robbins but he had stopped himself. She was Arizona. They were parents together for as long as their daughter lived and he had to call Arizona by her first name from now on. Arizona smiled and nodded before she dropped a soft kiss on the incubator just as Callie had done.
"See you later Sofia. Mama Arizona loves you." Arizona whispered. She had to get out of there before she broke down again. She didn't want Mark to see her break. She knew he was barely holding on as it was and she didn't want him to feel like he had to help her handle all of this. Not when they really didn't like each other all that much. Arizona finally left the NICU and Mark returned to the conversation he had been having with his daughter the last time they were alone.
Lexie walked back into the NICU twenty minutes after settling Callie back into bed. She had given Callie some medication to help her sleep and then Lexie had gone to get something to eat. She heard Mark talking to Sofia and she smiled. Lexie had been one of the only people who had known that Mark possessed this softer gentler side and she loved knowing that other people were finally getting to see it.
"How is she doing?" Lexie asked softly as she pulled up a chair next to Mark.
"She's stable right now." Mark replied before he turned to look at Lexie. He hoped that she wasn't going to try to get him to leave the NICU. He knew it was her time with Sofia, but the idea of leaving his daughter turned him into a bundle of nerves.
"Go lay down. I'll sit with her." Lexie told him softly. Like with Arizona, Mark shook his head.
"She needs me. I'm not leaving her." Mark insisted. Lexie sighed, knowing that this was going to be harder than she had realized.
"She needs her daddy to be strong and you can't do that for her without sleep." Lexie argued.
"I can't sleep." Mark admitted. Every single time it had been his turn to get some sleep in the on call rooms, he had tossed and turned and never fallen asleep.
"Then just get out of here. I have more things to talk to Sofia about. Girly things." Lexie told him. Lexie hated hearing that Mark wasn't sleeping and she made a mental note to get him some sleeping pills. Mark sighed and nodded. Lexie had asked him to take some time for himself and he would do that. Because he loved her and because Sofia and Callie needed him to take care of himself.
"Okay." Mark finally agreed. He dropped a kiss on the incubator just like both Callie and Arizona had done before him. Then he kissed Lexie on the cheek.
"Daddy loves you Sofia. So keep fighting." Mark told his tiny daughter softly. Lexie smiled at him and Mark looked at her and smiled back.
"And I love you too Lexie." Mark added.
"We love you too." Lexie assured him softly. Mark finally left the NICU and as he stepped out into the hallway, he wondered where he should go. He knew he needed to feed himself and probably shower too. His legs carried him elsewhere though. His legs carried him to the elevator and his fingers punched the up arrow rather than the down arrow. When he stepped off at the highest floor, he found himself facing the doorway to the chapel. He took a deep breath and walked into the chapel. It was empty, which suited him just fine. He didn't know how to pray, but ever since Callie and Arizona had been brought to the hospital ,that was all he had been doing. He sank into a front row pew and bowed his head and hoped that the words would come to him. Words that God would listen to.