Gamer4 in. So, how was your guys's time between stories? I've been pretty good, I beat Xenoblade just as I finished Dungeon of Secrets, then played through all three Xenosaga games, and right now I'm in the middle of Xenogears. If you couldn't tell, I've got Xeno on the brain. Xeno, Xeno, Xeno. Actually, I considered replacing the person I originally had in mind for Lupin with Shulk, the hero from Xenoblade, but then the person who'll actually be playing Lupin wouldn't get any screentime at all, something I absolutely cannot allow. But still, I am now part of the 'Shulk for Smash Bros. 4!' movement! But this is Fanfiction, not Facebook, so let's get to the actual story, how about? (Sidenote, my sister who previously knew Harry Potter only through the movies has just started reading the books. She just found out that the line isn't 'You're a wizard, Harry,' but 'Harry- you're a wizard.' Her whole world has been crushed, and she has let me know that her life is a lie. She'd like you to know too.)

Disclaimer: I own a copy of all the Xeno games. Fantastic series. I'll probably get Xenoblade X when it comes out. Did I mention that I like Xeno?

Chapter II

The Megan that Came to Dinner

As it turns out, however, Mario doesn't actually sleep all that late the next day. When he wakes up, it's only roughly 9:00. He only spends a moment or two after rubbing sleep out of his eyes before remembering the previous night. Specifically, he remembers the previous night after glancing over at his bedside table and wondering for a few moments why there were three golden triangles sitting there in a glass dome. And then it hit him.

He jumped out of bed, excited to get started on Mario Kart 8 (Combining the gravity defying of Mario Galaxy with Mario Kart? Come on, that's been begging to be done! Just imagine Rainbow Road!) but ultimately decided to head downstairs and get some breakfast first. As he was heading out, he remembered the other thing he'd put off last night- the permission form to go to Kurain. That would be an issue...

As he headed downstairs, he noted that all the Smiths seemed to be up already. They were all sitting around the breakfast table as Mario entered the kitchen. They all resolutely ignored him as he crossed the floor and popped a couple slices of bread into the toaster. They were all eating eggs prepared by Aunt Kate, but Mario typically ate separately from them. It was nothing new.

As Mario was waiting for his toast to pop up, Uncle John finished his breakfast and stood up. "Well, I'm leaving now," he announced. Up to this point, this was nothing that was going to ruin Mario's day, but what he said next was. "I'm going out to pick up Megan."

At this, Mario almost dropped the plate he'd been taking out of the cupboard. "Wait, what?!" he said in a strangled cry.

"I said," Uncle John said, his eyes flaring slightly, "I'm going out to pick up your Aunt Megan, boy."

"You mean... sh-she's coming over?" Mario asked, trembling. He had faced a lot of things before- a psychotic pokemon that was drinking a Rapidash's blood, a gigantic, poisonous, electricity-conducting turtle with a literal death glare, and giant spiders with the images of skulls on their backs, but none of those things could possibly scare him as much as his Aunt Megan. Every time she came over, she brought him nothing but pain and misery. Whether bringing Bill fantastic presents while bringing bags of fertilizer for him, or siccing her dogs on him, she never meant anything good. And that was without bring up... and here, Mario shuddered... the noodle incident.

"Of course," John snarled. "Why else would I be picking her up? She's coming over to stay for five days. Got a problem with that?"

Mario stared, opening and closing his mouth in horror.

"On that subject," Uncle John added, "we need to have a talk."

"No we don't!" Mario said quickly. "I already know! 'When a man and a woman love each other very much-"

"Not that kind of talk!" John interrupted. "We're going to discuss a few things about Megan's visit. First off, she has no idea about your... condition... and we're going to keep it that way. Understand?"

"That sounded a lot like an allegory for-" Mario started.

"Understand?!"

"Yeah, I understand, I understand!"

"Good," John said. "As far as she knows, you are an ordinary student at Frontier Middle School, set on going to GK high school next year."

"Ah, GK high school," Mario muttered. "Their mascot's the... mockingbird, isn't it?"

"Eagle," John corrected irritably.

"Oh."

"You will not show any signs of your abnormalities while she's here."

"Perish the thought."

Uncle John looked at him suspiciously, then said, "Alright, I'm off."

Here, Mario turned miserably to his toast. The thought of spending any extended period of time with Megan was not one he found inviting, let alone five days. This was easily the worst present the Smiths had ever given him. However, as the toast popped out and he absentmindedly began buttering it, a sudden thought occurred to him. Dropping it, he rushed out into the hallway and called out to Uncle John just before he opened the door.

"What is it?" John asked, sounding exasperated.

"I just got some mail from... you know..." Mario sighed. "Arkham." This was the name that the Smiths insisted on calling the Smash Bros., whenever they had to discuss it at all.

"What of it?" John asked, his eyes narrowing as they always did where Mario's real school was concerned.

"When I go next year, there are going to be certain weekends where the third years and above are allowed to go to Kurain village, a little village off to the side. The thing is, you need a signed permission form to go. Do you think you could... you know... sign it?"

John growled. "Give me one good reason why I should do that."

"Well," Mario shrugged, "it's not easy to lie about what you are. I mean, I have to pretend I don't go to... Arkham... and that I go to that- GK, home of the... jabberjays, I think-"

"Eagles!" John repeated, but Mario was glad to see he seemed to be taking this at least somewhat seriously. "And that's next year! This year, you go to Frontier!"

"Case in point," Mario said, nodding. "But!" he added. "This is a special, once-in-a-lifetime offer! If you sign the form, I will make absolutely sure that I don't let anything slip, pretend I go to Frontier, and... so on."

For a moment, it seemed like John would either agree or explode. Luckily, he decided on the former. "Alright," he grumbled. "If you keep to the story throughout Megan's visit, I'll sign your d*** form."

"Thanks," Mario said quickly, turning away and heading back to the kitchen before John could change his mind.

Initially, he headed into the kitchen to retrieve his toast. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten one key detail- it had been left in the kitchen. With Bill.

As he got started on another couple slices of toast, Aunt Kate started speaking to Bill. "Sweetie-pie, I don't want you going outside too late, alright?"

"What? Why not?" Bill asked, a very impressive constipation-look on his face to express anger.

"Well, I was reading the papers, and it seems like a madman has broken out of prison. It was everywhere. I think his name was... Roy... Eliwood, or something. Mass murderer, apparently."

"Was he a smasher?" Mario ventured, leaning against the counter as he waited for his toast to pop.

"Of course not!" Aunt Kate flared up. "I don't believe even he was capable of that!"

Mario sighed. His toast popped up, and he quickly buttered it and ate it before heading upstairs. It wasn't like Bill was going to listen to his aunt anyways. He'd pretend to, then keep on sneaking out at night anyways. All the best bully victims were out at night.

Once upstairs, he returned to his room. Bootler had finally awoken. He and Parakarry were in the middle of grooming themselves when Mario entered.

"Hey, guys," Mario said as he stepped in. "Hey, Parakarry, feeling up to a flight to Ordon Cottage?"

Parakarry took a brief glance at the text, realized that his name was finally being spelled consistently, and nodded.

"Good," Mario said. "How would you feel about staying there for a week or so?"

Parakarry tilted his head to the side, as if to say, Well, okay, but why?

"Aunt Megan's coming over for a week, and if I pretend to be a muggle for that time, Uncle John will sign my permission form to go to Kurain."

Parakarry stared for a moment, then nodded again. Taking that for consent, Mario headed over to his desk and wrote a quick letter which he gave to Parakarry. "That ought to explain it," he said. "Help Bootler out, will you?"

Another nod later, both albatrosses had flown out the window. Sighing, Mario picked up his cage and moved it into the closet. This done, he picked up his textbooks, considering what to do with them. Ultimately, he decided to just keep doing what he'd been doing. There was another essay Wolf had assigned him on a different kind of power-up, so he picked out the book he thought was most likely to help him and put it down next to the computer. Next, he got on the computer and logged on to his Club Nintendo account to register his new game.

XXXX

Later, Mario heard a car pull up, and grudgingly went down to greet his 'relative.' She was, as ever, wearing a grimace as she stepped through the front door behind her brother. "Come on in," John was saying as he opened the door for her.

Megan looked around for a few moments before she spied Mario. "Oh. You're still here?"

"No, I'm just an illusion," Mario muttered.

"What was that?!"

"Yes, I'm still here."

"Don't talk back to me!" Megan snarled. "I'm afraid John is much too lenient with you. Nice guys finish last, I suppose."

Mario sighed. Megan stepped forward, growling, "Take this," shoving her case into his arms. Mario, sighing again, ascended the stairs and deposited the case in her room. He then headed into his room and did his best to pretend that this situation wasn't a thing. Eventually, he decided to plug Mario Kart 8 in and see what the first retro cup was.

XXXX

...Not much really needs to be said about the majority of Aunt Megan's visit. It was just as bad as ever. She had brought Bill the complete Metal Gear Solid collection, and for Mario, she'd brought a bag of Lays with four chips left. Then again, this was pretty generous by her standards. Mario was so touched he had to wipe his eyes with the used handkerchief that had been the Smiths' last gift to him.

You know how you can be in a bad situation, then you get thrown into a situation so much worse that the original situation seems favorable by comparison? That was the case here. Mario didn't like the Smiths, by any stretch, but at least their preferred method for dealing with him was to ignore him or encourage him to go to his room and stay out of their way- leaving him free to go through his books or hook up the Wii U or computer, as long as he was quiet enough. Megan, on the other hand, insisted on having him around so she could throw out snide remarks about how he looked ridiculous, was clearly a moron, etc., etc. She delighted in finding and expounding on others' faults and ignoring any contrary evidence or personal faults, all in the name of bolstering her own ego. Basically, she was like a contributor to the Harry Potter headscratchers page.

On the first day, Mario basically handled it by looking for any excuse to sneak away and head up to his room. The Smiths were perfectly fine with this- after all, the less time he spent near her, the less likely she was to realize his secret- but, as mentioned, Megan liked finding faults, which wasn't nearly as entertaining if he wasn't there to hear her doing it.

That night, he took some sedatives and stayed up extremely late, playing a couple cups of Mario Kart 8 and heading online for a bit, the theory being he'd have to spend less time with his Aunt Megan if he slept extremely late. He finally went to sleep, under the effects of five separate sedatives, at 4:30 in the morning. Unfortunately, this only got him sleep until half past one the next morning, with the result that he still had about half a day to spend with his aunt.

The remaining days passed mostly like this, with Mario intentionally messing with his sleeping patterns to try and sleep through the day as much as possible, with the bonus effect that, when he was being criticized by Megan, he could just tune out to fond memories of the latest Mario Kart installment. Naturally, Megan began using this as evidence that he was a drug addict. Is it just me, or are we stretching the meaning of K+ a little?

Nevertheless, the fact that he hardly heard these taunts due to fond memories of the new Bowser's Castle or Rainbow Road meant that this method was working pretty well for most of the visit.

Probably the point where he slipped up, he decided later, was the night before Megan's last day. He was still enjoying Mario Kart immensely, but Wolf's unfinished essay was lingering on his mind, leading him to reluctantly put the game on the metaphorical shelf and turn to his books. He flipped through the book, looking for information that would help him. He was supposed to be studying a power-up called a P-balloon. He spent several hours researching its effects, composition, etc., before finally deciding that he just couldn't focus, mostly due to the fact that he'd actually been reading the same sentence again and again, mostly due to the fact that he'd been reading the same sentence again and again, mostly due to the fact that he'd been reading the same sentence again and again, mostly due to the fact that he'd been reading the same sentence again and again.*

This seems to be a major factor in his big slip-up the next day at dinner. He was glad it was almost over, of course, because soon, he'd be back to just having to put up with the Smiths. Not much comfort, granted, but after this week, it would be like a straight shot through the month until he got to go back to the Smash Bros.

And things were going so well, too. Aunt Kate had gone all out with a large dinner to serve them for Megan's last dinner there, and they got through most of it without Megan even looking at Mario, which suited him just fine. He was currently taking his mind on a full tour of the new courses, wondering if there was any way to use some of those tricks on the Smash-Up field, wondering if he'd go back online that night, just to celebrate.

They finished the main course, and moved on to dessert. Mario wanted to skip out and just head upstairs, but Megan insisted that he stay and clean up their dishes as they finished, so he reluctantly stood off to the side, waiting.

It all started, as so many problems seem to, with Bill. He had finished his fourth serving of Rocky Road ice cream, but was still not satisfied. He turned to Mario and demanded more. Mario, sighing, turned and went to get it.

"Still hungry, pumpkin?" Aunt Kate thought out loud, eyes on her beloved child. "My, you really do have quite the appetite."

"Nothing to be ashamed of," Megan said. "The world needs more healthily-built young men. I mean, compare him to that rat you're raising."

Mario sighed. Here they went. He bent down in the freezer, looking for that Rocky Road.

"It's all down to genetics, of course," Megan said, her hands behind her head. "Bill's got all the dominant genes of the Smiths. I don't want to insult you, Kate, I mean, it's clear you had dominant genes, too, but it looks like your sister only had flawed, recessive ones. And, of course, she got together with that moron of a husband, and he had nothing but recessive genes, too. They get together, and they have a child, and of course he'll have nothing but flawed, recessive genes."

Mario sighed, his hand pinching the bridge of his nose- a trick he'd learned from Samus, his homeroom teacher. That's not how genetics work...

"I mean, what did his parents do, again?"

John raised an eyebrow at Kate. Kate opened her mouth, closed it again, and repeated the routine a bit. Finally, she said, very clearly grasping, "They... um... they didn't work. Unemployed."

"See what I mean? F***ing hippies. Living off of the good name of the Smiths. They were doomed from the moment they got the hippy genes."

Mario was, at this point, considering shutting his head in the fridge, just so he wouldn't have to listen to this anymore. "They were great people," he muttered into the icebox.

"What did you say?" Megan asked, looking up at him. "What did you just say to me?"

"I said, my parents were great people."

"Oh, I see," Megan said, a perverse sort of enjoyment lighting up in her eyes. "Well, let's compare them and your Aunt and Uncle- one set has a well-to-do, normal job, a steady paycheck, and can easily support themselves. One has no job, are full of abysmal, recessive genes, and burned down their house in a drunken stupor. Which one is better? Gee, I wonder, can I phone a friend, please?"

Mario stood up abruptly, punching the table. "My parents weren't drunks!" he nearly shouted.

The glass Megan happened to be holding at the time melted. Mario and the Smiths both stared at it in horror, with the Smiths' eyes occasionally flicking to the former, but Megan, oblivious as ever, said, "Oh, sorry about that, John. My grip is a little too firm, I think. It's only natural that I accidentally melt a cup every now and again."

John, giving a very forced smile, said, "Of course." Turning to Mario, fire in his eyes, he growled, "And you... just go to bed. We'll discuss this tomorrow."

"No, no, no need," Megan said. "Here, boy, take this and throw it away. In the garbage, where you and your family belong."

Mario angrily wrenched the melted cup out of her hand and carried it over to the garbage can. As he did, Uncle John made a noble effort to gloss everything over by changing the subject. "So, Megan, did you hear about that escaped prisoner? Roy... Eliwood, I think it was? Weird name..."

"He probably had recessive genes, too," Megan said, pursuing her original subject. "They don't handle criminals properly in this country. If they just let us shoot them all down, the problem would be solved! Same applies to trash like the Marios, really."

Mario, rage building inside him, began to breath deeply, trying to remember what he'd done the previous night. Oh, yeah, he'd given up on Mario Kart that night to try and write an essay for Wolf. Ah, well, it might be Wolf, but it was still a connection to the smasher world... what was it... P-balloon, P-balloon...

"And now, using my awesome maturity and intellect, I'm going to use a roundabout method to call Mario's mother a b****," Megan announced.

Mario snapped. "Shut up!" he cried. "Shut up!"

Megan spun around to face him, the grimace on her face completely at odds with the glee in her eyes that she'd gotten to him at last. "Oh, you want to defend your trashy family, do you? Well, let me tell you-"

She stopped speaking here. She'd been holding her finger up in the classic 'declarative finger' pose, and she had stopped talking to stare at the tip. It was inflating. Everyone stared at her, as the rest of her began inflating as well. "What- what the-" she gasped as she continued inflating like a gigantic balloon. Even Mario backed off in a little horror as she continued rapidly expanding. As this was going on, she began to rise from her chair, floating upwards, eventually bumping lightly into the ceiling.

"Megan!" John cried, jumping up. Kate stood back with her hands over her mouth, and Bill took advantage of the chaos (unfortunately not the Xenosaga character, though how awesome would that be,) to rush to the freezer and start eating Rocky Road directly from the container.

Mario had seen enough. He rushed out of the room, horrified. Not just by what he'd done, but by what it meant. Underage smashers weren't supposed to use powers outside of school. Heck, he'd gotten a warning about it from the Government just the previous year for a bit of smashing that wasn't even caused by him. The only thing running through his mind was that he might not be able to go back to school.

He rushed into his room and threw as much into his suitcase as he could. He grabbed all his books, the essays he'd written, and his blanket of invisibility (more on that later) and tossed them all in. He grabbed his hat and, after a moment of consideration, placed it on his head. He'd already broken that law, he couldn't really hurt things anymore than he had before.

With that, he rushed downstairs, case in tow. Uncle John intercepted him at the door. "YOU BRING HER BACK!" he shouted. "BRING HER BACK, MAKE IT RIGHT!"

"NO!" Mario shouted, equally angry. "She's a five-year-old playground bully disguised as an adult, she deserved what she got! Out of my way!"

For a moment, John raised his hand, but Mario snapped his fingers, summoning a handful of fire. John retreated about a foot. "Don't pull that with me," he said tentatively. "You aren't allowed to use your powers outside Arkham!"

"Yeah, well, news for you- I already used my powers! The Super Smash Bros. has already kicked me out!"

John snarled, "Then where do you plan on going? Who else would take you in?!"

"I don't care!" Mario shouted. "Anywhere is better than here!"

And with that, he grabbed the handle of his suitcase and set out into the night.

XXXX

*Hey, Lemony Snicket, how's it going?

I'm not certain about this chapter. I always have trouble with the 'Smith chapters' because, you know... Smiths. I guess that lets me enjoy it when Mario gets back to the smasher world just as much as he enjoys it himself.

Congratulations, by the way, to everyone who guessed that Roy would be Sirius! It seems like everyone got the hint from way back in the very first chapter of these stories! Yes, Roy was always going to be Sirius, if I ever got this far. Like I've said before, I don't know if I'm going to do the whole series, but I write it as if I am. Roy was always in my mind as Sirius, even at the first chapter. To celebrate! Cookies for everyone!

Sidenote, I actually updated one of my stories in the same month that I started it? Well, this is already off to a better start than Dungeon of Secrets, which took me 3 freaking months to update for the first time. Happy Independence Day, everybody! Unless, of course, you don't live in America, in which case, have a happy Normal July 4th, everybody! Because, really, why does it have to be a holiday to be happy? Please R&R, constructive criticism perfectly welcome, flames will be used to light my multi-bottle rockets, Gamer4 out.