AN: I would like to dedicate this chapter to my beautiful muse and co-author the green stag. I could have never written this without her. I would also like to thank Post U Later for leaving a review =] reviews make me happy and update quicker so that's why you got this today!

WARNINGS: Self-harm in this chapter.

Steve was in the shower when he heard the call. He yanked on some plain clothes and rushed towards Tony's room. He hadn't slept a wink, and his hands were raw from his nails. When he knocked on the door he got no answer. Opening the bedroom door he saw the room was empty. His heart rate skyrocketed in his chest.

"Sir?" The AI's voice came over the speakers, "Master Stark has been moved to the hospital wing of the tower to be kept under surveillance. You will find him there."

Steve's heart rate finally slowed, "Ok, thank Jarvis." He rushed down more stairs until he finally came to the right door. He knocked softly, needing to hear the permission to continue, more now than ever.

Tony's head turned towards the noise. Bruce had gone to his room to shower and change, leaving the suicidal engineer alone in his room. Probably not the wisest decision but Jarvis was always keeping watch.

"Come on in," he said to the person outside.

Steve quietly opened the door, and side stepped to the bed, careful to give Tony his space. "You look a little better." He tired, and immediately regretted it when Tony gave a sarcastic smile. "I wanted to apologize for my actions last night, and I am sorry for what happened to you. If I could, I would take it all back." He mumbled, not sure if talking about the kiss, or Howard's actions.

"So Bruce told you?" Tony winced, eyes going hard as the memories flashed behind them.

"Bruce only said that I should wait for you to tell me. He kept your secret. I simply guessed." He gave a halfhearted smile and began massaging Tony's hands, trying to get them to uncoil.

"Well, I'm sorry you had to see me like that. And I'm sorry if I scared you. You just caught me off guard. Probably not wise to do again. As for the kiss... are you gay Steve?"

Steve froze at the question. "Uh... I don't know about calling myself that. I just like people once I know them. Gender makes no difference." He frowned, hoping Tony wouldn't kick him out because of that. "I swear, I can keep a professional relationship going. But if you feel uncomfortable near me, I can move back to my apartment. I know nowadays, some folks understand, but a lot don't. I won't drag your name or the Avenger's though the mud."

Tony could see the internal battle Steve was having with himself and he decided to put a stop to it immediately. "Steve, you won't drag the Avengers through the mud. In case you are unaware, Bruce likes guys, Tasha likes both, Hell Thor likes everything with a pulse! I will not make you feel bad for being who you were born to be, and I'm sorry if what I said earlier contradicts that…

The room was filled with an awkward silence and Tony responded in the only way he knew how, to keep talking.

"I don't know what you remember about my dad but he was not the good man he pretended to be. He was an abusive, neglectful, homophobic, drunk. My mother wasn't much better. I blame him for my inability to keep a normal, steady relationship. I don't even know what or who I am Steve. I thought for the longest time I was gay but, he pretty much beat that out of me when I was 16. I don't think I'm straight either. I love Pepper, I really do. But I'm not physically attracted to her, at all. And you-" He stopped there. He wasn't really sure if he was ready to talk about his feelings for Steve. "Any way, I'm sorry for freaking out on you for kissing me. It wasn't the kiss that bothered me, it was the surprise attack. Kinda, triggered the past you know?"

When Tony brought up his father, bits and pieces of the past flashed back, thoughts of Howard freezing his lungs. He was clearly not the kind of friend Tony needed right now. How could he help Tony, when he knew knew he could have stopped it before it began. He had been charmed by Howard, fed an illusion and believed every lie that "Tony swallowed cleaner again," or that the bruises on his hips were from "that damn mandatory football PE class."

Steve had been blind. He could have saved Tony, but instead chose to believe the charismatic sociopath.

"Steve?"

"I... I'm late for my run with Sam. Tony, I'm sorry, I have to go-" he turned and half ran out the door, shame and guilt clinging to his chest like a metal vice.

Tony watched Steve flee out the room and sighed. It shouldn't have surprised him. Pretty much everyone left him after they learned just how damaged he was. The sharp sting of betrayal didn't fade though. He thought Steve was different. Hoped that maybe Steve could help fix him, show him friendship, maybe even make him believe in romance again. But all that hope flew right out the door with Steve.

Tony lay back against the hospital bed, scratching at the thick wrapping on his arms. Running over the cuts sparked a memory in Tony. He had been in extreme emotional pain the other night but when he drug the blade across his skin, the pain faded. Almost disappeared completely. Now the pain in his chest was back and it hurt worse than yesterday.

Tony glanced toward the door. Bruce still wasn't back from his shower and something told him Steve wouldn't be returning any time soon.

"Jarvis? Lock me in here. No one's to come in here without my permission, is that understood?"

The only response he received was the quiet clicking of a locking mechanism.

Knowing time was limited, he yanked himself up from the bed, moving over to the windows on either side of the door and pulling the privacy curtains shut. Sufficiently hidden, Tony scanned the room for what he needed.
Yes! Bruce had left his medical bag. Tony dug through it, knowing what he wanted immediately. From the bag he pulled out a small scalpel, a bottle of antiseptic, and a few packets of gauze before returning to his hospital bed. The craving for pain numbing endorphins was buzzing around in his brain like an angry bee. He needed that numbing feeling again; anything to take away the emotional strain on his heart. Laying back on the bed, Tony unbuttoned his jeans and slipped them down his hips. Cuts on his hips would be easier to hide.

He poured a bit of the antiseptic onto a gauze square, rubbing the wet material over the blade to sterilize it. Finally ready, Tony lined the tip of the knife with his hipbone and drug, watching the blood bead a trail following it. Instantly following the cut, the flood of endorphins were back and Tony let out a gasp of relief as the pain in his chest began to fade. He lifted the blade from his side and placed it on the previous gauze. He'd clean it later.

He grabbed a new piece of gauze and placed it over the wound before any blood could spill on the bed. He didn't really need or want the lecture from Bruce if he found out. Tony held the bandage to his skin until the bleeding on his hip stopped. He kept the gauze on top of the cut and pulled back up his jeans, hissing when the denim made contact with the fresh wound.

Tony scrubbed the knife clean and tossed the soiled gauze in the trash, along with his old arm bandages. "Genius' always cover their ass," he chuckled to himself as he put all the borrowed tools back in their proper place. He yanked back open the curtains and limped back into bed, giving Jarvis permission to open the door. The buzzing of endorphins grew stronger every time his pants rubbed against the cut and it made Tony smile as blissful numbness engulfed his body. The emotional pain was gone and he could finally, finally fall asleep, nightmare free.

Want more? Leave a review =] Got a couple more chapters to post and then I'm thinking we need some sort of happy ending.