CHAPTER TWO
Hello! Hello! Ah, sorry it took me so long to update. Lots and lots going on. Mostly school, bleh.
Anyway!
Just keep reading, and i will have chapter three up by tomorrow. Have any guesses, suggestions, constructive criticism?
I value all worthy opinions. I take them to heart, my Twilight addicted family. Thanks for everything.
I love you all!
READ ON!
Bella's POV—
(A month has passed, and she and Jacob are a couple. The wolves have caught up with Victoria, killing her.)
I was almost happy. Well, at least I wasn't unhappy. That was all I could ask for from life anymore. Victoria was gone, but that still didn't seem to get my spirits up like I expected it to. I put on a performance every day now. For Jacob, of course. His happiness was my first priority, always. But he didn't have the slightest fraction of an idea of how badly I still hurt sometimes. I still had dreams of him. There didn't seem to be
anything I could do to make them go away. I didn't want to remember, but I didn't want to forget altogether, either. I was lost in a maze of myself. So, every day, I would put on an almost-genuine looking smile, and be with Jacob. I didn't know if he could see the hurt in my eyes anymore. I woke with a start, eyes wet and head aching. I sighed, glad the dream was over, and hurried out of bed before I could think
anymore about the details of my dream. It was my most popular nightmare. The day he left me, in the forest. I gasped for air, and clutched at my chest. I snatched my CD player, pressed play hastily, and turned the volume way up. I popped the ear buds in my ears, and took a sip of water. It tasted funny. I snatched the ear buds out, and stood up, only to fall back down on my bed. Head rush. I waited impatiently for the
dizzy state to pass, stood back up and tip-toed down the hall, to the bathroom. I flipped the light on, and squeezed my eyes shut at the sudden brightness. I opened the cupboard and clutched for the Benadryl. I dumped some out into my hand, and cupped it to my mouth. I forgot to count how many to take. I was pretty sure I only took three. I glanced into the mirror, and quickly looked away, disappointed at my face. Not
only was it painfully ordinary, but now my eyes were red and swollen, making myself look that much uglier. I was in a rush to get away from the mirror, before I could remember why I had been crying. I shut the light off, and stumbled back to the hallway, forgetting to attempt to be graceful. I tripped at the doorway of my room, not having enough time to catch myself on the door frame. I fell on my side, making a loud thud.
I groaned quietly, waiting for Charlie to come stomping worriedly into my room. But, for some reason, his snoring kept up quietly. Maybe it wasn't as loud as I thought it was. I laid there, my wet cheek against the wooden floorboards of my room. I gave up trying not to see his face. I didn't care about the ripping and shredding of the inside of my torso. I pulled up an image of his face from my mind. It was beautiful. So, I
imagined him in the room with me; I stared at the blank doorway, imagining him swooping in protectively to my side. He lay down next to me, stroking my wet cheek with his cool fingers, and softly kissing my forehead with his solid, marble satin lips. I imagined tracing his cool, perfect cheek with my fingers. I crawled to the window, and put my back to the window, and rested my neck on the window sill. I slipped into
unconsciousness with a slow, lonely agony. I woke up once again, to an impatient tapping on the window. I didn't think before I reacted. I shot up onto my feet gasping too loudly, "Edward!" As if it was him at the window. Jacob looked at me from outside the window, and I watched his face go blank, his lips tighten into a flat line. I chewed on my lip nervously, trying to pretend like I hadn't just said that. How could I be so
stupid? I swooped over to the window, sliding it up. I leaned out the window, kissing Jake on the cheek. He didn't move at all. "Hey Jake," I said quickly, not wanting meeting his blank gaze. "Hurry up, come in, you're letting the cold in." He moved slowly inside, without making a sound, staring at me the whole time. I turned my head so he wouldn't see my swollen eyes and wet face. I jumped onto my bed, trying too
hard to be casual. I inconspicuously tried to wipe my cheek on my pillow without Jacob noticing what I was doing. This attempt was in vain, for I knew he was watching me the whole time. He slid the window shut, and took my face in his hands, staring into my reddened eyes. "Is he back?" he spat. I flinched at the sharp tone of his voice, but I really shouldn't have been surprised. It was my entire fault, anyway. "Uh, no. It
was a dream. You startled me…I'm—I'm really sorry Jake." His eyes relaxed, but not completely. He was obviously disappointed to the fact that I was dreaming of him. His dark fingers traced my eyes. I scrunched my face, embarrassed that he knew I was crying and rolled onto my other side on my bed. He lay down behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist, too tightly. He clenched his fist into a ball. "Bella…" he said, pure
agony in his voice. "You still love him, don't you?" I was surprised I had kept this conversation off as long as I had. If he knew the truth, it would have come up forever ago. There was no point in lying. "I always will," I knew. "Not because I want to, no. But because it doesn't seem like I get a choice in the matter anyways. I try not to, but he's always there, in my mind. In the corner of my heart, his voice in my head when
I'm being stupid or reckless…" "What do you mean, when you're being stupid or reckless?" he countered. Oops. I shouldn't have said that. But, I know that as long as the subject is out, I need to just get it all out and move on, so that he really knew who it was he was loving. And why he shouldn't. I could never love Jake the way I loved Edward—wince. "Whenever I do something stupid…I hear him in my head. Perfectly clear,
like he's standing right at my side. It's more than a memory." I realized that I sounded psychotic. "Oh," he said lamely. "I'm so sorry Jake. I'm trying my very best. Maybe I'm even getting better…maybe I'm moving on," I lied. I had to try to make him happy. He started to speak, trying to hide the fact that he was crying, "I could be just like him. I could make you love me like him. Even better, I bet! It's that stupid leech's fucking
fault!" he said, his voice trembling. "I—I—I, just can't stand the fact that you love him more than you will ever love me. And that I love you more than he ever did…" This was killing me. "Jacob. I'm so sorry. You deserve so much more than me. I don't know if I will ever move on completely. And you deserve a girl who will love you with every single particle of her being. You deserve someone who is whole. Who isn't broken, like me.
You should move on, Jake." He was sobbing, now. My own personal sun was crying, because of me. I hated myself more than anyone else in the entire world. "I can't Bells! I'm not going to give up. I will be better than he ever was!" I turned, to him, wiping away his tears with my fingers. A fresh batch of tears brushed across my face in constant streams, matching his. I felt horrible knowing he won't ever be better than
Edward. I felt terrible because Edward had left me, and here was Jake, by my side, in pure agony…and it was entirely my fault. It was all out there now. I had told him everything, and I wished I hadn't. And he wasn't going to move on just like he should, just like I knew he wouldn't. I slipped into a restless sleep in Jacob's arms.
I realize this is pretty short. I apologize. But i need ideas! Help! Help! Help!
I don't have anything witty or charming to say to persuade you to review my story.
Shows how creative i am! Well, i'm just going to shuttup now. I love you all! Again.