"He said it a great many times, not a thousand times but quite a goodly number. Mary listened entranced. She felt as if it were at once queer and beautiful and she wanted him to go on and on. Ben Weatherstaff began to feel soothed into a sort of dream…Eiríkur? Eiríkur are you even listening?" Tino asks, placing the bookmark under where he had left off.

"Um. Not really." Eiríkur answers. Of course he isn't listening. The Secret Garden is probably one of the worst books he's ever heard. He can't say read because 1) He can't read it, he's blind. And 2) He would never read it at any point in his lifetime even if he could see, because this is probably literally the worst book in existence. And that passes the Harry Potter series, which his mother insisted on reading to him as a kid, because she felt that since he couldn't read it, or anything for that matter, that someone should read to him. One book would take a month, sometimes even two because they were so damn long. Who wants to read about a boy who does magic okay sometimes while fighting scary people with no noses and bitches who wear pink? Not him.

"And why is that?" Tino asks, and Eiríkur notes that he sounds angry. And that's the first time he's ever heard Tino say anything with an emotion other than happiness. It's weird, because he was sure Tino was an android who was programmed to say everything in a cheery voice and make blind people think he was their friend. So there goes that theory. Now he has to find another reason as to why Tino refuses to do any sort of drug.

"It's stupid. Can't we reread The Hobbit or something? Or go to that bookstore you've mentioned at least ten times?" He pouts, and tries to do that puppy-dog look that one of his past partners said was: You fucking stop doing that goddamn motherfucking irresistible fucking puppy-dog look right the fuck now or so help me God I will wipe your blind ass off of the motherfucking planet. Irresistible. Romano was a complete piece of shit, but at least he didn't treat him like a dying old woman every day that they were together.

"We'll go there once we finish this. Now pay attention."

"I love it when you take control."

"Shut up. Now where was…oh there we go." And right on queue he was back to that overly cheery voice that had to be programmed into him. "-which was quite agreeable. The humming of the bees in the blossoms mingled with the chanting voice and drowsily melted into a doze. Dickon sat crossle-Eiríkur, pay attention."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"I don't want to. The book is boring."

"Please."

"I'll pay attention to the books you let me pick out at the bookstore."

"Are you-oh you have to be kidding me. You're acting like a child."

"And you're not letting me go to the bookstore. You know my mom was quite similar to you. She wouldn't let me eat macaroni and cheese every day for dinner so now she's a bitch to me. Do you want to be labelled as a bitch, Tino?"

"You labelled your mother as a bitch because she wouldn't let you kill yourself on macaroni and cheese?"

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"I'm taking you to the bookstore next week…"

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Tino told me you almost labelled him as a bitch."

"He insisted on reading The Secret Garden, even though it's one of the worst books I've ever heard."

"It's considered one of the best pieces of literature..."

"By who?"

"By people who know what good books look like."

"Well I don't know what anything looks like. I'm blind."

"In sight and in knowing what good literature is."

"At least I convinced him to take me to the bookstore. I think your deceptiveness is rubbing off on me."

"I'm not deceptive. I just like a good discussion."

"And I like sleeping in on Fridays."

"Well we don't always get what we want."

"Yeah. I know. I'm kind of an expert on not getting what I want."

"You're not the only one who experiences pain like that, Eiríkur."

"I just don't understand why people can't look past me being blind. It's like they can't take time out of their day to try and understand that I'm not my disability and that I'm an actual person who experiences emotions. I just don't understand."

"Can we get Fifty Shades of Gray? I heard that it was really good." Eiríkur says as Tino leads him through an aisle. He wants to reach out and feel the spines of the books, but he'll never admit that to TIno, who he has told time and time again that: books are stupid.

"Do you even know what it's about?"

"Um. Yeah. It's a metaphor for racism."

The silence that he gets in response tells him that it's not a metaphor for racism. "If it's not a metaphor for racism then…what is it about?" When there's even more silence, he decides that maybe he should just let it go. Maybe Tino is just racist and doesn't want to accept the fact that he is. That's obviously why. Obviously. He should really talk to Tino about it at some other point. "You know what I don't really care anymore. We should get the first Lord of the Rings."

"…Yeah. And I was thinking maybe we could get Animal Farm. But only if you want to. If you have any other books you want to get then we'll get those. Just…please not Fifty Shades of Grey."

"Tino if you don't want to get it because you're racist then-"

"Wait, did you just say I'm racist? Are…are you really insinuating that I don't want to get it because I'm…racist?"

"Tino it is obviously a metaphor for racism and I can only assume that the reason you don't want to get it is because you're afraid to face the fact that you're racist. Tino I am here to say that reading it will help you understand that racism is a very bad thing and I am more than willing to help you with that as well." He pats Tino on what he hopes is his back, and gives him a smile. It'll obviously encourage Tino to face his fears and learn to not be racist.

"It's not a metaphor for racism. It's about bondage and sex. And I'm not racist."

"What's bondage? What's sex?" He knows what bondage is, and he obviously knows what sex is, but he likes to get on Tino's nerves as make him lose that happy voice he almost always has.

"Oh…uh…Has no actually explained it to you?" Tino's arm moves from his waist to over his shoulder, as is he's nervous that it'll ruin Eiríkur 's "innocence".

"Yeah, I have absolutely no idea what sex is. My mommy told me that my wee-wee goes in the lady pocket region and makes little babies. But she never really went into detail. So I wanna know aaaallllll about it."

Tino doesn't say anything for at least five minutes before he bursts out laughing. Eiríkur feels Tino's arm slip from around his should and hears a thud soon follow and Tino cursing under his breath. "Did you just fall?" He asks, poking around with his cane to see where Tino fell. Maybe he can finally whack him in the head and blame it on the fact he was just trying to be a good person and was trying to find Tino so he could help him up.

"No-" A gasp for breath." No I-Oh God. No I didn't fall."

"Liar."

"Maybe I did. But you're blind. So you can't tell."

And then, just after Tino gave another gasp for breath, he hears a voice that he knows all too well. A voice that he was hoping that he would never hear again for the rest of his life. A voice that if he did hear, he would beat the shit out of the person who owned the voice with his cane. Because the person who does own that voice is a complete sack of horse shit.

And that voice was particularly close. So maybe he could show the owner of that voice a little thing or two. He doesn't know what exactly it'll do to Aksel. In fact he's sure that Aksel won't even give two shits if he does see what he's hoping Tino will go along with. But who knows. Maybe Aksel will burst down crying and admit that he's loved Eiríkur all along. Not that he really wants him to, because he's pretty sure that he's over him, but hearing him admit that what they had had been something would be nice.

"Tino I need you to do something for me." He whispers quickly, leaning against shelve of books. Making this look real is important to the success of the operation.

"What are you doing?" Tino asks, giving a quiet laugh.

"Kiss me."

"Wait what?"

"Lower your voice. Now kiss me."

"Why should I-" Tino sighs and says the rest of the sentence in a lower voice. "Why should I do that?"

"Did Berwald tell you about that one guy that I met that I dated not too long bef-"

"Aksel?"

"Oh yeah. Him."

"Oh. Well yes he did."

"So do you know how important getting back at him is to me?"

"I don't think us kissing is going to count as "getting back"."

"So would you prefer going to his house and breaking in and messing with his shit and then getting arrested and probably going to jail for a couple years and losing your job and your dog and your h-"

"Is that your way of convincing me to say yes?"

He hears Aksel's voice again, but closer. Only five seconds before he'll be crossing by the aisle that he and Tino are at, tops. How he knows this, he doesn't have a clue. But for right now he'll say that it's science.

"Yes. Now I really need you to-"

Then he feels hands cupping his face and lips pressed against his. It's gentle, and kind of very, really awkward, but he can admit at least it isn't terrible. He wraps his arms around Tino's waist and pulls him closer.

He has to make it look real, right? Right…

"You two do realize that this isn't PDA central, correct?"

Fucking swiss fucking cheese. Speak of the devil.

Tino pulls away from him and clears his throat. No doubt he's red in the face.

"Oh, Eiríkur. Nice to see you."

"Asshole."

"Now that wasn't very nice. Didn't your mother teach you to treat others better than that?"

"She also thinks you're an asshole. Didn't you get her letter in the mail?"

"Wait, that was your mother?"

"Yeah."

"She-oh my god."

"Yeah. Just because she's a little old lady doesn't mean she doesn't know how to-"

"Eiríkur, I think maybe we should go…you know…get the books you wanted?" Tino touches his arm gently, and gives it a slight tug.

He hears Aksel laugh. It's a mystery to him how he found it to be the sexiest thing he had ever heard only months prior.

"Now what would you want with books?" Aksel asks,

"To shove them up your a-"

Then Tino jerks him away and drags him down the aisle away from Aksel, who he hears laugh once again.

"We never speak of this." Tino says angrily, his grip on Eiríkur's arm tightening.

"Yeah. Right."

He doesn't want to admit he kind of wants Tino to kiss him again.

"What happened at the bookstore?"

"Nothing. We went to get some books and we got 'em."

"Don't bullshit me."

"Did-did Tino-"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"I can end it, you know. I can find someone else to read for you."

"That won't be necessary."

"It will be if anything like that happens again."

"It won't happen again."

"Okay. I trust you."

Big mistake.